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Swinging vs Cheating

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Is it the same thing?

Whenever the subject comes up it brings a heavy discussion into play.

But simply, is it the same thing? We never thought it was, but it seems that it may be.

Thoughts? And please, let's try and stay away from the aggressive arguments.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

why do you feel it's the same?

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

cheaters can participate in swinging the same as non cheaters can, none of my business...... but I don't believe it is the same.

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

How did you come to the conclusion that swinging and cheating are the same thing? Would be interested to know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's cheating when your other half don't know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No it's not the same.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No, it's definitely not the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"why do you feel it's the same? "

We don't feel it is the same at all, but there seems lots of people on here who seem to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"cheaters can participate in swinging the same as non cheaters can, none of my business...... but I don't believe it is the same."

This

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

once we agree the true definition of what a swinger is

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No real swinging in a loving couple certainly is not the same as cheating if anything its the complete opposite as Im sure it takes deep trust love and commitment to swing

But a lot of "single" people use fab as a way of cheating

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No it's not the same thing. I've never seen anyone on here suggest it is.

The presence of people on this site who are cheating on the partners doesn't mean that they actually think they're swinging.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

I've never been a swinger

And I've never ever cheated in a relationship

So all I know are my opinions

And my opinion is its nobody's business

Because most if not all swingers lie to everyone who they know about their lifestyle

But

And this is a big but

A married person on here lies to just one more person than the rest of you and suddenly it's morally unacceptable!

Not to me

Everyone knows what I do who know me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"why do you feel it's the same?

We don't feel it is the same at all, but there seems lots of people on here who seem to."

I don't think they say it's the same thing. People just use the site for what they want. Everyone uses it for different things. No one way is "right".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No it's not the same thing. I've never seen anyone on here suggest it is.

The presence of people on this site who are cheating on the partners doesn't mean that they actually think they're swinging. "

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By *rank_SimoneCouple over a year ago

Bideford

Swinging, also known as wife swapping or partner swapping, is a non-monogamous behavior, in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

the divide gets confused when people come on and rattle the cage with lines like 'I thought this place would be less judgemental and or more accepting' of my special circumstances because they can't get a shag within days, weeks of joining....

and they possibly see the female version of themselves fanny deep in cock.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Swinging, also known as wife swapping or partner swapping, is a non-monogamous behavior, in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset."

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

depends if you _iew swinging as a mental mind set or a pysical act

if a married man meets a married women, both playing away, they pair up ad a couple and meet other couples for sex yes they are swinging, they are doing the same as the married couple its the same act

if to you swinging is about sharing and seeing you partner have fun then no it's not the same

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cheating is getting up to all sorts of filth behind your significant others back..... Swinging was originally a couples thing, which meant 'both parties in a rship' were 'openly consenting' to partake in filth with a signnificant other(s) therefore not cheating!... #justsayin

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By *rank_SimoneCouple over a year ago

Bideford

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they."

Exactley ..... but they portray themselves as being single unless they are open with it, and not many are.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they."

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its not the same, but a married woman who cheats, usually gets more cock action by herself than if she is on as a couple

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"why do you feel it's the same?

We don't feel it is the same at all, but there seems lots of people on here who seem to."

There's also a lot of people that think its a sex site or #instashag

I can't recal anyone saying swinging is the same as cheating.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

"Its not the same, but a married woman who cheats, usually gets more cock action by herself than if she is on as a couple

Very true

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?"

My parents don't need to know if I'm cheating... A partner would.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?

My parents don't need to know if I'm cheating... A partner would. "

Why

I don't agree

This myth that partners tell each other everything or should is utter bullshit in my opinion

And rather nieve

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?

My parents don't need to know if I'm cheating... A partner would. "

Our thoughts exactly.

We are not judging anyone for wanting to join a kinky swinging lifestyle or not judging them for anything else.

But quite simply their life partner should be aware.

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By *ickawitchCouple over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

Looking at your green arrow you seem very interested in if people are on here without their partners consent and then pointing it out. With this in mind the suggestion to let other people use the site as they see fit could be useful to you? Thereby ensuring maximum enjoyment for you and saving yourself the time and effort expended in judging others

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?

My parents don't need to know if I'm cheating... A partner would.

Why

I don't agree

This myth that partners tell each other everything or should is utter bullshit in my opinion

And rather nieve

Fair enough, but wasn't wife swapping which evolved into swinging all about partners being open and honest to each other about their sexual needs?

Isn't that still how it is supposed to be?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Looking at your green arrow you seem very interested in if people are on here without their partners consent and then pointing it out. With this in mind the suggestion to let other people use the site as they see fit could be useful to you? Thereby ensuring maximum enjoyment for you and saving yourself the time and effort expended in judging others

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?

