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Should you forgive someone that cheated?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
Before I ask the question I will set the scene. I watched an episode of eastenders and there it goes back and forth with george and elaine if they like eachother or not
Finally they have separated and ended their relationship and gone separate ways, the reason they did it was because elaine confessed to george about that she had slept with another man and how appreciated she felt by it, it was something that she had missed with george, she didnt want to say it to him first because she knew it could be devastating for them and it showed that it was that too.
Elaine thought that it was rich coming from george, reason being as he had been with other women, but george coulnt forgive her, even though elaine had forgiven him the other times, it is understandable why she felt like that. was it revenge sex from her side?
It would be interesting to see what you think of it, if you should forgive someone that have cheated, can you forgive them, or is it the case that you can forgive them but you stick together because of the kids and what you have like the house.
That got me thinking, have you been in the same kind of situation where you had to accept what they have done or how did you handle it, or if it would happened, what would you do?
I think that forgiveness in the case of cheating is a personal decision with no easy answer too it because It depends on individual circumstances and the willingness of both parties to work on rebuilding trust too  |
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I think you've answered your own question in the last paragraph. Not only is everyone different, but people change based on their experiences.
I won't be treated the way I've been treated in the past so while I believe everyone deserves a second chance I will be much firmer about sticking with that boundary and not letting it slide to a 3rd, 4th, 5th chance |
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By *AYENCouple 47 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
I've never cheated or (to the best of my knowledge) been cheated on, but I think it would mostly come down to whether lies were involved.
If I was intentionally mislead then no second chance from me, and I wouldn't expect a second chance either. K.
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i wouldn't no. i didn't forgive someone who cheated w me (i wasn't aware he wasn't single). and i didn't forgive someone who casually told me he was seeing someone else who was cheating with them. basically i don't associate w cheaters. i would definitely not forgive someone cheating ON me. |
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I've cheated in every relationship I've ever been in - apart from this marriage of 24yrs and ironically now we're on here doing 'this' - if I got caught or came clean I was always forgiven... To then go on and do it again 🤷🏼♂️
If I'm happy I won't stray and in my current situation with both the husband and the BF I'm a very happy girlie  |
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I did it once and he then did it again multiple times so no I’d never forgive someone for cheating ever again. Funny thing is if he had asked me if he could have had fun I probably would’ve said yes. |
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"I did it once and he then did it again multiple times so no I’d never forgive someone for cheating ever again. Funny thing is if he had asked me if he could have had fun I probably would’ve said yes. "
it's all about respect, communication and emotional maturity. |
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an ex gf cheated on me. It broke me mentally. Found it so hard to trust her but I loved her too much to leave her. We struggled on for about a year before she left me, found another guy. I didnt really recover. Stupidly still love her even 20 years later... Its fun being a fool. I got over hating her. Wish I could get over loving her. |
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Answers here indicate that people associate forgiveness with remaining in the relationship. That is not forgiveness, that is acceptance or something else but it doesn't have to be forgiveness.
Remaining in the relationship and harbouring resentment is not forgiveness.
Leaving a relationship due to cheating and being bitter and full of hate isn't forgiveness either.
Forgiveness is for the SELF. It's never for the other person. Of course we must forgive for our own well being whether we remain together or part.
I've long been curious and for a long while amused by those that say they forgive me - it makes me smile - I need my own forgiveness , they are not my God nor Guide. People are funny ....
If someone cheated ( by that I mean lied ) they need their own forgiveness , that and police protection  |
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By *loudF7Man 47 weeks ago
South East |
No i dont think I could, a lot of ladies I have spoken with or dated have also said they couldn't ad the trust is shattered and even though it can slowly be regained there will always be a lingering doubt |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 47 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
It's very personal, and depends entirely on the relationship and dynamic of the two people involved. I believe in giving the person you love a second chance, if they're prepared to commit to that.  |
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If my partner cheated, I wouldn't be able to forgive him. We are here as a couple, so he'd have absolutely no need to go behind my back, we can both meet alone & as long as we both know before hand, it's all fine.
I'd never be able to trust him again if he betrayed me and for me, once that's gone, it's gone for good and the relationship is done. |
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By *007ManMan 47 weeks ago
Worthing |
Cheat and I walk. That simple. To be honest, I don't think the soaps set a good example. Corrie for instance usually has women having babies casually sometimes with a criminal or not their partner. Although that is a soap so I suppose something to make things "interesting" is the norm. |
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By *ustinMan 47 weeks ago
near chester/welsh border |
I've been cheated on and I battled with it but eventually let it go and carried on the relationship rather than end it. I believe she hasn't cheated since but I know I don't trust her in the same way and while you try to forgive you never forget and it does stay in your mind.
