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Married with permission
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I’m a married guy that plays alone with permission from my wife. I’m at that age now where I’d rather just be honest about my situation and respect honesty back from others, that way everyone can make informed decisions about whether they’d want to get involved. However I have had a couple of ladies saying they are put off by playing with permission’ and would rather wife was unaware if the guy was married.
What’s your preference and why? |
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This is a strange one in my opinion . It’s seems taboo if a man is married and looking but completely the opposite if it’s a woman ? It seems accepted for them . People are very judgmental . We all have our reasons for looking |
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I don't question why others might be here. That's their choice. I'm ok with either permission or otherwise but those with permission would probably find it easier to slip away for fun. I find the chesting married men are mostly just here for quiet time gratification 
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By *bi HaiveMan 4 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I'd say that if you're here with permission and making reference to a couples profile, it would probably help to reference that profile in your text.
That way it looks more genuine and would possibly ease any suspicions people may have that its just words on a screen. Unless your wife was happy to speak to others then there's never any way for people to confirm whether claims of perdition are true or not.
But it's definitely better to be open with people about marital status rather than hide it, so fair play on that front.  |
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"It’s seems taboo if a man is married and looking but completely the opposite if it’s a woman"
Women tend to have more options than men, on here and in real life. So they can be more picky, for instance saying "I don't want to sleep with married men", they probably won't notice a difference in the amount of messages they get.
Whereas the fellas, it's an different game, how many posts daily are there of guys asking "why don't I get meets?", guys are much less likely to be picky with their options, including sleeping with married women.
So the mentality is completely different.
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"This is a strange one in my opinion . It’s seems taboo if a man is married and looking but completely the opposite if it’s a woman ? It seems accepted for them . People are very judgmental . We all have our reasons for looking "
I think it's because women are more likely to be empathetic so don't like the idea of hurting other women. Whereas some men find the idea if a cheating wife a turn on. And please note that I said some. There are always exceptions. |
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"This is a strange one in my opinion . It’s seems taboo if a man is married and looking but completely the opposite if it’s a woman ? It seems accepted for them . People are very judgmental . We all have our reasons for looking
I think it's because women are more likely to be empathetic so don't like the idea of hurting other women. Whereas some men find the idea if a cheating wife a turn on. And please note that I said some. There are always exceptions. "
^^^^^^^ This
I "don't like the idea of hurting other women" or seeing their hubby behind their back & I would also detest to be a home wrecker if the cheating hubby was caught.
I have a few other reasons too but too long to write here. |
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"
I "don't like the idea of hurting other women" or seeing their hubby behind their back & I would also detest to be a home wrecker if the cheating hubby was caught.
I have a few other reasons too but too long to write here."
Yeah, you're right, plus with men I think it's a little bit of a dominance thing, taking somebody's wife etc, ape shit.
I can understand it 100%, we're animals at the end of the day, but we should act evolved hahaha
But do we?
Rarely. |
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I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
Personally I don’t require “permission” from my partner to meet others without her and she certainly doesn’t need mine to meet others either. If something of this nature develops, we inform the other and discuss things like grown adults.
Sometimes when I’m messaging I’ll explicitly state in the message that I’m in a relationship even though my couples profile username is in the first paragraph of my bio. If someone wishes to get reassurance from my partner that everything is above board, which is something she doesn’t expect or require because we have trust, then I’ll happily point them in her direction. |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
Personally I don’t require “permission” from my partner to meet others without her and she certainly doesn’t need mine to meet others either. If something of this nature develops, we inform the other and discuss things like grown adults.
Sometimes when I’m messaging I’ll explicitly state in the message that I’m in a relationship even though my couples profile username is in the first paragraph of my bio. If someone wishes to get reassurance from my partner that everything is above board, which is something she doesn’t expect or require because we have trust, then I’ll happily point them in her direction. "
I Agree, the Word with Knowledge would be better than Permission 👍✌️ |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
Personally I don’t require “permission” from my partner to meet others without her and she certainly doesn’t need mine to meet others either. If something of this nature develops, we inform the other and discuss things like grown adults.
Sometimes when I’m messaging I’ll explicitly state in the message that I’m in a relationship even though my couples profile username is in the first paragraph of my bio. If someone wishes to get reassurance from my partner that everything is above board, which is something she doesn’t expect or require because we have trust, then I’ll happily point them in her direction. "
I have no problem with calling it permission. Permission, consent, approval, it doesn’t matter.
What matters is the respect for and from a committed partner shown by being (and being able to be) transparent and honest about what you’re doing.
If you’re doing it without their knowledge that’s deceitful and if it’s without their support, it’s disrespectful. |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
Personally I don’t require “permission” from my partner to meet others without her and she certainly doesn’t need mine to meet others either. If something of this nature develops, we inform the other and discuss things like grown adults.
Sometimes when I’m messaging I’ll explicitly state in the message that I’m in a relationship even though my couples profile username is in the first paragraph of my bio. If someone wishes to get reassurance from my partner that everything is above board, which is something she doesn’t expect or require because we have trust, then I’ll happily point them in her direction.
