FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > You absolute...

You absolute...

By *oeBeans OP Man 7 days ago

Derby

So one of the things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we can take any inanimate object and turn it into an insult, simply by putting "You absolute..." or "You utter..." in front of it.

So which are the best ones you've heard and does it work with any object? 🤔

Please tell me you absolute spanners!

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By *eoBloomsMan 7 days ago

Springfield

Old school now but still say You Plank.

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By *eoBloomsMan 7 days ago

Springfield

Sorry, You Absolute Plank ! 🤣

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By *parkle1974Woman 7 days ago

Leeds

You utter lying piece of shit

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By *cunthorpe123Couple 7 days ago

scunthorpe

You absolute lettuce 😂

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By *ools and the brainCouple 7 days ago

couple, us we him her.

You utter legend

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By *illy-ButcherMan 7 days ago

Brigstock

You floating teatowel!

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By *eoBloomsMan 7 days ago

Springfield

You absolute turnip

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By *eliWoman 7 days ago

Utter twat. It's so satisfying to hear. Say.

Absolute weapon. Kind of cockney in my head. Swoon

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By *parkle1974Woman 7 days ago

Leeds

You utter bellend...I'm still deciding whether you're the weakest link or the missing link.

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By *cottish guy 555Man 7 days ago

London

You absolute melon.

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By *cottish guy 555Man 7 days ago

London

Change the letters around.

You absolute lemon.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman 7 days ago

Carlisle usually

Crayon.

In a Scottish accent.

Ye absolut cray-on 💜

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By *ittlebirdWoman 7 days ago

The Big Smoke

You absolute plum…

One of my favourites

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By *illy-ButcherMan 7 days ago

Brigstock

You absolute cock-womble!

What genius first said that!

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By *parkle1974Woman 7 days ago

Leeds

You utter Gizmo..you look like someone fed you after midnight.

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By *he original AliceWoman 7 days ago

A magical wet land

You utter fucking cumsplat

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By *parkle1974Woman 7 days ago

Leeds

You absolute bastard

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By *inchestersBitchWoman 7 days ago

mid glam

[Removed by poster at 29/04/25 20:10:06]

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple 7 days ago

in Lancashire

You sheeps cunt..

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By *rSuave88Man 7 days ago

Mirfield

You mushroom! 🍄

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By *carlettsWoman 7 days ago

Harpenden

You absolute knobhead

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By *vaRose43Woman 7 days ago

Forest of Dean

You absolute cheese grater

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By *j47Man 7 days ago

limerick

An absolute langer

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By *ineapplePixie69!Couple 7 days ago

Close to Newport

You absolute wetwipe!

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By *ollyPocket75Woman 7 days ago

Aberdeen

You absolute twonk!

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By *evotee101Woman 7 days ago

Houghton le Spring

You Absolute Belter!

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By *enrietteandSamCouple 7 days ago

Oxfordshire

Shurrup joe you absolute doorstep.

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By *parkle1974Woman 7 days ago

Leeds

You utter wankstain

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By *ineapplePixie69!Couple 7 days ago

Close to Newport

You utter spoon

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By *andTWoman 7 days ago

Altrincham

"So one of the things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we can take any inanimate object and turn it into an insult, simply by putting "You absolute..." or "You utter..." in front of it.

So which are the best ones you've heard and does it work with any object? 🤔

Please tell me you absolute spanners!"

Absolute tool!!

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By *inkyycurvyyWoman 7 days ago

Manchester

You absolute melt

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By *ildTimes.Man 7 days ago

Wherever I May Roam

Cunt ..is the only acceptable answer , sorry 🥪

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By *veragecouple2000Couple 7 days ago

South Wales

Random objects near me right now…..

You absolute cushion

You utter slipper

Kind of works! Xx 😄

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By *oeBeans OP Man 7 days ago

Derby

"You absolute wetwipe!"

I love this one so much!

