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Expectations vs Reality
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Do you ever struggle with this? On Fab? With sex? With other people, dating wise? Friendship wise? Sex wise?
Are expectations generally met? Are they disappointing? Do people exceed your expectations? Talk to me. |
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I never expect anything, and then I can be pleasantly surprised. Especially meeting people on here.
I always hope for a nice chat but sometimes the ones I'm not excited about are hot af. Only occasionally I am really exited and they are hot af so win win 😊
Same with parties and clubs. The less I look forward to them, the better the night. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 1 week ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I generally have no expectations when meeting new people. It's usually at socials or clubs, rather then 1-2-1, 2-2-1 or 2-2-2 scenarios these days.
I like to take time to build a picture of someone and that doesn't happen easily online. Face to face is so much better and that's why I'll always recommend events, clubs and group socials to anyone. Fab is great for that first point of contact but the real world will never be beaten.
Sometimes of course early interactions fade, people's personalities reveal themselves more and you drift apart. That's life. Expecting otherwise is pointless.
But I've been lucky enough to have met many that were as awesome as I'd thought after initial encounters. And a few that have definitely exceeded any hopes (not expectations) and have become important people in my life. 😁 |
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By *de81Man 1 week ago
Hitchin |
Has happened on a few notable occasions, most notable being losing my virginity... I'd dreamed of the moment for so long and built my expectations and anticipation too high. Other times I've expected very little and had my proverbial socks blown off (I do take them off of my own accord, promise!)  |
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"I don't really understand what any of you mean about not having expectations. I can understand having low expectations but I don't understand not having ANY at all."
I suppose I do have 1.....and that is they turn up looking somewhat presentable and smelling fresh.....but that should be a given. |
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By *sWyldWoman 1 week ago
Edinburgh |
I'm not so worried about others being as I expect as I'm pretty picky . As such I've actually never been disappointed.
However I do worry a lot about not being what others expect me to be . I guess that's a mix of insecurity and not enough confidence. |
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It’s a hard one to manage. For example. My idea of making an effort can differ from someone else’s and I can end up feeling hard done by. Or my idea of communication and theirs can me feel like I’m being bombarded by calls and texts. It’s hard to measure things like communication and quality time as we all have different views on what we think is acceptable. |
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I generally don't put too much expectation on meets. That's why I prefer clubs. You get to have some good banter and get to know someone in a relaxed environment.
It can also feel really awkward being in someone's home for both involved. Which doesn't lead to the best conversations or sex.
I find usually the people who give it big guns have the least to back it up with though. 😂 |
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By *eliWoman 1 week ago
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I'm going to step away from the aesthetics and the first time meeting someone because it's covered above.
I do have some expectations yes. Like I expect/hope people will respect my boundaries. Have they always? No. And then I decide I don't want to see them again and the responses that follow... 
In terms of friendships, I think I possibly do have expectations. Or things that are important to me. I've been hurt before when someone disclosed personal information about me to someone they'd met and fucked for the first time that day. Years of friendship vs a new man? Yeah...
On the other hand I love when people surprise me. In a good way. When I learn something really cool about them. When they unexpectedly show up for me - a message during a difficult time, a thoughtful gesture. People on the whole make silly mistakes but they're not actually done with malice. Fuck knows I have. I forgot a very dear friend's birthday because I was so consumed with being sad that a boyfriend cheated on me.
Communicating well can help navigate those differences in understanding. Accountability. Sometimes two people are just too different though.
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"I don't really understand what any of you mean about not having expectations. I can understand having low expectations but I don't understand not having ANY at all.
I suppose I do have 1.....and that is they turn up looking somewhat presentable and smelling fresh.....but that should be a given."
Yes, that's true.
But also, I guess why would you meet anybody unless you had some expectations?
Surely whatever rapport you've built up or whatever you've exchanged in messages would lead you to believe there was some possibility with this person for you to show up somewhere looking presentable and showered ... and what? I assume that you'd hope that something might continue? |
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Generally I don't expect very much and I I sometimes get irked if a guy was looking for wank fodder, not to meet and I'd not spotted it
I'm guessing it's new users who've got the biggest disappointments, due to unrealistic expectations |
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I have hopes OP but not expectations. On Fab, what I’ve hoped for has generally come off as I spend my time making sure we’re on the same page before I meet someone, and I don’t do NSA.
In life - my hopes have normally not been met. At all despite making the same effort. |
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"My expectations are low. First send message. See if read , get any reply a bonus. Any more than that well have been let down few times . Not sure if how will feel .  "
Pretty much this. Being older means managing your expectations. |
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" I can understand having low expectations but I don't understand not having ANY at all."
