FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > 'No .... it's just my preference'
'No .... it's just my preference'
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
|
I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
Like if someone said 'no blacks' would that be acceptable on fab?
Personally it puts me off people, because people are people. That's just me.
And whilst I realise that there are exceptions ie 'black men only' if I was one of said people it would be offensive to me. But again it's just me and wondered what other people think. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think two things can be true.
1. People can want whatever they want, and that right is absolute.
2. Other people can have opinions about what other people want, including finding them distasteful, and including not wanting to associate with distasteful people. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
|
"I think two things can be true.
1. People can want whatever they want, and that right is absolute.
2. Other people can have opinions about what other people want, including finding them distasteful, and including not wanting to associate with distasteful people."
Fair points. And distasteful is a word for this.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm not going to shit on a person's honesty if their intentions are to simply follow their preferences. If I'm not what a person is physically attracted to that's a done deal and all I need to know to move on to keener pastures.
It's normal to be drawn or not drawn to lots of different external physical characteristics as much as internal personality types.
I think we're all old enough and wise enough to detect where preferences cross a line in to prejudices.
Unfortunately some take a preference and try to call it prejudice to make trouble for folk. That's equally uncool. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't know why people need to express such preferences. Surely it's obvious from photos.
"
Yes. If I had such preferences, I'd just coincidentally not be interested in anyone outside those preferences. I wouldn't announce it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
|
"I don't know why people need to express such preferences. Surely it's obvious from photos.
"
How is preference or otherwise obvious from profile photos? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You see these kind of preferences mostly by couples and single women directed at men - hardly ever by quoted by single men themselves and I agree, it would be quite jarring to see:
“No black or asian women”
“White British women only”
“Must have large tits, D cup or larger”
“No gunts or more than size 14”
“Natural breasts only, no implants and no pubic hair”
“ must be shorter than 5’8” and have own teeth“
Followed of course by…
“Just my preference” |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't know why people need to express such preferences. Surely it's obvious from photos.
How is preference or otherwise obvious from profile photos?"
I imagine skin colour might make a person's ethnic origin clear. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *vaRoseWoman 26 weeks ago
Ankh-Morpork |
"You see these kind of preferences mostly by couples and single women directed at men - hardly ever by quoted by single men themselves and I agree, it would be quite jarring to see:
“No black or asian women”
“White British women only”
“Must have large tits, D cup or larger”
“No gunts or more than size 14”
“Natural breasts only, no implants and no pubic hair”
“ must be shorter than 5’8” and have own teeth“
Followed of course by…
“Just my preference”"
Not on race but I’ve seen plenty of profiles from men who express size ranges for both body and breasts, and many will express height preferences. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
|
"I don't know why people need to express such preferences. Surely it's obvious from photos.
How is preference or otherwise obvious from profile photos?
I imagine skin colour might make a person's ethnic origin clear. "
That's equating ethnic origin with preference though. I'm white British but personally it's not a preference, I don't have a preference. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
Like if someone said 'no blacks' would that be acceptable on fab?
Personally it puts me off people, because people are people. That's just me.
And whilst I realise that there are exceptions ie 'black men only' if I was one of said people it would be offensive to me. But again it's just me and wondered what other people think. "
It's a little weird that you're focused on black men about this but ok.
People are allowed their preferences.
As long as they're respectful about it who cares.
Do you have an opinion on profiles that state "no white men" or? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"You see these kind of preferences mostly by couples and single women directed at men - hardly ever by quoted by single men themselves and I agree, it would be quite jarring to see:
“No black or asian women”
“White British women only”
“Must have large tits, D cup or larger”
“No gunts or more than size 14”
“Natural breasts only, no implants and no pubic hair”
“ must be shorter than 5’8” and have own teeth“
Followed of course by…
“Just my preference”"
Lots of white single men and couples state they're only interested in white playmates..... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You see these kind of preferences mostly by couples and single women directed at men - hardly ever by quoted by single men themselves and I agree, it would be quite jarring to see:
“No black or asian women”
“White British women only”
“Must have large tits, D cup or larger”
“No gunts or more than size 14”
“Natural breasts only, no implants and no pubic hair”
“ must be shorter than 5’8” and have own teeth“
Followed of course by…
“Just my preference”
Not on race but I’ve seen plenty of profiles from men who express size ranges for both body and breasts, and many will express height preferences."
“I find women who are / have [insert preference / physical criteria] most desirable” perhaps…
Love your corsets and what they do to you BTW…
It’s got very hot in here 🥵 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
|
"I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
Like if someone said 'no blacks' would that be acceptable on fab?
