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How do you get back into it?
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When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
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I think the first one is the hardest.
I haven't met anyone in awhile either but I'm struggling at the moment because either people aren't suggesting meeting me or not responding when I suggest it. Or we can't make plans work with availability or location and it's just so much fucking effort  |
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"It is a bit daunting I had a long break and only really started meeting again last year.
And at first I think my meets were a bit awkward but it didn't take long to get back into the seing of it  "
Yeah thats how i feel, just feel really awkward and ive probs lost out on meeting some really lovely people even on a social aspect due to getting in my own head about it. |
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I find it's always nerve-wracking if you've never met the person before. I handle it by not expecting anything. If they turn up, bonus. If it goes well and more comes of it, great! If none of that happens, you haven't lost anything. |
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"I find it's always nerve-wracking if you've never met the person before. I handle it by not expecting anything. If they turn up, bonus. If it goes well and more comes of it, great! If none of that happens, you haven't lost anything."
Yeah thats a good way to look at it. |
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"It is a bit daunting I had a long break and only really started meeting again last year.
And at first I think my meets were a bit awkward but it didn't take long to get back into the seing of it
Yeah thats how i feel, just feel really awkward and ive probs lost out on meeting some really lovely people even on a social aspect due to getting in my own head about it. "
I did this and I still do at times and have to have a word with myself,socials are a good way of getting back out there x |
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I don't find any of it easy as such, still get nervous now meeting people I've known a long time, still feel sick when I arrange a social to meet someone new.
Doesn't work for everyone but even just getting the social, I have to just walk in before my brain even gets the chance to register what is going on.
I hope whatever you do it works for you 😊 |
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It's hard to get back onto the bike when it's been a while, I've not had any new meets with people for ages now and it's been hard to get my head back into it. I think the best thing is probably to just throw yourself back into it so to speak because the more you mull it over the more stuck in your head you get and start doubting yourself |
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"I don't find any of it easy as such, still get nervous now meeting people I've known a long time, still feel sick when I arrange a social to meet someone new.
Doesn't work for everyone but even just getting the social, I have to just walk in before my brain even gets the chance to register what is going on.
I hope whatever you do it works for you 😊"
Thankyou  |
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"It's hard to get back onto the bike when it's been a while, I've not had any new meets with people for ages now and it's been hard to get my head back into it. I think the best thing is probably to just throw yourself back into it so to speak because the more you mull it over the more stuck in your head you get and start doubting yourself "
Yeah i 100% think this is probs the best just bite the bullet im usually fine once im there even if we dont jel i am ok and can still have a laugh. I just make my self ill mulling it over beforehand 🤣🙈 |
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"It's hard to get back onto the bike when it's been a while, I've not had any new meets with people for ages now and it's been hard to get my head back into it. I think the best thing is probably to just throw yourself back into it so to speak because the more you mull it over the more stuck in your head you get and start doubting yourself
Yeah i 100% think this is probs the best just bite the bullet im usually fine once im there even if we dont jel i am ok and can still have a laugh. I just make my self ill mulling it over beforehand 🤣🙈"
Exactly, worst than can happen is you don't have the right chemistry but you get a night out of the house and a nice chat with someone. I try to look at it that way |
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"I find it's always nerve-wracking if you've never met the person before. I handle it by not expecting anything. If they turn up, bonus. If it goes well and more comes of it, great! If none of that happens, you haven't lost anything."
This is my way of handling it too. I’m a pessimist so it works for me.
A good friend keeps trying to drum it into me that anyone I meet should be grateful they’ve had the chance to meet me…not quite there with that mentality 🙈 |
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I think that if you're uncomfortable about a person then possibly there's something missing.
If I'm unsure about a connection I know that I need to wait. The attraction and connection need to be right. |
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By *eliWoman 4 weeks ago
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Erm, really slowly? I've not met anyone new for some time. Not in terms of meeting for a social etc. I kind of lose interest for various reasons and then can't really be arsed with it. Or I talk myself out of it because I tell myself they're not interested and let things fizzle.
Guessing you're not wanting to do either of those OP, so take away the expectations and pressure of it all. You're meeting someone for a drink/coffee/blowjob in the loos.
