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Dragons Den: The Shit Edition
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Ey up good folks 😃👋🏻
You all know this TV show, right?
I don’t watch it myself as it looks a bit shit but from what I can gather you pitch business ideas to some rich folk who then tell you either, ‘Yes, we’ll invest in your idea.’ or else, ‘Fuck off.’ (or thereabouts).
This being the shit edition however, I want you to pitch the most deliberately awful investment ideas that you can muster - the absolutely WORST business ideas imaginable in fact, for us all to mull over (and you can offer deservedly paltry offers to entries if you like to)
Over to you my fine peeps 😜👍🏻
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Pitch: The SockSafe™ — The World’s First Home Security System for Single Socks
“Dragons, thank you for having me. Today, I’m seeking £87,000 for a 2% stake in my company, SockSafe Ltd — the future of textile-based emotional protection.”
For centuries, humanity has faced one of its greatest unsolved mysteries:
Where do single socks go?
Washing machines deny involvement. Families turn on each other. Entire relationships crumble.
Until now.
Introducing SockSafe™, the world’s first AI‑adjacent, semi‑waterproof, mildly fire‑resistant sock security vault. It’s a shoebox-sized safe that sits inside your washing machine and vibrates aggressively whenever a sock tries to escape.
Key Features
• Motion Detection: If a sock even thinks about slipping behind the drum, SockSafe™ screams at 120 decibels.
• GPS Tracking: Never lose a sock again — unless the battery dies, which it does every 14 minutes.
• App Integration: The app doesn’t connect to anything, but it looks impressive and has a loading animation.
• Family Mode: Alerts you when someone else in the house tries to steal your favourite pair.
Market Opportunity
There are 7.4 billion socks in the UK alone (citation: my imagination). If we capture just 1% of that market, we’ll be able to afford a second prototype that doesn’t melt in hot washes.
Traction So Far
• My mum said it was “interesting.”
• My neighbour’s dog barked at it, which I’m counting as engagement.
• We’ve had one sale — technically a refund — but the enthusiasm was palpable.
Why You Should Invest
Dragons, this isn’t just a product.
It’s a movement.
A revolution.
A cry for help.
Together, we can end the tyranny of missing socks and bring peace to laundry baskets everywhere.
So… who’s ready to join me on this journey?” |
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"Pitch: The SockSafe™ — The World’s First Home Security System for Single Socks
“Dragons, thank you for having me. Today, I’m seeking £87,000 for a 2% stake in my company, SockSafe Ltd — the future of textile-based emotional protection.”
For centuries, humanity has faced one of its greatest unsolved mysteries:
Where do single socks go?
Washing machines deny involvement. Families turn on each other. Entire relationships crumble.
Until now.
Introducing SockSafe™, the world’s first AI‑adjacent, semi‑waterproof, mildly fire‑resistant sock security vault. It’s a shoebox-sized safe that sits inside your washing machine and vibrates aggressively whenever a sock tries to escape.
Key Features
• Motion Detection: If a sock even thinks about slipping behind the drum, SockSafe™ screams at 120 decibels.
• GPS Tracking: Never lose a sock again — unless the battery dies, which it does every 14 minutes.
• App Integration: The app doesn’t connect to anything, but it looks impressive and has a loading animation.
• Family Mode: Alerts you when someone else in the house tries to steal your favourite pair.
Market Opportunity
There are 7.4 billion socks in the UK alone (citation: my imagination). If we capture just 1% of that market, we’ll be able to afford a second prototype that doesn’t melt in hot washes.
Traction So Far
• My mum said it was “interesting.”
• My neighbour’s dog barked at it, which I’m counting as engagement.
• We’ve had one sale — technically a refund — but the enthusiasm was palpable.
Why You Should Invest
Dragons, this isn’t just a product.
It’s a movement.
A revolution.
A cry for help.
Together, we can end the tyranny of missing socks and bring peace to laundry baskets everywhere.
So… who’s ready to join me on this journey?”"
😂😂😂😂 I’m in! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 I’ll throw a full fiver at this 😜 |
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"Pitch: The SockSafe™ — The World’s First Home Security System for Single Socks
“Dragons, thank you for having me. Today, I’m seeking £87,000 for a 2% stake in my company, SockSafe Ltd — the future of textile-based emotional protection.”
