No one stands on the top of the world. Not you, not me, not even gods. But the unbearable vacancy of the throne in the sky is over. From now on...I will be sitting on it."

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By *ermite12ukMan 9 weeks ago

Solihull and Romford

Rock on Tommy.

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By *y_CinnamonWoman 9 weeks ago

Hampshire

We wanna be togetha (in a Brummie accent)

Easily turn off and unable.

It's in the sand dad!

I'll be your friend.

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By *ocomplicationsMan 9 weeks ago

rugby

Pivot! ….. Pivot! …. Pivot !

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By *awtybikerMan 9 weeks ago

Barnoldswick

I was right about that saddle!

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan 9 weeks ago

Glasgow / London / Manchester

“Accrington Stanley? Who are they?”

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By *ineapplePixieCouple 9 weeks ago

S.Wales

"Oh Doris! Where's my effing salad!! (In a Welsh accent)

Mrs x"

Ooo almost right 😅✨️

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By *iking_on_a_bikeMan 9 weeks ago

marlborough

"“Accrington Stanley? Who are they?”"

“EXACTLY!”

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By *tormQueenWoman 9 weeks ago

Manchester

"Pivot! ….. Pivot! …. Pivot !

Perfect 😁😁

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By *ittlebirdWoman 9 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

Madam… what you do in your own bed is your own affair

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By *arc PolarisMan 9 weeks ago

Birmingham

£1 fish

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By *ittlebirdWoman 9 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

She goes like a privy door when the plague is in town

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By *ittlebirdWoman 9 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

These are small… but those are far away

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By *obilebottomMan 9 weeks ago

All over

Language, Timothy.

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By *argaryen starkCouple 9 weeks ago

pinxton

Whassssuuuup

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

Theyre all dead Dave

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By *elvetNeuronWoman 9 weeks ago

Risa, Beta Quadrant

That would be an ecumenical matter.

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By *tormQueenWoman 9 weeks ago

Manchester

Alan alan alan alan....

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman 9 weeks ago

North West

"You ever drink Baileys from a shoe? "

I actually have. B knows how much I love that episode so he served my glass of Baileys in a shoe!

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman 9 weeks ago

North West

Tim, I'm not going to buy you porn. You can get it from railway sidings like everybody else.

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By *ineapplePixieCouple 9 weeks ago

S.Wales

You're not my MUVVA!

YES I AM!

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By *onin25Man 9 weeks ago

Durham

"You ever drink Baileys from a shoe?

I actually have. B knows how much I love that episode so he served my glass of Baileys in a shoe!"

Just as long as you don't have a mangina

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By *asualandFeisty OP Couple 9 weeks ago

Hull

And the big brown bear came...lolloping...over the mountain.

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By *bby1110Woman 9 weeks ago

Gloucester

Zhoom! What was that? That was your life, Mate

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By *tormQueenWoman 9 weeks ago

Manchester

We are going on a bear hunt

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By *onin25Man 9 weeks ago

Durham

"We are going on a bear hunt"

We're going to catch a big one

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By *tormQueenWoman 9 weeks ago

Manchester

"We are going on a bear hunt

We're going to catch a big one"

What a beautiful day

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By * D 777Man 9 weeks ago

bathgate

Dont step on lego

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By *onin25Man 9 weeks ago

Durham

"We are going on a bear hunt

We're going to catch a big one

What a beautiful day"

We're not scared

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By *ungfunfellaMan 9 weeks ago

Lincoln

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club

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By *onin25Man 9 weeks ago

Durham

I'd climb a mountain for a bag of Tudor crisps

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

God sent me!!!!! On a fuckin Susuki?

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple 9 weeks ago

Ryde

"If I had a dog with a face like that, I'd shave its bum and teach it to walk backwards..."

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By *tephTV67TV/TS 9 weeks ago

Cheshire

You do the shake n vac and put the freshness back ….

If you remember this advert, you’re definitely old

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

The milky bar kid is strong and tough 💪

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By *tormQueenWoman 9 weeks ago

Manchester

The red car and the blue car had a race

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By *insBadMan 9 weeks ago

& around

Talk to me Goose

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By *iaisonseekerMan 9 weeks ago

Liverpool

Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

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By *lynJMan 9 weeks ago

Morden

Watch out, watch out, there's a Humphrey about

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman 9 weeks ago

SW1A1AA

A million housewives every day

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By *torm in a G cupWoman 9 weeks ago

Land of the Long White Cloud

"“Accrington Stanley? Who are they?”"

Loved this ad.

