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Not mentally great at the moment.....
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...and got thinking about friends, family, work colleagues etc
If you did a cost benefit analysis on all your relationships.
Are you a cost to other people or a benefit?
I generally don't think I am a bad person.
But I just think I barely break even. If I break even at all. |
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I'm a massive benefit financially and positivity wise, but I'm a cost emotionally... I'm just not available.
I'm also selfish and time poor... But the latter is likely just an excuse to make myself feel better. So yeah, I'm quite selfish  |
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Even is good OP, nothing wrong with a balanced relationship.
I tend to put more into relationships than I get out but mostly by choice. I don't need that much from other people so am happy to give plenty. |
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"Even is good OP, nothing wrong with a balanced relationship.
I tend to put more into relationships than I get out but mostly by choice. I don't need that much from other people so am happy to give plenty. "
Even isn't
To me overall it wouldn't make a diftif I was here or not |
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I’m a benefit, simply because no matter what is happening in my life or how I feel, I ask nothing from people. I don’t talk about what’s going on in my life, and never ask for favours. I am usually on hand though, if anyone needs something from me. I’m always happy to listen and help where I can x |
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"...and got thinking about friends, family, work colleagues etc
If you did a cost benefit analysis on all your relationships.
Are you a cost to other people or a benefit?
I generally don't think I am a bad person.
But I just think I barely break even. If I break even at all. "
I'm very low maintenance emotionally because I have the awful habit of bottling everything up and dealing with it on my own  I'm always the one to help others but I hate feeling like a burden so I don't put my feelings on anyone else. Probably not very healthy. I am trying to be better at it. I think I'm quite a low maintenence friend and I give a lot to others so I'd hope I was a benefit. The downside is people can take advantage of that and I end up short changed. |
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I would like to think I am a benefit to my friends but I only have maybe 5 very very close friends that will reap thise benefits.
The proof is in the pudding we have been friends for over 30 years. I guess there are times with these people where I have been a cost but many times I have been a benefit
Beyond those five friends I think I would probably break even,just about. |
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I don’t think this is a useful way to think about yourself at all. It either deludes you into thinking you are “better” then you really are or convinces you that you are “worthless”. Neither of those two statements are ever true.
If life is going well then great but remember to have some humility or karma will makes itself felt. If things are not going well then remember that nothing is permanent (see humility) and now is the best time to decide to do something else and change it. |
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"I don’t think this is a useful way to think about yourself at all. It either deludes you into thinking you are “better” then you really are or convinces you that you are “worthless”. Neither of those two statements are ever true.
If life is going well then great but remember to have some humility or karma will makes itself felt. If things are not going well then remember that nothing is permanent (see humility) and now is the best time to decide to do something else and change it."
I think that is really well put. |
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"Even is good OP, nothing wrong with a balanced relationship.
I tend to put more into relationships than I get out but mostly by choice. I don't need that much from other people so am happy to give plenty. "
I'd add that relationships don't have to be perfectly balanced all the time - if you need more from your loved ones at this time, and it’s difficult for you to offer them anything other than gratitude in return, then that's OK in periods of crisis. Reach out to them. |
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"Even is good OP, nothing wrong with a balanced relationship.
I tend to put more into relationships than I get out but mostly by choice. I don't need that much from other people so am happy to give plenty.
I'd add that relationships don't have to be perfectly balanced all the time - if you need more from your loved ones at this time, and it’s difficult for you to offer them anything other than gratitude in return, then that's OK in periods of crisis. Reach out to them. "
Very true. |
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By *hesblokeMan 14 weeks ago
Derbyshire village |
Relationships aren't (politicians and obviously employers aside) business deals.
You don't have a profit/loss line at the bottom of a friendship.
I'm friends with people because I want to be, and I'd hope that works both ways (I certainly haven't got any money for it to be that reason!).
OP, I'm sure you're a net benefit to anyone who chooses to be in your company. |
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"...and got thinking about friends, family, work colleagues etc
If you did a cost benefit analysis on all your relationships.
Are you a cost to other people or a benefit?
I generally don't think I am a bad person.
But I just think I barely break even. If I break even at all. "
People won't be around you or spend time with you if they don't value you. Look at the people closest to you and talk with them....I'm sure they appreciate you more than you realise as you do them. Make the most of having people that care xxx and maybe ring some support services. Be kind to yourself. We can all be selfish sometimes but it doesn't mean we aren't worthy of friends. |
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"...and got thinking about friends, family, work colleagues etc
If you did a cost benefit analysis on all your relationships.
Are you a cost to other people or a benefit?
I generally don't think I am a bad person.
But I just think I barely break even. If I break even at all. "
Friendships are not able to be broken down to costs and benefits. They have a qualitative and emotional value that no CBA can reflect.
I am quite an independent person, but I have had to learn to accept help/support from people who I would not have considered friends at that point, but they demonstrated care and consideration that other so called friends didn't.
