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You absolute...

By *oeBeans OP Man 12 weeks ago

London

So one of the things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we can take any inanimate object and turn it into an insult, simply by putting "You absolute..." or "You utter..." in front of it.

So which are the best ones you've heard and does it work with any object? 🤔

Please tell me you absolute spanners!

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By *eoBloomsMan 12 weeks ago

Springfield

Old school now but still say You Plank.

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By *eoBloomsMan 12 weeks ago

Springfield

Sorry, You Absolute Plank ! 🤣

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By *parkle1974Woman 12 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter lying piece of shit

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By *cunthorpe123Couple 12 weeks ago

scunthorpe

You absolute lettuce 😂

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By *ools and the brainCouple 12 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

You utter legend

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By (user no longer on site) 12 weeks ago

You floating teatowel!

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By *eoBloomsMan 12 weeks ago

Springfield

You absolute turnip

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By *eliWoman 12 weeks ago

Utter twat. It's so satisfying to hear. Say.

Absolute weapon. Kind of cockney in my head. Swoon

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By *parkle1974Woman 12 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter bellend...I'm still deciding whether you're the weakest link or the missing link.

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By *cottish guy 555Man 12 weeks ago

London

You absolute melon.

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By *cottish guy 555Man 12 weeks ago

London

Change the letters around.

You absolute lemon.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman 12 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Crayon.

In a Scottish accent.

Ye absolut cray-on 💜

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By *ittlebirdWoman 12 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

You absolute plum…

One of my favourites

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By (user no longer on site) 12 weeks ago

You absolute cock-womble!

What genius first said that!

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By *parkle1974Woman 12 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter Gizmo..you look like someone fed you after midnight.

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By *he original AliceWoman 12 weeks ago

A magical wet land

You utter fucking cumsplat

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By *parkle1974Woman 12 weeks ago

Leeds

You absolute bastard

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By *inchestersBitchWoman 12 weeks ago

land of overweight munters

[Removed by poster at 29/04/25 20:10:06]

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple 12 weeks ago

in Lancashire

You sheeps cunt..

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By *rSuave88Man 12 weeks ago

Mirfield

You mushroom! 🍄

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By *carlettsWoman 12 weeks ago

Harpenden

You absolute knobhead

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By *vaRoseWoman 12 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

You absolute cheese grater

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By *j47Man 12 weeks ago

ballybunion

An absolute langer

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By *ineapplePixie69!Couple 12 weeks ago

Neverland/Wales

You absolute wetwipe!

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By *ollyPocket75Woman 12 weeks ago

Aberdeen

You absolute twonk!

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By (user no longer on site) 12 weeks ago

You Absolute Belter!

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By *enrietteandSamCouple 12 weeks ago

Brum

Shurrup joe you absolute doorstep.

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By *parkle1974Woman 12 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter wankstain

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By *ineapplePixie69!Couple 12 weeks ago

Neverland/Wales

You utter spoon

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By *olyGlamorousWoman 12 weeks ago

Altrincham

"So one of the things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we can take any inanimate object and turn it into an insult, simply by putting "You absolute..." or "You utter..." in front of it.

So which are the best ones you've heard and does it work with any object? 🤔

Please tell me you absolute spanners!"

Absolute tool!!

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By *estructionDollyWoman 12 weeks ago

Manchester

You absolute melt

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By *ildTimes.Man 12 weeks ago

Wherever I May Roam

Cunt ..is the only acceptable answer , sorry 🥪

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By *veragecouple2000Couple 12 weeks ago

South Wales

Random objects near me right now…..

You absolute cushion

You utter slipper

Kind of works! Xx 😄

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By *oeBeans OP Man 12 weeks ago

London

"You absolute wetwipe!"

I love this one so much!

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By *ortney FoxxxWoman 12 weeks ago

honeysuckle lane

You absolute tool

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By *olyGlamorousWoman 12 weeks ago

Altrincham

"You absolute melt "

I like/use this one 😂

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By *oastal1968Man 12 weeks ago

London

Said in a Terry Thomas voice "You absolute shower!"

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By *eoBloomsMan 12 weeks ago

Springfield

You absolute sigh.

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By *edSirenWoman 12 weeks ago

magic mountain

You absolute titwank

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By *edSirenWoman 12 weeks ago

magic mountain

"Cunt ..is the only acceptable answer , sorry 🥪"

And this one on the occasions where a titwank just won’t do 😂

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By *exxyyDy11Man 12 weeks ago

North West

"You absolute titwank"

Not heard titwank in a while 😂

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By *eoBloomsMan 12 weeks ago

Springfield

You utter plum

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By *egDaySkipperMan 12 weeks ago

Liverpool

"You absolute melt "

That's sound that!

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By *tr8MrEMan 12 weeks ago

somewhere near Sheffield

You complete flugelhorn.

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By *lueDressWoman 12 weeks ago

Bath

You absolute Twonk

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By *egDaySkipperMan 12 weeks ago

Liverpool

You utter Prince Andrew

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By *exxyyDy11Man 12 weeks ago

North West

You absolute pillock

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By *aizyWoman 12 weeks ago

west midlands

You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh.

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By *ugehandsMan 12 weeks ago

Fife/ Newcastle

If you had a brain cell it would be lonely.

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By *exxyyDy11Man 12 weeks ago

North West

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh."

I've literally never heard of that before but did make me laugh too 😂

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By *oeBeans OP Man 12 weeks ago

London

"You absolute pillock "

Is a Pollock an inanimate object? Off for a Google! 🤔

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By *oneyBee200Woman 12 weeks ago

Kent

Bell end, doughnut, trying to think of more

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By *oeBeans OP Man 12 weeks ago

London

"You absolute pillock

Is a pillock an inanimate object? Off for a Google! 🤔"

Ahhh it is, apparently a 16th century term for a penis. TIL

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By *h3rry Bomb80Man 12 weeks ago

from mars

Absolute sausage jockey 🌭 🏇

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By *eoBloomsMan 12 weeks ago

Springfield

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh."

You can't beat that !

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By *tr8MrEMan 12 weeks ago

somewhere near Sheffield

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh.

You can't beat that !"

Groan

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 12 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

You absolute cockwomble

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By *ai Hard 2 - Dai HarderMan 12 weeks ago

Manchester / Cardiff

fuckin' oxygen thief

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By *r.ZeistolfMan 12 weeks ago

Nottingham

After seeing the inbetweeners again recently.

You bumder

Although, the classic is "You're an absoloute Melon."

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By *indergirlWoman 12 weeks ago

somewhere, someplace

You absolute muppet

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By *ouble-SidedCouple 12 weeks ago

Voldsøy

You absolute dildo!

You utter mooncup!

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By *olvespairCouple 12 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

You absolute tool is still a personal favorite 😆

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By *cLovin2Man 12 weeks ago

London

You utterly limp shoelace sounds good to me.

Though not sure you'd want a stiff shoelace.

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By *eroLondonMan 12 weeks ago

Mayfair

You Absolut™ Vodka.

ㅤㅤ

(I think I'm getting the hang of this)

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By *ad NannaWoman 12 weeks ago

East London

"You Absolut™ Vodka.

ㅤㅤ

(I think I'm getting the hang of this)"

I thought of that too

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By *ad NannaWoman 12 weeks ago

East London

You utter nutter.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman 12 weeks ago

Markfield

Spoon.

Particular favourite.

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By (user no longer on site) 12 weeks ago

Vodka absolute haha I like rum too of course

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By *ripfillMan 12 weeks ago

Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant

“ you absolute donkey “

Not fare on Donkeys may I add !

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