My parents don't need to know if I'm cheating... A partner would.

Why

I don't agree

This myth that partners tell each other everything or should is utter bullshit in my opinion

And rather nieve

Fair enough, but wasn't wife swapping which evolved into swinging all about partners being open and honest to each other about their sexual needs?

Isn't that still how it is supposed to be?"

Depends on which history books you read quite frankly

What happened and what still happens is that people simply lie to join in the fun

Because

Let's be fair and honest

If you were single, you might do it yourself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it the same thing?

Its one thing or the other in my opinion

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

In life there are lots of things that people use as they see fit even though that is not the purpose.

Is that right?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset."

Swinging itself is not deemed as morally good by society. It's no more accepted than cheating,so in that respect it's in the same company. I wouldn't begin to compare swinging with cheating,you can't. A swinger can be a cheater,you wouldn't know if they didn't tell you. Cheaters aren't generally welcomed into the swinging society as it goes against the grain of what swinging is about. My thoughts as a non-swinging single woman

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In life there are lots of things that people use as they see fit even though that is not the purpose.

Is that right?"

Yes that can be true enough so why not just let them crack on as they see fit.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?

My parents don't need to know if I'm cheating... A partner would.

Why

I don't agree

This myth that partners tell each other everything or should is utter bullshit in my opinion

And rather nieve

Fair enough, but wasn't wife swapping which evolved into swinging all about partners being open and honest to each other about their sexual needs?

Isn't that still how it is supposed to be?

Depends on which history books you read quite frankly

What happened and what still happens is that people simply lie to join in the fun

Because

Let's be fair and honest

If you were single, you might do it yourself

True, and a very fair point.

But people who cheat aren't usually single are they?

We understand them wanting to join in, but they have chosen to keep their partner. Rarely do we get everything we want.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In life there are lots of things that people use as they see fit even though that is not the purpose.

Is that right?"

Who cares?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So cheaters can swing but it not moral, and the party they are swinging with should be told so they can make an honest decision.

But unfortunately the majority of cheaters do it behind their partners back and without the swing partner knowing ever.

Screw you all as I am getting what I want attitude, and they wonder why everyone gets upset.

Fair point, and your definition mentions singles and couples participating. However are cheating partners classed as single? They aren't single really, are they.

Who cares if they are or not?

They don't judge people on their kinky swinging lifestyle

So who should judge them

And why should they?

Do you tell your kids what you do, or your parents?

My parents don't need to know if I'm cheating... A partner would.

Why

I don't agree

This myth that partners tell each other everything or should is utter bullshit in my opinion

And rather nieve

No not all partners do... But they should ... And if you do something with someone else behind your partners back its cheating not swinging x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

In life there are lots of things that people use as they see fit even though that is not the purpose.

Is that right?

Who cares?

Some do, some don't.

Guess that makes it right?

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

In the second world war, pilots leaving for battle asked their unmarried single male friends to "look after sexually" any widowed ladies left or simply those single ladies in need of a fuck after long periods of time without any

So you can call that swinging

This is well documented

Also in the UK, women whose men were fighting used to leave a box of OMO washing powder in a visible window

It also meant "old man overseas"

Again well documented

So who invented nsa sex with strangers

Well the Romans had orgies

We can think we know

But our generation certainly didn't invent the concept

Nope

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Probably been said before but swinging is essentially swapping. Only two couples can swap partners. Single people have nothing to swap. So strictly speaking a threesome is not swinging... it's a threesome. And four singles can't swing... that's just an orgy.

As for the whole swinging is cheating thing. This site is comprised of various types of people looking to do various things. Because the admin, in their wisdom, have chosen to open the site up to singles looking for other singles only this means there's quite a large crowd on here who actually think swinging is a nasty immoral thing and they're quite happy voicing their anti-swinging opinions. This is, in essence, the "I don't mind shagging a swinger but I'd never marry one" brigade. I'd just advise you to filter them out in your mind. They are essentially a reactionary traditionalist voice still locked within an old fashioned _iew of sex. They aren't part of a more expansive sexually explorative _iew like the rest of us

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By *ove121LustCouple over a year ago

LaLa Land

"Is it the same thing?

Whenever the subject comes up it brings a heavy discussion into play.

But simply, is it the same thing? We never thought it was, but it seems that it may be.

Thoughts? And please, let's try and stay away from the aggressive arguments.

To me the single biggest difference is permission!

Simple as. I don't meet without hubby, there's no need because if I want to do something (someone) and discuss it, if he's okay with it, we do, if not WE don't.

