FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Women Who Dont Orgasm During Sex - Is there help for this ?
Women Who Dont Orgasm During Sex - Is there help for this ?
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"Eve does not orgasm during penatrive sex infact she only manages an orgasm by using a vibe on her clit. We have tried so many things to improve the situation but despite things coming a long way tshe is stuck to the point she can only orgasm with a vibe on her clit. has any women ever got some kind of help for this situation, where is the best place to seek help. We dont know if anything can be done as it may require a sex therapist to help. we are not looking for advice like try this and try that and relax blah blah we have tried so much and now we are hoping to take things a bit further so what help is there ?" I can only be honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her or you. Try reading up on the female orgasm and you will understand the huge amount of variety there is. I'm a little disturbed that it's being spoken about as if there is an illness at play. Incidentally - have you both considered if the lack of orgasm is due to the male of the couple? This all seems very one sided.  | |||
"Whats wrong with having clitoral orgasm only........some women don't even get that I could suggest a new man though if it helps "hey cheeky, i was a new man 2 1/2 years ago and there was a time she would not let me go down on her or have orgasms with me in the room, now she loves oral and swinging (her idea) and she can orgasm with me beside her helping. there is nothing wrong with the clitoral orgasm however she does wish she could orgasm thru penatrive sex or hand stimulation or oral sex etc. She has seen how other women enjoy sex and wishes she was similar. its by no means a worry but we have spoke about her getting help if there is any. i know its very common with women but we are hoping there may be something to help her get more out of sex. | |||
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" I can only be honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her or you. Try reading up on the female orgasm and you will understand the huge amount of variety there is. I'm a little disturbed that it's being spoken about as if there is an illness at play. Incidentally - have you both considered if the lack of orgasm is due to the male of the couple? This all seems very one sided. "no its not an illness we want to know if there is any help to let her enjoy sex more, she has always had this problem in fact she has come a long way since meeting me and she enjoys sex a lot more and is enjoying swinging. Im not blaming her for anything i know its common 
im only posting becasue Eve is too shy to ask about these things | |||
"I do not organsm on penetrative sex alone, and do not see it as an issue, as there are plenty other ways to make me cum! I guess I am lucky! "Eve can only cum thru using a vibe of some sort on her clit, no other way has been found  | |||
"I do not organsm on penetrative sex alone, and do not see it as an issue, as there are plenty other ways to make me cum! I guess I am lucky!
Eve can only cum thru using a vibe of some sort on her clit, no other way has been found ". Has she tried different form of clitoral stimulation, like the shower? | |||
" I can only be honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her or you. Try reading up on the female orgasm and you will understand the huge amount of variety there is. I'm a little disturbed that it's being spoken about as if there is an illness at play. Incidentally - have you both considered if the lack of orgasm is due to the male of the couple? This all seems very one sided.
no its not an illness we want to know if there is any help to let her enjoy sex more, she has always had this problem in fact she has come a long way since meeting me and she enjoys sex a lot more and is enjoying swinging. Im not blaming her for anything i know its common
im only posting becasue Eve is too shy to ask about these things"Yes I appreciate what you are saying now that you have made it clearer. Good luck to both xx Gran xx | |||
" . Has she tried different form of clitoral stimulation, like the shower? "i dont think so, she uses a magic wand so that gives you an idea how intese the vibe needs to be  | |||
My body has done things I never thought possible since we started swinging........as long as she is enjoying herself and achieving an orgasm even if she does use a vibe then worrying about other methods will only make her feel more frustrated
I know you said not to mention being relaxed but its true,using different techniques while someone is extremely horny and relaxed can have very surprising results  | |||
" I can only be honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her or you. Try reading up on the female orgasm and you will understand the huge amount of variety there is. I'm a little disturbed that it's being spoken about as if there is an illness at play. Incidentally - have you both considered if the lack of orgasm is due to the male of the couple? This all seems very one sided.
