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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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Random question/topic here but does anyone in a marriage think roles are reversing. What I mean by this is are men doing alot more round the house than women are now, as I for one do everything round my house whilst the wife does very little, to pretty much nothing, she contributes to the mess. But won't ever think to vacuum, do the washing etc which is really starting to question my life decisions. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 15 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I don't think housework is a gender specific role personally.
Nor do I think everything has to be shared equally.
Plus I live alone. I do everything. 🤷♂️
Except I came home from work yesterday to find one of my partners had washed up, done a load of washing and hung it out to dry, and had mopped the kitchen floor. We don't live together.
Every couple will be different OP. But what's wrong with men doing housework? |
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I mean if you lived on your own you'd be doing it all??
I get incredibly irked / vexed when I look at my female friends holding down intense FT jobs, running the household - cooking, cleaning, shopping AND doing all the childcare and taxi-ing around
One husband in particular needed to decompress from his FT job at the end of the day (his wife drove him to,/from work on her way to work) and needed to have Saturday to himself to relax (he left the house to play golf).
We most certainly live in an inequitable world.. or is it just that #NotAllMen, but the majority of men haven't been trained by their parents to pull their share .... |
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Is one of your life decisions to just do what you perceive to be an unfair amount of housework without mentioning it to your wife?
I don't think roles are reversing but I do think that more and more people are realising that women aren't accepting relationships where they're basically housekeepers to men who think maintaining their own home and clothes is not their responsibility.
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Roles are changing.
But as (in general) women are not staying at home managing the house, but going out and working to bring income.
So they are taking the traditional male role, so it is more than fair that men take on some of the tasks that traditionally fell to the homemaker.
As a single male, I have to do it all, and my brother has been a stay-at-home dad, because his wife was better paid.
To quote Karl Marx “From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs” |
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We split everything. For example, I love ironing, it's my happy place and weirdly relaxes me. Just whack a movie on and I'll stand at the ironing board until it's all done.
H is the same with cleaning - a trio to the cleaning aisle in B&M is like a fun day out for her.
Cooking is an entirely different questions however as we both love to do it and there's very often a fight over who gets to make dinner  |
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I can’t speak for other men (or couples) but Ailsa and I have always approached our lives together as a partnership. We work together, and domestic necessities are often shifted around depending on what else is going on in our respective lives. At the moment, I’m doing the lion’s share of the housework and cooking, as Ailsa has a lot of additional work to do. When I’m away for work, she shoulders the burden. As we all live in the same house, we are all equally responsible for keeping the place running. We are even teaching this to our little one x |
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"Also it's time we stopped only valuing work that's paid. Running a home and providing most of the childcare is work. "
When the concept of GDP was established, and unpaid labour was left out of the calculation as it’s too difficult to put a figure on (I’m paraphrasing), this became entrenched. I don’t work full time for various reasons, but I frequently feel guilty for not contributing financially to the household as much as I could. It’s insidious.
OP, I don’t think roles are reversing, but it sounds like you’re unhappy with your situation. Have you talked with your wife about it?
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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Our situation is rather different as we live together as two women friends (I am a ‘trans-woman’) and I do nearly all the laundry and ironing, nearly all the washing up, and half of the cooking and my wife does the cleaning (I have a lung condition that makes it difficult for me). I am still working part time but I would be quite happy being a housewife, having had a responsible, adventurous, and stressful life in my previous existence. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"Our situation is rather different as we live together as two women friends (I am a ‘trans-woman’) and I do nearly all the laundry and ironing, nearly all the washing up, and half of the cooking and my wife does the cleaning (I have a lung condition that makes it difficult for me). I am still working part time but I would be quite happy being a housewife, having had a responsible, adventurous, and stressful life in my previous existence."
(We share the shopping). |
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Gender stereotypes about domestic duties are bullshit. Women work as many hours as men these days but still end up doing the majority of the domestic labour and child rearing etc on average. Domestic chores should be shared between both partners. I'm not someones housemaid. |
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Many women I know, still do the majority of housework and childcare, despite working themselves.
So no I don't think it's all changed.
You don't say if your wife works, or if there's children etc, so we don't know what she does day to day.
Ultimately if you're unhappy, you need to speak to her and ask her to help out more op. |
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Some role acceptance is changing. Being a stand-in parent for a man-baby isn't as tolerated as it used to be, for example.
As far investments in to home life etc, it's totally up to us all to communicate and negotiate. Forget others and the past. Determine what you're going to be doing today |
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When the man worked and the woman stayed home, it made sense for the majority of the child rearing and cleaning to fall to the woman.
This is no longer the standard family structure. Work inside the home should be divided equitably dependent on a myriad of factors, including health, hours worked, stress of workload, and many other things.
Gender is irrelevant.
If you feel your wife isn't doing her fair share around the house, have you spoken to her about it OP? 💜 |
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When I was married, I worked 12hr shifts (55-60hr per week) my partner worked from home 6-8hr days.(35hrs per week)
He did more of the cooking / cleaning etc, simply because he had more free time.
Had nothing to do with role reversal, and everything to do with time. |
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Should be team work op. As a lad always recall parents doing cooking and cleaning together. Worked well for them. Op maybe just clean up/cook for yourself until she helps. Is there a reason for this? Hope you both work it out. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"I'd say they are equalising but everyone's a feminist until there's a spider in the house."
Fact.
I go from strong independent woman to just a girl who needs protecting very quickly  |
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"I'd say they are equalising but everyone's a feminist until there's a spider in the house.
Fact.
I go from strong independent woman to just a girl who needs protecting very quickly "
You know, part of my quite likes that.
it's when I get woken up at 3am, for a tiny spider. I can't kill it - I have to delicately transport it to a suitable habit. fml 🤣
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"Random question/topic here but does anyone in a marriage think roles are reversing. What I mean by this is are men doing alot more round the house than women are now, as I for one do everything round my house whilst the wife does very little, to pretty much nothing, she contributes to the mess. But won't ever think to vacuum, do the washing etc which is really starting to question my life decisions. "
Each household will operate differently.
Why does your partner do very little , is it because she works all day and brings home the cash ?
Are you both at home all day ?
Do you have kids?
What's your situation ? |
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We work from home - my job is more set hours wise whereas C has her own business so her hours are governed by how busy she is.
I tend to do a lot more of the house work, cooking and we equally take our doggie out for walks.
I’d rather ensure things are done and then when there’s relaxing to do, we can do it together. Also I get more sex if C’s not tired from working then cooking/cleaning, so it’s win/win
Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your partner if you feel it’s all landing on you and you don’t feel it’s fair.
K |
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Personally I don't see it as role reversal and I find the idea that men should not be involved in home administration bizarre and childish. As a fully grown adult with a millitary background it's perfectly natural for me to be involved in the household admin and the cooking of food. I'm not some kind of man child who needs someone to wipe my arse.
Mr |
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