That's all. And reframe the nerves as nervous excitement. I hope you're able to get back in to it.  |
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I’ve not met anyone new for two years , albeit with a full year out . It does feel nervy potentially meeting again , but I’d always have some nerves or nervous excitement anyway . For me , an absolutely no assumptions or expectations social would be my thinking . |
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"Erm, really slowly? I've not met anyone new for some time. Not in terms of meeting for a social etc. I kind of lose interest for various reasons and then can't really be arsed with it. Or I talk myself out of it because I tell myself they're not interested and let things fizzle.
Guessing you're not wanting to do either of those OP, so take away the expectations and pressure of it all. You're meeting someone for a drink/coffee/blowjob in the loos.
That's all. And reframe the nerves as nervous excitement. I hope you're able to get back in to it. "
Blowjob in the loos 🤣 that made me chuckle.
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I like the nerves bit... no obviously not the nausea feeling of not wanting to make a fool of myself ... but the nervy spiky energy ... bit I tell myself if I feel like that then others do In the same situation... and I try to harness it into a confident outlet... once I get the nervy bit blown out ... I am in my own natural flow... |
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"I find it's always nerve-wracking if you've never met the person before. I handle it by not expecting anything. If they turn up, bonus. If it goes well and more comes of it, great! If none of that happens, you haven't lost anything.
This is my way of handling it too. I’m a pessimist so it works for me.
A good friend keeps trying to drum it into me that anyone I meet should be grateful they’ve had the chance to meet me…not quite there with that mentality 🙈"
Yeah not sure I'd see it that way if they were talking about me either, but they sound like a good friend!
I never believe I'm going to get laid until I'm actually balls deep 🤣 |
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"I think that if you're uncomfortable about a person then possibly there's something missing.
If I'm unsure about a connection I know that I need to wait. The attraction and connection need to be right. "
This is a good point |
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Whatever you do, you’ll be great 😊
If I were to give advice (usually questionable), I’d say keep it local, pick someone you think you’ll genuinely get on with (still hot helps 😉), and just treat it as an hour out for a drink.
If it helps, take your time… be social more than once, let it build naturally.
Most important thing is your pace is the only pace. Do it when you want, how you want, and own that.
When it’s right, it’ll feel right 😊 |
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I find myself in the situation here too, have been on and off here for 10+ years and have met some lovely people,
Suffering with anxiety doesnt help me atall!
I find myself chatting with some amazing folk but when it comes down to them wanting to meet me my anxiety is taking over! Even with good friends i cant seem to pluck up the go for it attitude!
I met a lovely lady a few weeks back and just thought fuck it and met her for a social, met a few times since and had some amazing fun but i cant seem to get myself to meet her again which is sad because we chat everyday, lucky she understands but not everybody does with it being a swinger site, but still has to be some connection before sex right? X |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
I can't offer any help, I'm seeing TheBF tomorrow and been seeing him over a year and I still get nervous! 😲 |
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By *essTTWoman 4 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
While I've been active on the site, I haven't met anyone, or even had sex for a long long long time.
I've found that it's easier, for me at least, to only meet people I've met before until I feel comfortable and sexually activated again, before I try and meet new people.
I'm very open with people I've met about my issues and what has been going on with me, so I know there will be no pressure compared to meeting a new person who doesn't know you and has a set expectation from you x
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I (Mr) find it really difficult after a break.
From a mans perspective, you get very few meets, even the opportunity to meet is very small. So when you do get a social, you want it to work
....but that just makes you more anxious.
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
While I've been active on the site, I haven't met anyone, or even had sex for a long long long time.
I've found that it's easier, for me at least, to only meet people I've met before until I feel comfortable and sexually activated again, before I try and meet new people.
I'm very open with people I've met about my issues and what has been going on with me, so I know there will be no pressure compared to meeting a new person who doesn't know you and has a set expectation from you x
"
Yeah that makes sense x |
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"In the same position and the longer it goes on, the harder it seems to be. I think it's just going to be a case of ripping the plaster off. "
Yeah i think this is just gunna have to be the case. X |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
I totally know what you mean. It’s been a long time for me with anyone (nevermind anyone off Fab). I feel like recycling an old flame might be a good way to ease back in, but then it might be easier with a total stranger. I hope when the moment does come, passion will kick in and I’ll know what to do haha. |
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By *eys00Man 4 weeks ago
have boots will travel |
"I think it's a wee bit unfair to meet someone if you're so half hearted. "
In her defence I read it as she hasn’t committed to a meet because she’s half hearted and appreciates that that’s unfair on the other person |
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"I think it's a wee bit unfair to meet someone if you're so half hearted.
