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When is it too much?
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By (user no longer on site) OP 9 weeks ago
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Can someone be too enthusiastic to meet you that it puts you off?
Let's just presume you've already done the talking thing and you like them blah blah blah but then they just seem to get overly excited at the prospect of meeting you? The I bet you're this or that comments, and I can't wait to kiss you stuff and messaging everyday beforehand and then ....counting down the days.
Do you like that stuff? Do you get like that?
Or does it just make you screw your face up and think what the fuck.... |
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Yes! Nobody wants pressure, or what they may perceive as pressure.  . It's stressful and we have enough of it in life. It can almost be like a strings attached type engagement too.
Less is more. I tend to back away, if I feel coerced and under force |
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Definitely puts off for sure... Puts too much pressure on the first meeting because it shows that they've fantasied about it way too much and already have expectations and a fantasy idea of who or what you are. |
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The only time I find it cute is when we've already got a connection and haven't seen eachother in a while. For me as a man I would never do that. But I do find it cute when I'm attached and a woman does that |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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I like messages every day if I’m meeting someone
Taking about what you’re going to do especially sexually then no thanks
I find that too much sexual talk means the meet most probably won’t happen |
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I had someone become obsessed with me after a meet too, and it was awful. Kept trying to meet again, saying I was the fittest woman she'd ever met (entirely fair 🤣) and she could see a relationship with me too. It was awful. I'd just wanted a shag 🤣 |
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"Can someone be too enthusiastic to meet you that it puts you off?
Let's just presume you've already done the talking thing and you like them blah blah blah but then they just seem to get overly excited at the prospect of meeting you? The I bet you're this or that comments, and I can't wait to kiss you stuff and messaging everyday beforehand and then ....counting down the days.
Do you like that stuff? Do you get like that?
Or does it just make you screw your face up and think what the fuck...."
Yeah I would find it a bit of a turn off, but if it fits with the person you have come to know he is probably just over excited, maybe has gotten a little fixated on you. |
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It puts me off if they're overly keen and always messaging, it's like chill.
I like to maintain some contact, but not when they say they can't wait to do this or that etc. Or I can't even log on and they're in my inbox.
Or they compliment regularly /ott, then I'd just feel it'd all be a let down for them. |
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If someone I hadn't met has that much enthusiasm then it's not enthusiasm for me. It's some kind of fantasy they've built up in their head with limited information.
I'd have questions about someone who wasn't able to temper their expectations about someone they really don't know at all. |
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I don't have conversations about sex with people I'm not having sex with so if this was someone I had been chatting to but never met it would put me off immediately.
When I was meeting there have been a few conversations that have gone that way and ever since I stopped meeting and put it on my bio that I wouldn't be, there have been some who didn't think that applied to them.
They kept saying they were happy to wait as long as it took because surely it would only be a matter of weeks or months.
The fact I haven't met anyone new in 5 years and haven't even been to a social in 3 didn't seem to sink in.
It becomes a little bunny boilerish after a while so I just ignore and hope they will hop off. |
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I like it. It's nice to know I'm wanted, genuinely. Not just a fantasy. Doesn't mean I want/will give a running commentary on what we'd be doing. That would give me anxiety about being a disappointment. But, yeah. I quite like some enthusiasm. 🤷♀️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Fuck that shit, if someone was creaming over me that much, it would creep me out, I’d probably say “ sorry but I’ve changed my mind, would seem I’m probably better left as a fantasy in your little world, happy wanking” block. |
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It depends on the context. If someone double-messages me before I’ve had time to read the first message, then I lose interest.
If someone I’ve never met starts talking about how much they like me or calling me pet names, it’s instantly a turn off.
If someone puts an “you know who you are” status, or a countdown - instant block (even if it’s not about me. It creeps me out lol).
