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After the sex
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I know that people like different things after sex happens. But what would you do if you had just had sex with someone who wanted the opposite to you after sex?
Like, if you're a cuddler and your sex partner is more of an off you go sort, do you adapt or do you ask them for what you want?
Or if you're more of a that's enough of the closeness person, would you cuddle for awhile after if you knew that's what the other person wanted? |
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I think I'd feel quite uncomfortable if I knew someone was only going through the motions of cuddling me and not enjoying it. Like a pity cuddle 🤢
If they're not compatible with me post-sex I'd probably just not meet them. It would be talked about in advance. |
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With the person you’re in a relationship with, I’d assume people would meet in the middle. As said in the film When Harry met Sally, Harry asks “how long do you like to be held after sex? All night right? For men it’s 2 mins. So there’s the problem, the difference between 2 mins and all night”
If it’s just casual sex then the host probably has the upper hand. |
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I just don't have sex with people that don't fit with my needs.
I like a bit of time both before and after sex to chill, chat and cuddle. I don't usually end up with people who aren't into that.
I haven't ever had to think about it though. I've just always ended up with like minded partners. |
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"With the person you’re in a relationship with, I’d assume people would meet in the middle. As said in the film When Harry met Sally, Harry asks “how long do you like to be held after sex? All night right? For men it’s 2 mins. So there’s the problem, the difference between 2 mins and all night”
If it’s just casual sex then the host probably has the upper hand. "
The question was referring to something more casual. I'm assuming those in relationships might discuss it more. But what if it hadn't been brought up beforehand and you're in that situation is what I was going for. |
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Is “it depends” a total cop out? 
Depends on the sex for me. If it’s been intense or there’s been bdsm involved I’m gonna want some cuddling or calm connection. Or a nap. Or a cuppa and biscuits. Or all of the above.
Mrs TMN x |
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None of our casual partners has ever even attempted to cuddle me. In fact looking back they actively avoid and if when we take our leave I go to embrace them and kiss them on the cheek they're very awkward about it. It's just sex to them. They don't want much physical contact once it's over. |
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I'm a post sex cuddles, however, if the other person isn't into that, it's ok, each to their own, they can have a brew and cake or biscuits.
Only ever had one get up, get dressed and leave, I felt quite used after |
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I've had this with someone in the past and I tried to look past it as we got on in other ways, but eventually it became a real issue for me (I wanted intimacy, they didn't). We no longer see eachother.
I've learned intimacy is kinda a dealbreaker for me. |
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"I know that people like different things after sex happens. But what would you do if you had just had sex with someone who wanted the opposite to you after sex?
Like, if you're a cuddler and your sex partner is more of an off you go sort, do you adapt or do you ask them for what you want?
Or if you're more of a that's enough of the closeness person, would you cuddle for awhile after if you knew that's what the other person wanted?"
If a sex partner was an off-you-go-sort they definitely wouldn’t be my sex partner…
I don’t do the sex as a service |
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"I know that people like different things after sex happens. But what would you do if you had just had sex with someone who wanted the opposite to you after sex?
Like, if you're a cuddler and your sex partner is more of an off you go sort, do you adapt or do you ask them for what you want?
Or if you're more of a that's enough of the closeness person, would you cuddle for awhile after if you knew that's what the other person wanted?"
I need a cuddle.. lying there naked together post orgasm having a laugh about stupid shit is part of the fun.. it then ultimately leads to more sex- win win!🤭😈 |
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"I've had this with someone in the past and I tried to look past it as we got on in other ways, but eventually it became a real issue for me (I wanted intimacy, they didn't). We no longer see eachother.
I've learned intimacy is kinda a dealbreaker for me. "
if I fitted your age range, you could cuddle me all night |
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By *eliWoman 6 weeks ago
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I wouldn't. We wouldn't be having sex. It's something that always comes up organically in conversation and I've yet to find that mismatch in approach. I think in part it's because I'm very direct about what I enjoy and tend to be attracted to those who also enjoy certain things.
