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Sober or teetotal
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I’m not teetotal, but I don’t drink very often. I’ve never found it to be awkward. Definitely enjoying the wider range of non-alcoholic drinks these days, a non-alcoholic peroni is my go to 
Mrs TMN x |
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I ask because I've had some weird ones.
'As you don't drink, I figured meeting in a pub/bar wouldn't be your scene' thus limiting availability for meets??
A lot of talk of drinking wine or whatever in the run up to sex. Feels like a relaxant in this image but also building some kind of romantic vibe that my still water seems to break. |
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By *9alMan 3 weeks ago
Bridgend |
I am a very moderate social drinker, I enjoy a pint in a pub now & again . I have never found drinking to be a big issue with fab meets. Are there people who say "lips that touch liquor will never touch mine"? on here |
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"I ask because I've had some weird ones.
'As you don't drink, I figured meeting in a pub/bar wouldn't be your scene' thus limiting availability for meets??
A lot of talk of drinking wine or whatever in the run up to sex. Feels like a relaxant in this image but also building some kind of romantic vibe that my still water seems to break. "
That does seem a bit of a weird assumption. I think for some people it’s so much a part of their life and sharing wine together has that hearts and flowers romantic association. If it’s a dealbreaker for someone then that’s not gonna work for me. |
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Some guys, couples I've chatted with and met have said they have had people turn up wasted either on drinks or other stuff!
I get some might need a drink for some dutch courage but I used to suggest a coffee or a lunch somewhere as a social first |
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I've never tasted alcohol in my life.
Over the years I've had stupid comments that I'm not a real man because I don't drink and been told a couple of times that I can't be a true Irishman for that reason also.
It has never had any effect on my fab meets and every social has been in a coffee shop or restaurant.
Some people have been surprised at group socials and I've had stupid comments such as ,fair play for having the will power but how do you have fun?
I have no issue with others drinking but if I thought for a second that someone needed a drink before meeting me I wouldn't meet them at all. |
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"I ask because I've had some weird ones.
'As you don't drink, I figured meeting in a pub/bar wouldn't be your scene' thus limiting availability for meets??
A lot of talk of drinking wine or whatever in the run up to sex. Feels like a relaxant in this image but also building some kind of romantic vibe that my still water seems to break. "
I'm not sober but with certain groups of friends and family I tend to go sober. Or when I just don't fancy drinking. I think the non alcoholic beers now are really good. I like the Erdinger alcohol free.
I really don't like soft drinks. They are too sweet for me.
When I have a social I do drink but each to their own. I have been asked on a walk on a social or to go to a coffee shop so I wouldn't be worried about finding a place that suits you both. The walks I like tend do to be in quiet peaceful places so I have said no to that as I like to meet in busy places. A coffee shop is great though.
A busy park would be a good place to meet too. I think there are lots of options.
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"I've never tasted alcohol in my life.
Over the years I've had stupid comments that I'm not a real man because I don't drink and been told a couple of times that I can't be a true Irishman for that reason also.
It has never had any effect on my fab meets and every social has been in a coffee shop or restaurant.
Some people have been surprised at group socials and I've had stupid comments such as ,fair play for having the will power but how do you have fun?
I have no issue with others drinking but if I thought for a second that someone needed a drink before meeting me I wouldn't meet them at all."
Thank you.
This specifically is the experience I've been looking for with this thread. I've had 'You can't be truly British without drinking' too as well as 'You've not lived until you've ...' whatever experience people think being d*unk is necessary to be alive. A lot of offers to get me d*unk so I change my mind. Even some really old fashioned all the cool kids are doing it type comments. I didn't date for years because of a LTR and when I got back into dating I'd hoped things had changed. And they have. But not as much as I'd hoped they'd had. |
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I'm not sober but with certain groups of friends and family I tend to go sober. Or when I just don't fancy drinking. I think the non alcoholic beers now are really good. I like the Erdinger alcohol free.
I really don't like soft drinks. They are too sweet for me.
When I have a social I do drink but each to their own. I have been asked on a walk on a social or to go to a coffee shop so I wouldn't be worried about finding a place that suits you both. The walks I like tend do to be in quiet peaceful places so I have said no to that as I like to meet in busy places. A coffee shop is great though.
A busy park would be a good place to meet too. I think there are lots of options.