Absolutely brilliant
For centuries, humanity has faced one of its greatest unsolved mysteries:
Where do single socks go?
Washing machines deny involvement. Families turn on each other. Entire relationships crumble.
Until now.
Introducing SockSafe™, the world’s first AI‑adjacent, semi‑waterproof, mildly fire‑resistant sock security vault. It’s a shoebox-sized safe that sits inside your washing machine and vibrates aggressively whenever a sock tries to escape.
Key Features
• Motion Detection: If a sock even thinks about slipping behind the drum, SockSafe™ screams at 120 decibels.
• GPS Tracking: Never lose a sock again — unless the battery dies, which it does every 14 minutes.
• App Integration: The app doesn’t connect to anything, but it looks impressive and has a loading animation.
• Family Mode: Alerts you when someone else in the house tries to steal your favourite pair.
Market Opportunity
There are 7.4 billion socks in the UK alone (citation: my imagination). If we capture just 1% of that market, we’ll be able to afford a second prototype that doesn’t melt in hot washes.
Traction So Far
• My mum said it was “interesting.”
• My neighbour’s dog barked at it, which I’m counting as engagement.
• We’ve had one sale — technically a refund — but the enthusiasm was palpable.
Why You Should Invest
Dragons, this isn’t just a product.
It’s a movement.
A revolution.
A cry for help.
Together, we can end the tyranny of missing socks and bring peace to laundry baskets everywhere.
So… who’s ready to join me on this journey?”"
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By *inaTitzTV/TS 15 weeks ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
An undersized TV remote for the gents of Fab to hold against their cocks.
It looks real, but it's just half the size and enables all but the most modestly endowed to look huge.
For extra money, they also get an half sized house to have meets in to try to convince whomever meets them that it's all on the level  |
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"An undersized TV remote for the gents of Fab to hold against their cocks.
It looks real, but it's just half the size and enables all but the most modestly endowed to look huge.
For extra money, they also get an half sized house to have meets in to try to convince whomever meets them that it's all on the level "
😂😂😂 I’m sensing a LOT of potential interest in this one 😂😂😂👍🏻👍🏻 |
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Anyone want to invest in my natural spring water (straight out the tap, Del Boy style) brand?
I struggled with a name as I’m next to bloody useless so more or less copied another popular make….
I’ve subsequently called mine, ‘Vulvic Spring Water.’
Any takers, please? |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS 15 weeks ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"An undersized TV remote for the gents of Fab to hold against their cocks.
It looks real, but it's just half the size and enables all but the most modestly endowed to look huge.
For extra money, they also get an half sized house to have meets in to try to convince whomever meets them that it's all on the level
😂😂😂 I’m sensing a LOT of potential interest in this one 😂😂😂👍🏻👍🏻"
In the last 5 minutes I've had offers from every dragon, plus some guy who was just there to fix a blocked sink |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"Anyone want to invest in my natural spring water (straight out the tap, Del Boy style) brand?
I struggled with a name as I’m next to bloody useless so more or less copied another popular make….
I’ve subsequently called mine, ‘Vulvic Spring Water.’
Any takers, please? "
Flavour it with mild urine and call it Pelvic Spring. |
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Do you work from home, but you've got nowhere to put a desk?
You need Telly Desk!
It's a 65 inch TV that folds horizontal to create a 65 inch workspace.
And even better, while you are on your Teams calls you can have the cricket on and nobody will know. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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A compulsory app for all smart phones which detects when you're looking at your screen while walking in public and shouts loudly, 'Look where you're going you dozy fucker ! ' |
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Dragons I'll pitch my robot called wingman.
See a nice bird at the bar you want to fuck? But either are shy or just can't be arsed to chat her up. Send in wingman to do the small talk. Wingman will get her ready to come back to yours for a good time. Too much to drink and can't get it up? Wingman also has a sex mode and give her a good pounding on your behalf.
Wingman also comes with a multi mode function, work drinks with people you despise? send in wingman to make you look good whilst not being there yourself.
Dinner with the in laws? Send in wingman.
