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Are your emotional needs met?
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"I think this might be an answer in itself without me realising, but how do you know if they are being met or not?
I don't know if I know what my emotional needs are...
🤔"
Gosh. Well. That’s a good starting point for you then 😬 |
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"I think this might be an answer in itself without me realising, but how do you know if they are being met or not?
I don't know if I know what my emotional needs are...
🤔
Gosh. Well. That’s a good starting point for you then 😬"
Hmmm, I guess so. I don't *feel* like anything is missing in my life, but that was kind of my point (in my head). Is there an unknown unknown I'm not aware of that is not being met?!?
(Note to self: internal monologues should remain so) |
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It makes sense though. Maybe all your emotional needs are being met? But I know that sometimes I don’t know what I’ve been missing until someone reminds me. And then there’s a lightbulb moment.
Probably a good sign that you don’t feel something is missing. |
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I’m here because my emotional needs are not being met… having been sexless for over 3 years until a couple of months ago when I paid for a couple of encounters to scratch the itch. The first one was a good experience but the second was the coldest sex I’ve ever had and made me realise that an emotional/cerebral connection is what makes it worthwhile |
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Yes in a way, but it feels a little too fragmented and compartmentalised at the moment.
Connection doesn't quite have that contiguous quality, and that's niggling at my sense of meaningfulness.
I can become quite listless, if such a state of affairs becomes persistent. |
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Some are being met from the transient sexual 'flurries' of my dates but I do sometimes feel unfulfilled, or perhaps undesired. The emotional connection seems to be delivered across the ether through my chats but it's not really the same thing. It's just a superficial fix.
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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This suggests that others are responsible for satisfying your emotional needs.
People should be able to attend to their own emotional needs surely?
If you are dependant on others for this, is that a problem? |
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"This suggests that others are responsible for satisfying your emotional needs.
People should be able to attend to their own emotional needs surely?
If you are dependant on others for this, is that a problem? "
Emotional needs rely on other people.
No, it's not their responsibility. But finding people who do fulfil them because they want to is yours 💜 |
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"This suggests that others are responsible for satisfying your emotional needs.
People should be able to attend to their own emotional needs surely?
If you are dependant on others for this, is that a problem?
Emotional needs rely on other people.
·
No, it's not their responsibility. But finding people who do fulfil them because they want to is yours 💜"
•
To coin a cliché: This ^
I don't completely agree with people having to attend to their own emotional needs. I was going to type something similar but Prêy has pretty much encapsulated my sentiments. |
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I don't feel I have any emotional needs that need to be met, but it would help to define what emotional needs are and that is very subjective to the individual.
I don't have an ego that needs to be pandered to. I don't have a desire to be adored or put on any plinth. I don't feel a need to be "seen" or valued in a normal way (if there is such a thing). Of course I know others do value these things, so I provide these where needed, but intrinsically they are not things I require nor seek for myself. |
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"This suggests that others are responsible for satisfying your emotional needs.
People should be able to attend to their own emotional needs surely?
If you are dependant on others for this, is that a problem? "
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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Yes I make sure my emotional needs are met in a variety of ways and various sources .... primarily internal.
I don't come on fab or rely on sex to have emotional needs met. |
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No, not currently, but that is due to particular circumstances I am in.
They have been in the past.
Fab/ swinging though is a good outlet for sexual connection, so one does not conflate the need to hook-up with it being something deeper than it actually is. |
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"It makes sense though. Maybe all your emotional needs are being met? But I know that sometimes I don’t know what I’ve been missing until someone reminds me. And then there’s a lightbulb moment.
Probably a good sign that you don’t feel something is missing."
How does someone else remind you ?
How do they know what you need ? |
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"This suggests that others are responsible for satisfying your emotional needs.
People should be able to attend to their own emotional needs surely?
If you are dependant on others for this, is that a problem?
Emotional needs rely on other people.
·
No, it's not their responsibility. But finding people who do fulfil them because they want to is yours 💜
•
To coin a cliché: This ^
I don't completely agree with people having to attend to their own emotional needs. I was going to type something similar but Prêy has pretty much encapsulated my sentiments."
Your emotional needs need to be balanced within, by working on yourself. They cannot be found in a relationship with another.
It might be possible people will confuse the thread title with 'needs' e.g. are your needs being met' within your current life or relationship.
Your emotions are yours and Your first relationship is with yourself. Taking your broken self or undeveloped self into a relationship and thinking that everything will be great now is a mistake made by very many people. No one else can make you feel whole.
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I service my own emotional need as I’m single. But when it comes to the physical I most definitely need some sort of connection and emotional intelligence.
Finding this is very difficult. And my experiences lately on “normal ish” dating sites have been god awful.
