FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > total dilemma!
total dilemma!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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as many of you know i started a new job and i totally love it with the exception of a worker who seems hell bent on makin my workin life a total misery! she seems to resent that im more qualified than her and is always havin little digs at me! sometimes they subtle others not so subtle! todays one was because i live in a council house and im a lone parent! bit of a cheek considerin her daughter has 3 kids by 3 different dads and has NEVER worked and lives in a council house! but the clincher is her husband is on here as a single and had mailed me a few times till i blocked him! now accordin to her he is the perfect family man, never cheated blah blah and is a total saint! i never knew it was him till i seen him waitin on her after work! now the bad side in me wants to say to her at work in front of everyone but the sensible side says let sleepin dogs lie but she is really doin my head in! what do i do? apart from smack her in the chops and tell her to shut it!! x  |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
Smile at her, confident that you're being an adult and she's going to fall flat on her arse when she comes in crying one day because her hubby's been cheating.
OR.... 
Unblock hubby and ask him to gag his Mrs...or else! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"as many of you know i started a new job and i totally love it with the exception of a worker who seems hell bent on makin my workin life a total misery! she seems to resent that im more qualified than her and is always havin little digs at me! sometimes they subtle others not so subtle! todays one was because i live in a council house and im a lone parent! bit of a cheek considerin her daughter has 3 kids by 3 different dads and has NEVER worked and lives in a council house! but the clincher is her husband is on here as a single and had mailed me a few times till i blocked him! now accordin to her he is the perfect family man, never cheated blah blah and is a total saint! i never knew it was him till i seen him waitin on her after work! now the bad side in me wants to say to her at work in front of everyone but the sensible side says let sleepin dogs lie but she is really doin my head in! what do i do? apart from smack her in the chops and tell her to shut it!! x "
print off his profile and leave it lying around where she might see it, or casually pick up a copy and say "hmmmm he looks familiar?" 
 did I just think that out loud?????? my bad  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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honestly she seriously annoyin me and usually i can get on with everyone but she really pushin my good nature to the extreme! her being insecure about her work capabilities is nothin to do with me but she really bringin my bad side out! she tries to demean me at every chance but she not managin and its makin her worse! i can see me walkin up to him at home time when she standin and asking if he still goes to the doggin spot !! xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if your posts on the forums,are anything to go by.it wont take you to long to sort her out."
i cant hit the cow or im out of a job and full career out the window because i need a clear disclosure il just need to pick faults with her work practice and find other ways to make her life a misery! my inner bitch will think of somethin !! xx  |
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By *eritageMan
over a year ago
weston super mare |
she sounds like a bit of a bullie to me and i firmly believe in putting bullies in there place.
tell her straight that she is a loud mouth and is only gobby to try and boost her own low ego and self confidence.
point out about her daughter and tell her in front of others in a firm but calm way her childish snipes are waisted on you as she is no threat to you.
then when she is by herself out of work with no wittnesses smack her in the chops lol |
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"point out about her daughter and tell her in front of others in a firm but calm way her childish snipes are waisted on you as she is no threat to you.
then when she is by herself out of work with no wittnesses smack her in the chops lol "
Good gawd That sounds like a transcript from Jeremy Kyle |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"honestly she seriously annoyin me and usually i can get on with everyone but she really pushin my good nature to the extreme! her being insecure about her work capabilities is nothin to do with me but she really bringin my bad side out! she tries to demean me at every chance but she not managin and its makin her worse! i can see me walkin up to him at home time when she standin and asking if he still goes to the doggin spot !! xx"
new jobs are frigin murder.no matter how good the job,you are still a bit nervous.give it a bit of time.i would bet that in no time,youll have her in your pocket. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"honestly she seriously annoyin me and usually i can get on with everyone but she really pushin my good nature to the extreme! her being insecure about her work capabilities is nothin to do with me but she really bringin my bad side out! she tries to demean me at every chance but she not managin and its makin her worse! i can see me walkin up to him at home time when she standin and asking if he still goes to the doggin spot !! xx
new jobs are frigin murder.no matter how good the job,you are still a bit nervous.give it a bit of time.i would bet that in no time,youll have her in your pocket."
if she doesnt shut it its gonna be a body bag never mind a pocket lol!! its her problem not mine at the end o the day i go i do my job i go home i dont need to like her and as long as im not teamed up with her everythin will be ok..... apparently she seems to do this with all the new starts and a few have left because of her but not me im too tough for that!! il just ask her the next time if she on the menopause and thats what makin her cranky!! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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stay well away from the idea of printing out his profile!
