FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Expectations Vs reality.
Expectations Vs reality.
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You have an amazing body.
You're the best looking woman on here.
I can't believe you are that age.........
Yup Mrs gets all these messages, pretty sure there's a secret forum where guy's exchange phrases to try to overinflated ego's.
However the fact is many see pictures building up an image of someone in their minds and reality is usually quite different from the fantasy, who's to blame?
Is it the way pictures are taken or the over inflated expectations of the guy's expecting porn actresses with perfect bodies.
My wife is very self conscious of this. |
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I think it's a bit of both.
I'm very conscious of it too.
Our pictures represent our physicality quite well but I often get the feeling that men expect me to have a voracious sexual appetite and to live up to the 'knows what she wants and how to get it' image when in reality I'm quite reserved. |
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I've never used phrases like that and especially not directed at people I've never met.
I've seen lots of forum comments though that follow similar lines and I often wonder how it's possible to tell that someone is stunning or amazing with only a few 2D pics to go by.
They usually appear on threads where a woman or couple is despairing over being let down or stood up and half a dozen fabbers are quick to jump on to say they must be complete idiots or blind if they didn't turn up.
I could sort of understand it if these were people in their circle of friends showing support for someone they know but unverified fabbers blowing smoke is a little sad. |
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By *lowupdollTV/TS 6 weeks ago
Herts/Beds/Leeds/London |
"I've never used phrases like that and especially not directed at people I've never met.
I've seen lots of forum comments though that follow similar lines and I often wonder how it's possible to tell that someone is stunning or amazing with only a few 2D pics to go by.
They usually appear on threads where a woman or couple is despairing over being let down or stood up and half a dozen fabbers are quick to jump on to say they must be complete idiots or blind if they didn't turn up.
I could sort of understand it if these were people in their circle of friends showing support for someone they know but unverified fabbers blowing smoke is a little sad. "
The simping is more than a little sad. |
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The perpetrators are those who find no failing on extolling faux flattery or disingenuous 'compliments'. I'm never sure what their true motives are, perhaps they are taking a chance that some impressionable folk will fall for it.
Even when I've personally received a (solicited) photo in my inbox I'm quite conservative in my appreciation and acknowledgement, as opposed to the "oh my goodness, where have you been all of my life" or "you're bloody gorgeous" type of insincere drivel.
ㅤㅤ
If I'm feeling cheeky, on the very rare occasion, I'll offer them a "you're pretty fit, innit?!". 😉 |
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"I've never used phrases like that and especially not directed at people I've never met.
I've seen lots of forum comments though that follow similar lines and I often wonder how it's possible to tell that someone is stunning or amazing with only a few 2D pics to go by.
They usually appear on threads where a woman or couple is despairing over being let down or stood up and half a dozen fabbers are quick to jump on to say they must be complete idiots or blind if they didn't turn up.
I could sort of understand it if these were people in their circle of friends showing support for someone they know but unverified fabbers blowing smoke is a little sad.
The simping is more than a little sad. "
Well put, Glow. Amazing. I'm always in awe of your wit and beautiful prose. Best words on Fab! |
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By *lowupdollTV/TS 6 weeks ago
Herts/Beds/Leeds/London |
"I've never used phrases like that and especially not directed at people I've never met.
I've seen lots of forum comments though that follow similar lines and I often wonder how it's possible to tell that someone is stunning or amazing with only a few 2D pics to go by.
They usually appear on threads where a woman or couple is despairing over being let down or stood up and half a dozen fabbers are quick to jump on to say they must be complete idiots or blind if they didn't turn up.
I could sort of understand it if these were people in their circle of friends showing support for someone they know but unverified fabbers blowing smoke is a little sad.
The simping is more than a little sad.
Well put, Glow. Amazing. I'm always in awe of your wit and beautiful prose. Best words on Fab!"
 |
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They annoy me tbh most wouldn't look at me twice in a club but on here I'm stunning and has the most gorgeous body ever all to try and get laid.