Personally it puts me off people, because people are people. That's just me.
And whilst I realise that there are exceptions ie 'black men only' if I was one of said people it would be offensive to me. But again it's just me and wondered what other people think.
It's a little weird that you're focused on black men about this but ok.
People are allowed their preferences.
As long as they're respectful about it who cares.
Do you have an opinion on profiles that state "no white men" or?"
I haven't focused on black men. if you read the first sentence it specifically states it 'usually says Asians'
The black men was as, in reverse it is the most common fetishising from white women (though not the only)
I haven't seen any profiles that state 'no white men' but It would similarly put me off. Hope this helps. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
Like if someone said 'no blacks' would that be acceptable on fab?
Personally it puts me off people, because people are people. That's just me.
And whilst I realise that there are exceptions ie 'black men only' if I was one of said people it would be offensive to me. But again it's just me and wondered what other people think.
It's a little weird that you're focused on black men about this but ok.
People are allowed their preferences.
As long as they're respectful about it who cares.
Do you have an opinion on profiles that state "no white men" or?
I haven't focused on black men. if you read the first sentence it specifically states it 'usually says Asians'
The black men was as, in reverse it is the most common fetishising from white women (though not the only)
I haven't seen any profiles that state 'no white men' but It would similarly put me off. Hope this helps."
Either way
As long as people are respectful when stating their preferences I don't understand what the issue is |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I wonder. Are many of us getting a little precious sometimes? So if a woman says she's only interested in BBC, that seems to be ok. But if she says that she's not into anything other than white men, then I'm reading arguments that sound like that's a racist comment.
What if she genuinely only is turned on by white men? Or let's reverse it again, she only gets turned on by black men that are big in the trouser department.
We're all different. Some of us like certain things & some just don't have that preference. It's a shame that stating a preference can attach an ist to your preference.
What about those men that prefer BBW? Is that ist against other women? Or is that a preference rather than a slight against other ladies?
Sure, we should never use recognised words that demean, but surely just stating a preference is simply honest?
Aren't we allowed to express a preference? Be that in skin tone, body shape, the size of what someone is packing or even simply a minimum height?
We'd rather read that we're not someone's cup of tea before we spend time messaging. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I wonder. Are many of us getting a little precious sometimes? So if a woman says she's only interested in BBC, that seems to be ok. But if she says that she's not into anything other than white men, then I'm reading arguments that sound like that's a racist comment.
What if she genuinely only is turned on by white men? Or let's reverse it again, she only gets turned on by black men that are big in the trouser department.
We're all different. Some of us like certain things & some just don't have that preference. It's a shame that stating a preference can attach an ist to your preference.
What about those men that prefer BBW? Is that ist against other women? Or is that a preference rather than a slight against other ladies?
Sure, we should never use recognised words that demean, but surely just stating a preference is simply honest?
Aren't we allowed to express a preference? Be that in skin tone, body shape, the size of what someone is packing or even simply a minimum height?
We'd rather read that we're not someone's cup of tea before we spend time messaging."
The difference is how you express that preference I think
There's a fine line between preference and fetish for example
"I find black men attractive so currently only looking to meet them" and "I want a BBC" ... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
|
"I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
"
As it happens, you're likely my ideal "type", and the perfect height, but if you weren't, I have the right to choose to not find you attractive, just as you would if you didn't like chubby short welsh women.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wonder. Are many of us getting a little precious sometimes? So if a woman says she's only interested in BBC, that seems to be ok. But if she says that she's not into anything other than white men, then I'm reading arguments that sound like that's a racist comment.
What if she genuinely only is turned on by white men? Or let's reverse it again, she only gets turned on by black men that are big in the trouser department.
We're all different. Some of us like certain things & some just don't have that preference. It's a shame that stating a preference can attach an ist to your preference.
What about those men that prefer BBW? Is that ist against other women? Or is that a preference rather than a slight against other ladies?
Sure, we should never use recognised words that demean, but surely just stating a preference is simply honest?
Aren't we allowed to express a preference? Be that in skin tone, body shape, the size of what someone is packing or even simply a minimum height?
We'd rather read that we're not someone's cup of tea before we spend time messaging.
The difference is how you express that preference I think
There's a fine line between preference and fetish for example
"I find black men attractive so currently only looking to meet them" and "I want a BBC" ..."
