What makes you initiate plans with someone rather than waiting for them to?
Does it matter if you’re usually the one who initiates the plans (assuming they’re always very keen to arrange when you do initiate)? |
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By *ixie888Woman 1 week ago
Newcastle-under-Lyme (NOT Tyne ffs!) |
"What makes you initiate plans with someone rather than waiting for them to?
Does it matter if you’re usually the one who initiates the plans (assuming they’re always very keen to arrange when you do initiate)?"
A good question. I hate to admit it but it does matter to me. I enjoy being "chased" so when I feel like the responsibility of initiating plans falls to me all the time I wind up feeling like I'm doing the legwork, mismatched energy and it turns me off people quite quickly. Reminds me of carrying the mental load which I don't want to do anymore, I have enough of that in my vanilla life. Perhaps I shouldn't be such a diva  |
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By *bi HaiveMan 1 week ago
Cheeseville, Somerset |
I'm happy to make suggestions. Equally I'm happy for someone else to.
If I feel I'm putting in an uneven level of effort and there's signs of apathy the other end then I'll just stop and back off completely.
Equally though if someone is being pushy and appear in some kind of rush I find it just as off putting. 🤷♂️
There needs to be balance. |
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When it comes to Fab it's always been me who has broached the idea to meet, particularly when it comes to repeat 'meets'. Women are keen but rarely/never initiate anything (from experience). I don't know why. Perhaps someone could kindly clarify... ...?
Whenever I suggest a social or a date the woman's response is always an unflinching "yes" or similar words of agreement. When they're so agreeable so quickly it makes me wonder why on earth they didn't suggest it first!
I feel that if I don't initiate then probably nothing will happen, things will just drift for weeks or months and perhaps just fizzle out altogether. |
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"I'm happy to make suggestions. Equally I'm happy for someone else to.
If I feel I'm putting in an uneven level of effort and there's signs of apathy the other end then I'll just stop and back off completely.
Equally though if someone is being pushy and appear in some kind of rush I find it just as off putting. 🤷♂️
There needs to be balance. "
I'm in agrement with you here Obi, it can be a fine balance.
I have chatted to a few people for a while and the idea of a meet has never come up where as others its within the first few messages. Sometimes me, sometimes them. |
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I have no issue initiating plans but I don't like it if I feel like it's always me with a particular person and then I'll usually stop bothering. I like it when it feels equal and there's some times I've done the leg work but some times that they have. Sometimes with a new guy however, I will leave it to them as a gauge for their level of effort and commitment to the plans. Also planning makes me excited so it stings more if you're let down at short notice when you've made all the plans. |
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If it's a new person that I want to meet, I have no problem suggesting we meet up. It's a pretty good way to gauge whether that feeling is reciprocated, or whether they simply want to chat.
If it's someone I've met before (even non-Fab friends), I will admit I get resentful if it's always me initiating get togethers, and I have actually ended so called friendships in the past due to what I've perceived to be lack of effort or interest from the other party. |
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