BUT my rules are more relaxed if it’s someone I’ve met and have a rapport with. I might let it slide a little bit. But if it’s a stranger then all of the above kills any attraction. |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Yes and yes, while they're getting all stiff I'm probably washing the pots, you know real life shit, not sat around in my undies just waiting for a compliment and someone to knock one out, it's off-putting especially before even meeting it's just 🤢
Too much too soon is not for me. |
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In my experience, when someone seems super keen to get into dirty talk and also meet, that's a red flag that they will not meet. Seems counterintuitive I know, but 9 times out of 10 these are the fantasists who just needed someone to chat to in that moment while they were horny. Yes, women do it too.
All my good meets have started with regular conversations that built to more, with a little excitement mixed with apprehension on both sides. |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"I have one to add - what do people think about people that are so enthusiastic that they’re willing to travel a large distance to meet you ?
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I have no problem with that my long term friends are 8 hrs away |
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By *eliWoman 9 weeks ago
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It depends on the dynamic I have with someone.
The first date I had with someone I'd been speaking to for quite some time and didn't think would return after several years away/I'd ever meet? It was cute seeing his countdown. The enthusiasm he displayed. There was something there and we both felt it. We were right.
That's very very rare (only him). I like some enthusiasm because that's how I naturally am. I'm not a daily messenger, I won't be counting down every minute. I don't want someone messaging frequently. Detailed plans of what they want to do with me.
But... I like friendship.
I like the butterflies when it comes close to meeting someone new. I love the anticipation, the way a little message can have me grinning. If I didn't feel butterflies, wasn't actively looking forward to something, I'd cancel. Have done before.
There's a scale in my mind - not interested at all to far too interested. Around the 60% mark is good for me. |
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"It depends on the dynamic I have with someone.
The first date I had with someone I'd been speaking to for quite some time and didn't think would return after several years away/I'd ever meet? It was cute seeing his countdown. The enthusiasm he displayed. There was something there and we both felt it. We were right.
That's very very rare (only him). I like some enthusiasm because that's how I naturally am. I'm not a daily messenger, I won't be counting down every minute. I don't want someone messaging frequently. Detailed plans of what they want to do with me.
But... I like friendship.
I like the butterflies when it comes close to meeting someone new. I love the anticipation, the way a little message can have me grinning. If I didn't feel butterflies, wasn't actively looking forward to something, I'd cancel. Have done before.
There's a scale in my mind - not interested at all to far too interested. Around the 60% mark is good for me."
Bugger. 49%. Nevermind. |
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By *eliWoman 9 weeks ago
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"It depends on the dynamic I have with someone.
The first date I had with someone I'd been speaking to for quite some time and didn't think would return after several years away/I'd ever meet? It was cute seeing his countdown. The enthusiasm he displayed. There was something there and we both felt it. We were right.
That's very very rare (only him). I like some enthusiasm because that's how I naturally am. I'm not a daily messenger, I won't be counting down every minute. I don't want someone messaging frequently. Detailed plans of what they want to do with me.
But... I like friendship.
I like the butterflies when it comes close to meeting someone new. I love the anticipation, the way a little message can have me grinning. If I didn't feel butterflies, wasn't actively looking forward to something, I'd cancel. Have done before.
There's a scale in my mind - not interested at all to far too interested. Around the 60% mark is good for me.
Bugger. 49%. Nevermind."
Ah fuck. Sorry about that Esty. |
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"It depends on the dynamic I have with someone.
The first date I had with someone I'd been speaking to for quite some time and didn't think would return after several years away/I'd ever meet? It was cute seeing his countdown. The enthusiasm he displayed. There was something there and we both felt it. We were right.
That's very very rare (only him). I like some enthusiasm because that's how I naturally am. I'm not a daily messenger, I won't be counting down every minute. I don't want someone messaging frequently. Detailed plans of what they want to do with me.
But... I like friendship.
I like the butterflies when it comes close to meeting someone new. I love the anticipation, the way a little message can have me grinning. If I didn't feel butterflies, wasn't actively looking forward to something, I'd cancel. Have done before.
There's a scale in my mind - not interested at all to far too interested. Around the 60% mark is good for me.
Bugger. 49%. Nevermind.
Ah fuck. Sorry about that Esty."