Trust is something given at the start of a relationship and why shouldn't you trust a new partner, trust is not something you earn but it's definitely something you can loose and once lost it's hard to give it back. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think you've answered your own question in the last paragraph. Not only is everyone different, but people change based on their experiences.
I won't be treated the way I've been treated in the past so while I believe everyone deserves a second chance I will be much firmer about sticking with that boundary and not letting it slide to a 3rd, 4th, 5th chance"
Hi devilangel, yes, you are right there. I have answered it in the last paragraph, that is good you wont be treated the way you have been treated in the past too |
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I always say what’s the route of the cause in the first place
People cheat wether it’s emotional or sexual if there is something missing at home, the saying goes if your not getting what you need at home and can’t sort it out you start looking else where even if it’s not sexual.
Many men cheat because the partners if not getting what most men need and that’s a lot of sex with no stress
Woman tend to want more, protecting and been looked after, not just money put pampered with flowers the odd time
I am not speaking for everyone here but 95% of men see sex as a need not emotionally attached
Woman tend to need the emotional side more that’s why men’s don’t see cheating as bad as a woman
I would be totally wrong here but it’s just what I have learned |
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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I've been cheated on by my long term ex and i forgave her for it because she came clean straight away. It's also not the reason we broke up.... it really depends on a number of factors as to whether i forgive someone or not. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"i wouldn't no. i didn't forgive someone who cheated w me (i wasn't aware he wasn't single). and i didn't forgive someone who casually told me he was seeing someone else who was cheating with them. basically i don't associate w cheaters. i would definitely not forgive someone cheating ON me. "
Hi _eonknife, you are right there, that is good how you wouldnt associate yourself with cheaters too |
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"I think I would be able to forgive someone for cheating on me if I knew what led them to doing that.
That doesn't mean I'd stay with them though. "
I forgave someone who cheated on a night out, she just got horny and needed a fuck. It wasnt like she loved the guy and she regretted it massivley. |
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I don't think anyone *should* forgive a cheater. It's personal choice what they chose to do in that situation and nobody has a right to tell anyone what they should do.
I've never (knowingly) been cheated on... that I'm aware of. If I was, I honestly don't know how I would react or behave. I think a lot of it would be contextual. Cheating takes lots of different forms. For me, a one night stand with a stranger is vastly different to a year's long emotional affair, for instance.
That isn't to say I would forgive either, maybe I would forgive both in certain contexts. I honestly can't say until I am presented with the reality of it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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"If you can that's great. I'm not sure I could fully. Forgiveness is hard earned with me. I'd have to be sure they meant it. I would probably try if I thought the person was worth it. "
Exactly, when my ex cheated it certainly wasn't easy to forgive or forget, the only reason i did was because i realised my actions and behaviour at the time weren't the best either and she probably felt neglected by me.... not saying that's an excuse because it's not. |
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I think it's reasonable to forgive and to move on, if each person is fully understanding of the situation and there's an agreement in place, to manage the future relationship and stresse it may face |
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"I always say what’s the route of the cause in the first place
People cheat wether it’s emotional or sexual if there is something missing at home, the saying goes if your not getting what you need at home and can’t sort it out you start looking else where even if it’s not sexual.
Many men cheat because the partners if not getting what most men need and that’s a lot of sex with no stress
Woman tend to want more, protecting and been looked after, not just money put pampered with flowers the odd time
I am not speaking for everyone here but 95% of men see sex as a need not emotionally attached
Woman tend to need the emotional side more that’s why men’s don’t see cheating as bad as a woman
I would be totally wrong here but it’s just what I have learned "
I don't think you are wrong but I do think it's a somewhat blinkered and stereotypical view.
There are those that cheat ( either gender ) just because they can, it's their nature, their psyche, their lack of commitment , their giving way to impluse , lack of respect for their partner , putting themselves first etc ....... and maybe at times their simple humanity ......
Too easy to make a woman the problem and say the man wasn't getting what he needed so 'had' to cheat.. really reduces men to nothing more than a cock to be fair to them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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I have forgiven an ex for attempted cheating. That was only because he was the father of my child. I dumped him the second time he tried it, and then found out I was pregnant with our second. Didn’t take him back. He had the cheek to say “I thought you’d just shout at me, not kick me out”.