I think we all appreciate the amount of anominity we are afforded here and the unsaid code of discretion that goes along with it.
I would go with the chaps that have suggested smile sweetly, be sweeter than sweet, it will expose her fully. People will more likely notice she is being a bitch if you are giving hr no reason to be.
on the side, keep a record of her actions...if necessary tell your line manager. Explain you want to take it no further, but that there is an issue and that you intend to monitor it...will make them more alert to it too.
good luck chick x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like the "afraid" type.
Don't rise to it,keep smiling eventually the reasons for her insecureness will become apparant.
No need to break the unwritten rule of peoples privacy.
May be he has ....
Which could be her trump card ....
Let her hang herself
Give rope generously if required  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why does what she says get to you?
What is it you don't like about yourself that she recognises and uses ?
I'm asking because if what she says is bollocks it wouldn't affect you.
There are loads of reasons for her to make comment ranging from ignorance to control. As only you are there only you can put any logic on it.
Tell her plainly and in the presence of line managers that the comments she makes are affecting you adveresely and that on further comment from her you will deal with the matter oficially.
End the conversation amicably .. Be prepared to lose her 'friendship'.
The fact that you would consider such low life revenge tactics stinks and makes you no better.... in thought at least.
All comment made with the best of intentions ..... Revenge is for the needy. People like her are to be pitied. People who retaliate in the same way are simply mirror images of those they don't like.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why does what she says get to you?
What is it you don't like about yourself that she recognises and uses ?
I'm asking because if what she says is bollocks it wouldn't affect you.
There are loads of reasons for her to make comment ranging from ignorance to control. As only you are there only you can put any logic on it.
Tell her plainly and in the presence of line managers that the comments she makes are affecting you adveresely and that on further comment from her you will deal with the matter oficially.
End the conversation amicably .. Be prepared to lose her 'friendship'.
The fact that you would consider such low life revenge tactics stinks and makes you no better.... in thought at least.
All comment made with the best of intentions ..... Revenge is for the needy. People like her are to be pitied. People who retaliate in the same way are simply mirror images of those they don't like.
"
it gets to me because she doesnt know jack shit about me except what her prejudice little mind decides to tell her! her rudeness annoys me, her work practise is garbage, her attitude stinks, she has upset a load of people in a small enviroment her insecurities are making my working life hell on earth and why the hell should i suffer her for 12 hrs a day?? i dont have any issues with myself i like me she doesnt she sees me as a threat for some reason? iv never had her friendship, i dont want it but for the sake of a pleasent work enviroment i will grin and bear but i wont be taken for a fool by a silly old insecure lady i can bitch as much as she can and in subtle little ways which arent so much revenge as they are standing the ground! maybe if she meets someone who will stand up to her she will lay off some of the other staff as she seems to relish makin people feel bad ! as for the pitied i dont think so!!! with every action comes consequence and there are only so many allowances you can make for someone! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you smile knowingly at her despite what she says ..
She gonna wonder why and that will really get to her...#
It would me ...
And if it fails....smash her face in |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
"If you smile knowingly at her despite what she says ..
She gonna wonder why and that will really get to her...#
It would me ...
And if it fails....smash her face in "
No no no violence you just stick hubbies pics on her locker/desk at work!  |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Northants |
Nowt wrong with a Council House! I grew up in several and always had good times! Mum was a single parent for 14 years and she did everything for us like most decent single parents do..
You have nothing to be ashamed about! Just smile and say firmly that her jibes won't worry you and DO say it in front of others, but when you see her alone, go talk to her and try to befriend her..
One of my best mates now, was someone who tried to bully me. He just miss-understood where I was coming from! (Oh and I did threaten to take him outside! ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you smile knowingly at her despite what she says ..
She gonna wonder why and that will really get to her...#
It would me ...
And if it fails....smash her face in
No no no violence you just stick hubbies pics on her locker/desk at work! "
Spoil sport
Or better still..frame a pic of said hubby and have it on your work station.
Watch her face then . lmao |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
"If you smile knowingly at her despite what she says ..
She gonna wonder why and that will really get to her...#
It would me ...
And if it fails....smash her face in
No no no violence you just stick hubbies pics on her locker/desk at work!
Spoil sport
Or better still..frame a pic of said hubby and have it on your work station.