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By *iaisonseekerMan 9 weeks ago

Liverpool

Smoke me a kipper, skipper - I'll be back for breakfast

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By *torm in a G cupWoman 9 weeks ago

Land of the Long White Cloud

This is 29 Acacia Road and this is Eric, the school boy who leads an exciting double-life.

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By *bby1110Woman 9 weeks ago

Gloucester

Do you have any idea what irony is?

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman 9 weeks ago

North West

I could do with a D

😇🤣

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 18/02/26 22:26:58]

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

"The red car and the blue car had a race"

All red wants to do is stuff his face 🤣

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple 9 weeks ago

Ryde

"Jamie, Jamie, no two nights are the same..."

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By *cootoverMan 9 weeks ago

Gloucester

Neeehhhlllliiiiikkkeee aaa glove!

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By *elvetNeuronWoman 9 weeks ago

Risa, Beta Quadrant

"Smoke me a kipper, skipper - I'll be back for breakfast"

Smeghead

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple 9 weeks ago

Ryde

"Without bleeding doubt, you are the most useless F[church-bell rings] that ever brothe F[church-bell rings]ing breath!"

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By *uliette500Woman 9 weeks ago

Hull

If ya see Sid, tell him.

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By *atinaChica54Woman 9 weeks ago

Marlborough

Course you can Malcolm!

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By *tormQueenWoman 9 weeks ago

Manchester

Ohhhhh bodyform

Bodyform for yooooouuuuuh

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By *d mirerMan 9 weeks ago

lost

With my bulky pee pants ?

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By *awtybikerMan 9 weeks ago

Barnoldswick

Yorkie it’s not for girls!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman 9 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

Watch out , Watch out ,Watch out , Watch out....... there's a Humphrey about!

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By *d mirerMan 9 weeks ago

lost

Fit the best

Everest !

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By *ddie1966Man 9 weeks ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

Chef square shape soups show how a good soup should be..

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By *ittlebirdWoman 9 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our Club

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By *cherryblossom-Woman 9 weeks ago

South glos

"If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our Club"

I feel like this one didn’t stand the test of time in light of recent events 😅

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By *oozleMan 9 weeks ago

high wycombe

"If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our Club"

Not technically chocolate nowadays though sadly

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By *oozleMan 9 weeks ago

high wycombe

Gillette… the best man can get…

Well, until they messed up and alienated us all!

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By *harmingCMan 9 weeks ago

Bishops Stortford

Full moon, half moon … total eclipse

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By *ittlebirdWoman 9 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

"If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our Club

Not technically chocolate nowadays though sadly"

Absofuckinglutely. What a shame

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By *olo180Man 9 weeks ago

Greater London

Bootiful! 🦃

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman 9 weeks ago

North West

Noodle Doodle went to town with lots of straight spaghetti…

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By *kphooey43Man 9 weeks ago

Barnet

Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet, the mild cigar (from Benson and Hedges)

The last bit was removed in the 1980s in anticipation of tighter advertising controls from the Government

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By *ornycouga and SuitedCouple 9 weeks ago

Kingston on Thames

That money was just resting in my account

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By *cherryblossom-Woman 9 weeks ago

South glos

What’s your favourite humming noise?

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

“ stop standing there like cheese at 4 pence “

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By *dible_KinkCouple 9 weeks ago

Aberdeen

All that way for a chicken.....that's devotion for ye

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By *et and WillingCouple 9 weeks ago

Nuneaton

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne, with my reputation!".

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By *partharmonyCouple 9 weeks ago

Tonbridge

Kevin, where exactly did you bury the car?

I the saaaaaand. I'm not helping much, am I, dad?

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By *partharmonyCouple 9 weeks ago

Tonbridge

That's 'andy, 'arry. Stick it in the oven.

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By *oozleMan 9 weeks ago

high wycombe

You know when you’ve been tango’s

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By *d mirerMan 9 weeks ago

lost

Wibble

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By *inaTitzTV/TS 9 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

There's nobody here, but us chickens!

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By *i-subhubby.Man 9 weeks ago

Slightly round the bend.

The art of fighting without fighting.

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By *i-subhubby.Man 9 weeks ago

Slightly round the bend.

[Removed by poster at 19/02/26 10:41:36]

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple 9 weeks ago

Ryde

"There's nobody here, but us chickens!

Jesus!! Was that from a certain Robert Lindsay sitcom which wasn't Citizen Smith...?

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple 9 weeks ago

Ryde

"I ain't getting in no airplane, Hannibal!!"

