FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Rejection is a normal part of connection, not a personal insult.
Rejection is a normal part of connection, not a personal insult.
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You can't be everyone's cup of tea, and no one owes you their time or energy
Lashing out at people who tell you they don't feel any compatibility, or who don't reply, only confirms they were right to decline you
The amount of people who immediately become abusive when they don't get what they want is fucking exhausting, and it's why so many people default to a swift block instead of leaving communication open
Life is short, and finding mutual excitement can be rare; learning to calmly accept someone wasn't for you and move on with your day makes it a lot more fun for you as well as everyone else you interact with, promise |
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Another post confirming men's sense of entitlement is out of hand.
Guys, women don't owe us anything no matter what the manosphere tells you.
For sure I don't score every time I express interest or even a large proportion of the time, but that's OK and I never take it personally. Plenty of idiots out there and I don't need to add to the total.
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I don't think I could remain upbeat in the face of the amount of rejection a lot of men experience in fab. I don't think abuse is the right way to deal with it though, report any that you receive. |
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"Another post confirming men's sense of entitlement is out of hand.
Guys, women don't owe us anything no matter what the manosphere tells you.
For sure I don't score every time I express interest or even a large proportion of the time, but that's OK and I never take it personally. Plenty of idiots out there and I don't need to add to the total.
"
The OPs post mentions people not men. There's enough man bashing around. Let's not add to it. Women also have a sense of entitlement. Be kind to yourself. Supporting women doesn't mean hating men. Accountability and maturity is needed on both sides. |
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"they are doing you a favour as you were never compatible. "
If it helps you to view it like that, love that for you  for me, it's neutral
8 billion people on the planet and at any given time I like about 8 of them lmao, occasionally 1 or 2 will overlap and like me too, but far more often there's a little bit of chat (or one intro message sent) and it goes no further because one or both isn't feeling it
That's absolutely normal, and people declaring it "timewasting" and/or asserting I must be a man, just because I don't want to have sex with them after receiving 3 brief messages, has (at least for the 15ish years I've been around) always been one of the most frustrating things about the culture of this scene |
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It's funny how you can go from being absolutely "stunning" to not in the blink of an eye after you say "no"
Even funnier when they block you
..I mean..didn't want have anyrhing to do with you in the first place..saved me taking out the rubbish 🗑 |
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"Another post confirming men's sense of entitlement is out of hand.
Guys, women don't owe us anything no matter what the manosphere tells you.
For sure I don't score every time I express interest or even a large proportion of the time, but that's OK and I never take it personally. Plenty of idiots out there and I don't need to add to the total.
The OPs post mentions people not men. There's enough man bashing around. Let's not add to it. Women also have a sense of entitlement. Be kind to yourself. Supporting women doesn't mean hating men. Accountability and maturity is needed on both sides."
Sure. Because men never act like entitled little abusive pricks when they get a slapdown.
#notallgenders |
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"Another post confirming men's sense of entitlement is out of hand.
Guys, women don't owe us anything no matter what the manosphere tells you.
For sure I don't score every time I express interest or even a large proportion of the time, but that's OK and I never take it personally. Plenty of idiots out there and I don't need to add to the total.
The OPs post mentions people not men. There's enough man bashing around. Let's not add to it. Women also have a sense of entitlement. Be kind to yourself. Supporting women doesn't mean hating men. Accountability and maturity is needed on both sides."
You're both correct. I did say people, not men, and accepting rejection is certainly a problem for all genders, but 99% of the abuse and entitlement directed at me is by men.
Most of the reason I said "people" not "men" in the first place is because I really can't be arsed with the exact men it applies to coming flooding in to demonstrate the exact behaviour I'm so tired of
It's not "man bashing" to name issues with behaviour and ask people to collectively do better. Male entitlement and toxic behaviour is a serious issue, and any platform which offers anonymity displays it in full force
We are also seeing pushback to the manosphere's narrative, though; most prominent current example I can think of is the "yes men" campaign around the football, encouraging boys and men to talk about their feelings and support each other and behave in kind healthy ways.
The cultural change around male behaviour has to come from men, other genders can't do it for them.
I do believe we're broadly making progress. It's more socially acceptable for men to hug and touch each other gently and show each other kindness now than it was 10 years ago. It's slowly becoming more common to see men calling out misogynistic and hateful behaviour in other men, rather than laughing along and joining in. We need much more of all of this! |
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"Another post confirming men's sense of entitlement is out of hand.
Guys, women don't owe us anything no matter what the manosphere tells you.
For sure I don't score every time I express interest or even a large proportion of the time, but that's OK and I never take it personally. Plenty of idiots out there and I don't need to add to the total.
The OPs post mentions people not men. There's enough man bashing around. Let's not add to it. Women also have a sense of entitlement. Be kind to yourself. Supporting women doesn't mean hating men. Accountability and maturity is needed on both sides.
You're both correct. I did say people, not men, and accepting rejection is certainly a problem for all genders, but 99% of the abuse and entitlement directed at me is by men.