"
I appreciate the response but I'm not actually looking for alternatives for socials away from a pub or a bar. I'm not allergic to establishments that serve alcohol or people who drink alcohol even when they're meeting me! I only used that as an example of the weird comments I receive. |
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I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink.
I also pace myself.
I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward.
If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way.
I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy. |
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I can take or leave drinking these days.
If someone specifically wants to go for a drink on a meet I will usually make sure I’m off the next day as hangovers are brutal these days.
I prefer drinking with old pals than on a date to be honest and driving is usually the ultimate decider. |
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink.
I also pace myself.
I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward.
If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way.
I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy."
Fair enough on your opinion. However that doesn't capture those where sobriety is in relation to recovery, those where abstaining from alcohol is due to religious or medical reasons or people like me that just choose not to drink alcohol. We're still part of the social life in the UK. |
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By *vaRoseWoman 3 weeks ago
Ankh-Morpork |
I’m not much of a drinker, so one or two on an evening is enough for me… any more and I get tipsy.
Consent is sexy so I wouldn’t be meeting someone who needed a few drinks or thought that was the way to have a good time |
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I quit cocaine 10 years ago.
I used to do it 3 times a week.
My neighbourhood has alot of it.
Went to Leamington spar once and they were shocked how me and all my mates were into it.
I've always been into 420 but feel alcohol is the real "gateway drug" because they are more likely to have lower inhibitions and more open to or MD.
It's like that music video by "the streets" where the pot heads just play video games while the drinker beats people up and smashes up the town.
I've always felt like that about alcohol since my granddad's got that cancer in the neck where they get tubes fitted.
I like alcohol. It's good at a dinner party or pub but people in this country really really abuse it and I just see them as drug addicts.
The teachers all drink wine after work. The veterans do it to delay PTSD.
I think it's pathetic. Far worse than smoking the odd spliff. The drinkers get mental health issues too but society accepts it more than which is kinda crazy. |
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink.
I also pace myself.
I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward.
If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way.
I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy."
I'm curious why you think it's a bad idea because the rest of what you said doesn't add up at all and doesn't reflect my experience at all.
I said in my comment above that I've been commended on my willpower which is bullshit as it hasn't taken any willpower at all and been the easiest thing I've ever done.
Are you suggesting that those of us who are teetotal should start drinking just in case we fall off a wagon we weren't on in the first place?
I go away often with hiking groups of 15-20 people, most of whom rarely drink or might have a couple of pints at most.
I don't feel like an outcast or antisocial just because I don't drink but some people seem to struggle with the idea of people being able to enjoy themselves fully without alcohol. |
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"
Fair enough on your opinion. However that doesn't capture those where sobriety is in relation to recovery, those where abstaining from alcohol is due to religious or medical reasons or people like me that just choose not to drink alcohol. We're still part of the social life in the UK."
I can't imagine wanting to be around d*unks when you are not d*unk. |
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Before last year, I was completely teetotal and while I feel more socially involved since I started drinking, it's still not some I do often or feel like I need to do to have a good time at a club or a social or even just with friends as I already know how to navigate them without drinking. The funniest is when I was asked if I didn't drink for religious reasons at a literal swinger's club 😂 |
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I don’t think people care if I drink or not. I’ve never understood the heavy drinking culture here.
I enjoy a beer on a hot day, a cocktail in a nice bar or a glass of bubbles, but that’s it. My husband is teetotal. |
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink.
I also pace myself.
I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward.
If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way.
I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy.
I'm curious why you think it's a bad idea because the rest of what you said doesn't add up at all and doesn't reflect my experience at all.
I said in my comment above that I've been commended on my willpower which is bullshit as it hasn't taken any willpower at all and been the easiest thing I've ever done.
Are you suggesting that those of us who are teetotal should start drinking just in case we fall off a wagon we weren't on in the first place?
I go away often with hiking groups of 15-20 people, most of whom rarely drink or might have a couple of pints at most.
I don't feel like an outcast or antisocial just because I don't drink but some people seem to struggle with the idea of people being able to enjoy themselves fully without alcohol. "
We live in a culture where alcohol use is heavily promoted.