no its not an illness we want to know if there is any help to let her enjoy sex more, she has always had this problem in fact she has come a long way since meeting me and she enjoys sex a lot more and is enjoying swinging. Im not blaming her for anything i know its common
im only posting becasue Eve is too shy to ask about these things"Being serious here for a moment, sex therapists tend to take you right back to the innocent youthful type of sex we all had to endure, you know touching stroking kissing massaging, but avoiding the sex organs and any form of sex, no masturbation or penetrative sex initially. As you do this each day the theory is you get entirely caught up in the sensual rather than the sexual pleasure given and received... doing this for a set period of time agreed by you both is supposed to result in deeper more prolonged climax after the build up to full penetrative sex again. Some men have this advised when they have the problem of only having climax with masturbation and not penetrative sex, they have somehow become de-sensitised because of masturbation. xxxx | |||
"I love a vibe on my clit
My body has done things I never thought possible since we started swinging........as long as she is enjoying herself and achieving an orgasm even if she does use a vibe then worrying about other methods will only make her feel more frustrated
I know you said not to mention being relaxed but its true,using different techniques while someone is extremely horny and relaxed can have very surprising results "she is really enjoying herself, though when we are playing away she does not have a vibe to use as her magic wand is a mains plug in device, so although she has a great time she does not get to orgasm, so we should probably invest in a rabbit vibe or something we can take with us. | |||
"Being serious here for a moment, sex therapists tend to take you right back to the innocent youthful type of sex we all had to endure, you know touching stroking kissing massaging, but avoiding the sex organs and any form of sex, no masturbation or penetrative sex initially. As you do this each day the theory is you get entirely caught up in the sensual rather than the sexual pleasure given and received... doing this for a set period of time agreed by you both is supposed to result in deeper more prolonged climax after the build up to full penetrative sex again. Some men have this advised when they have the problem of only having climax with masturbation and not penetrative sex, they have somehow become de-sensitised because of masturbation. xxxx" very interesting indeed, we would both be happy to try anything if it could have an improvement on the way Eve enjoys sex. If she wanted to see a therapist would she need to go private or would she need to go to her gp or the sexual health clinic ? | |||
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"There are loads of really strong small clit vibes that you can get if thats the sort of thing she likes Like Laine said she sounds as if shes become so used to the wand and has become de-sensitised to any other form of clit play........not a bad thing as the wands are fab but if its bothering her then maybe hide the wand for a while and use something else "yeah i think she is used to the wand, we bought a clit vibe and its vibes are quite fine and not doing a lot fer Eve. I could not hide the wand its the only things that giver her an orgasm lol | |||
"Have you tried peetration with you and clit stimulator. Or massaging the gspot with finger. Does she get to a point and then need to pee if so go through that feeling." yes we have tried penetration and the clit vibe and she does enjoy it and occasionally will cum but not often, same with the wand we have sex and she uses the wand and sometimes has an orgasm. I have played with her g spot, she enjoys it but does not cum. | |||
"Being serious here for a moment, sex therapists tend to take you right back to the innocent youthful type of sex we all had to endure, you know touching stroking kissing massaging, but avoiding the sex organs and any form of sex, no masturbation or penetrative sex initially. As you do this each day the theory is you get entirely caught up in the sensual rather than the sexual pleasure given and received... doing this for a set period of time agreed by you both is supposed to result in deeper more prolonged climax after the build up to full penetrative sex again. Some men have this advised when they have the problem of only having climax with masturbation and not penetrative sex, they have somehow become de-sensitised because of masturbation. xxxx very interesting indeed, we would both be happy to try anything if it could have an improvement on the way Eve enjoys sex. If she wanted to see a therapist would she need to go private or would she need to go to her gp or the sexual health clinic ?" P.M'd you xxxx | |||
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"Eve does not orgasm during penatrive sex infact she only manages an orgasm by using a vibe on her clit. We have tried so many things to improve the situation but despite things coming a long way tshe is stuck to the point she can only orgasm with a vibe on her clit. has any women ever got some kind of help for this situation, where is the best place to seek help. We dont know if anything can be done as it may require a sex therapist to help. we are not looking for advice like try this and try that and relax blah blah we have tried so much and now we are hoping to take things a bit further so what help is there ?" I hope you don’t mind my reply but I found your post very interesting. I am writing this as it may be of help to others. Not just for orgasms but other stuff as well. The woman I reference in this has given me her full permission to use her as an example. She just asked me to make sure nobody could guess who she is and you won't lol as she is no longer a member. You say you have tried many things but don't really say what you have tried. As this is a public forum I understand why you may not want to say what you have already tried or start discussing your sex life. I am a bit confused though as you say you don’t want advice saying try this or try that but then what can people say to help your wife/partner? However all is not lost. I will try and offer you advice and you can see if anything resonates with your wife/partner. I doubt a sex therapist would be much use to you. He or she would suggest things like try this and try that, learn to relax etc. You say you don’t want that sort of help. The first problem you have is your wife/partner has built a subconscious mind association that vibe on her clit = orgasm. She has done it so many times that without even thinking about it with her conscious mind when she puts a vibe on her clit she will automatically have an orgasm. Think of it like when you first start driving. At first you are consciously thinking things like look in the mirrors, change gear, brake etc. Then after a while of driving and doing it over and over it goes into your subconscious mind and you do it automatically without consciously thinking about it. You still check your mirrors when driving, change gears, brake etc but now you just do it automatically/subconsciously without consciously thinking to do it. Another example would be with smoking. Say you always smoke after dinner. I bet as a long term smoker you don’t even think about it. You have done it so often that