Unless of course it was Mads Mikkelsen. He could be gone within a few seconds of spunking over me and it would still be the greatest sex of my life. Zero complaints. |
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"Interesting responses. Quite a few people fairly set in their ways and I get that. But I guess most aren't really answering what I've asked. "
I think it’s about give and take in an ongoing situation, on both sides. |
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I'm definitely one to cuddle and chat after sex but they were the type to say "off you go" or would get ready to go straight away, I'd probably go with it as I'd prefer not cause a fuss and just somehow deal with it after |
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By *eliWoman 6 weeks ago
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"Interesting responses. Quite a few people fairly set in their ways and I get that. But I guess most aren't really answering what I've asked. "
What you asked - if I had sex with someone who wanted the opposite to me after it, what would I do?
I don't know what I'd actually do because I've never experienced it. It's not about me being set in my ways, it's not something I've come across before and so... I don't know what I would do. I tend to find a compromise with people quite easily but I'm not sure if it's something you can compromise over. As in I couldn't, others can I'm sure of it.  |
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My long term ex would become extremely agitated after sex.
I used to joke to her that she is like a preying mantis that chews off the males head after reproducing.
Mind you I knew how to get her off in every way imaginable. The sheets would be soaking. Multiple orgasms. Wild feral type of sex that would leave us both exhausted.
She wouldn't cuddle. Wouldn't want after care. Just straight up to clean up and be pissy with me because she has a cum headache.
Safe to say eventually I checked out of that relationship and this was one of the reasons. 😁 |
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"Interesting responses. Quite a few people fairly set in their ways and I get that. But I guess most aren't really answering what I've asked.
What you asked - if I had sex with someone who wanted the opposite to me after it, what would I do?
I don't know what I'd actually do because I've never experienced it. It's not about me being set in my ways, it's not something I've come across before and so... I don't know what I would do. I tend to find a compromise with people quite easily but I'm not sure if it's something you can compromise over. As in I couldn't, others can I'm sure of it. "
I didn't mean for that comment to sound critical. I just meant ... what if you had brought it up and thought you were on the same page, and then the sex happens and actually their after sex preferences are different. Which is what happened to me. We'd discussed it, we were on the same page.
It was a one-off so it isn't helpful to say I wouldn't see him again because I wasn't planning on it anyway.
I wanted a cuddle and after he got up and moved away from me. It's obvious we're not compatible in this way but I didn't say anything because like a previous commenter said I don't want to cuddle with someone who felt it was an obligation. |
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"Interesting responses. Quite a few people fairly set in their ways and I get that. But I guess most aren't really answering what I've asked. "
We are set in our ways when answering questions in here too. 😏
I rarely answer posts properly, especially when it hints at what sex and the aftermath might be like, that’s something I’d like them to discover, and it might be unique to our time together.
Simply because you hinted at it, ‘do we adapt?! Maybe I do, but I’m they tho of person to go with the flow, and if they seem to need a certain something afterwards then I might feel the want to share it with them. |
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With the exception of one person, I don't like or want a cuddle after after sex. So if they want a cuddle from me they are out of luck and it's unlikely we would agree to me up.
I make it clear it a sex and fuck off meeting. |
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"Interesting responses. Quite a few people fairly set in their ways and I get that. But I guess most aren't really answering what I've asked.
What you asked - if I had sex with someone who wanted the opposite to me after it, what would I do?
I don't know what I'd actually do because I've never experienced it. It's not about me being set in my ways, it's not something I've come across before and so... I don't know what I would do. I tend to find a compromise with people quite easily but I'm not sure if it's something you can compromise over. As in I couldn't, others can I'm sure of it.
I didn't mean for that comment to sound critical. I just meant ... what if you had brought it up and thought you were on the same page, and then the sex happens and actually their after sex preferences are different. Which is what happened to me. We'd discussed it, we were on the same page.
It was a one-off so it isn't helpful to say I wouldn't see him again because I wasn't planning on it anyway.
I wanted a cuddle and after he got up and moved away from me. It's obvious we're not compatible in this way but I didn't say anything because like a previous commenter said I don't want to cuddle with someone who felt it was an obligation. "
I've never thought to have the conversation before a meet. But if I had and thought they were on the same page then I would be unlikely to see them again as it seems they aren't being 100% truthful?
I'd definitely prefer the cuddles but if it doesn't happen that's ok too...so not a deal breaker for me but I'd favour the naked cuddles and kisses type of meet. |
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"Is “it depends” a total cop out?