No job is too much for wingman, spinal surgery you can't be arsed to do, send in wingman.
I'm looking for £1000, 000, 000+ for 0.0001% of the business.
Robot maybe a Chinese import off temu, we're not responsible if it spies on stuff or does pervy stuff. |
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"Dragons I'll pitch my robot called wingman.
See a nice bird at the bar you want to fuck? But either are shy or just can't be arsed to chat her up. Send in wingman to do the small talk. Wingman will get her ready to come back to yours for a good time. Too much to drink and can't get it up? Wingman also has a sex mode and give her a good pounding on your behalf.
Wingman also comes with a multi mode function, work drinks with people you despise? send in wingman to make you look good whilst not being there yourself.
Dinner with the in laws? Send in wingman.
No job is too much for wingman, spinal surgery you can't be arsed to do, send in wingman.
I'm looking for £1000, 000, 000+ for 0.0001% of the business.
Robot maybe a Chinese import off temu, we're not responsible if it spies on stuff or does pervy stuff."
Damn! I need Wingman 😍😂 |
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Pitch: A responsibly sourced, responsibly brewed and responsibly sourced lager branded "Responsibly".
Today I'm seeking £750,000 for a 4.5% share in my 4.5% ABV responsibly produced lager which is brewed from responsibly sourced ingredients. It is also responsibly distributed so the name just chose itself really.
An added benefit is there will be no marketing or advertising costs involved as every other producer of alcoholic beverages - beer or otherwise - is obliged to display a free advert on their packaging that states: "Please drink Responsibly"
I believe this is a rare opportunity to responsibly invest in an entirely self-marketing product.
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Unwanted pet balloons.
Instead of hitting it with a spade or throwing it into the local river, simply attach at helium balloon and harness to it and float it away. Thus making it someone else’s problem.
The mr
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"Pitch: The SockSafe™ — The World’s First Home Security System for Single Socks
“Dragons, thank you for having me. Today, I’m seeking £87,000 for a 2% stake in my company, SockSafe Ltd — the future of textile-based emotional protection.”
For centuries, humanity has faced one of its greatest unsolved mysteries:
Where do single socks go?
Washing machines deny involvement. Families turn on each other. Entire relationships crumble.
Until now.
Introducing SockSafe™, the world’s first AI‑adjacent, semi‑waterproof, mildly fire‑resistant sock security vault. It’s a shoebox-sized safe that sits inside your washing machine and vibrates aggressively whenever a sock tries to escape.
Key Features
• Motion Detection: If a sock even thinks about slipping behind the drum, SockSafe™ screams at 120 decibels.
• GPS Tracking: Never lose a sock again — unless the battery dies, which it does every 14 minutes.
• App Integration: The app doesn’t connect to anything, but it looks impressive and has a loading animation.
• Family Mode: Alerts you when someone else in the house tries to steal your favourite pair.
Market Opportunity
There are 7.4 billion socks in the UK alone (citation: my imagination). If we capture just 1% of that market, we’ll be able to afford a second prototype that doesn’t melt in hot washes.
Traction So Far
• My mum said it was “interesting.”
• My neighbour’s dog barked at it, which I’m counting as engagement.
• We’ve had one sale — technically a refund — but the enthusiasm was palpable.
Why You Should Invest
Dragons, this isn’t just a product.
It’s a movement.
A revolution.
A cry for help.
Together, we can end the tyranny of missing socks and bring peace to laundry baskets everywhere.
So… who’s ready to join me on this journey?”"
I’m sorry this threads for shit dragons den ideas, whereas this is incredible and that pitch hit all the spots. I’m in, I’m also happy to share with another dragon |
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On the sock theme - how about the definitive toilet bowl with socks on cam
- feeling horny on the loo or simply just had a particularly horny dump session
- why let those kiddies and a cold bathroom floor go to waste?
- this camera phone app will alert you to when the most sock's on, cock out, kiddies in the bowl, hard on occurs
- added features include alerting you when your mum is dozing hence the perfect opportunity for a post shit cock shot
- in the highly unlikely event that you do have a girlfriend, lover, unsuspecting passer by you could in app purchase the flap snap feature which alerts you to the best shot in front of dirty laundry or trash angel opportunity
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