That's ok. I'll work on the 11%. |
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The level of contact really depends on the person and the connection we have. Full on when you barely know them and have never met - that’s too much. There’s showing enthusiasm and then it’s you need to chill your beans. If we’ve met and I like their mind just as much as the physical side of things then I am happy with regular contact and do enjoy the build up and tease in the lead up to meeting. |
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Being desired turns me on, but if I smell desperation, a “meeting anyone, anywhere” kind of call, puts me off definitively
Also when I get messages like “you are perfection, hottest woman on here”, I panic about his reaction when he sees me in person.
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"I have one to add - what do people think about people that are so enthusiastic that they’re willing to travel a large distance to meet you ?
"
My first thought is they are trying to scam me, but, I had someone come to London from the US, on his way home to Morocco. I liked him because he talked to me about life, not about sex. He has a good heart and I was quite sad when he returned to the US.
Originally, I did think he was a romance scammer, which he found very funny.
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By *eilxxMan 9 weeks ago
Maidstone |
"Can someone be too enthusiastic to meet you that it puts you off?
Let's just presume you've already done the talking thing and you like them blah blah blah but then they just seem to get overly excited at the prospect of meeting you? The I bet you're this or that comments, and I can't wait to kiss you stuff and messaging everyday beforehand and then ....counting down the days.
Do you like that stuff? Do you get like that?
Or does it just make you screw your face up and think what the fuck...."
Right now I’m thinking any attention would be nice 🙄 |
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By *a LunaWoman 9 weeks ago
o o OO o o |
Depends on the level of excitement.
Akin to seeing Take That live back in the 90’s? Nope not for me.
Someone raising their eyebrow at the chocolate gateau that the next table is having in a restaurant? Yeah, that’ll do.
I like my men to have low key enthusiasm. Manage those expectations! |
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"Depends on the level of excitement.
Akin to seeing Take That live back in the 90’s? Nope not for me.
Someone raising their eyebrow at the chocolate gateau that the next table is having in a restaurant? Yeah, that’ll do.
I like my men to have low key enthusiasm. Manage those expectations! "
Are we earing the gateau or smoothering it on our bodies 🤓 |
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"Depends on the level of excitement.
Akin to seeing Take That live back in the 90’s? Nope not for me.
Someone raising their eyebrow at the chocolate gateau that the next table is having in a restaurant? Yeah, that’ll do.
I like my men to have low key enthusiasm. Manage those expectations! "
I’d travel to see those birks in person. |
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I like a happy medium - some chat and excitement but nothing major. Too much, especially when it's a barrage of messages before I was even able to answer one, is a massive red flag for me. On the other hand, complete radio silence is not good either. |
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"If it's mutual it's fun, if it's a bit tentative on your side, it's off-putting."
Agree with this. If you’re into the person it’s not off putting but if you’re not that into them or unsure it definitely is |
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With my FWB I have been known to do a countdown as I have to wait months to see him and yes I do say things like I can't wait to see you and I will be in the carpark waiting for your kisses.
With others I do find it a bit of putting and annoying, but then apart from my FWB I don't arrange meets more than 3/4 days in advance to prevent this kind of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 9 weeks ago
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"If it's mutual it's fun, if it's a bit tentative on your side, it's off-putting.
Agree with this. If you’re into the person it’s not off putting but if you’re not that into them or unsure it definitely is"
I can very into them and this would turn turn me very much off them. |
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"If it's mutual it's fun, if it's a bit tentative on your side, it's off-putting.
Agree with this. If you’re into the person it’s not off putting but if you’re not that into them or unsure it definitely is
I can very into them and this would turn turn me very much off them. "
Fair.
I like to be wanted. But I blame my parents for those issues 🙄 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 9 weeks ago
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"If it's mutual it's fun, if it's a bit tentative on your side, it's off-putting.
Agree with this. If you’re into the person it’s not off putting but if you’re not that into them or unsure it definitely is
I can very into them and this would turn turn me very much off them.
Fair.
I like to be wanted. But I blame my parents for those issues 🙄"
I hate being wanted.
I blame mine for those issues.
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"If it's mutual it's fun, if it's a bit tentative on your side, it's off-putting.