It’s just not worth the second guessing and the emotional anxiety of wondering if they’re texting someone when they stay up late and you go to bed early etc. I just can’t put myself through that, for anyone. Life is too short. |
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By *os19Man 47 weeks ago
Edmonton |
"Before I ask the question I will set the scene. I watched an episode of eastenders and there it goes back and forth with george and elaine if they like eachother or not
Finally they have separated and ended their relationship and gone separate ways, the reason they did it was because elaine confessed to george about that she had slept with another man and how appreciated she felt by it, it was something that she had missed with george, she didnt want to say it to him first because she knew it could be devastating for them and it showed that it was that too.
Elaine thought that it was rich coming from george, reason being as he had been with other women, but george coulnt forgive her, even though elaine had forgiven him the other times, it is understandable why she felt like that. was it revenge sex from her side?
It would be interesting to see what you think of it, if you should forgive someone that have cheated, can you forgive them, or is it the case that you can forgive them but you stick together because of the kids and what you have like the house.
That got me thinking, have you been in the same kind of situation where you had to accept what they have done or how did you handle it, or if it would happened, what would you do?
I think that forgiveness in the case of cheating is a personal decision with no easy answer too it because It depends on individual circumstances and the willingness of both parties to work on rebuilding trust too "
. At work myself and a colleague go lunch at the same time.We sit in a corner and discuss the previous nights Eastenders and have done for the last 8 years.Basically Elaine saw George hugging and it looked like they were having a full blown kiss only they weren’t with his ex wife Cindy.Before that she had seen them talking in a corner hugging and holding hands.George & Cindy have 2 daughters in there 20’s so it’s natural they are going to ralk.Elaine is in secure because tbh Cindy is prettier than her and her ex husband was gay and left her for another man.She has always felt 2nd best so when the man made a play for her suddenly she felt number 1 even though she knew it would be a one night stand.Me and my colleague both feel that George & Elaine are good for each other but Elaine has to understand that where there are kids involved even though the girls are adults George and Cindy are going to talk and embrace.George has never actually cheated on Elaine.It is George that wants the divorce as she feels she is always 2nd best. |
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"I always say what’s the route of the cause in the first place
People cheat wether it’s emotional or sexual if there is something missing at home, the saying goes if your not getting what you need at home and can’t sort it out you start looking else where even if it’s not sexual.
Many men cheat because the partners if not getting what most men need and that’s a lot of sex with no stress
Woman tend to want more, protecting and been looked after, not just money put pampered with flowers the odd time
I am not speaking for everyone here but 95% of men see sex as a need not emotionally attached
Woman tend to need the emotional side more that’s why men’s don’t see cheating as bad as a woman
I would be totally wrong here but it’s just what I have learned
I don't think you are wrong but I do think it's a somewhat blinkered and stereotypical view.
There are those that cheat ( either gender ) just because they can, it's their nature, their psyche, their lack of commitment , their giving way to impluse , lack of respect for their partner , putting themselves first etc ....... and maybe at times their simple humanity ......
Too easy to make a woman the problem and say the man wasn't getting what he needed so 'had' to cheat.. really reduces men to nothing more than a cock to be fair to them. "
Sorry my post wasn’t saying men but saying both way, man or woman will both look else where if there is something missing in the relationship sex or not, some just for attention, don’t forget in the states it’s the woman that files for divorce than men |
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I think “should” is the wrong question. “Could you” is much more interesting. It very much depends on circumstances and how much work both are prepared to do. It’s fucking difficult and takes a long time to rebuild trust. But it is possible.
J |
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I would never ever be able to trust that person again, and it would probably affect my mental health, so, no. Although, I don't get why people stay, forgive and then mention it at any given chance, like, move on or leave. |
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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Life is too short to be angry and it’s too damn difficult to remain angry….you can miss out on so much when you harbor those feelings towards someone….id say you should forgive and hopefully that is the first step to moving on…as an individual or as a couple…its your choice to stay….but if you do….you have to forgive and forget…otherwise its the slippery slope to a shitty relationship!!
Id say the trusting is the hardest thing to do more than the forgiving!! |
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For me it's a no. Im not going to judge anyone who has cheated, because im not a judgemental person and still treat people with respect.