Most of the reason I said "people" not "men" in the first place is because I really can't be arsed with the exact men it applies to coming flooding in to demonstrate the exact behaviour I'm so tired of
It's not "man bashing" to name issues with behaviour and ask people to collectively do better. Male entitlement and toxic behaviour is a serious issue, and any platform which offers anonymity displays it in full force
We are also seeing pushback to the manosphere's narrative, though; most prominent current example I can think of is the "yes men" campaign around the football, encouraging boys and men to talk about their feelings and support each other and behave in kind healthy ways.
The cultural change around male behaviour has to come from men, other genders can't do it for them.
I do believe we're broadly making progress. It's more socially acceptable for men to hug and touch each other gently and show each other kindness now than it was 10 years ago. It's slowly becoming more common to see men calling out misogynistic and hateful behaviour in other men, rather than laughing along and joining in. We need much more of all of this! "
Accepting somebody's lack of interest requires a level of maturity and experience in life, and knowing that your offering isn't for everybody. When you have that, rejection isn't hard to deal with.
When you don't, then every message not replied to, even a polite no thanks, is always going to be a personal insult that'll get your hackles up.
I have no advice except to grow the fuck up |
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"I don't think I could remain upbeat in the face of the amount of rejection a lot of men experience in fab. I don't think abuse is the right way to deal with it though, report any that you receive. "
Honestly, a huge number of men only send a string of "hi" "hey" "u free" "[abusive rant]" to every single woman and couples' profile they're able to send messages to, so it's hardly a shock they don't receive many responses 
Taking time to actually say something meaningful, to fewer people who really do seem interesting to them (rather than this spray-and-pray approach that so many adopt), would reduce the sheer amount of rejection and lead to a higher proportion of real conversation & connection
Doesn't need to be an essay, literally anything showing you've bothered reading their bio, and maybe even asking an open question to give them something to respond to, is already worlds away from "hi babe wyd" |
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"When you have that, rejection isn't hard to deal with. "
This may seem counter to every other point I've made haha, but I actually find rejection REALLY hard to deal with  I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which means even imagined rejection feels absolutely soul crushing and takes a lot of energy not to spiral over.
But it's not others' issue to manage, it's mine. So I put my grownup pants on and self regulate rather than making it a problem for others
It is hard. And it's also important to do it anyway. |
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If you walk in to a bookies to place a bet you have to do so accepting that you will most likely walk away a few ££s lighter.
Don't put the ownership of the choice on to others.
Same with any risk.
You should only take it if you're prepared, and happy, to be unsuccessful. Whatever it may be. |
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"I don't think I could remain upbeat in the face of the amount of rejection a lot of men experience in fab. I don't think abuse is the right way to deal with it though, report any that you receive.
Honestly, a huge number of men only send a string of "hi" "hey" "u free" "[abusive rant]" to every single woman and couples' profile they're able to send messages to, so it's hardly a shock they don't receive many responses
Taking time to actually say something meaningful, to fewer people who really do seem interesting to them (rather than this spray-and-pray approach that so many adopt), would reduce the sheer amount of rejection and lead to a higher proportion of real conversation & connection
Doesn't need to be an essay, literally anything showing you've bothered reading their bio, and maybe even asking an open question to give them something to respond to, is already worlds away from "hi babe wyd" "
But think of the poor men, composing their beautifully crafted messages that reference every single point in a lady's profile and making it clear she absolutely needs to get frisky with just that exact you and nobody else except that for some inexplicable reason she just doesn't fancy you.
Back in the olden days before the internets it'd just be try your luck in a bar or club and say hello, front it up a bit then laugh it off and go again somewhere else if she blew you out. Been there, got the t-shirt |
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If conversations decay or fizzle out entirely I wouldn't never constitute that as a form of rejection. 'You' never had them in the first place; you were incompatible. It's no one's gain and no one's loss.
You simply move on. |
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95% of the people on fab aren’t going to be your type or you their type, so get used to rejection, as it happens to us all.
We straight delete profiles of people we get messages from when they aren’t our type. We aren’t being funny in doing so, but we’d rather spend time enjoying FAB rather than writing ‘sorry you aren’t our type’ on a lot of messages.
We’ve had people straight delete our messages and it’s a done deal that it’s not going further so no point pondering, responding or wondering why.
We’ve had some guys who just keep sending messages when we’ve deleted their last message. Honestly, just focus on people who might be interested rather than someone who’s clearly not.
K |
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"You can't be everyone's cup of tea, and no one owes you their time or energy
Lashing out at people who tell you they don't feel any compatibility, or who don't reply, only confirms they were right to decline you
The amount of people who immediately become abusive when they don't get what they want is fucking exhausting, and it's why so many people default to a swift block instead of leaving communication open
Life is short, and finding mutual excitement can be rare; learning to calmly accept someone wasn't for you and move on with your day makes it a lot more fun for you as well as everyone else you interact with, promise"
being abusive to anyone on here is unacceptable |
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