I don't need my ego inflated it hasn't gave me any confidence cause I know most don't mean it actually finding someone that does find my body type is much harder |
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"Also the 'you look better than some 30 year olds' messages fill me with horror. I have all the signs of my age on my body, I know they would get quite a shock if they really believe that. "
Same here.
Better never say to a mature woman she doesn't look her age or worst, she looks great for her age, because we are proud, at least I am, of the age we are.
There is no way I am going to meet a young guy who texts me something like that because makes me feel insecure about him confronting reality/ fantasy |
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"You have an amazing body.
You're the best looking woman on here.
I can't believe you are that age.........
Yup Mrs gets all these messages, pretty sure there's a secret forum where guy's exchange phrases to try to overinflated ego's.
However the fact is many see pictures building up an image of someone in their minds and reality is usually quite different from the fantasy, who's to blame?
Is it the way pictures are taken or the over inflated expectations of the guy's expecting porn actresses with perfect bodies.
My wife is very self conscious of this."
Let's look at the other side of the coin.
You post a pic, it's a very attractive pic. It's classy,sensual and shows off your best features perfectly. In fact, that why you yourself decided to share it.
Someone sees it and that's the feeling it evokes, your pic did its job. You got the attention, the validation that yeah I did choose a great pic, I do look good here. We all know a pic is only a millisecond in time, frozen so no it's never gonna accurately capture who you are.
I think don't over think things, just accept the fact you looked amazing in that pic and it evoked a response, wether it's a genuine response or just to get a fuck. It did what it's supposed to do. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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Most people will pay someone a compliment or try to flatter them especially if they are want to get intimate with them
Whether it’s about looks or how you dress or physique or anything else
Tell me one married man who hasn’t said to his wife “you look nice tonight” or one married woman who hasn’t paid a compliment to their husband, not even married but to partners as well
Do you have to believe it and think it’s just some old blarney to get you naked, that’s your choice
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There's two sides to this coin.
Fab and all is associated chat groups are full of simping servile obsequious sycophants that seemingly sit around in the galleries just waiting for a their moment to tell women how great they look. It's quite nauseating and they are right up they with the incels in my opinion.
Fab is also full very well shot photos, filter's and clever angles. Lots of women, and plenty of men look nothing like the impression their photos give. It's a sad indictment of the world we live in that we are forced into this insecurity about ourselves.
Add these two things together and you have quite negative reinforcement loop.
Women, who are eternally insecure about their looks surrounded by men who will say absolutely anything to get their dick out. |
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Pictures flatter and people have insecurities. It’s a fact of life. Nobody is perfect and we all have bumps or shapes that we don’t like.
You can never tell what someone really looks like unless a profile has pictures from multiple angles (which is not that normal on here) and I always assume that anyone I meet is going to have a “normal” body and I am more than happy with that. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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It's all marketing.
Anyone who's ever had a Big Mac knows the score (applies to any food outlets where pictures of the food are provided).
Why would fab be any different? |
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Surely it's two separate issues. The sycophants will always throw insincere compliments around, whether a photo is filtered or cleverly angled, or not. I don't think it encourages people to be sneaky about their photos.
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Im not saying this is the case for you but I do find that 95% if women don't look like they do in their pictures. Most women won't upload a pictures unless its absolutely perfect or with a filter on. The problem is they don't look like that when we meet them. We have fallen for the woman in the pictures and not the woman in real life. Stop doing this ladies haha |
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"Im not saying this is the case for you but I do find that 95% if women don't look like they do in their pictures. Most women won't upload a pictures unless its absolutely perfect or with a filter on. The problem is they don't look like that when we meet them. We have fallen for the woman in the pictures and not the woman in real life. Stop doing this ladies haha"
Ah it's not just women. You wouldn't believe the amount of men on here who aren't actually B&W in real life. |
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"Im not saying this is the case for you but I do find that 95% if women don't look like they do in their pictures. Most women won't upload a pictures unless its absolutely perfect or with a filter on. The problem is they don't look like that when we meet them. We have fallen for the woman in the pictures and not the woman in real life. Stop doing this ladies haha"
It's definitely not just the women! |
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I am quite photogenic- look better in photos than in real life I think, especially if it is posed.