For context, an ex of mine cheated on me when I was in Afghan, she admitted it when I got home. I will never forgive her, but I let her stay in my house for a few months and helped her get on her feet in her own place. I couldn't just kick her our and watch her struggle. I still see her around and still civil with her, ask how she is and hope shes doing well etc. Im not an animal, I dont believe in watching people struggle or hold grudges, but I can't forgive the moment that broke my heart. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I have forgiven an ex for attempted cheating. That was only because he was the father of my child. I dumped him the second time he tried it, and then found out I was pregnant with our second. Didn’t take him back. He had the cheek to say “I thought you’d just shout at me, not kick me out”.
It’s just not worth the second guessing and the emotional anxiety of wondering if they’re texting someone when they stay up late and you go to bed early etc. I just can’t put myself through that, for anyone. Life is too short."
Hi luna, that is good you have forgiven your ex for attempted cheating, yes, life is too short as well |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I always say what’s the route of the cause in the first place
People cheat wether it’s emotional or sexual if there is something missing at home, the saying goes if your not getting what you need at home and can’t sort it out you start looking else where even if it’s not sexual.
Many men cheat because the partners if not getting what most men need and that’s a lot of sex with no stress
Woman tend to want more, protecting and been looked after, not just money put pampered with flowers the odd time
I am not speaking for everyone here but 95% of men see sex as a need not emotionally attached
Woman tend to need the emotional side more that’s why men’s don’t see cheating as bad as a woman
I would be totally wrong here but it’s just what I have learned "
Yes, the route of the cause in the first place is important too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"More EastEnders eh Shag 💜
For me, hard no. I don't forgive cheating.
More specifically, I don't forgive self serving dishonesty.
Other people can react however they like to it 💜"
Hi _reytothefairies, yes, it is, that is good you dont forgive cheating too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think it's reasonable to forgive and to move on, if each person is fully understanding of the situation and there's an agreement in place, to manage the future relationship and stresse it may face "
Yes, forgive and to move on is good too |
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"I always say what’s the route of the cause in the first place
People cheat wether it’s emotional or sexual if there is something missing at home, the saying goes if your not getting what you need at home and can’t sort it out you start looking else where even if it’s not sexual.
Many men cheat because the partners if not getting what most men need and that’s a lot of sex with no stress
Woman tend to want more, protecting and been looked after, not just money put pampered with flowers the odd time
I am not speaking for everyone here but 95% of men see sex as a need not emotionally attached
Woman tend to need the emotional side more that’s why men’s don’t see cheating as bad as a woman
I would be totally wrong here but it’s just what I have learned Yes, the route of the cause in the first place is important too "
There is only ONE cause. Nothing and no one makes people cheat. It's their own decision |
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There are no "reasons" for cheating...only excuses which I would never forgive, hence the reason I walked out of a 7 year relationship.
All these excuses of "wife/husband not putting out and "can't leave because of kids/money or the classic "but I still love them" bollocks is just that....bollocks.
Do you honest think your significant other would feel like you "loved them" if they found out you were fucking others behind their back??? |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 47 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"There are no "reasons" for cheating...only excuses which I would never forgive, hence the reason I walked out of a 7 year relationship.
All these excuses of "wife/husband not putting out and "can't leave because of kids/money or the classic "but I still love them" bollocks is just that....bollocks.
Do you honest think your significant other would feel like you "loved them" if they found out you were fucking others behind their back???"
Hi sparkle, yes, you are right there, that there are no reasons for cheating only excuses, that is good you walked away too |
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I couldn’t when my ex did even though we got back together and had another 7 years together,I felt I never could as it literally destroyed everything I held dear, I absolutely adored my family it meant the world to me I still often wish now I can life in those years forever when the kids were young and before she cheated and ran off I feel it was last time was truly happy
The year we split for good I was at work on a job by the sea it was a lovely hot day laying Indian stone flags under the sun and I remember thinking I feel amazing which was rare then it hit me I was a loser who took a lass back who cheated ran off and that was it back to feeling shit I think that was the realisation it would never work |
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"I couldn’t when my ex did even though we got back together and had another 7 years together,I felt I never could as it literally destroyed everything I held dear, I absolutely adored my family it meant the world to me I still often wish now I can life in those years forever when the kids were young and before she cheated and ran off I feel it was last time was truly happy
The year we split for good I was at work on a job by the sea it was a lovely hot day laying Indian stone flags under the sun and I remember thinking I feel amazing which was rare then it hit me I was a loser who took a lass back who cheated ran off and that was it back to feeling shit I think that was the realisation it would never work "
You are definitely not a looser. Sounds like you just wanted your family unit back and happy. Sorry to hear it did not work out but that's not in you. |
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By *ato25Man 47 weeks ago
Dubai |
It wasn’t the cheating, it was the lies that ended it.