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By *asualandFeisty OP Couple 9 weeks ago

Hull

Rightey dokey matey bloke flap old salty seadog amigo skip-jack jockstrap piano tuner.

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

So good that I bought the company

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By *iaisonseekerMan 9 weeks ago

Liverpool

I'm a secret lemonade drinker!

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By *onin25Man 9 weeks ago

Durham

I bet he drinks Carling Black Label

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By *r_Mrs.DSCouple 9 weeks ago

Voldsøy

My new vocal stim is "douche de louche" 🙈

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By *awtybikerMan 9 weeks ago

Barnoldswick

We’re on a mission from god

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple 9 weeks ago

Ryde

I hate those mieces to pieces!!

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By *attieTV/TS 9 weeks ago

Nottingham

Your Mum!

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By *hams123Man 9 weeks ago

London

It's like Tupac said

When I die I'm not dead

We are the martyrs

You're just smashed tomatoes.

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By *ddie1966Man 9 weeks ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

Muttley!!!

Do something!!!

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By *cottish guy 555Man 9 weeks ago

London

Let's get out there and twat it.

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

"Have you got fork handles "

the two ronnies funny as fuck xxx

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By *issEmmWoman 9 weeks ago

Bournemouth

I don’t want to be a pie I don’t like gravy

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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago

they beat them with their metal knives

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By *asualandFeisty OP Couple 9 weeks ago

Hull

"Dave....Dave....Dave"

"What?"

"How far would you have got?"

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By *hristianGray2005Man 9 weeks ago

Galway Mayo Clare Roscommon

Boutros boutros Gali.

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By *atinaChica54Woman 9 weeks ago

Marlborough

🎶Hope it's Chips Chips Chips!🎶

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By *onin25Man 9 weeks ago

Durham

You see that M Kahn...that's you that is

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By *attieTV/TS 9 weeks ago

Nottingham

"Hanging out the back of"

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By *nnandElleCouple 9 weeks ago

Brackley

And the same to you, with brass knobs on - you steaming great twat!

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple 9 weeks ago

Ryde

"And I'm so fucking beautiful I can't stand it myself!!!"

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By *urry BlokeMan 9 weeks ago

---

People who expect you to make an informed decision whilst being unable (or unwilling) to provide all the information needed to make that decision

---

Same people then kicking off when you refuse to commit and put the onus back on them to provide said information

---

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By *ingcom76Man 9 weeks ago

cheltenham

Round the corner, not far away.

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By *ingcom76Man 9 weeks ago

cheltenham

Right now I'm eating scrambled egg with a comb from a shoe

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By *asualandFeisty OP Couple 8 weeks ago

Hull

Do you do voodoo?

I do do voodoo. Do you do voodoo?

No, I don't do voodoo. I do judo.

You do judo but you don't do voodoo?

I do judo. I don't do voodoo. Do you do voodoo?

I do voodoo, but I don't do judo.

But you do voodoo?

I do do voodoo.

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By *m just me 78Man 8 weeks ago

Preston

Say what you see,if you see it say it

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By *hristianGray2005Man 8 weeks ago

Galway Mayo Clare Roscommon

In space, no one can hear you cha cha cha

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By *eeDubzMan 8 weeks ago

Sutton

Umbongo...apparently they drink it in the Congo...

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By *asualandFeisty OP Couple 8 weeks ago

Hull

Now that, was classic intercourse.

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By *ittlebirdWoman 8 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

Somebody left the gate open at the cunt farm…again

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By *asualandFeisty OP Couple 4 weeks ago

Hull

60% of the time it works every time.

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By *3dwoodMan 4 weeks ago

London

“It’s me, Flash! Flash by name, Flash by nature. Hurrah!“

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By *omeotherguyMan 4 weeks ago

Sheffield/London/Derbyshire

Oh, Edmund… I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed just to see the expression on your face.

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By *hilly1515Man 4 weeks ago

I knew a girl at school called Pandora..

Never got to see her box though.

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By *ai Hard 2 - Dai HarderMan 4 weeks ago

Manchester / Cardiff

"Can I have a 'P' please Bob"

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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago

DAN! DAN!

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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago

D'ya like dags?

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 4 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got h*roin?

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By *rincess_Peach1992Woman 4 weeks ago

Newport

Dont touch me, I dont know where youve been

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By *3dwoodMan 4 weeks ago

London

Wahoooo! (ala Super Mario)

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By *atch0101Man 4 weeks ago

The wrong place

ARSEBISCUITS!

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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago

Kick his ass “ seabass

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