I can't say either is particularly offensive or otherwise. One shows intelligence, the other a primeval lust, and maybe a lower social skills set. The one who posses what she wants is the best placed to decide if she's worthy of a reply. If not, just moving on is surely the best course of action? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I wonder. Are many of us getting a little precious sometimes? So if a woman says she's only interested in BBC, that seems to be ok. But if she says that she's not into anything other than white men, then I'm reading arguments that sound like that's a racist comment.
What if she genuinely only is turned on by white men? Or let's reverse it again, she only gets turned on by black men that are big in the trouser department.
We're all different. Some of us like certain things & some just don't have that preference. It's a shame that stating a preference can attach an ist to your preference.
What about those men that prefer BBW? Is that ist against other women? Or is that a preference rather than a slight against other ladies?
Sure, we should never use recognised words that demean, but surely just stating a preference is simply honest?
Aren't we allowed to express a preference? Be that in skin tone, body shape, the size of what someone is packing or even simply a minimum height?
We'd rather read that we're not someone's cup of tea before we spend time messaging.
The difference is how you express that preference I think
There's a fine line between preference and fetish for example
"I find black men attractive so currently only looking to meet them" and "I want a BBC" ...
I can't say either is particularly offensive or otherwise. One shows intelligence, the other a primeval lust, and maybe a lower social skills set. The one who posses what she wants is the best placed to decide if she's worthy of a reply. If not, just moving on is surely the best course of action?"
OK picture it this way.
Someone messages you and says "I would like to meet a nice white woman to spend the evening with"
And someone else messages you "I want your white pussy" .... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't know why people need to express such preferences. Surely it's obvious from photos.
How is preference or otherwise obvious from profile photos?
I imagine skin colour might make a person's ethnic origin clear.
That's equating ethnic origin with preference though. I'm white British but personally it's not a preference, I don't have a preference."
I thought you were suggesting in your op that people were saying that disregarding certain ethnicities was a preference.
Have I completely misunderstood ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I wonder. Are many of us getting a little precious sometimes? So if a woman says she's only interested in BBC, that seems to be ok. But if she says that she's not into anything other than white men, then I'm reading arguments that sound like that's a racist comment.
What if she genuinely only is turned on by white men? Or let's reverse it again, she only gets turned on by black men that are big in the trouser department.
We're all different. Some of us like certain things & some just don't have that preference. It's a shame that stating a preference can attach an ist to your preference.
What about those men that prefer BBW? Is that ist against other women? Or is that a preference rather than a slight against other ladies?
Sure, we should never use recognised words that demean, but surely just stating a preference is simply honest?
Aren't we allowed to express a preference? Be that in skin tone, body shape, the size of what someone is packing or even simply a minimum height?
We'd rather read that we're not someone's cup of tea before we spend time messaging.
The difference is how you express that preference I think
There's a fine line between preference and fetish for example
"I find black men attractive so currently only looking to meet them" and "I want a BBC" ...
I can't say either is particularly offensive or otherwise. One shows intelligence, the other a primeval lust, and maybe a lower social skills set. The one who posses what she wants is the best placed to decide if she's worthy of a reply. If not, just moving on is surely the best course of action?
OK picture it this way.
Someone messages you and says "I would like to meet a nice white woman to spend the evening with"
And someone else messages you "I want your white pussy" ...."
I have had multiple white men say this to me btw, both in real life and on here.
It's 100% offensive and nothing to do with 'social skills' |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
|
"Does it matter? Focus on those with preferences that you meet 🤷♀️ why do people get so hung up on what and who others are doing? "
I'm not hung up, I mean I'm white British so the majority in that sense. I'm also short so if I were to get hung up it could be that, but I'm not and it's others preferences but I do think there is a difference between people's race and people's height / body size. ie one race has a huge diversity in how they look / skin tone and so on (see 'whites') whereas under 5'8 is under 5'8 for example.
I haven't been on the forums long really but thought it was a topic worth talking about
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I find that people would prefer not to examine in any detail why whole ethnic groups are not their 'preference' as though they couldn't find one person within the entire group of people attractive. But go on with your preferences, I'm not here to argue or get anyone to do their own self-reflection.
I'll tell you a time when it is racist. And this has happened. Several times here. When someone is very keen on my profile, on my pictures, sends messages asking to meet up, is very explicit in terms of what they are looking for. I see on their profile 'white women only' and I respond with 'I'm not a white woman' and suddenly all their interest, all that keenness towards my body, all those details of what they want to do to me is non-existent. To be attracted to me thinking I'm a white woman and having that retracted knowing that I'm not is racist. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
Like if someone said 'no blacks' would that be acceptable on fab?
