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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
About a year ago the Mrs said she wanted me to take charge and boss her in the bedroom (came as a bit of a shock as she's quite bossy in general life haha) but it's something we've both had fun with and I've definitely enjoyed it. From time to time she seems to forget and can be hesitant or have to be told a few times/reminded (not in a she doesn't want to do it kind of way) we've been together a long time and I've got a good idea of what is & isn't ok with her.
I said maybe I need to punish her when she doesn't do as she's told, and she was keen that that's something I should do.
I've been confident in bossing her around, however left myself drawing a bit of a blank thinking how to punish her haha just wondering if anyone has any advice or suggestions? |
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Beside the obvious physical punishment, ie spanking.
I have found boring pointless things like making someone count rice, or write an essay on something really boring that they have to research, ban Internet use, make them stand in a corner facing the wall whilst you ignore them, though in dom/sub dynamic that could lead to feelings of abandonment.
Always member though, the punishment should away fit the transgression.
If you want to discuss this further please feel free to do me |
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One of my partners gets wound up when I tie her to the the door and then busy myself arranging the room and ignoring her.
It's subtle but really works to push her buttons.
I'm not a dom but what I understand with that kind of play is that it isn't so much the action as the intent so maybe think about what kind of outcome you are both looking for in terms of feeling and work backwards from there to achieve it.
Do ye want her turned on and ready for sex?
Frustrated and begging?
Waiting for your permission to act?
Edging and orgasm denial can be fun. Restraint is another easy way to go.
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It sounds like she's bratting out, this is when the sub plays up and gets sassy or belligerent. It's her way of pushing your boundaries to make you more aggressive or just to get you more aroused. I do it occasionally with my husband as I love being punished and it makes him fuck me even harder. It's my way of letting my husband know that I want things a bit more rougher than usual. I'm not so much into hard spanking but a few softer spanks are good, I also enjoy face slapping and throat holding, it makes me feel weak and very small. Not everyone is into it though.
Mrs x |
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Denial of the reward.
I don’t mean in the relationship itself just within the dynamic of the game. As in “im sorry young lady but only good girls get rewards”
It’s hard obviously as your turned on but if she isn’t interested in physical punishments maybe it’s more in disappointing you.
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Make the punishment meaningful to the recipient. Deprivation of something, including pleasure, is good. As can sustained resistance, so that her requests are, for example, ignored or postponed. Restraint can be good for many - this potentially is deprivation.
Anything physical or involving something potentially unpleasant, needs to be discussed and agreed beforehand. But make it all personal - some things are hundreds of times more powerful with some, than others. |
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Restrain her and give her comedy "wet willie's" - you know, when you suck your finger then poke it wet in her ear. Exceptionally childish, and women hate it (apparently  ). It's a punishment and quite jovial at the same time. You could wind her up with that then tickle her for a while as well. Watch out when you un tie her though!!!! |
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"Suggest you talk to people who have a sensual submissive behaviours.
Dom’s on here
Tend to come from their own maps of this world, not from the Multiple D/s perspective
"
A generalisation I find insulting and rather condescending, but each to their own. |
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"Suggest you talk to people who have a sensual submissive behaviours.
Dom’s on here
Tend to come from their own maps of this world, not from the Multiple D/s perspective
"
Only some of them who are easy to spot….
From a subs point of view. |
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By *icentiousCouple 10 weeks ago
Up on them there hills |
"Suggest you talk to people who have a sensual submissive behaviours.
Dom’s on here
Tend to come from their own maps of this world, not from the Multiple D/s perspective
A generalisation I find insulting and rather condescending, but each to their own."
Just a perspective, semantics are slippery little suckers |
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"Suggest you talk to people who have a sensual submissive behaviours.
Dom’s on here
Tend to come from their own maps of this world, not from the Multiple D/s perspective
A generalisation I find insulting and rather condescending, but each to their own."
To be fair there are a lot of self proclaimed Dom's on fab that are anything but. |
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As someone who has been punished lots before here are some of the ones that worked on me;
Spanking.
Communication restrictions.
Kneeling on rice.
Being made to stand in the corner while he wanks himself.
Him telling me about previous subs while fucking me.
Soap in the mouth.
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"As someone who has been punished lots before here are some of the ones that worked on me;
Spanking.
Communication restrictions.
Kneeling on rice.
Being made to stand in the corner while he wanks himself.
Him telling me about previous subs while fucking me.
Soap in the mouth.
"
i have an acupressure mat works better than rice as you don't have to clean up after |
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The phrase "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed" used to be enough of a punishment for one young lady that I had a D/s relationship with. But in needs to be something that works for both of you on a personal level, something that you both see as a punishment and can agree on in advance. |
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"As someone who has been punished lots before here are some of the ones that worked on me;
Spanking.
Communication restrictions.
Kneeling on rice.
Being made to stand in the corner while he wanks himself.