Tips and tricks welcome x |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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"
Your emotional needs need to be balanced within, by working on yourself. They cannot be found in a relationship with another.
It might be possible people will confuse the thread title with 'needs' e.g. are your needs being met' within your current life or relationship.
Your emotions are yours and Your first relationship is with yourself. Taking your broken self or undeveloped self into a relationship and thinking that everything will be great now is a mistake made by very many people. No one else can make you feel whole.
"
Totally agree with this.
A perceived need is closely followed by an expectation.
Where someone is perceived to satisfy/meet a need, there is often an expectation that the individual then has to continually meet that need.
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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"
Your emotional needs need to be balanced within, by working on yourself. They cannot be found in a relationship with another.
It might be possible people will confuse the thread title with 'needs' e.g. are your needs being met' within your current life or relationship.
Your emotions are yours and Your first relationship is with yourself. Taking your broken self or undeveloped self into a relationship and thinking that everything will be great now is a mistake made by very many people. No one else can make you feel whole.
Totally agree with this.
A perceived need is closely followed by an expectation.
Where someone is perceived to satisfy/meet a need, there is often an expectation that the individual then has to continually meet that need.
"
Totally agree with both of these. It's not my responsibility to make someone else happy or fix them .... and neither is my happiness or personal growth anyone else's responsibility. I've chosen a solo life because that's where I find the greatest peace and contentment. |
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"I don’t look to others for personal fulfilment.
I also think it be unrealistic to expect someone to fulfill everything.
Or maybe that’s what being in love is 🤔
I wouldn’t know 🤷🏽♂️"
Love is giving. Love is not thinking someone else has to do 'this' or 'that' or be 'this' or 'that' love is giving.. it's not expectation. |
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"This suggests that others are responsible for satisfying your emotional needs.
People should be able to attend to their own emotional needs surely?
If you are dependant on others for this, is that a problem?
Emotional needs rely on other people.
·
No, it's not their responsibility. But finding people who do fulfil them because they want to is yours 💜
•
To coin a cliché: This ^
I don't completely agree with people having to attend to their own emotional needs. I was going to type something similar but Prêy has pretty much encapsulated my sentiments.
Your emotional needs need to be balanced within, by working on yourself. They cannot be found in a relationship with another.
It might be possible people will confuse the thread title with 'needs' e.g. are your needs being met' within your current life or relationship.
Your emotions are yours and Your first relationship is with yourself. Taking your broken self or undeveloped self into a relationship and thinking that everything will be great now is a mistake made by very many people. No one else can make you feel whole.
"
I don't think either perspective is wrong. Some emotional needs can be fulfilled more independently and some such as connection and love - all the pro-social tendencies humans have - require interaction with the other - whether that's another person, or the world.
So whilst I agree our emotions are our own. I think Prey captures that responsibility perfectly. In the sense of the boundary between self and other. And whilst you make a strong case for working on yourself, I would also contend that no one is ever entirely fixed or fully developed. Of the people I have met who'd I consider the most congruent, they are not devoid of a need for love, affection or validation. They are fully mindful of it, as they are aspects of themselves, being human and therefore they could not be whole without accepting them.
I find relationships have a habit of revealing aspects of ourselves, as we grow, develop and respond to change. The great relationships for me are the ones where that process is shared and that's what provides the contiguous feeling I mentioned, in my earlier comment. So thank you Granny, your interaction with the fab world, has been helpful to me. |
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Yes, mine are being met by myself primarily, and in the relationships I have with my loved ones. Family, platonic friendships, and romantic.
I think I’m pretty good at managing my emotions and keeping myself steady. If something feels off, I can usually identify it and work out what’s needed. However, I don’t believe emotional needs can or should be entirely met in isolation. We’re relational creatures.
Solitude has its place, but long-term emotional isolation tends to wear people down, no matter how self-regulated they are. For me, it’s not about needing someone else to fix things. It’s about the value of being understood, having connection, and knowing someone gives a shit. That can’t be self-supplied.
N |
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I do my best to regulate my emotional needs myself, without relying on others. At the moment, my emotions are like a rollercoaster though, due to the "wonderful" world of perimenopause. I'm lucky, I do have regular support, from my partner and my FWB, as well as friends I made in the lifestyle. I am also not afraid to take time out and stay in the company of just myself, when needed. |
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By *igjonny090Man 11 weeks ago
blackpool and Manchester |
I got promoted to a managerial role a few years back and got sent on a training course about emotional intelligence and since then I’ve been able to regulate my emotional responses a lot better, it does sometimes make me feel like I’m heartless
In terms of getting my emotions met, probably not I’ve probably gone to far towards the heartless side these days |
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