Watch her face then . lmao "
Lol your worse than me |
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By *onny BonesMan
over a year ago
a block away from heaven |
Keeping a clean CRB is paramount in most jobs and letting one persons comments cause you to jeopardise yours is ridiculous. However, I do believe in an eye for an eye, and standing up to bullies. Ask her in front of all what her insecurities regarding you are, and do so in a professional manner. Unblock the hubby and ask him to have a word also. If all else fails buy her a vibrator and see if that puts a smile on the cows face! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't have time for catting bitchy females, and I certainly will not hold my tongue. If a person pisses me off, he/she will know about it in no time from me! Peeps don't call me plucky for no reason!
My advice would be, point out her failures based on objective evidence, and let her crawl back to hole where she belongs! |
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You should keep a written record of everything she says and when she says it. Ideally see if you can get written evidence from her like an email etc.
Check your employers complaints procedure, know it inside out.
You can then say:
"Please stop behaving like this. When you are bitchy/backbiting/judgemental whatever, I feel threatened and upset. As a new member of staff I have a right to expect professional behaviour from my colleagues. You are not behaving professionally. I will not allow this to continue. Please cease and desist from this point forwards. If you fail to do this then I will be forced to instigate the formal complaints procedure against you."
If she continues you can say to your manager "I have tactfully and informally tried to deal with this by offering her the opportunity to modify her behaviour, but she has failed to do so. I have to now bring this to your attention"
You have the moral high ground and have tried to sort it out. HR would see that as professional. Be very careful of using a mobile phone to record her being bitchy, it will backfire. Stupid as it may seem it's part of the Data protection act.
Definitely do NOT involve her husband as tempting as that may seem. She is not the one on a swingers site, you are. That may constitute sufficient reason for you to lose your clean CRB status and be dismissed. She wins, you lose.
Good luck. PS: if you are a member of a Union then use them too. |
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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago
nr warrington |
"You should keep a written record of everything she says and when she says it. Ideally see if you can get written evidence from her like an email etc.
Check your employers complaints procedure, know it inside out.
You can then say:
"Please stop behaving like this. When you are bitchy/backbiting/judgemental whatever, I feel threatened and upset. As a new member of staff I have a right to expect professional behaviour from my colleagues. You are not behaving professionally. I will not allow this to continue. Please cease and desist from this point forwards. If you fail to do this then I will be forced to instigate the formal complaints procedure against you."
If she continues you can say to your manager "I have tactfully and informally tried to deal with this by offering her the opportunity to modify her behaviour, but she has failed to do so. I have to now bring this to your attention"
You have the moral high ground and have tried to sort it out. HR would see that as professional. Be very careful of using a mobile phone to record her being bitchy, it will backfire. Stupid as it may seem it's part of the Data protection act.
Definitely do NOT involve her husband as tempting as that may seem. She is not the one on a swingers site, you are. That may constitute sufficient reason for you to lose your clean CRB status and be dismissed. She wins, you lose.
Good luck. PS: if you are a member of a Union then use them too."
swinging is not illegal i have full crb five infact as 1 doesn,t cover everything what do u think we r preditors ???????? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Obviously her hubby is cheating but hes not the problem she is and you would become the bad one if you left his profile lying around and would most certainly lose your job..Have a quiet word with her and ask why she has a problem with you failing that seek advise from your HR dept if you have one but always do thing by the book or you are treading very dangerous ground... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh and i forgot to mention by leaving his profile around may expose you and your alternative lifestyle which leaves you wide open to both ridicule _umour and well you know the rest..xxx |
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maybe it would be best to ask her for a quiet word, if she agrees take her to one side and tell her that she is upsetting you and ask her to stop, and point out that she is not in a position to throw stones (don't give details).
If she then continues, each time she has a dig at you, point out one of her failings, if she mentions the fact that you are living in a council house, point out that you may do but you work and provide for your child, then ask where her daughter lives and who provides for her grandchildren? if she mentions that you are a single parent ask her how many fathers her grandchildren have and does she know them all? if she raises her voice lower yours and speak slowly and clearly.
I bet she will soon give up! LoL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always jump up on my high horse when people slag council estates as though i pay a mortgage, i happen to live on one and i love it. got a bloke to apologise last week for slagging the estate i live on, cos i told him thats where i live, changed his tune double quick when i told him WE dont get any of the trouble he's having on his estate
Next time she says anything, say "And?" then "so what council (and emphasise th word council) estate does your daughter live on?"
And yes, print off the page |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Over the years I have had many jobs doing loads of different things.
ALWAYS there is someone who you dont get on with, I dealt with them in one of two ways.
Ignore - cos a bully needs to be listened to and if you rise to the sniping and backbiting thats what they want.
Do the same back - but you have to be very careful with this one cos it can lead to many problems.