I Agree, the Word with Knowledge would be better than Permission 👍✌️"
A whole better, plus if someone had something to hide they wouldn’t openly say to someone “feel free to contact my partner” would they? |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
Personally I don’t require “permission” from my partner to meet others without her and she certainly doesn’t need mine to meet others either. If something of this nature develops, we inform the other and discuss things like grown adults.
Sometimes when I’m messaging I’ll explicitly state in the message that I’m in a relationship even though my couples profile username is in the first paragraph of my bio. If someone wishes to get reassurance from my partner that everything is above board, which is something she doesn’t expect or require because we have trust, then I’ll happily point them in her direction.
I have no problem with calling it permission. Permission, consent, approval, it doesn’t matter.
What matters is the respect for and from a committed partner shown by being (and being able to be) transparent and honest about what you’re doing.
If you’re doing it without their knowledge that’s deceitful and if it’s without their support, it’s disrespectful. "
Each to their own I guess. Maybe I’m just being pedantic, I dunno but to me it matters. Certain wordings can be perceived very different.
I agree totally, it’s all about respect for me too both ways. Thankfully I don’t have to worry about all that because I’m not out here being deceitful, quite the opposite in fact. |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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Meeting with or without the knowledge of a partner is entire an individuals choice. .
Some prefer not to play with someone who is partnered. Others don't care.
Honesty is always best so that the other person can make the choice about what they are comfortable with |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s."
It sounds like you have an open relationship, people who don't will have to speak to their partners about "opening up" the relationship.
So when somebody says, "they have permission" it's that convo essentially, it's not about being fucking property.
Wtf?! lmfao |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
It sounds like you have an open relationship, people who don't will have to speak to their partners about "opening up" the relationship.
So when somebody says, "they have permission" it's that convo essentially, it's not about being fucking property.
Wtf?! lmfao"
Yes that’s exactly what I have. Sexually open relationship, but emotionally and romantically closed.
Maybe you don’t see it that way which is fine. Others like myself and someone else who agreed with my above post could be perceive such a phrase differently. |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
Personally I don’t require “permission” from my partner to meet others without her and she certainly doesn’t need mine to meet others either. If something of this nature develops, we inform the other and discuss things like grown adults.
Sometimes when I’m messaging I’ll explicitly state in the message that I’m in a relationship even though my couples profile username is in the first paragraph of my bio. If someone wishes to get reassurance from my partner that everything is above board, which is something she doesn’t expect or require because we have trust, then I’ll happily point them in her direction.
I Agree, the Word with Knowledge would be better than Permission 👍✌️
A whole better, plus if someone had something to hide they wouldn’t openly say to someone “feel free to contact my partner” would they? "
I guess it’s different for everyone but in my situation whilst my wife is happy for me to play alone I like to keep what we do as a couple and what I do alone completely separate. I play with her knowledge (or however you want to word it) but she don’t particularly want to be contacted by others to check up on this and neither do I want her to be. that would just be weird IMO |
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"I detest the term “with permission” makes it seem as if you’re their property, or they’re yours, walking around with a ball and chain attached to you 🤨. It’s 2025 for goodness sake! Not the 1950’s.
Personally I don’t require “permission” from my partner to meet others without her and she certainly doesn’t need mine to meet others either. If something of this nature develops, we inform the other and discuss things like grown adults.
Sometimes when I’m messaging I’ll explicitly state in the message that I’m in a relationship even though my couples profile username is in the first paragraph of my bio. If someone wishes to get reassurance from my partner that everything is above board, which is something she doesn’t expect or require because we have trust, then I’ll happily point them in her direction.
I Agree, the Word with Knowledge would be better than Permission 👍✌️
A whole better, plus if someone had something to hide they wouldn’t openly say to someone “feel free to contact my partner” would they?
I guess it’s different for everyone but in my situation whilst my wife is happy for me to play alone I like to keep what we do as a couple and what I do alone completely separate. I play with her knowledge (or however you want to word it) but she don’t particularly want to be contacted by others to check up on this and neither do I want her to be. that would just be weird IMO"
I’m exactly the same as you in that regard. Whilst my girlfriend is happy for me to meet others on my own, she doesn’t expect the other woman/couple in question to come to her for “approval”, why? Because she trusts me, “trust” being the operative word.
The reassurance want from my partner is more on the other woman’s/couple’s part as they may want proof of what I’ve said is true as opposed to just taking my word for it. |
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We have been seeing a guy for about 2 years now, and his marriage has been on the rocks for ages (wife has neurological problems, and despises being touched, has no love for him, counselling has done nothing, etc) and I provide a release valve for the poor guy.
He is just about to tell her that he isn't happy, and it boils down to either completely calling it a day and getting a divorce, or agreeing that he can see me on a surrogate sex basis. I'm not out to elope with him, and he knows he won't catch anything from me, as it's safe sex all the way, so it'll be interesting to see how she responds with it. |
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Permission, knowledge, blessing. Whatever you want to call it... If it's not there, they're not for me. I'm not ok with being the reason someone else (potentially) gets hurt. I get people can lie, but that's on them, not my conscience, and I trust my intuition. |
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"However I have had a couple of ladies saying they are put off by playing with permission’ and would rather wife was unaware if the guy was married.