Agree with this. If you’re into the person it’s not off putting but if you’re not that into them or unsure it definitely is
I can very into them and this would turn turn me very much off them. "
I guess in summary it's about someone that matches your energy/enthusiasm. Or lack of. |
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"If it's mutual it's fun, if it's a bit tentative on your side, it's off-putting.
Agree with this. If you’re into the person it’s not off putting but if you’re not that into them or unsure it definitely is
I can very into them and this would turn turn me very much off them.
Fair.
I like to be wanted. But I blame my parents for those issues 🙄
I hate being wanted.
I blame mine for those issues.
"
🫱🏾🫲🏻 |
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Too much messaging puts me off, especially if we haven't met yet.
I don't get off on sexy talk with someone I've never met. Someone I've met and already know their body, yeah sure let's talk about what we all do to each other or want to do.
But too much chatter makes me think you're just desperate and that's not attractive. |
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I don't mind a bit of chat in the run up to a meet but there's a point where it can start tipping into overly keen and begins to sound a bit desperate/puts pressure on.
It definitely puts me off (mrs) |
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By *tr8MrEMan 9 weeks ago
somewhere near Sheffield |
Weirdly this has happened to me this last couple of week's, and because the conversation cooled off to the point of being normal she changed her mind about meeting...tbh, it actually became exhausting constantly being something to her that was utterly unrealistic |
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"I’m slower that the tortoise 🐢 in that famous story racing the rabbit so the slightest whiff of being as keen as said rabbit put me off and I crawl back into my shell. "
Oh SG, I was just about to woo you with my keen charm |
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I'd consider it overreach and inappropriate.
From a deeper psychological perspective, it would signify to me that the person is unable to modulate and control their enthusiasm. That would not make them a suitable play partner for myself at least. There is a difference between engaged and enthused, and behaviour which might be veering in to obsessive compulsion.
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It puts me off. This is when I retreat in a nice way.
It puts me off when a guy Im messaging keeps saying stuff like 'I'd much rather be in bed snuggling you' or ' I know what else I'd like to be doing with you right now". And repeatedly say these things & I never recipricate, ever.
We havent met in person, he only knows my online persona. I dont mind the odd innuendo until we meet in person but not in daily chats. |
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"Definitely puts off for sure... Puts too much pressure on the first meeting because it shows that they've fantasied about it way too much and already have expectations and a fantasy idea of who or what you are. "
100% agree. Its a figment of their imagination by looking at your pics. |
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" Or I can't even log on and they're in my inbox.
. "
OMG...this. Like is there an alert I dont know about when I log on, they get alerted!??? 🤦♀️🤦♀️😅😅
I get this from multiple guys. I will message you if I want to talk to you. I will never meet a guy who does this. |
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"Definitely puts off for sure... Puts too much pressure on the first meeting because it shows that they've fantasied about it way too much and already have expectations and a fantasy idea of who or what you are.
100% agree. Its a figment of their imagination by looking at your pics. "
So is it the disappointment off the meet? When you meet you go Aw no? Or is it the spare of the moment thing right here right now??? |
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"Definitely puts off for sure... Puts too much pressure on the first meeting because it shows that they've fantasied about it way too much and already have expectations and a fantasy idea of who or what you are.
100% agree. Its a figment of their imagination by looking at your pics.
So is it the disappointment off the meet? When you meet you go Aw no? Or is it the spare of the moment thing right here right now???"
Or is it down to bad texting because I always fuck up that way and regret it nothing bad just stupid shit and it's hard to impress the lady again just dies and never get them back. |
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"Definitely puts off for sure... Puts too much pressure on the first meeting because it shows that they've fantasied about it way too much and already have expectations and a fantasy idea of who or what you are.
100% agree. Its a figment of their imagination by looking at your pics.
So is it the disappointment off the meet? When you meet you go Aw no? Or is it the spare of the moment thing right here right now???
Or is it down to bad texting because I always fuck up that way and regret it nothing bad just stupid shit and it's hard to impress the lady again just dies and never get them back."