So, why have no expectations? last month I had a 'no show' and was subsequently blocked on FAB after arriving for a daytime hotel meet which was arranged with someone I had previously played with. This woman had requested said hotel meeting and confirmed her intended attendance to me the night before.
Annoying, inconvenient -an hour plus drive to get there and a bit spendy for the room and parking. But not ultimately disappointing as my swinging experience has taught me that not everyone will treat you the way they would like to be treated themselves.
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On here, I have no expectations, so if something does happen, it's a bonus.
In the real, I have certain expectations around work and friends, glad to say 99.9% of the time they are met, so I guess I am lucky in that respect. |
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Yes.....
More so due to my own confidence - I think people expect me to me more confident (apparently I am because I post pics) and outgoing, I'm not, I'm a plain Jane in the real world, I'm not horny 24/7 nor do I walk around in my lingerie, people have a preconceived idea of you based on photos and profile and I definitely think I don't meet their expectations, I'm quiet, plain, shy and awkward..... This is a big reason I'm not meeting.
Same the other way around though, you do even though I try not to have an idea about people and sometimes that just doesn't translate into the real world, that connection online isn't always there in person and vice versa - there's profiles I wouldn't have looked twice at but in person they are amazing and profiles I thought I'd be really into them and in person not so much.
Mrs |
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Expectations: they turn up; look as per any pictures; have the interests they said; presentable & clean; honesty
Hopes: mutual attraction; compatible; sexy times
Reality: usually no response at all... |
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I don't struggle with it because I don't really have expectations when it comes to other people.
My initial gut feeling is rarely wrong so I'm never disappointed.
The vast majority of meets I've had through fab over the years I've known before meeting that we weren't sexually compatible but that hasn't put me off making the effort to meet anyway because they seem like decent humans.
On the flip side obviously everyone who has met me will say that Reality exceeded their expectations.😎😀 |
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"Do you ever struggle with this? On Fab? With sex? With other people, dating wise? Friendship wise? Sex wise?
Are expectations generally met? Are they disappointing? Do people exceed your expectations? Talk to me."
Expectations are never met. It’s impossible, because I imagine things that a person could never live up to.
So I keep that in mind now and try to have zero expectations.
In terms of fab I try and keep chatting to a minimum before meeting someone, so that I don’t create a false impression beforr we’ve gotten to know each other in person. (After meeting I’ll loosen up, message me all you want). |
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"Do you ever struggle with this? On Fab? With sex? With other people, dating wise? Friendship wise? Sex wise?
Are expectations generally met? Are they disappointing? Do people exceed your expectations? Talk to me.
Expectations are never met. It’s impossible, because I imagine things that a person could never live up to.
So I keep that in mind now and try to have zero expectations.
In terms of fab I try and keep chatting to a minimum before meeting someone, so that I don’t create a false impression beforr we’ve gotten to know each other in person. (After meeting I’ll loosen up, message me all you want)."
As always there’s tons of typos. Sorry |
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"Don't have expectations, and then you can't be disappointed  "
In all seriousness, this is not good advice at at all and was entirely tongue in cheek from me
IMHO, It's kind of like investing in the stock market for an example: It's all about you, your own appetite for risk, others can tell you what they think and give advice on what they do or have done, but they aren't you. There's every good reason to be aware of the rewards and promote that, but nobody ever talks about the risk. |
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By *istalloverCouple 1 week ago
Pays de la Loire -Normandie -Brittany borderFrance |
Expectation
I asked the wife
Would you sleep with the plumber for a million quid
She said l like him yes
Then I asked
Would you sleep with that guy off peaky blinders for a million quid
Again she said yes
The expectation is were sitting on 2 million quid
Reality ,not got ao pot to pi55 in  |
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I have expectations. Usually on Fab, people have exceeded those expectations in all forms you have mentioned.
The only one in which very few have let me down is friendship. Rather than discussing an issue they have had with me, they have aired their dirty laundry in public. I have very few friends on here now, and the ones I have, are emotionally safe. |
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"
The only one in which very few have let me down is friendship. Rather than discussing an issue they have had with me, they have aired their dirty laundry in public. I have very few friends on here now, and the ones I have, are emotionally safe."
I felt this. Sending hugs 😘 |
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The only one in which very few have let me down is friendship. Rather than discussing an issue they have had with me, they have aired their dirty laundry in public. I have very few friends on here now, and the ones I have, are emotionally safe.
I felt this. Sending hugs 😘"
Aww, thanks LB x |
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