Personally it puts me off people, because people are people. That's just me.
And whilst I realise that there are exceptions ie 'black men only' if I was one of said people it would be offensive to me. But again it's just me and wondered what other people think.
It's a little weird that you're focused on black men about this but ok.
People are allowed their preferences.
As long as they're respectful about it who cares.
Do you have an opinion on profiles that state "no white men" or?
I haven't focused on black men. if you read the first sentence it specifically states it 'usually says Asians'
The black men was as, in reverse it is the most common fetishising from white women (though not the only)
I haven't seen any profiles that state 'no white men' but It would similarly put me off. Hope this helps."
‘Black only’, ‘BBC only’ are the most common profile racial preferences / fetishes on Fab.
Even the club events - Dark Desires, Only Ebony, Onyx…. You don’t see any ‘white only’ equivalent of Queen Of Spades tattoos…. probably because it’d be viewed as incredibly racist and I suspect seen mostly at far right marches… 
It’s a difficult subject, some ‘preferences’ have become normalised… others must be conferred with care and tact.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 26 weeks ago
|
"I don't know why people need to express such preferences. Surely it's obvious from photos.
How is preference or otherwise obvious from profile photos?
I imagine skin colour might make a person's ethnic origin clear.
That's equating ethnic origin with preference though. I'm white British but personally it's not a preference, I don't have a preference.
I thought you were suggesting in your op that people were saying that disregarding certain ethnicities was a preference.
Have I completely misunderstood ?"
Oh, I was more saying people are 'not looking for ..' (insert race here) so yes I was really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
When I see profiles with the negative connotation this isn't acceptable (to me) because it comes across as a form of vehemence and contempt. The positive is somewhat 'acceptable'. However, I don't think the positive carries any weight either.
For example —
• "NO ASIANS!!!!" - I find it offensive. It's wholly negative.
• "Only looking for Caucasians" - is fine. (ish) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *essTTWoman 26 weeks ago
Birmingham |
Most of my friends are black women who only date/sleep with black men
They don't scream it from the roof tops, they don't make nasty comments about white/Asian men, they just prefer to stay within their own race.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
|
"I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
Like if someone said 'no blacks' would that be acceptable on fab?
Personally it puts me off people, because people are people. That's just me.
And whilst I realise that there are exceptions ie 'black men only' if I was one of said people it would be offensive to me. But again it's just me and wondered what other people think.
It's a little weird that you're focused on black men about this but ok.
People are allowed their preferences.
As long as they're respectful about it who cares.
Do you have an opinion on profiles that state "no white men" or?
I haven't focused on black men. if you read the first sentence it specifically states it 'usually says Asians'
The black men was as, in reverse it is the most common fetishising from white women (though not the only)
I haven't seen any profiles that state 'no white men' but It would similarly put me off. Hope this helps.
‘Black only’, ‘BBC only’ are the most common profile racial preferences / fetishes on Fab.
Even the club events - Dark Desires, Only Ebony, Onyx…. You don’t see any ‘white only’ equivalent of Queen Of Spades tattoos…. probably because it’d be viewed as incredibly racist and I suspect seen mostly at far right marches…
It’s a difficult subject, some ‘preferences’ have become normalised… others must be conferred with care and tact.."
I've never understood why people get tattoos outlining their sexual preferences. A Queen of Spades tattoos? Really? Just why? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
|
I've had profiles, mostly couples who state "BBC or Black men only" alongside "No White men" message me. Which has made me a bit suspicious and skeptical when they message. Makes me feel like, why they messaging me when they state they don't want men like me?
But apart from that, it is fine. We all have preferences. And I respect that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I had a couple message me for a meet which is bizarre as that never happens. I was curious so I asked them "why me?" Turns out they are interested in black men. I explained I'm not black and the conversation died. I understand what you're trying to say OP. I'd rather know by reading someone's profile what and who they like instead of wasting my time and theirs. Sure, it might come across as offensive or rude but at least I know if there's an opportunity there or not. "No Asians" I've seen a lot. Like others have already posted above, each to their own. I wish all of you success on your respective Fab journeys. Let's make orgasms great again 👍🏾😂 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I left this bit blank because, well though I have found that this is usually 'Asians', I have seen other variations and wondered what other people think when they see this?
Like if someone said 'no blacks' would that be acceptable on fab?
Personally it puts me off people, because people are people. That's just me.