In her defence I read it as she hasn’t committed to a meet because she’s half hearted and appreciates that that’s unfair on the other person "
You read it right 😘 |
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By *eys00Man 4 weeks ago
have boots will travel |
"I think it's a wee bit unfair to meet someone if you're so half hearted.
In her defence I read it as she hasn’t committed to a meet because she’s half hearted and appreciates that that’s unfair on the other person
You read it right 😘 "
Thank you I’ve been practicing my reading x |
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"Have you thought about wearing an elaborate disguise so you can slip out unnoticed if you have second thoughts when they show up?
🤣 i mean it would deffo be an icebreaker"
I have a grocho marks nose glasses and moustache ... I am prepared to swap it all for just one ripped of plaster ...
even better if the plaster has been on a foot and the foot inside a fur lined boot for 8 hours a day over a period of two weeks...  |
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"Have you thought about wearing an elaborate disguise so you can slip out unnoticed if you have second thoughts when they show up?
🤣 i mean it would deffo be an icebreaker"
Exactly, can either make a quick getaway or explain why your dressed as the ultimate warrior off the wwf |
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I don't have any real advice to offer that hasn't already been said. I had a few social meets that left me feeling uncomfortable so stopped meeting new people on my own. I now only meet new people at an organised social or at a club. I've been lucky enough to make some amazing friends this way and it took the pressure away from meets. |
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The thing for me is... the longer I am peacefully solo adventuring in my happy lil trail.... the less appealing it is to add in another person's everything.
And I'm not bashing, it's the basic logistics.
I'm tired just thinking of it all.
🥴 lining up calendars 🤯😵💫 and dont even start me on planning an outfit or for deforesting the landscape.... |
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"I don't have any real advice to offer that hasn't already been said. I had a few social meets that left me feeling uncomfortable so stopped meeting new people on my own. I now only meet new people at an organised social or at a club. I've been lucky enough to make some amazing friends this way and it took the pressure away from meets. "
Ah i wish i had the guts to go to a club on my own but i dont 🙈 |
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"The thing for me is... the longer I am peacefully solo adventuring in my happy lil trail.... the less appealing it is to add in another person's everything.
And I'm not bashing, it's the basic logistics.
I'm tired just thinking of it all.
🥴 lining up calendars 🤯😵💫 and dont even start me on planning an outfit or for deforesting the landscape...."
🤣🤣🤣 yeah it is a lot of work when you think about it like |
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From the other side of the coin, It’s not been that long since my last meet, and I have had a couple of social coffee meets in recent months.
But it doesn’t stop me getting nervous about it, especially if it’s the first time meeting someone. Despite how confident I may appear to be on the outside.
Not much in the way of advice though sorry.
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"I don't have any real advice to offer that hasn't already been said. I had a few social meets that left me feeling uncomfortable so stopped meeting new people on my own. I now only meet new people at an organised social or at a club. I've been lucky enough to make some amazing friends this way and it took the pressure away from meets.
Ah i wish i had the guts to go to a club on my own but i dont 🙈"
I feel a girls trip might be on the cards 😍 |
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"I don't have any real advice to offer that hasn't already been said. I had a few social meets that left me feeling uncomfortable so stopped meeting new people on my own. I now only meet new people at an organised social or at a club. I've been lucky enough to make some amazing friends this way and it took the pressure away from meets.
Ah i wish i had the guts to go to a club on my own but i dont 🙈
I feel a girls trip might be on the cards 😍"
Ooooh yes now this i could do ❤️ |
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There are psychological strategies you can try to make it less daunting e.g. a little light self-deception such as telling yourself that it's a more mundane encounter than a potential romp with a stranger. |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
You just need to ask me. Problem solved |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
You just need to ask me. Problem solved "
You wouldnt be IN though |
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I had this issue until recently. I'd lost confidence and genuinely didn't know where my next meet was coming from other than group socials. Then suddenly, something clicked with someone and once you get down to the details of actually meeting and going forward with conviction, you tend to feel like yourself again and all those nice butterflies come back.