Depends on the sex for me. If it’s been intense or there’s been bdsm involved I’m gonna want some cuddling or calm connection. Or a nap. Or a cuppa and biscuits. Or all of the above.
Mrs TMN x"
This. Also I've never done very casual without a partner also being there/nearby and they're always happy to provide any aftercare needed. |
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"I know that people like different things after sex happens. But what would you do if you had just had sex with someone who wanted the opposite to you after sex?
Like, if you're a cuddler and your sex partner is more of an off you go sort, do you adapt or do you ask them for what you want?
Or if you're more of a that's enough of the closeness person, would you cuddle for awhile after if you knew that's what the other person wanted?"
___
For me (Mr) it's easy to respond: adapt.
I don't need to ask, because I like cuddling or at least remaining closer, skin to skin, and caressing sensually after sex.
If the other person feels the same then naturally it will happen without asking.
If the other person does not like it and clearly moves on, I see no point in asking if they are clearly not into it.
So, I adapt. |
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By *linyMan 6 weeks ago
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"Is “it depends” a total cop out?
Depends on the sex for me. If it’s been intense or there’s been bdsm involved I’m gonna want some cuddling or calm connection. Or a nap. Or a cuppa and biscuits. Or all of the above.
Mrs TMN x"
Definitely agree with this. Sub drop is real and I wouldn’t want to spoil how she feels and the effort we’ve both put in. A cuppa and cuddles and chat are perfect |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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I think you need compromise. Life is give and take but also everyone is different. One might like cuddles and lay in the juices. Another might want to smoke and some like to wash off then go to sleep. The question is would that stop you from seeing someone you enjoyed and put effort into getting to that stage?? |
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"I didn't mean for that comment to sound critical. I just meant ... what if you had brought it up and thought you were on the same page, and then the sex happens and actually their after sex preferences are different. Which is what happened to me. We'd discussed it, we were on the same page.
It was a one-off so it isn't helpful to say I wouldn't see him again because I wasn't planning on it anyway.
I wanted a cuddle and after he got up and moved away from me. It's obvious we're not compatible in this way but I didn't say anything because like a previous commenter said I don't want to cuddle with someone who felt it was an obligation. "
I think that's slightly shitty on their part. They've said what they thought you wanted to hear, got the sex and they're alright Jack. Personally I would be upset, I would need time to process this and definitely wouldn't see them again. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself like you would to a friend. |
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Having read through the forum I’d appears your actual question was this….
What would you do if you had planned a one off casual meet with someone who you had previously discussed post sex needs and wants (cuddling) and both agreed a desire for it. But then when it came to it they went against what they had discussed and just left…
In this scenario I’d be wondering if they had just told me what I wanted to hear pre meet…if so then I’d try and learn from it and not let it happen again…however the fact is your are probably more exposed to being told what you want to hear from someone looking for casual sex and you can never know until you know…..
This is one reason I avoid known one offs.
I might also wonder if something had happened that changed their mind? Maybe they are a cuddler but something put them off? I’d probably ask them in the moment if I thought this. |
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"I didn't mean for that comment to sound critical. I just meant ... what if you had brought it up and thought you were on the same page, and then the sex happens and actually their after sex preferences are different. Which is what happened to me. We'd discussed it, we were on the same page.
It was a one-off so it isn't helpful to say I wouldn't see him again because I wasn't planning on it anyway.
I wanted a cuddle and after he got up and moved away from me. It's obvious we're not compatible in this way but I didn't say anything because like a previous commenter said I don't want to cuddle with someone who felt it was an obligation.
I think that's slightly shitty on their part. They've said what they thought you wanted to hear, got the sex and they're alright Jack. Personally I would be upset, I would need time to process this and definitely wouldn't see them again. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself like you would to a friend. "
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"Carry on watching EastEnders and eating my pizza  "
For me (mrs) a cuddle after sex with a random meet is too intimate.
When I was meeting guys I would just get dressed and leave, even if they wanted to cuddle.
So no I wouldn't adapt to what they wanted because I would feel uncomfortable.
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After sex with me and my wife we both love laying together wrapped around each other and fall asleep. Sex with another guy or couple joining us we both like having the sex with them and If they are comfortable we sit and chat about our evening |
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