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Share a giggle, make someone laugh!b
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This is mine for you to enjoy. If I can bring a smile to your face today, I'll be a happy Bambi
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she thought she may as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?!"
God replied: "I didn't bloody recognize you." |
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A young couple were arguing out the back of my house yesterday over his ex and newborn baby. He must've said something nice about the ex because she said 'don't you dare stick up for her, you're meant to stick up for me!! Isn't that why you've got 2 pairs of bollocks between your legs??!!!'
I was dying to open the window and ask to have a look at his nuts |
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By *smCouple
over a year ago
Liskeard |
2 men get trapped on an island and get captured by a group of cannibals. They get taken to their leader and he says "you go out into the jungle and get me 100 nuts each and come back here, then I will let you free". So the men go out and the first man comes back 30 minutes later with 100 peanuts and brings them over to the chief. The chief says "well done now if you can put all of the peanuts up your bum without laughing we will let you free". When he is on the 98th nut he bursts out into hysterics and the chief says "too bad you were so close to finishing, why did you burst out into laughter?" And the man says "my friend has just came back with 100 coconuts".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've told this one before, but still...
A woman is dancing in a Berlin nightclub, when she's approached and flirted with by a handsome young German lad. They head back to his flat, where he places four springs under his mattress, and instructs her to quack whilst they have sex. She thinks this is a bit strange but decides to go along with it, and is amazed when she experiences the most mind blowing orgasm she's ever had!
'Wow that was incredible!' she exclaims 'what on Earth was that!?'
And he replies
'Four sprung duck technique' |
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"I've told this one before, but still...
A woman is dancing in a Berlin nightclub, when she's approached and flirted with by a handsome young German lad. They head back to his flat, where he places four springs under his mattress, and instructs her to quack whilst they have sex. She thinks this is a bit strange but decides to go along with it, and is amazed when she experiences the most mind blowing orgasm she's ever had!
'Wow that was incredible!' she exclaims 'what on Earth was that!?'
And he replies
'Four sprung duck technique'"
Now that really made me lough out loud...I did not think you had it in you mister sexybrain...thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the difference between marmalade and jam?
U can't marmalade your cock up a girls arse but u can jam it 
Cock and marmalade!!! Yummy  "
That could be arranged  |
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"What's the difference between marmalade and jam?
U can't marmalade your cock up a girls arse but u can jam it
Cock and marmalade!!! Yummy
That could be arranged "
Do you have a cock and marmalade story to share?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At work the other day i was bending down to reach something from the bottom shelves. I suddenly thought to myself 'you know, finally there is a nice breeze coming in and for some reason it feels really good in between my legs'.
Thought i'd cop a feel and did i only bloody realise that my trousers are ripped. No wonder i'm getting a nice breeze.
...hope no one else saw you know.
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"At work the other day i was bending down to reach something from the bottom shelves. I suddenly thought to myself 'you know, finally there is a nice breeze coming in and for some reason it feels really good in between my legs'.
Thought i'd cop a feel and did i only bloody realise that my trousers are ripped. No wonder i'm getting a nice breeze.
...hope no one else saw you know.
"
I can only wish I had been there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Packet of crisps was walking down the street today!
Looked really tired so I pulled over and said
"alright there.? Would you like a lift?"
The crisps replied no your ok were walkers! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Packet of crisps was walking down the street today!
Looked really tired so I pulled over and said
"alright there.? Would you like a lift?"
The crisps replied no your ok were walkers! "
A man goes into a chip shop, and buys a steak and kidney pie, he then puts it on his head and walks out, to the shopkeepers confusion. The next day, he does the same again, buys a pie, puts it on his head and walks out. The shopkeeper is totally perplexed by this, so when the man comes into the shop the third day, he pretends to be out of pies, so the man buys a bag of chips instead, he then puts THESE on his head and walks out.
'Sir' asks the shopkeeper 'Why do you have a bag of chips on your head?'
'Well duh!' replies the man 'You haven't got any pies!' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a Dog called Minton.
The other day he pissed on flowers & shouted out BADMINTON! "
A friend of mine asked if I fancied playing shuttlecock, I said yes, so they unscrewed my penis and launched it into space. |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The bar man gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said, "You really look fantastic... And that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine. "You WANKER... Oh my god you STINK... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother!".
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an explanation.
"Ah yes sir," the barman responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Two parrots sat on a perch.
"Hey, mate" says one " can you smell fish?"
Where's the punch line??  "
Two parrots sat on a Perch.
"Hey, mate" says one " can you smell fish?"
Try again. |
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"
Two parrots sat on a perch.
"Hey, mate" says one " can you smell fish?"
Where's the punch line??
Two parrots sat on a Perch.
"Hey, mate" says one " can you smell fish?"
Try again. "
Doh!!! Perch..fish okay lol sometimes I really have to think hard...obviously this time I didn't! Haha...good one  |
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"A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The bar man gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said, "You really look fantastic... And that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine. "You WANKER... Oh my god you STINK... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother!".
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an explanation.
"Ah yes sir," the barman responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order.""
Oh John!! That made me laugh so much |
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IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1)You can't count your hair.
2)You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3)You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person. (This was just a
test!)
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is no No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it
too.
10) You are probably going to send this to yoir friends to see who else falls for it.
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