And whilst I realise that there are exceptions ie 'black men only' if I was one of said people it would be offensive to me. But again it's just me and wondered what other people think. "
Ultimately we would avoid anyone who put anything like "No Asians" or "White British Only" on their profiles, but being offended by their opinion is unlikely to change it.
Cal |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Men moan that they get no replies from women
Some women chose to put preferences or their type on their profile to stop men wasting their time messaging when they will never be interested
Men moan about women having preferences
It’s like the circle of life  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
|
"Men moan that they get no replies from women
Some women chose to put preferences or their type on their profile to stop men wasting their time messaging when they will never be interested
Men moan about women having preferences
It’s like the circle of life "
We just like to moan 😂 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Men moan that they get no replies from women
Some women chose to put preferences or their type on their profile to stop men wasting their time messaging when they will never be interested
Men moan about women having preferences
It’s like the circle of life "
Can I hakuna ya tatas? ( sorry despite it being 11 on the cheese scale, I couldn’t resist) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think when it comes to fulfilling a sexual fantasy ticklist it can be somewhat allowable to have those sorts of preferences.
I think dismissing entire people in general for stupid things like their skin tone is a horrendous thing to do.
And personally I find it gross to be someone's exact ticklist fantasy object rather than an actual human to them.
But, context 💜 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Men moan that they get no replies from women
Some women chose to put preferences or their type on their profile to stop men wasting their time messaging when they will never be interested
Men moan about women having preferences
It’s like the circle of life "
•
When men moan they remain characteristically predictable because, y'know, they're men and we all know men moan.
When women moan it's like it's unprecedented and men just have to accept it. Men also have preferences and it's a two-way street. 🙂 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wonder. Are many of us getting a little precious sometimes? So if a woman says she's only interested in BBC, that seems to be ok. But if she says that she's not into anything other than white men, then I'm reading arguments that sound like that's a racist comment.
What if she genuinely only is turned on by white men? Or let's reverse it again, she only gets turned on by black men that are big in the trouser department.
We're all different. Some of us like certain things & some just don't have that preference. It's a shame that stating a preference can attach an ist to your preference.
What about those men that prefer BBW? Is that ist against other women? Or is that a preference rather than a slight against other ladies?
Sure, we should never use recognised words that demean, but surely just stating a preference is simply honest?
Aren't we allowed to express a preference? Be that in skin tone, body shape, the size of what someone is packing or even simply a minimum height?
We'd rather read that we're not someone's cup of tea before we spend time messaging."
I don't believe there's anything wrong with stating your preference, as you rightly say, it saves people the time and effort of messaging when there is literally 0 chance of anything happening. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think it's a debate with a lot of nuance and I feel like it would be obtuse of me to criticise people's preferences but I have seen the "it's just my preference" and "we're just not attracted to them" argument. The latter, I just can't understand and the former, I think when you leave the reason so vague, it will be open to judgement as to where that preference originated from.
My little conspiracy theory is that Fab mostly caters to the wants of white men and women and Asian men are on the lowest rung. The photo categories have one for Asian female, Black Male, and Black Female and that's it. But I do find it hard to point that out as an Asian male without it coming across as sour grapes 🤷♂️ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think it's a debate with a lot of nuance and I feel like it would be obtuse of me to criticise people's preferences but I have seen the "it's just my preference" and "we're just not attracted to them" argument. The latter, I just can't understand and the former, I think when you leave the reason so vague, it will be open to judgement as to where that preference originated from.
My little conspiracy theory is that Fab mostly caters to the wants of white men and women and Asian men are on the lowest rung. The photo categories have one for Asian female, Black Male, and Black Female and that's it. But I do find it hard to point that out as an Asian male without it coming across as sour grapes 🤷♂️"
There's no white people tags at all, if that helps 😅💜 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There's no white people tags at all, if that helps 😅💜"
You probably realise this but it's because white people aren't fetishised by white people, where as black men and black/asian women are
I don't think it's a conspiracy, I think it's just an uncomfortable truth that mirrors much of British life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There's no white people tags at all, if that helps 😅💜
You probably realise this but it's because white people aren't fetishised by white people, where as black men and black/asian women are
I don't think it's a conspiracy, I think it's just an uncomfortable truth that mirrors much of British life."
I’ve seen a lot of black guys on here and other places state white women only. Whether this falls under being their preference or a fetish I have no idea though |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There's no white people tags at all, if that helps 😅💜
You probably realise this but it's because white people aren't fetishised by white people, where as black men and black/asian women are
I don't think it's a conspiracy, I think it's just an uncomfortable truth that mirrors much of British life."