However, every single person I’ve met in person recognises me completely from my photos. I can truly say that my photos truly represent me. I can’t say the same for many, many, maaaaany people I’ve met or seen in socials etc. completely different!
I met up in Costa with someone last week. I scanned the room, didn’t see anyone like the photo I was sent, sat down. Then I saw someone waving… so no, nothing like the photo. Chatted for 10 minutes and left. |
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"Im not saying this is the case for you but I do find that 95% if women don't look like they do in their pictures. Most women won't upload a pictures unless its absolutely perfect or with a filter on. The problem is they don't look like that when we meet them. We have fallen for the woman in the pictures and not the woman in real life. Stop doing this ladies haha"
This goes both ways. I've met men who look about ten years older in real life quite a few times |
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"Im not saying this is the case for you but I do find that 95% if women don't look like they do in their pictures. Most women won't upload a pictures unless its absolutely perfect or with a filter on. The problem is they don't look like that when we meet them. We have fallen for the woman in the pictures and not the woman in real life. Stop doing this ladies haha"
I think it's more a case that an awful lot of men don't actually look properly at the photos - they just see the overall image. I'm absolutely going to use flattering photos, clever cropping and the best angles but all the visual evidence that backs up the reality of my fat body is there...if people choose to see it |
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I tell people quite often that I look at least 40% less attractive than my photos would lead people to believe. But I think that's true of most people. Pictures don't really capture anything more than one moment in time. No facial expressions or movement, different angles etc. I think if there is disappointment from anyone going into meeting someone that doesn't adjust their expectations to something more realistic, it's on them. |
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In answer to the question I just ignore messages full of disingenuous compliments, or if they start pulling them out mid conversation I give them a dose of reality to temper their expectations. I don't need faux compliments or insincerity to get me into bed. I know what I look like and what other women on here look like, using cringey lines will only turn me off. |
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By *aizyWoman 6 weeks ago
west midlands |
"Im not saying this is the case for you but I do find that 95% if women don't look like they do in their pictures. Most women won't upload a pictures unless its absolutely perfect or with a filter on. The problem is they don't look like that when we meet them. We have fallen for the woman in the pictures and not the woman in real life. Stop doing this ladies haha
It's definitely not just the women!"
It definitely is not! Think I've been pretty lucky over the years only met for a drink with two men who looked nothing like their pics. It does make me laugh tho when I meet someone and they say you do look like your pics. |
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"Also the 'you look better than some 30 year olds' messages fill me with horror. I have all the signs of my age on my body, I know they would get quite a shock if they really believe that.
Same here.
Better never say to a mature woman she doesn't look her age or worst, she looks great for her age, because we are proud, at least I am, of the age we are.
There is no way I am going to meet a young guy who texts me something like that because makes me feel insecure about him confronting reality/ fantasy "
Yep. Any age of man in fact.
Tell me I look great if you really think that but don't comparee me to younger women even favourably. |
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"In answer to the question I just ignore messages full of disingenuous compliments, or if they start pulling them out mid conversation I give them a dose of reality to temper their expectations. I don't need faux compliments or insincerity to get me into bed. I know what I look like and what other women on here look like, using cringey lines will only turn me off. "
Is a compliment a cringy line? |
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Yes, I feel like in real life I'll be a disappointment because we have nice pics, yes they are me and my size but I obviously don't walk around in lingerie with a sexy mask on.
I think peoples preconceived ideas of me aren't realistic and that it's setting up for disappointment.