What’s your preference and why? "
Some people are after the thrill of transgression and taboo. The thrill of getting caught etc.
Not going to yuck someone else's yum.
I'm poly, and I am married. We are allowed to have other relationships and even just play partners. Especially as health issues can get in the way for us.
Part of ENM is honesty and good communication. So definitely with permission.
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"We have been seeing a guy for about 2 years now, and his marriage has been on the rocks for ages (wife has neurological problems, and despises being touched, has no love for him, counselling has done nothing, etc) and I provide a release valve for the poor guy.
He is just about to tell her that he isn't happy, and it boils down to either completely calling it a day and getting a divorce, or agreeing that he can see me on a surrogate sex basis. I'm not out to elope with him, and he knows he won't catch anything from me, as it's safe sex all the way, so it'll be interesting to see how she responds with it."
It's a shame there is such a hang up around sex, it is a natural relief we all need, and sex isn't everything.
Love, true love, is way more than sex.
So why allow all the other stuff to be ruined by one aspect of a relationship which is a natural and inescapable need satisfied on an individual basis?
Seems crazy really. |
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By *hortieWoman 4 weeks ago
Northampton |
Whether married with permission or already partnered but playing away on the sly, my answer is the same... If you have been in my bed then bring any drama to my door just remember... you'll have not one but two verrrry pissed off bitches to deal with. |
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Love, true love, is way more than sex.
So why allow all the other stuff to be ruined by one aspect of a relationship which is a natural and inescapable need satisfied on an individual basis?
Seems crazy really. "
This is a big chunk of the philosophy behind poly and ENM.
Monogamy is okay but it isn't right for everyone.
There are lots of different types of love and they're all valid. It is entirely possible to be in love with more than one person.
Sex is not love
Jealousy is not love
Love is infinite and time is not.
And one of the wonderful things about Poly is not have to everything to one person. Having other people to lean on is occasionally brilliant |
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"What confirms “Permission to play” ?? Do they bring a signed note off their other half  "
It's an interesting point. I imagine they meet with their partners to confirm permission and discuss boundaries. |
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"What confirms “Permission to play” ?? Do they bring a signed note off their other half "
My other half has she is perfectly happy to message, vid chat or whatever if required.
We are quite sex positive |
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As long as it can be confirmed by their partner, that's fine with me.
If the other half is in the dark about them being here, it's a no from me.
I'm half a couple and we can both meet separately. I've spoken to ladies and couples in the past, to reassure them I'm happy for jack my other half, to meet alone.
I think its tougher for men who meet with permission because some men lie and say they do, when they don't. Also from what I've seen on these threads, some ladies don't want to meet men in relationships as they don't want to be discussed with their wives. |
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Just a point op, it may be worth saying the name of your couple profile on your single one.
We cross reference the couple one on our individual profiles, that way people can check the pics and see you're here with your partners knowledge. |
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"As long as it can be confirmed by their partner, that's fine with me.
If the other half is in the dark about them being here, it's a no from me.
I'm half a couple and we can both meet separately. I've spoken to ladies and couples in the past, to reassure them I'm happy for jack my other half, to meet alone.
I think its tougher for men who meet with permission because some men lie and say they do, when they don't. Also from what I've seen on these threads, some ladies don't want to meet men in relationships as they don't want to be discussed with their wives. "
That’s sort of the point of my original question. A lady I was chatting to was reluctant to meet as she didn’t want to be discussed between me and my wife. not that I would I try my hardest to keep single and couples stuff separate. And then I’ve had others that have messaged wife on our couples profile to discuss things we’ve done (I used to have couples name on there). It’s all a bit of a mine field as different people want different things…. But that’s all part of the fun I guess |
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I dont have an issue meeting married men in a group scenario permission or not. The thought is thrilling. It isn't my business what you do. Just dont want to meet a married man solo even if she knows. That's just me.
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Slightly related, being poly.
I do see a lot of profiles saying no married or attached people.
Being poly I am married, attached and also available. Never know whether to contact those bods or not.  |
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"Slightly related, being poly.
I do see a lot of profiles saying no married or attached people.
Being poly I am married, attached and also available. Never know whether to contact those bods or not. "
I think when people say this they mean 'no cheating/lying', and if you are living a poly life then you aren't cheating or lying so its all good. I am involved with a few people who are poly and have nesting partners, I'd hate to miss out on folk who are ENM minded as I think its a good way to live! |
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"I'd hate to miss out on folk who are ENM minded as I think its a good way to live!"
We're kitchen table poly so very open and it's an absolute life saver as both my nesting partner and I have chronic health issues. There's are physical mine are more mental health related so the back-up makes a huge difference.
And it means my disabled misses isn't trying to keep up with a partner who needs to be physically active for their mental health. |
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