Him telling me about previous subs while fucking me.
Soap in the mouth.
"
What would happen if you'd objected to any of those? |
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"As someone who has been punished lots before here are some of the ones that worked on me;
Spanking.
Communication restrictions.
Kneeling on rice.
Being made to stand in the corner while he wanks himself.
Him telling me about previous subs while fucking me.
Soap in the mouth.
What would happen if you'd objected to any of those?"
If these things have been negotiated and accepted it's not impossible to say no, but in a strong D/s dynamic it is not probable without a good valid reason |
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If she’s not into spanking or impact then how about things like orgasm denial or gagging on cock. It should be fun, for you both., even though it’s technically punishment, you don’t wanna get all weird and boring |
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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
I'd not thought of that 'her bratting out' thinking about it there's a few times she's tried to say no or not now to something and I've just been more assertive or physical and she's liked it.
I know she likes me holding her throat or physically overpowering her, I think she can still feel embarrassed by saying things she likes... so leaves it to me to push boundaries |
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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
I don't think tieing her up and leaving her would work for either of us really. I think making her do something or not letting her orgasam would probably work best
Ideally want her as frustrated and begging for it as much as possible
It's more initiating play where she doesn't listen or says no... she has troble switching off from day to day life and doing as she's told |
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Okay.
Someone wanting to be sub in the bedroom but is bossy or has a lot of responsibility in real life isn't that unusual.
She is looking for a release, for someone to take control and in some ways permission to act out.
First of all have a serious talking about what she is interested in.
Sit down and have a good chat. Look onine together about different options (impact play, pleasure Doms, bondage, Shibari, tickling, sense play etc).
It's important to agree these things in advance for safety. As a sub she actually has the power.
This is where safe words come in.
A lot of people like the traffic light system. Green is good, Yellow okay but maybe throttle back a bit, Red is STOP. And by stop we mean NOW!
As a Top of Dom you're not there to break a sub. You are giving them a space to play. As a Dom or top you accept a duty of care.
Agree where this happens, is it just in the bedroom, is it in your everyday life, is she okay with you setting and accepting challenges like wearing a butt plug or no panties to work etc.
But be clear on what you both want and where. D/s is a relationship like any other and communication is key.
Don't assume your partner is 'bratting' and needs 'taming'. Talk to them as their idea of your D/s relationship could be VERY different to yours and it's their ideal that matters.
As is Aftercare.
If you're involved in a serious scene where restraint, pain, impact play, degredation etc is involved. Aftercare matters.
Whether it's a cup of tea and a biscuit, a hug, telling your sub they've been good etc. Don't just let them crash out of sub space.
Hope this helps
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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
Thanks for the reply, think you've got a good idea of the situation
When you say permission to act out, in what way?
It can be difficult to talk to her about it, we are really open with eachother but I think she finds it embarrassing talking about what she likes and wants. Generally she will just tell me to take charge and that she wants to be told what to do, I've asked about boundaries and she will reply "it's up to you" so I've found pushing little by little has been the best way.
It's not exclusively to the bedroom, I'll tell her what underwear to wear at certain times... and after a comment I made the other day admitted she'd like it if I told her - for example to wear a dress or skirt for easy access.
I think she has trouble switching off, I'll tell her to upstairs and she will be hesitant "it's almost school run time, we need to go out soon" stuff along that line, if I'm then more assertive she will they do it.
Every now and again she will give me a little bit more to work with haha I was calling her a good girl for doing what she was asked, then one night she was saying "you want me to be your batch, tell me what you want me to do"
I also know when she says no or stop and means it, any anal is off limits with her so can't do anything like a but plug |
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Sometimes it doesn't have to be so serious. If you just starting out and neither of you are serious kinksters then I think there is the possibility to keep it light and fun for both of you
Your exploring. Go on love honey and see if there's anything that ye like. Buy some cheap stuff. Bed straps and blindfolds are fun. Sensory play could be good if pain is not fun.
And think about you. What are you getting out of it and where do you want it to go for you?
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Try clicking 'reply + quote' so we can follow your replies
A few different ideas to what you've had:
* No pants and / no bra for xx hours /days
* She has to send you a sexy photo on the hour/every hour for an agreed period
* Pants in mouth in the corner for xx minutes...then maybe make her put them back on
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I don’t think being dom necessarily means bossing your partner(s) in the bedroom, or elsewhere for that matter. The power of persuasion is more subtle, yet just as powerful. Agreeing to something doesn’t make you sub, especially if it is something you want to do. Be intelligent about it, and get your own way anyhow. |
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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
"Sometimes it doesn't have to be so serious. If you just starting out and neither of you are serious kinksters then I think there is the possibility to keep it light and fun for both of you
Your exploring. Go on love honey and see if there's anything that ye like. Buy some cheap stuff. Bed straps and blindfolds are fun. Sensory play could be good if pain is not fun.