It wasn't really meant with any seriousness 😅
I do come across quite a lot of people (of all skin tones) who are very forward about their fondness of my excessively pale skin though 💜 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think it's a debate with a lot of nuance and I feel like it would be obtuse of me to criticise people's preferences but I have seen the "it's just my preference" and "we're just not attracted to them" argument. The latter, I just can't understand and the former, I think when you leave the reason so vague, it will be open to judgement as to where that preference originated from.
My little conspiracy theory is that Fab mostly caters to the wants of white men and women and Asian men are on the lowest rung. The photo categories have one for Asian female, Black Male, and Black Female and that's it. But I do find it hard to point that out as an Asian male without it coming across as sour grapes 🤷♂️
There's no white people tags at all, if that helps 😅💜"
Yeah, I think when I meant that Fab caters to them I said it with the idea that a preference wouldn't be needed as it's a given |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wonder. Are many of us getting a little precious sometimes? So if a woman says she's only interested in BBC, that seems to be ok. But if she says that she's not into anything other than white men, then I'm reading arguments that sound like that's a racist comment.
What if she genuinely only is turned on by white men? Or let's reverse it again, she only gets turned on by black men that are big in the trouser department.
We're all different. Some of us like certain things & some just don't have that preference. It's a shame that stating a preference can attach an ist to your preference.
What about those men that prefer BBW? Is that ist against other women? Or is that a preference rather than a slight against other ladies?
Sure, we should never use recognised words that demean, but surely just stating a preference is simply honest?
Aren't we allowed to express a preference? Be that in skin tone, body shape, the size of what someone is packing or even simply a minimum height?
We'd rather read that we're not someone's cup of tea before we spend time messaging.
The difference is how you express that preference I think
There's a fine line between preference and fetish for example
"I find black men attractive so currently only looking to meet them" and "I want a BBC" ...
I can't say either is particularly offensive or otherwise. One shows intelligence, the other a primeval lust, and maybe a lower social skills set. The one who posses what she wants is the best placed to decide if she's worthy of a reply. If not, just moving on is surely the best course of action?
OK picture it this way.
Someone messages you and says "I would like to meet a nice white woman to spend the evening with"
And someone else messages you "I want your white pussy" ...."
It really wouldn't bother us either way. We'd be a bit more bothered that we hadn't made it clear enough that we're not really looking for that guy anyway. His skin tone preference makes no difference to us. The fact that a guy chose to ask us to separate from being a couple would be the most important factor in the message. Maybe we haven't been clear enough in our write up about what we're looking for. Maybe we should be saying exactly what we want in more obvious terms. Maybe we should be less ambiguous. I'm kind of making my own point here. The delivery may be more polite in one scenario, but the guys preference remains the same. We aren't offended by it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *AJMLKTV/TS 26 weeks ago
Burley |
I've been on the site for many years, I remember "Soapy". This subject comes up frequently and I've always made the same points.
"Asian" is not a race. There are different races and many different ethnicities who live, and "come from" Asia.
Not all Asians are "brown-skinned". Israelis, Chinese and Japanese people, among others, can have very fair/pale skin.
Is there any other possible reason that people would prefer "no Asians", other than racism? Surely if it was only skin-colour that put them off, they would state "no blacks" as well? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've been on the site for many years, I remember "Soapy". This subject comes up frequently and I've always made the same points.
"Asian" is not a race. There are different races and many different ethnicities who live, and "come from" Asia.
Not all Asians are "brown-skinned". Israelis, Chinese and Japanese people, among others, can have very fair/pale skin.
Is there any other possible reason that people would prefer "no Asians", other than racism? Surely if it was only skin-colour that put them off, they would state "no blacks" as well?"
That's a very valid point. Unfortunately the British public see Asians as being from what we used to be allowed to call the Indian Sub Continent. That phrase seems to no longer be allowed in polite conversation, so the term Asian is being broadly used.
Talking of which, the term is being adopted by many restaurants. If you head for Rochdale & ask for your curry to be cooked Asian style, you won't be questioned. You'll get it made in a certain way.
You know, this argument can rumble on forever.
To give it a twist, when we're in Mexico, we often get spoken to in Spanish. I once asked why, don't we look typically English? Apparently not. There are mountain people in Mexico with very similar skin tones.
Getting back to my original point, we a have preferences. It seems shame that we're being questioned about expressing them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've been on the site for many years, I remember "Soapy". This subject comes up frequently and I've always made the same points.
"Asian" is not a race. There are different races and many different ethnicities who live, and "come from" Asia.