I'd say the same to you. If you want to meet someone, be forward about it and hope you both stick to your convictions and it'll happen naturally 😊 |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
You just need to ask me. Problem solved
You wouldnt be IN though"
Dammit |
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With trepidation is my short answer.
I've literally just got back into meeting, after many months, for a variety of reasons: health, fortuity and apathy.
I wasn't nervous but I carried a mixed emotion of excitable butterflies and doubts in my own desirability, their acceptance of me and my 'prowess'. Ultimately I feel you just have to take a leap of faith with a pocketful of trepidation that I just mentioned. |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
Just be you, it’s everything about you that makes people want to meet you . Be your usual honest self and set boundaries if you feel the need to. Let your personality shine 😘 |
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"How do you navigate it ?
"
Butter. Lot's of Butter.
...but more seriously, set yourself your boundaries and don't cross them just because you think you should be 'doing something by now'. You're ready when you're ready. ...and then look out the first fella you get your hands on! |
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For me, the easiest thing was to go to a club where I know a lot of people and just enjoy socialising and getting back into the atmosphere again. It took a while to want to play, but eventually I was ready. |
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Stop overthinking about it. Don't have any expectations. So you won't overhype it and actually enjoy the experience for whatever it ends up being. I still get nervous about meeting. I take deep breaths, remind myself to be present in the moment, enjoy the experience, not to overthink and not to expect some out of this world incredible experience. I also don't put any pressure on myself.
I am a neat guy.
I'm just a love machine. (Bruce Willis) |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
I ain't no bike |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
It's just a social
Unless your chats have clarified a desire on both sides... |
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"I find it's always nerve-wracking if you've never met the person before. I handle it by not expecting anything. If they turn up, bonus. If it goes well and more comes of it, great! If none of that happens, you haven't lost anything.
Yeah thats a good way to look at it."
Have you tried just going to a social. |
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"I find it's always nerve-wracking if you've never met the person before. I handle it by not expecting anything. If they turn up, bonus. If it goes well and more comes of it, great! If none of that happens, you haven't lost anything.
Yeah thats a good way to look at it.
Have you tried just going to a social. "
Like a group one? |
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By *oxesMan 4 weeks ago
Southend, Essex |
"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
"
Have you thought about re doing the club scene to get to know people in the scene again. |
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"When you have had a break from meeting for a while how do you get back into it? Do you find it easy like riding a bike?
I havnt had a meet on here for a long time and im starting to get back into it but for some reason i find it even more nerve wracking than the first time and i dont know why.
Im struggling with the first hurdle.
How do you navigate it ?
Have you thought about re doing the club scene to get to know people in the scene again. "
I have never done a club scene even when i was meeting. I dont think id be brave enough to go alone |
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Only meeting when it's right for you, is important. If I ever compromise on that, it's a bad omen.
Perhaps meet a few people socially, so there's reduced pressure to be polished, trying to develop a sexual connection. Just meet for the social pleasure as it's lighter.
If you feel you can jump straight in to the sexual energy with someone, jump in at the deep end. I think baby steps are better for you when rusty..
Or get to a club and let your hair down, without sexual expectations
Also consider meeting a potential partner who is less pressure, easing yourself in, bit by bit |
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By *oxesMan 4 weeks ago
Southend, Essex |
"Only meeting when it's right for you, is important. If I ever compromise on that, it's a bad omen.
Perhaps meet a few people socially, so there's reduced pressure to be polished, trying to develop a sexual connection. Just meet for the social pleasure as it's lighter.
If you feel you can jump straight in to the sexual energy with someone, jump in at the deep end. I think baby steps are better for you when rusty..
Or get to a club and let your hair down, without sexual expectations
Also consider meeting a potential partner who is less pressure, easing yourself in, bit by bit "
 |
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Probably because terms like 'getting back into it' are floating around and people think this is a done thing; that absence makes you forget or your fanny heals up.
Christmas comes once a year but everyone knows what to do really ....
No one forgets how to ride a bike.
If someone wants to take part, they will.
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" I love a happy ending...
no you bloody perverts note that type
Go on TT. dip your toe ... lovely woman like you with a bubbly warm personality will have a laughter filled enjoyable time.
"
That was in ref to soaking up the atmosphere on a girls night out at a club... socially.. |
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