Once I had a relief manager come in and change all the rules, she knew (cos I told her and put it in writing) that I had a 2 year old with a medical problem at the local nursery and I needed to be reached at all times, this was before everyone had mobiles.
She was always on the phone so when my daughters nursery tried to get in touch they couldnt get thru, they had to call the office next door!!!
Luckily it wasnt anything serious BUT I used that to get her to get her finger out her backside and actually do the work she was supposed to do, while also getting the office next door (whose boss she was trying to fire into) to back me up that she was useless (as useful as a chocolate fireguard) needless to say when my boss got back from her holiday I had the proof I hadnt done any of the things she claimed I had done and more importantly I could prove she had
Area manager got involved and I still had my job but she was looking for a new one!!!!!!
Only good thing that came from that job - I met Steven
Shona
x x x |
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"
swinging is not illegal i have full crb five infact as 1 doesn,t cover everything what do u think we r preditors ????????"
No it's not illegal, having swung for a combined 25 years we don't think swingers are preditors, far from it. Perhaps it was wrong to suggest a CRB check might cover that, it was posted late last night after a long day. However, depending on what you do for a living, swinging may be seen by an organisation as too "alternative" and, as such, may constitute "behaviour likely to bring the profession or organisation into disrepute." That's usually enough if they want to get rid of someone. It's always tempting to fight fire with fire, but this is a workplace dispute; in the workplace, playing the political game will usually win. For the OP it's a career affecting situation. Behaving like it's the schoolyard or the wild west won't help her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmmm...a dilema indeed!
Personally I'd ignore her, usually when you don't pay a blind bit of notice to someone they get bored and look elsewhere. I try to avoid conflict at all cost because I know that once riled I'm the type of person to bring an AK47 to a Swiss Army Knife fight!!
So...if she continues - easy peasy really.
Unblock the husband, flirt like mad with him, get him to send you contact details, incriminating photos the whole lot and show it to her. Tell her in no uncertain terms she found your last nerve and if she doesn't back off the whole office will know what a low life her husband is, what a useless shag she must be that he is looking elsewhere, and as she is obviously taking an inordinate amount of interest in you, it would be your pleasure to relieve any itch her husband has.
Of course, I'm not advocating you put any of the above in action, it was just a suggestion!!
Ooooh my bad!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont bite, ignore her and if she carrys on send her a really nice e mail saying her comments etc are upsetting you and leaving you feeling vunerable and threatened and ask if theres anything you can do to ease the situation, but be really nice about it and cc it to the Manager, that way you have a record of you trying to be Professional and trying to sort it out, I would also mention yyou do not want to create an atmosphere in the Work place.
Hope you get it sorted out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well my nasty side says get 1 of the other girls on here to draw him in then get her to drop him in it with his wife so that you stay clean and can sit back and enjoy her melt down.
Steve "
ooh stevie boy...didnt know you had a nasty side!...but yup I agree with you reel him in..then sit back!!! hahaha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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arrange to meat the husband and have a quiet word with him about his wifes attitude,tell him if she doesnt lay off you will print off his profile and let others know what a proud loyal husband she really has not lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"arrange to meat the husband and have a quiet word with him about his wifes attitude,tell him if she doesnt lay off you will print off his profile and let others know what a proud loyal husband she really has not lol "
Harsh |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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cheers everyone! iv thought long and hard about it and im goin to do the sensible thing.... ignore her and smile! her dig of the day was about of all things my car lol!!! its an 05 plate clio hers is a 01 plate something "how did you afford a newish car"? em i had 3 jobs to pay for it and i balance my money i dont sit about on my arse waitin for the government to give me money to buy luxuries i go out and work for it!! then it was who watches your kid when you work ? the childminder and your daughter could do that too if she wanted to go out and work i can give her the number of mine she is really great and she can get help to pay for it or if she wanted to go to college or that she gets funding ... im still waitin on an answer! i think she has realised that im not a soft spot you can aim venom at! till tomorrow anyway lol!! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"she sounds like a bit of a bullie to me and i firmly believe in putting bullies in there place.
tell her straight that she is a loud mouth and is only gobby to try and boost her own low ego and self confidence.
point out about her daughter and tell her in front of others in a firm but calm way her childish snipes are waisted on you as she is no threat to you.
then when she is by herself out of work with no wittnesses smack her in the chops lol "
I agree with the above - it sounds like you are dealing with an insecure bully here, Mznwty - although it sounds really annoying to you - she is the one with the baggage, not you ! xx |
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