Not all Asians are "brown-skinned". Israelis, Chinese and Japanese people, among others, can have very fair/pale skin.
Is there any other possible reason that people would prefer "no Asians", other than racism? Surely if it was only skin-colour that put them off, they would state "no blacks" as well?
That's a very valid point. Unfortunately the British public see Asians as being from what we used to be allowed to call the Indian Sub Continent. That phrase seems to no longer be allowed in polite conversation, so the term Asian is being broadly used.
Talking of which, the term is being adopted by many restaurants. If you head for Rochdale & ask for your curry to be cooked Asian style, you won't be questioned. You'll get it made in a certain way.
You know, this argument can rumble on forever.
To give it a twist, when we're in Mexico, we often get spoken to in Spanish. I once asked why, don't we look typically English? Apparently not. There are mountain people in Mexico with very similar skin tones.
Getting back to my original point, we a have preferences. It seems shame that we're being questioned about expressing them."
Maybe they spoke to you in Spanish because you were in Mexico? ☺️ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've been on the site for many years, I remember "Soapy". This subject comes up frequently and I've always made the same points.
"Asian" is not a race. There are different races and many different ethnicities who live, and "come from" Asia.
Not all Asians are "brown-skinned". Israelis, Chinese and Japanese people, among others, can have very fair/pale skin.
Is there any other possible reason that people would prefer "no Asians", other than racism? Surely if it was only skin-colour that put them off, they would state "no blacks" as well?
That's a very valid point. Unfortunately the British public see Asians as being from what we used to be allowed to call the Indian Sub Continent. That phrase seems to no longer be allowed in polite conversation, so the term Asian is being broadly used.
Talking of which, the term is being adopted by many restaurants. If you head for Rochdale & ask for your curry to be cooked Asian style, you won't be questioned. You'll get it made in a certain way.
You know, this argument can rumble on forever.
To give it a twist, when we're in Mexico, we often get spoken to in Spanish. I once asked why, don't we look typically English? Apparently not. There are mountain people in Mexico with very similar skin tones.
Getting back to my original point, we a have preferences. It seems shame that we're being questioned about expressing them.
Maybe they spoke to you in Spanish because you were in Mexico? ☺️"
Oh come on. 2 very white people in a Mexican resort that arrive on a Thursday (thats when tui arrive from Manchester). And yet we look like mountain people?
Its a bit like when we've been in Cuba. Apparently D has a look of a Cuban actress. Not sure if its a real or a porn actress, but apparently she does. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I agree that people are entitled to their preferences but I am also entitled to be put off by their preferences or how they express them. I feel I'm unlikely to gel with someone who would put such blunt statements on their profile about not being interested in entire races. I'm also put off by comments that appear to fetishise a certain race. Similarly, I've been put off by profiles that have rigid dress size limits, even if I fall within their preferences. Interestingly I was once messaged by a guy on online dating who had a dress size limit on his profile that I did actually fall outside of. When I pointed this out to him, he told me it was okay because I "carried it well". No thank you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I agree that people are entitled to their preferences but I am also entitled to be put off by their preferences or how they express them. I feel I'm unlikely to gel with someone who would put such blunt statements on their profile about not being interested in entire races. I'm also put off by comments that appear to fetishise a certain race. Similarly, I've been put off by profiles that have rigid dress size limits, even if I fall within their preferences. Interestingly I was once messaged by a guy on online dating who had a dress size limit on his profile that I did actually fall outside of. When I pointed this out to him, he told me it was okay because I "carried it well". No thank you."
The delivery is important, but we are asked to express some preferences when we sign up. Straight, bi or gay. What's so wrong with saying we like size, height, skin tone or whatever else?
We can vary, but we all have some preferences. That's hard to deny. Would anyone prefer a 22 stone fat guy to a 14 stone muscle man? It's unlikely but not impossible. Expressing a preference isn't a rule, just declaring an ideal. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I agree that people are entitled to their preferences but I am also entitled to be put off by their preferences or how they express them. I feel I'm unlikely to gel with someone who would put such blunt statements on their profile about not being interested in entire races. I'm also put off by comments that appear to fetishise a certain race. Similarly, I've been put off by profiles that have rigid dress size limits, even if I fall within their preferences. Interestingly I was once messaged by a guy on online dating who had a dress size limit on his profile that I did actually fall outside of. When I pointed this out to him, he told me it was okay because I "carried it well". No thank you.
The delivery is important, but we are asked to express some preferences when we sign up. Straight, bi or gay. What's so wrong with saying we like size, height, skin tone or whatever else?