I’d been open with her as I’d been in this lifestyle before we met, and even told her if she ever wanted another man then she could as long as she told me.
She would get angry and say she doesn’t want anyone else and she could never do anything like that. Found out later she’d cheated, and she denied it persistently.
After a lot of back and forth and therapy session she said she had slept with 1 guy once on a d*unk night.
I again gave her the opportunity to come clean but she stuck to that. I then found proof that it had been going on for longer, managed to get hold of the other guy and without telling him what I knew he told me they had been fucking for 2 years when ever they were in the same country as they both travelled for work.
She had lied to him too and said we had been separated for nearly 3 years and that I was being difficult and delaying the divorce.
The web of lies was never ending
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I never understood cheating.
Why would you pursue and fall in love with someone only to have sex with someone else?
Maybe mental health issue to do that.
For me, I’m sorry but I couldn’t forgive that behaviour. |
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By *manteeCouple 47 weeks ago
Manchester |
My ex wife cheated on me twice, first time with a work colleague, I forgave her that time on the proviso she left that company. Two years later she had another affair with yet another work colleague, that was the end of our marriage |
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My Ex GF cheated on me after 6 years with one of her guy friends… randomly went out with him for drinks and ended up back at his a screwing in the kitchen….
In ours 20s probably emotionally immature and head over heels and not emotionally developed to deal with it . In hindsight I admit I turned a blind eye to other indiscretions of hers over the years for fear of losing her… Trust was overtaken by jealousy and paranoia and was unhealthy…. Maybe it would be different if we were a little more mature and wiser… like communication / respect etc..
She was beautiful and crazy hot body hour glass, boobs and amazing bum and we had a thrilling sexual relationship too including risqué role plays sometimes cheating role plays that maybe wasn’t wise considering how turned on the scenario made her…
Learned a lot about myself then part of growing up but also some kinks that stemmed from that experience that I carry today….
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No. But I did. It was his house. He moved into a flat but we had 2 children and talked all the time. And I missed him like hell.( i dated but half arsed) so come home. We're better now than all the problems (sometimes me and mine) it's not aways one person. If ur nasty. It takes a lot to admit that. And now we're 40+ married and really happy. I can even say his girlfriend and not feel bad xxx |
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By *ete vfrMan 47 weeks ago
Morley Leeds |
I was cheated on by the love of my life. I forgave her and patched it up.
But it seemed like two minutes and she did it again.
So that was me done. Years later she got in touch after she emigrated to Australia. She got a taste of her own medicine while married. She came back to the UK and came to see me. She made it obvious that she wanted to get back together. I thought sod that I am not having a third dose of heartbreak. |
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"I couldn’t when my ex did even though we got back together and had another 7 years together,I felt I never could as it literally destroyed everything I held dear, I absolutely adored my family it meant the world to me I still often wish now I can life in those years forever when the kids were young and before she cheated and ran off I feel it was last time was truly happy
The year we split for good I was at work on a job by the sea it was a lovely hot day laying Indian stone flags under the sun and I remember thinking I feel amazing which was rare then it hit me I was a loser who took a lass back who cheated ran off and that was it back to feeling shit I think that was the realisation it would never work
You are definitely not a looser. Sounds like you just wanted your family unit back and happy. Sorry to hear it did not work out but that's not in you. "
Thank you mate kind of you to say you right that is all I wanted mate or else would never have went back there if wasn’t for the kids |
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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"I have done once and never would again you never get that trust back and its never the same ... not for everyone of course some people do but not for me 😁"
Never..
Trust is the key to all things relationship x |
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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I’ve been cheated on. Sometimes you deny the evidence of your own eyes and try and carry on normally. In my case that was a foolish position to take because the next time it led to the complete breakdown in our relationship. It’s not a matter of cheating or forgiving, but moving forward. My ex wife now has the, hopefully, the relationship she craved for. |
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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I don't like the term "Cheating".
To cheat, implies rules.
What are the rules of the game?
Where did they come from Religion, society, the laws of the Land?
Are they assumed or discussed?
How are they enforced?
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By (user no longer on site) 47 weeks ago
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"I have done once and never would again you never get that trust back and its never the same ... not for everyone of course some people do but not for me 😁"
I agree, have myself forgiven someone and as you say, it really is hard to get the trust back after. |
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Christ, it's simples.
A cheater stays a cheater in the cheateds' mind.
No going back.
Second chances are in vain.
As they say, it's like giving someone a second bullet because they missed you the first time.
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