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By *ortney FoxxxWoman 7 days ago

Honeysuckle lane

You absolute tool

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By *andTWoman 7 days ago

Altrincham

"You absolute melt "

I like/use this one 😂

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By *oastal1968Man 7 days ago

London

Said in a Terry Thomas voice "You absolute shower!"

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By *eoBloomsMan 7 days ago

Springfield

You absolute sigh.

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By *edSirenWoman 7 days ago

magic mountain

You absolute titwank

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By *edSirenWoman 7 days ago

magic mountain

"Cunt ..is the only acceptable answer , sorry 🥪"

And this one on the occasions where a titwank just won’t do 😂

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By *exxyyDy11Man 7 days ago

North West

"You absolute titwank"

Not heard titwank in a while 😂

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By *eoBloomsMan 7 days ago

Springfield

You utter plum

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By *egDaySkipperMan 7 days ago

Liverpool

"You absolute melt "

That's sound that!

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By *tr8MrEMan 7 days ago

somewhere near Sheffield

You complete flugelhorn.

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By *lueDressWoman 7 days ago

Bath

You absolute Twonk

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By *egDaySkipperMan 7 days ago

Liverpool

You utter Prince Andrew

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By *exxyyDy11Man 7 days ago

North West

You absolute pillock

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By *aizyWoman 7 days ago

west midlands

You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh.

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By *ugehandsMan 7 days ago

Fife/ Newcastle

If you had a brain cell it would be lonely.

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By *exxyyDy11Man 7 days ago

North West

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh."

I've literally never heard of that before but did make me laugh too 😂

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By *oeBeans OP Man 7 days ago

Derby

"You absolute pillock "

Is a Pollock an inanimate object? Off for a Google! 🤔

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By *oneyBee200Woman 7 days ago

Kent

Bell end, doughnut, trying to think of more

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By *oeBeans OP Man 7 days ago

Derby

"You absolute pillock

Is a pillock an inanimate object? Off for a Google! 🤔"

Ahhh it is, apparently a 16th century term for a penis. TIL

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By *h3rry Bomb80Man 7 days ago

the moon

Absolute sausage jockey 🌭 🏇

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By *eoBloomsMan 7 days ago

Springfield

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh."

You can't beat that !

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By *tr8MrEMan 7 days ago

somewhere near Sheffield

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh.

You can't beat that !"

Groan

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 7 days ago

3rd Rock from the sun

You absolute cockwomble

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By *ai Hard 2 - Dai HarderMan 7 days ago

Manchester / Cardiff

fuckin' oxygen thief

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By *r.ZeistolfMan 7 days ago

Nottingham

After seeing the inbetweeners again recently.

You bumder

Although, the classic is "You're an absoloute Melon."

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By *indergirlWoman 7 days ago

somewhere, someplace

You absolute muppet

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By *r.and.Mrs.DSCouple 7 days ago

Somewhere in Neverland

You absolute dildo!

You utter mooncup!

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By *olvespairCouple 7 days ago

Wolverhampton

You absolute tool is still a personal favorite 😆

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By *cLovin2Man 7 days ago

Reading

You utterly limp shoelace sounds good to me.

Though not sure you'd want a stiff shoelace.

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By *eroLondonMan 7 days ago

Mayfair

You Absolut™ Vodka.

ㅤㅤ

(I think I'm getting the hang of this)

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By *ad NannaWoman 7 days ago

East London

"You Absolut™ Vodka.

ㅤㅤ

(I think I'm getting the hang of this)"

I thought of that too

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By *ad NannaWoman 7 days ago

East London

You utter nutter.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman 7 days ago

Markfield

Spoon.

Particular favourite.

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By *idnight mangoMan 7 days ago

maghull Liverpool

Vodka absolute haha I like rum too of course

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By *ripfillMan 7 days ago

Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant

“ you absolute donkey “

Not fare on Donkeys may I add !

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