after dinner you automatically/subconsciously light up a cigarette without consciously thinking I will have a cigarette now I have finished my dinner. Things become an automatic/subconscious reaction if you do them over and over again. So you need to end the subconscious mind association that vibe on clit = orgasm. Your wife/partner has also built up a belief she can only orgasm by vibe on clit. That belief needs to be removed as it is stopping her having orgasms by other ways such as penetrative sex. Are you saying that she can ONLY ever orgasm with vibe on clit? I know you said she cannot orgasm through penetrative sex but what about other things. Can she orgasm when you give her oral sex? Can she orgasm if you stimulate her G spot? Can she orgasm if you stimulate her deep spot? There are four types of female orgasm. They are vaginal orgasms, clit orgasms, g spot orgasms and deep spot orgasms. Different methods/techniques are used to achieve each one. All good sexy fun to do with your wife/partner lol. There may be conscious psychological reasons as to why only clit on vibe = orgasm for your wife/partner. There may be hidden subconscious reasons as why only clit on vibe = orgasm. Without knowing more it is hard to say. Maybe your wife/partner needs mental stimulation during sex as well as physical stimulation. Foreplay is good but they do say the mind is a very erotic thing. Maybe combining foreplay and physical sex with mental stimulation would help? I am a trained Hypnotherapist and I am also an Emotional Freedom Technique specialist. I think that Emotional Freedom Technique would help your wife/partner with her orgasms. I am also currently doing an Open University psychology degree. I switched from Hypnotherapy to Emotional Freedom Technique as it is a far better therapy. There are too many myths people have about hypnosis that can make Hypnotherapy difficult. Emotional Freedom Technique is quick, painless and easy for my clients to do. Emotional Freedom Technique is mixture of psychology and acupuncture. However no needles are used. Instead of needles my clients gently tap themselves on certain points of their upper body. The points are known as Chinese meridian points. The other thing I like about Emotional Freedom Technique is that if the client has personal things they need to work on they don’t want me to know about I can still help them. We just use code words that mean something to them and nothing to me. Another thing I like about Emotional Freedom Technique is that I can help anybody in the world providing they have an internet connection. I never touch/tap the clients they tap themselves. Via the internet I have helped people in the USA, Australia, Ireland, London, Glasgow, Essex, Newcastle, Italy, Birmingham etc. Emotional Freedom Technique is good for all types of things both psychological and physical. Things like phobias, medical problems, weight loss, stopping smoking, panic attacks, body pains, emotional pain, post traumatic stress disorder, self harming, painful memories, playing better at golf or other sports, dyslexia, depression, relationship problems, addictions, bereavement, anxiety, allergies and SO much more. To give you an idea how Emotional Freedom Technique may help your wife/partner I met a woman on Fab. I won’t go into details about how precisely I helped her to respect her privacy and our friendship. All I will say is I helped her with Emotional Freedom Technique. After meeting on Fab we started chatting on MSN messenger and got on really well. After a few weeks we were able to speak very openly to each other like long term friends. She told me she loved sex but for reasons I won’t go into she could never really fully relax when having sex. She also said she did orgasm but not very often. With the use of Emotional Freedom Technique via the internet using Skype internet telephone we worked on her not being able to relax and other sexual issues she had. We were getting on so well we arranged to meet. We met at a hotel. She is a single divorced woman. Between the time of me helping her with Emotional Freedom Technique and us meeting at the hotel she had not had sex. As I was giving her oral sex she squirted. I laughed and said I thought you said you don’t often have an orgasm, never mid having an orgasm you have just squirted. Now I could lie and say it was my oral skills that got her to squirt (although I do love giving women oral sex and I am very good at it lol) but it wasn’t just my oral skills. When I commented on her squirting she told me that it was the first time she had ever squirted in her life (she is in her 40’s). Once she had squirted I knew it was not just my oral skills now matter how good they are that got her to squirt. I knew it was also down to the Emotional Freedom Technique work we had done before we met at the hotel. She also later squirted during penetrative sex. During the night in the hotel she had lots of orgasms as well as squirting. She was able to very easily orgasm both when I was giving her oral sex and through penetrative sex. Again I could lie and say it was all down to my love making skills (although I am good in bed lol) but again I knew it wasn’t just down to me. It was down to me and also the changes Emotional Freedom Technique had given her. I knew it was down to the Emotional Freedom Technique work we had done about her sex issues. So although I am great in bed and have the oral skills of a God lol she would never have squirted when we had sex or had many orgasms if we had not done the Emotional Freedom Technique work. The Emotional Freedom Technique helped her be able squirt and easily orgasm. I know this for fact as she has met other men since being with me and still regularly squirts and still has easily achievable orgasms. Because we got rid of her issues surrounding sex using Emotional Freedom Technique her ability to squirt and easily orgasm will stay with her for life. She has since told me her orgasms are now much stronger and a lot more enjoyable then ever before in her life. She is also able to fully relax during sex and enjoys sex more than ever even though she has always enjoyed sex. So my point is all is not lost for your wife/partner in being able to orgasm without the need for a vibrator on her clit. She can have vaginal orgasms, deep spot orgasms and g spot orgasms as well as clit orgasms. She also can have orgasms through penetrative sex. Work out what the barriers are to having other types and ways of orgasms and then things will be so much better for her and you. I fully believe all women can easily orgasm. If they can’t they just need to work out what is stopping them. | |||
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"If you would like to know more message me. " hi tiggler for than superb informative post, i have sent you a pm for more information. Thanks for taking the time to type all that out. xx Eve | |||
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"From research I've found that only a small percentage of women orgasm from penetration. In my opinion and experience when I'm about to climax I feel as if I want to pee, some women may switch off at this point not knowing what is happening to their body. If this may be the case then literally go with the flow, a few towels may come in handy though. I now gush and squirt for Wales having spent 10 years in an orgasm free marriage "hey lucy thats good to hear so what was the turning point for you ? | |||