It's one reason I don't want to meet right now, I'm not feeling sexy and the compliments placing me on some invisible pedestal just put me off more.
Mrs |
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It seems that unrealistic compliments are having the opposite to their intended effect for many.
I enjoy a genuine compliment as much as the next person but the unrealistic ones add huge pressure and make me less likely to meet rather than more. |
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"In answer to the question I just ignore messages full of disingenuous compliments, or if they start pulling them out mid conversation I give them a dose of reality to temper their expectations. I don't need faux compliments or insincerity to get me into bed. I know what I look like and what other women on here look like, using cringey lines will only turn me off.
Is a compliment a cringy line?"
Some of them are, when they're not realistic and they clearly say them to every woman they message.
Sincere compliments are lovely. Insincerity makes me cringe.
I don't have the best photos on the site. I couldn't be a model. Telling me I look so much sexier than your wife who's asleep upstairs etc etc.
Paying me a compliment about being funny on a post, or they think my profile is witty, or they like my lingerie or that I have a nice smile feels sincere. The lines above are hyperbolic. |
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"Yes, I feel like in real life I'll be a disappointment because we have nice pics, yes they are me and my size but I obviously don't walk around in lingerie with a sexy mask on.
I think peoples preconceived ideas of me aren't realistic and that it's setting up for disappointment.
It's one reason I don't want to meet right now, I'm not feeling sexy and the compliments placing me on some invisible pedestal just put me off more.
Mrs "
That is the worst, when you're not feeling in a sexy frame of mind and then comments make you feel like they've got unrealistic expectations and you're going to disappoint them  makes you get more in your head about it soemtimes.
I hope you find your mojo again soon! ❤️ |
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My expectation when joining fab was that there would be a broad spectrum of people with different experiences, different outlooks and different degrees of self confidence.
What I didn't expect was the level of sycophancy and even moreso the need for validation.
Most people I know and have met through fab, take compliments with a pinch of salt and don't worry too much about the shallow end of the fab pool.
Some however do expect to be inundated with compliments and don't concern themselves with how genuine or sincere they are.
For those people, when the reality doesn't match the expectation that's when they struggle.
I'm aware of people who have hidden their profiles when they haven't received compliments on kiss fuck threads and I'm even more aware of those who have deleted their profiles when those they were interested in were more effusive in their public compliments towards others.
The reality is that some rely on simping even when they claim otherwise.
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By *avie65Man 6 weeks ago
In the west. |
Compliments are all around us in these days of the internet. How many of us have either made a positive comment, sent a thumbs up or heart emoji on FB or other social media platforms just because we can and don’t want to be seen a different or critical of someone, when quite frankly it is a terrible photograph. I think what I’m trying to say is has it become the default position.
As for porn, yes I think many guys think that is how women should look and act on a 24/7 basis. Back in the olden days porn was only accessible in paper format or an under the counter video and we knew it wasn’t real except for readers wives to some extent. Digital camera have changed all that as it’s easy to crop, enhance or add a filter from your phone just so you look your best. I alter all of my photos in some way or an other.
Guys will say anything if they think it will lead to them getting sex, I cringe when I think back to my teenage years and some of the shite that my friends and I spewed out. |
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"Yes, I feel like in real life I'll be a disappointment because we have nice pics, yes they are me and my size but I obviously don't walk around in lingerie with a sexy mask on.
I think peoples preconceived ideas of me aren't realistic and that it's setting up for disappointment.
It's one reason I don't want to meet right now, I'm not feeling sexy and the compliments placing me on some invisible pedestal just put me off more.
Mrs
That is the worst, when you're not feeling in a sexy frame of mind and then comments make you feel like they've got unrealistic expectations and you're going to disappoint them makes you get more in your head about it soemtimes.
I hope you find your mojo again soon! ❤️"
It really does, my head isn't the best place right now as it is so I just try take no notice.
I hope my mojo returns soon too, thank you lovely!
Mrs |
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