And sorry for butting in. |
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"Definitely puts off for sure... Puts too much pressure on the first meeting because it shows that they've fantasied about it way too much and already have expectations and a fantasy idea of who or what you are.
100% agree. Its a figment of their imagination by looking at your pics.
So is it the disappointment off the meet? When you meet you go Aw no? Or is it the spare of the moment thing right here right now???"
Not sure I understand you question here? |
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I'm fine if someone is enthusiastic ahead of meeting, I find it sweet when they're excited. I trust my gut with people, and if something was said that gave me a weird vibe, I'd back away, but keen chatter alone is innocent enough to me. 🤷🏻♂️ I find the notion a tad odd, to plan to meet someone for sexytime and get annoyed that they're looking forward to it! 😅
I'm not interested in dating, so if someone hinted anything like that, I would be really put off. Otherwise, I just find eagerness kinda sweet and flattering. At the other end, radio silence would make me nervous that they weren't keen at all, and maybe wouldn't turn up. Especially if I'd been chatting to someone and then they suddenly went quiet after securing the meet, like they didn't need to bother with pleasantries because their goal was in sight. 🫤
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"Can someone be too enthusiastic to meet you that it puts you off?
Let's just presume you've already done the talking thing and you like them blah blah blah but then they just seem to get overly excited at the prospect of meeting you? The I bet you're this or that comments, and I can't wait to kiss you stuff and messaging everyday beforehand and then ....counting down the days.
Do you like that stuff? Do you get like that?
Or does it just make you screw your face up and think what the fuck...."
Stop talking about me so publicly! 😘😂 |
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"A first meeting with someone with only seeing face pics is a definite turn off if they are full on.
After that we enjoy someone looking forward to meeting us as we enjoy building up the heat.
K"
You are hot though to be fair |
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I actually like a bit of “needy adoration” beforehand. Gets my ego going, which is always followed by my libido.
It’s afterwards that pisses me off. I’m like
“Yes - I was fantastic. Let me bask in my glory. Piss off for a bit” |
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By *tr8MrEMan 8 weeks ago
somewhere near Sheffield |
"I’m slower that the tortoise 🐢 in that famous story racing the rabbit so the slightest whiff of being as keen as said rabbit put me off and I crawl back into my shell. "
And there I was thinking that every woman's best friend was her rabbit 🤷🤷 |
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"I'm fine if someone is enthusiastic ahead of meeting, I find it sweet when they're excited. I trust my gut with people, and if something was said that gave me a weird vibe, I'd back away, but keen chatter alone is innocent enough to me. 🤷🏻♂️ I find the notion a tad odd, to plan to meet someone for sexytime and get annoyed that they're looking forward to it! 😅
I'm not interested in dating, so if someone hinted anything like that, I would be really put off. Otherwise, I just find eagerness kinda sweet and flattering. At the other end, radio silence would make me nervous that they weren't keen at all, and maybe wouldn't turn up. Especially if I'd been chatting to someone and then they suddenly went quiet after securing the meet, like they didn't need to bother with pleasantries because their goal was in sight. 🫤
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I’m in complete agreement here.
If someone wasn’t showing any eagerness for meeting me or getting excited, I would think twice about seeing them.
If they’re acting blasé or indifferent beforehand, they probably will be during the meet. I don’t have time for that.
Give me your excitement and eagerness |
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By *edSirenWoman 8 weeks ago
magic mountain |
Excitement Id expect, especially if there’s been a build up to the meet. But there’s a difference between matching each others anticipation levels and someone who comes off as an infatuated puppy dog. |
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"The ones who after 2 messages start saying things like I wish you were in my arms right now. Me lovingly stroking your hair and us kissing passionately etc… WTF haha 🤣🤣🤣🤣"
I know. Dont get this and its a block from me if he does. |
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I think they need to find each other on here. Some people are already into that stuff.
There’s also another type that pretends to be dismissive but are super horny and tries to get you into conversations to show your excitement. They say things like I bet you can’t wait to put your cock inside me, yet if you say do you like sucking a nice hard cock, they say I don’t mind, do you want me to suck yours ….
In my opinion, these are far worse than the excited bouncy types… |
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