And think about you. What are you getting out of it and where do you want it to go for you?
"
That's sort of what we've been doing, just messing about with it and having fun.
Got a few bits of love honey, got some straps and she enjoyed being tied up and also gagged. I think for the most part she seems to enjoy being more helpless and used when she gets into it...
As for me it's a nice little role reversal from normal life haha as generally speaking she's quite bossy and I'm laid back, so the switch in the bedroom is nice for both of us
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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
"Try clicking 'reply + quote' so we can follow your replies
A few different ideas to what you've had:
* No pants and / no bra for xx hours /days
* She has to send you a sexy photo on the hour/every hour for an agreed period
* Pants in mouth in the corner for xx minutes...then maybe make her put them back on
"
Thanks, 1st time I've really used the forms on here
Yeah i like the idea of doing things like that and I think she would as well... the more I push bit by bit the more I realise she likes it |
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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
"I don’t think being dom necessarily means bossing your partner(s) in the bedroom, or elsewhere for that matter. The power of persuasion is more subtle, yet just as powerful. Agreeing to something doesn’t make you sub, especially if it is something you want to do. Be intelligent about it, and get your own way anyhow."
For her she enjoys being told what to do, she doesn't want to think. She's liked being tied up and made to feel vulnerable as well, but definitely want to be told exactly what to do |
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"Thanks for the reply, think you've got a good idea of the situation
I think she finds it embarrassing talking about what she likes and wants. Generally she will just tell me to take charge and that she wants to be told what to do, I've asked about boundaries and she will reply "it's up to you" so I've found pushing little by little has been the best way."
Exploration and taking it slow is absolutely fine.
And it sounds like at the very least you have a ball park to work in and that she is okay with you making suggestions. So there is room for you to do more research.
When it comes to boundaries she does need to be a little bit more involved.
You'll often come across someone who will say, 'I have no limits' or 'It's up to you'.
However, there are things like impact play, blade play, Shibari, CnC, taking risky pics, sex in risky places, watersports, skat play etc which all have serious potential safety risks.
You have the duty of care and as the sub she has the power to cut things off.
Kink is a BIG playground with lots of different flavours.
There are a few online kink tests out there which she could do (you sometimes see them on people's profiles). It's a few Yes/No/Maybe questions that she can click on which gives you a better idea of what she wants needs.
You could very well look one up and send her the URL saying, 'You master has a little test for you. Complete it quickly like a good little sub, I will let you suck my cock' or something similar.
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"Try clicking 'reply + quote' so we can follow your replies
A few different ideas to what you've had:
* No pants and / no bra for xx hours /days
* She has to send you a sexy photo on the hour/every hour for an agreed period
* Pants in mouth in the corner for xx minutes...then maybe make her put them back on
Thanks, 1st time I've really used the forms on here
Yeah i like the idea of doing things like that and I think she would as well... the more I push bit by bit the more I realise she likes it "
It's finding simple, unexpected things ... If you get a squeal of disapproval, even better  |
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By *eff0077 OP Man 10 weeks ago
Liverpool |
"Thanks for the reply, think you've got a good idea of the situation
I think she finds it embarrassing talking about what she likes and wants. Generally she will just tell me to take charge and that she wants to be told what to do, I've asked about boundaries and she will reply "it's up to you" so I've found pushing little by little has been the best way.
Exploration and taking it slow is absolutely fine.
And it sounds like at the very least you have a ball park to work in and that she is okay with you making suggestions. So there is room for you to do more research.
When it comes to boundaries she does need to be a little bit more involved.
You'll often come across someone who will say, 'I have no limits' or 'It's up to you'.
However, there are things like impact play, blade play, Shibari, CnC, taking risky pics, sex in risky places, watersports, skat play etc which all have serious potential safety risks.
You have the duty of care and as the sub she has the power to cut things off.
Kink is a BIG playground with lots of different flavours.
There are a few online kink tests out there which she could do (you sometimes see them on people's profiles). It's a few Yes/No/Maybe questions that she can click on which gives you a better idea of what she wants needs.
You could very well look one up and send her the URL saying, 'You master has a little test for you. Complete it quickly like a good little sub, I will let you suck my cock' or something similar.
"
Yes I'd like her to be a little more involved in setting boundaries, when she's not ok with something she will say. But it does make it difficult sometimes, I don't like it necessarily being just up to me.
Risky places is something we've always done or being watched (in the right environment i.e a club) cnc is something we've ventured into, she'd give me the ok when she is asleep... something I was unsure of at 1st but did come round to.
I've made it clear to her on a serious level I respect her and wouldn't want to do anything that she'd find disrespectful (as well as me)
I sort of tried a test like that in person, asked her a series of questions and told her to answer yes or no. That actually worked well and something I could probably do again and expand on now. Online might be good though as maybe she would feel less ashamed or embarrassed |
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