It does sound like you are struggling a lot right now. You have made such a positive step by creating this thread. It may not feel like it, but it is.
I'm not an expert,by any stretch, but I have life experience of family with depression and neurodiversity. I'm happy for you to DM.
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I have a small circle of friends that I've had for decades. I like to think that I am always there for them but I also know I have a tendency to avoid meeting up with them at times due to how I'm feeling at the time.
I don't want to burden anyone with certain thoughts and feelings I may be having at the time but think it's a bit selfish of me, because just as much as I feel I have my mates backs I know they have mine too and they'd be upset knowing I wasn't giving them a chance to maybe help me get through some stuff. I know I'd hate one of them to be alone carrying something I might be able to carry with them.
I feel a little guilty about this at times but know I'm loved by them and as much as they'd want to help we are all able to forgive each other. I'm so lucky to have friends like this, I truly love them,
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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OP, I get where you're coming from because I've had similar moments of self-doubt and feeling like I have nothing to offer in the past, but I don't think like that anymore.
Friendships and relationships aren’t transactions where you keep a running total of who "owes" what. Life just doesn’t work that way. People go through rough times, and the people who care about them don’t usually sit there calculating whether the effort they put in is being precisely reciprocated. For most people, support, kindness, and care ebb and flow naturally over time.
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"...and got thinking about friends, family, work colleagues etc
If you did a cost benefit analysis on all your relationships.
Are you a cost to other people or a benefit?
I generally don't think I am a bad person.
But I just think I barely break even. If I break even at all. "
Oh I know I'm a benefit, I support others whilst almost never asking for anything in return. We all have issues OP that cause us mental stress. I've found that it helps to go for a walk somewhere green with classical music on. After which I'm all calm and collected. It helps to put things in perspective for me. |
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"Even is good OP, nothing wrong with a balanced relationship.
I tend to put more into relationships than I get out but mostly by choice. I don't need that much from other people so am happy to give plenty.
Even isn't
To me overall it wouldn't make a diftif I was here or not"
Ask those close to you if it would make a difference to them, I think they might have a different view. We don't realise the impact we have on the people around us.
We are all worthy, even if we don't realise it. |
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I am a good friend, I want to be supportive and a positive voice and a strong shoulder.
I have been, like to be a generous lover.
However, I've put myself in a position where very few people are interested in finding out.
70% of the time it doesn't bother me. Lately it does. |
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Going through a rough patch at the moment, one that questions what I’m doing with my life, whether I really enjoy being a plaything for married women, a toy for couples… and realising I have a hankering for a relationship - one that’s a hybrid between single life and pair bond. Single life sucks sometimes.
I’m too generous with my time, finances and labour. I’ve got to better at saying No. I’m not a burden on anyone but where’s my return on investment?
I need to look after the people I really want to invest myself in. Figure out which direction I want my life to go in. |
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I am a huge benefit to a lot of my family.
Financially, I've helped a lot of people. Babysitting so they can work, even though my health was failing.
Listening to their problems when they had mental health problems, even though I was struggling too.
Arranging appointments for them as they can't face talking on the phone.
Going to appointments with them for support.
Being a birthing partner.
I'm the matriarch of the family. The patriarch pissed off and joined a new family.
I've ever unblocked toilets for in laws 🤣
I like it this way. |
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"I am a huge benefit to a lot of my family.
Financially, I've helped a lot of people. Babysitting so they can work, even though my health was failing.
Listening to their problems when they had mental health problems, even though I was struggling too.
Arranging appointments for them as they can't face talking on the phone.
Going to appointments with them for support.
Being a birthing partner.
I'm the matriarch of the family. The patriarch pissed off and joined a new family.
I've ever unblocked toilets for in laws 🤣
I like it this way."
I forgot; when I drove I was the family taxi service. I once drove them around for 1000 miles over a two week period.
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"...and got thinking about friends, family, work colleagues etc
If you did a cost benefit analysis on all your relationships.
Are you a cost to other people or a benefit?
I generally don't think I am a bad person.
But I just think I barely break even. If I break even at all. "
That's your low mood talking. |
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I don't actually have any friends. No social life to speak of.
Anything I do, I do it alone.
Life is actually quite dull. Work is boring but well paid so lucky there. I work then sit round until work is due to start again.
Love football so watch that, stopped drinking alcohol and coffee to try to improve health.
So relationship wise I break even!
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By *sWyldWoman 7 days ago
Edinburgh |
People who love you will likely never think of you as a cost .
I like to think I'm a benefit in my relationships. I'm always there for people, I do my best to be supportive and I love nothing more than cheering people on
However, I also know my life can be busy , I reply in my head and often forget to reply properly. I can go weeks or months without checking in on some people. It doesn't mean I don't care, infact I think of people all the time. It's just how jt goes. Im the low maintenance friend who can see you daily ,weekly or annually but its never awkward.
I know in some ways I can at times also be hard work. I've been told often enough its why I'm single |
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