I don't even like alcohol but I go to pubs and have a few pints on days out with my friends because without doing so I would be lonely or have no reason to visit random towns for something to do. |
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I think it's become a bit more "normalised" these days to not drink. But there is a cultural expectation that everyone does, which I think we need to move away from. I'm not sober, but I am not a massive drinker now either. When it comes to sex particularly, I find alcohol dehydrates me and can affect my arousal, plus I like being in control of what's going on and able to give proper consent. So I might have one or two but that would be the limit, and I'm mooore than happy to not drink at all on a "meet" or event.
I would say if someone is pressuring you to drink or is being rude about you not drinking that's a compatibility issue, and they're likely not someone you want to spent time with if they can't respect your personal boundries without mocking you. |
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"Before last year, I was completely teetotal and while I feel more socially involved since I started drinking, it's still not some I do often or feel like I need to do to have a good time at a club or a social or even just with friends as I already know how to navigate them without drinking. The funniest is when I was asked if I didn't drink for religious reasons at a literal swinger's club 😂"
Of course. Drinking alcohol? Haram. Railing someone else's wife in public with her husband watching. Perfectly okay, obviously. |
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink.
I also pace myself.
I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward.
If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way.
I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy.
I'm curious why you think it's a bad idea because the rest of what you said doesn't add up at all and doesn't reflect my experience at all.
I said in my comment above that I've been commended on my willpower which is bullshit as it hasn't taken any willpower at all and been the easiest thing I've ever done.
Are you suggesting that those of us who are teetotal should start drinking just in case we fall off a wagon we weren't on in the first place?
I go away often with hiking groups of 15-20 people, most of whom rarely drink or might have a couple of pints at most.
I don't feel like an outcast or antisocial just because I don't drink but some people seem to struggle with the idea of people being able to enjoy themselves fully without alcohol.
We live in a culture where alcohol use is heavily promoted.
I don't even like alcohol but I go to pubs and have a few pints on days out with my friends because without doing so I would be lonely or have no reason to visit random towns for something to do."
I live in a country where the stereotype is that the Irish are all hard drinkers and yet I could easily lost more people I know who don't drink than those who do.
None of us who don't drink have chosen not to because of a previous relationship with it. It's as simple as saying we have no interest.
I don't seek out people who don't drink.
My siblings and my kids all drink alcohol but I've never felt any pressure to do so.
If you don't like it and feel you have to drink to save face in front of your friends that's a bigger issue but it's wrong to say that being teetotal is antisocial. |
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I'm not sober but with certain groups of friends and family I tend to go sober. Or when I just don't fancy drinking. I think the non alcoholic beers now are really good. I like the Erdinger alcohol free.
I really don't like soft drinks. They are too sweet for me.
When I have a social I do drink but each to their own. I have been asked on a walk on a social or to go to a coffee shop so I wouldn't be worried about finding a place that suits you both. The walks I like tend do to be in quiet peaceful places so I have said no to that as I like to meet in busy places. A coffee shop is great though.
A busy park would be a good place to meet too. I think there are lots of options.
I appreciate the response but I'm not actually looking for alternatives for socials away from a pub or a bar. I'm not allergic to establishments that serve alcohol or people who drink alcohol even when they're meeting me! I only used that as an example of the weird comments I receive."
I have never received a weird comment. In what context do you receive weird comments? It's a person's choice whether they do or don't drink and it's nobodies business but their own. I cannot imagine a scenario where my friends or family would comment.
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I used to drink a lot but since being on my own, I hardly touch it. I've not had an issue at socials, probably because they've tended to either be daytime coffee shop meets or I've been driving.
I don't like seeing d*unk people at clubs as consent gets very murky if you've had too much alcohol. |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
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I'm a rare drinker for any sort of social situation. My real friends respect my choices.
If a fab meet doesn't respect my choice they would not get past a social |
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? "
Interesting thread. I’m not teetotal myself, though I drink less than I used to. But I do admire those who make that choice—particularly when it’s for reasons of clarity, health, or principle. I think it takes a certain quiet strength to go against the social grain, especially in environments where alcohol is expected or woven into tradition.
What’s striking is how any decision—whether to forgo alcohol or meat—seems to provoke strong reactions. I say that having recently contributed to a veganism thread, where I shared my own quiet shift over the past few years. I didn’t preach or judge, just expressed personal regret over eating meat for so long. But even that drew fire. Accusations of moral grandstanding, hypocrisy, patronising tone—when none was intended or, I’d argue, expressed.