We can vary, but we all have some preferences. That's hard to deny. Would anyone prefer a 22 stone fat guy to a 14 stone muscle man? It's unlikely but not impossible. Expressing a preference isn't a rule, just declaring an ideal."
To reverse the same question, what's wrong with me not wanting to play with people who express certain preferences? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I agree that people are entitled to their preferences but I am also entitled to be put off by their preferences or how they express them. I feel I'm unlikely to gel with someone who would put such blunt statements on their profile about not being interested in entire races. I'm also put off by comments that appear to fetishise a certain race. Similarly, I've been put off by profiles that have rigid dress size limits, even if I fall within their preferences. Interestingly I was once messaged by a guy on online dating who had a dress size limit on his profile that I did actually fall outside of. When I pointed this out to him, he told me it was okay because I "carried it well". No thank you.
The delivery is important, but we are asked to express some preferences when we sign up. Straight, bi or gay. What's so wrong with saying we like size, height, skin tone or whatever else?
We can vary, but we all have some preferences. That's hard to deny. Would anyone prefer a 22 stone fat guy to a 14 stone muscle man? It's unlikely but not impossible. Expressing a preference isn't a rule, just declaring an ideal.
To reverse the same question, what's wrong with me not wanting to play with people who express certain preferences?"
Absolutely nothing. It's your choice. That's what's what I'm preaching. What we want is our thing. We absolutely shouldn't be influenced by others. It's all about us on fab. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I agree that people are entitled to their preferences but I am also entitled to be put off by their preferences or how they express them. I feel I'm unlikely to gel with someone who would put such blunt statements on their profile about not being interested in entire races. I'm also put off by comments that appear to fetishise a certain race. Similarly, I've been put off by profiles that have rigid dress size limits, even if I fall within their preferences. Interestingly I was once messaged by a guy on online dating who had a dress size limit on his profile that I did actually fall outside of. When I pointed this out to him, he told me it was okay because I "carried it well". No thank you.
The delivery is important, but we are asked to express some preferences when we sign up. Straight, bi or gay. What's so wrong with saying we like size, height, skin tone or whatever else?
We can vary, but we all have some preferences. That's hard to deny. Would anyone prefer a 22 stone fat guy to a 14 stone muscle man? It's unlikely but not impossible. Expressing a preference isn't a rule, just declaring an ideal.
To reverse the same question, what's wrong with me not wanting to play with people who express certain preferences?
Absolutely nothing. It's your choice. That's what's what I'm preaching. What we want is our thing. We absolutely shouldn't be influenced by others. It's all about us on fab."
I'm not trying to influence you. I'm not even questioning you, you're questioning my preferences. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Interesting topic with a variety of views. As a black man my experiences on the site vary from people that are "attracted" to me, to people that think of my "penis" and disregard my humanity. I.e. I'm more than a penis.
I usually politely turn down the people that reduce me down to a Penis as I'm not a circus act.
Some people may find profiles that exclude people offensive or rude, but for me, those profiles act as a filter. I also prefer them to the profiles that do not have those preferences but stop talking to you once they find out you are black.
To each their own as they say. I'm far too old to be bothered about stuff like this, these days.
There are lovely people out there. Prefer to spend my time and effort with them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *AYENCouple 26 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
We pass by any profile that is even slightly focused on nationality, colour or ethnicity.
Profiles that proudly announce that they are English, Irish or Italian etc., or that they are black, white or Asian, aren't for us.
We're far more interested in who you are than what you are.
And equally, people that look for or reject people based on any of the above aren't for us, and we don't waste our time trying to understand them.
Both our lives have been enriched by many people of various colours, nationalities and ethnicities, if people want to build walls around themselves and miss out, it's really up to them. K. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Preferences are more red lines with us.
Height is one, we have a preference for gents over 6ft? Why? Well when L has heels on she is almost 6ft. To feel sexy she wants her gents to be taller....
This preference is now a red line.
Preference can also highlight what people find attractive or not....therefore why settle for something that we are not looking for or don't find attractive.
We believe there are sexual matches to be found, until then we are quite happy with just us!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Generally I think people can put whatever they like about their preferences as long as it’s within the site rules. If I don’t like or resonate with what they’ve put, I don’t engage and move on.
I have my own preferences. I don’t feel the need to plaster them on my profile… I just don’t respond to people I don’t want to.
If you are personally offended by people’s sexual likes and dislikes, even if they are based on protected characteristics, this probably isn’t the place for you
Some people have way too much free time |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