It’s made me reflect on how uncomfortable some people get when faced with choices that, by their nature, challenge the status quo. Even a softly spoken personal change can feel like a confrontation to someone who’s not ready to hear it. But to live and let live cuts both ways, doesn’t it?
So yes—teetotalers, like vegans, often have to “navigate” social terrain others don’t even notice. And I think that deserves more respect than ridicule. There’s courage in quietly going your own way. |
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By *arkRichMan 3 weeks ago
Manchester City Centre |
I used to be a Professional DJ, nothing crazy, just a decent nightclub, decent money, zero fame  but you’d get free booze & a lot of attention… when I turned 30 I started being more health conscious, and stopped drinking… and I started saying to anyone that wanted to meet up, that I’d meet for a coffee, or somewhere other than a pub or bar…
The people that didn’t like that, were generally the people I wasn’t interested in seeing… as I’m not really into drinking unless I’m on a proper night out - which is very rare
I still use that as a barometer for people who want to meet up, with living in the city centre… as a lot just want company so that they can drink, rather than to specifically meet up with me…
With meets, it’s a bit different, I used to just make it clear that I wasn’t gonna be drinking, and if it was ever an issue, I just wouldn’t meet up - if they’ve got an issue with it, then their priority is drinking - not you - in my experience |
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"
Interesting thread. I’m not teetotal myself, though I drink less than I used to. But I do admire those who make that choice—particularly when it’s for reasons of clarity, health, or principle. I think it takes a certain quiet strength to go against the social grain, especially in environments where alcohol is expected or woven into tradition.
What’s striking is how any decision—whether to forgo alcohol or meat—seems to provoke strong reactions. I say that having recently contributed to a veganism thread, where I shared my own quiet shift over the past few years. I didn’t preach or judge, just expressed personal regret over eating meat for so long. But even that drew fire. Accusations of moral grandstanding, hypocrisy, patronising tone—when none was intended or, I’d argue, expressed.
It’s made me reflect on how uncomfortable some people get when faced with choices that, by their nature, challenge the status quo. Even a softly spoken personal change can feel like a confrontation to someone who’s not ready to hear it. But to live and let live cuts both ways, doesn’t it?
So yes—teetotalers, like vegans, often have to “navigate” social terrain others don’t even notice. And I think that deserves more respect than ridicule. There’s courage in quietly going your own way."
Thank you for this comment. |
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"I ask because I've had some weird ones.
'As you don't drink, I figured meeting in a pub/bar wouldn't be your scene' thus limiting availability for meets??
A lot of talk of drinking wine or whatever in the run up to sex. Feels like a relaxant in this image but also building some kind of romantic vibe that my still water seems to break. "
That's a bit odd you certainly can .eet in a bar and you could have a soft drink some bars do coffee etc unless you were totally against ghe idea of meeting in a bar of course  |
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Ms. Love2Lurve doesn't drink alcohol, I am an occasional drinker, it's never been an issue for us with the people we've engaged with at social or play meets. In fact, any kind of pressure being applied to drink or get d*unk would be serious red flag for us. |
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"I've cut alcohol way down these days but that at first that was due to health reasons.
I still enjoy a couple every now and again or for a first social."
Also, it doesn't bother me at all if people drink or not. |
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We met a couple socially for a few drinks and they were lovely except the husband started getting louder and louder and not so discreet with every beer until eventually he was proclaiming to anyone that could hear how he was a swinger and proud, would have been quite funny except we were mortified and made our excuses to leave.
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By *eanRMan 3 weeks ago
Dublin 9 |
"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments?
Interesting thread. I’m not teetotal myself, though I drink less than I used to. But I do admire those who make that choice—particularly when it’s for reasons of clarity, health, or principle. I think it takes a certain quiet strength to go against the social grain, especially in environments where alcohol is expected or woven into tradition.
What’s striking is how any decision—whether to forgo alcohol or meat—seems to provoke strong reactions. I say that having recently contributed to a veganism thread, where I shared my own quiet shift over the past few years. I didn’t preach or judge, just expressed personal regret over eating meat for so long. But even that drew fire. Accusations of moral grandstanding, hypocrisy, patronising tone—when none was intended or, I’d argue, expressed.
It’s made me reflect on how uncomfortable some people get when faced with choices that, by their nature, challenge the status quo. Even a softly spoken personal change can feel like a confrontation to someone who’s not ready to hear it. But to live and let live cuts both ways, doesn’t it?
So yes—teetotalers, like vegans, often have to “navigate” social terrain others don’t even notice. And I think that deserves more respect than ridicule. There’s courage in quietly going your own way."
Great reply  |
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I occasionally indulge in a couple of cocktails, but d*unk d*unk just doesn't appeal. The last time I did that was during COVID towards the bottom of a heavy spiral, before that would have been well over a decade previous since I was actually d*unk.
You don't need to drink to have a social life. You don't have to have alcohol to be in a bar. I'm not a fan of anyone who tries to dictate whether other people should drink or not. But I also won't choose to spend time with people who like to lose control with drink 💜 |
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"Before last year, I was completely teetotal and while I feel more socially involved since I started drinking, it's still not some I do often or feel like I need to do to have a good time at a club or a social or even just with friends as I already know how to navigate them without drinking. The funniest is when I was asked if I didn't drink for religious reasons at a literal swinger's club 😂
Of course. Drinking alcohol? Haram. Railing someone else's wife in public with her husband watching. Perfectly okay, obviously. "
Sounds like my kinda night! 😁
Personally I don't like the taste of alcohol at all, it's vile. So I tend to stick to soft drinks, add to that I'm usually driving, so I tend to stay sober.
But I do have a lady friend who has an alcohol problem, she feels the need to drink even after work pretty much every weekday. I've tried to get her to go to a doctor as she admits she has a problem abusing alcohol, but she's in a bit of denial. |
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I have never been a big drinker even in my younger days but I do enjoy a social drink, a nice coctail when on holiday or a glass of wine with a meal and possibly a very cold beer on a hot day. A really good coffee and a big slice of cake is much more appealing. |
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I don't really drink, I think it's much better rapport building when everyone has a clear head. Also as I've got older my hangovers last about a week so it's really not worth it 😂
I have had a couple of people call me boring but I just shrug it off, I've always been able to have fun without needing to be d*unk☺️ |
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I've never found it to be a huge deal.
A lot of younger bods don't drink.
I tend to drive so nobody minds me not drinking.
It you're involved in kink play, then people keeping clear heads is generally sensible.
Sometimes I do miss the social lubricant but I've never come across anyone at a club or meet insisting someone drink.
Particularly as beered up idiots have a tendancy to be a nuisance, and forget what consent is.
And being d*unk means legally someone cannot give consent.
Even when it comes to social, most folks are happy to meet up for a coffee rather than a beer as you can actually have a conversation. |
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? "
I can't say that I've ever experienced a problem with it. I almost always drive whenever I meet, so it's not 'expected' to have a drink in those circumstances. But if someone does have a problem with me not drinking then I know they're probably not 'my people' - if they find it odd or unsociable to not drink are they really as open-minded/liberal as they potentially need to be for this kind of activity?
I also prefer to be sober (at least until I've built up trust in the other party/parties) as I'm the only one that can be responsible for my own safety, and again, anyone who doesn't respect that doesn't deserve my time or attention. |
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I was teetotal for 7 years before meeting Becky.
We then enjoyed a drink as and when we wanted.
Recently, Becky has stopped drinking for health reasons and is coming up for 3 months off booze, really proud of her.
I don’t find it an issue stopping either but will enjoy a drink now and then.
We wouldn’t let the fact that someone doesn’t drink affect whether we met them, or where.. |
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? "
I'd obviously notice what was being d*unk, but it'd be a non-issue for me and had to navigate or have any awkward moments.
A pub is an obvious meeting place, I'd normally opt for a drink drink, but likely driving, so only one.
A drink can be a relaxant, help improve confidence, lower inhibitions which might help embolden one person, but if another doesn't want or need that then they're should be no pressure to drink. In fact a nice cheap date 🙂
As someone else said, I'd be impressed with the will power, restraint or whatever the driving reason... |
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? "
Britain very much has a drinking culture and if you're not a drinker it can be awkward because you're in a very different mindset to someone who is d*unk. If someone can't respect my choice of whether to drink or not then I'm not going to want to be around that person.
The obvious time it caused a problem was when I once went on a date with a very hot woman and we were getting on well. She was drinking a lot and made it obvious that she wanted to make out (and I suspect more) with me but she was *so* d*unk that there was a massive consent issue, so I ended the evening there. |
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