If i meet and he doesn't know. I'm cheating

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably been said before but swinging is essentially swapping. Only two couples can swap partners. Single people have nothing to swap. So strictly speaking a threesome is not swinging... it's a threesome. And four singles can't swing... that's just an orgy.

Your assessment is grossly unfair to those singles looking for singles who DON'T have a reactionary traditionalist _iew or a nasty attitude towards swinging. Your _iew doesn't sound very sexually explorative if it precludes singles meeting singles. The site would die on its arse quite quickly if it was just for couples seeking couples.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it the same thing?

Whenever the subject comes up it brings a heavy discussion into play.

But simply, is it the same thing? We never thought it was, but it seems that it may be.

Thoughts? And please, let's try and stay away from the aggressive arguments.

To me the single biggest difference is permission!

Simple as. I don't meet without hubby, there's no need because if I want to do something (someone) and discuss it, if he's okay with it, we do, if not WE don't.

If i meet and he doesn't know. I'm cheating "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In life there are lots of things that people use as they see fit even though that is not the purpose.

Is that right?

Who cares?

Some do, some don't.

Guess that makes it right?

It doesn't make it wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swingers with a capital 'S'.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

[Removed by poster at 28/05/15 20:03:28]

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

I'll meet singles and couples

And some of my bestest friends are couples who swing

But swinging as a couple isn't for me

Not from any special moral stance

I simply tried it twice by dating 2 swingers previously and simply decided it wasn't for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We see cheating as relationship behind others back ,we only meet as couple so both in full knowledge who can that be cheating

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swinging as a couple isn't cheating. Your partner knows what you are doing,they're there watching and joining in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's cheating when your other half don't know."

Spot on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most "

I'm not disputing that whatsoever

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most "

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

I don't get how lying to just one more person makes them untouchable

I really don't get it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

I don't get how lying to just one more person makes them untouchable

I really don't get it

I dont think you can compere the two tbh ..well maybe you can if your trying to justify your actions...and btw my family and friends know what i do...some just like to keep it private..and there's a huge difference between privacy and lying

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

Do you mean not discussing your sex life with a family member? That isn't lying....that is just not discussing your sex life with a family member

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

Do you mean not discussing your sex life with a family member? That isn't lying....that is just not discussing your sex life with a family member"

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater?

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

I don't get how lying to just one more person makes them untouchable

I really don't get it

I know that honey

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

You may have an expansive sexually explorative _iew, but it appears to be very narrow in every other sense. You've just made a sweeping and inaccurate judgement about a huge swathe of site users. I want to meet singles, not couples. I do not intend to ever be part of a swinging couple. Do I judge those who do. No not in the slightest.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

Do you mean not discussing your sex life with a family member? That isn't lying....that is just not discussing your sex life with a family member

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater? "

The greater lie is fucking about behind your loved ones back..the one you love dearly ..whos had your children

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

Do you mean not discussing your sex life with a family member? That isn't lying....that is just not discussing your sex life with a family member

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater? "

So you think if people don't say " I fucked my partner in bed/ kitchen table/ garden chairs and in the car over the weekend " to all of their family when they ask what they got up to they are lying to their family?

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

If I have group sex with couples & singles, I am swinging by my definition of the word swinging.

If I have sex with a women or man who is married,I am having sex. They are having sex and cheating

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

"If I have group sex with couples & singles, I am swinging by my definition of the word swinging.

If I have sex with a women or man who is married,I am having sex. They are having sex and cheating"

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

"Is it the same thing?

Whenever the subject comes up it brings a heavy discussion into play.

But simply, is it the same thing? We never thought it was, but it seems that it may be.

Thoughts? And please, let's try and stay away from the aggressive arguments.

I think your question is very easy to answer. No, it's not the same at all.

Cheating is about deceiving your partner and swinging involves your partner. I am speaking from a couples perspective. If you are single, how can you be cheating? If by definition that cheating means cheating on your partner/spouse or boy-girlfriend.

As for the argument about lying to friends and family, then that is nonsense in my opinion. My sex life is none of anyones business except for my sexual partners that I choose to involve.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If I have group sex with couples & singles, I am swinging by my definition of the word swinging.

If I have sex with a women or man who is married,I am having sex. They are having sex and cheating"

And I've never seen anyone suggest otherwise.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"If I have group sex with couples & singles, I am swinging by my definition of the word swinging.

If I have sex with a women or man who is married,I am having sex. They are having sex and cheating

And I've never seen anyone suggest otherwise.

Nor have I

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

"If I have group sex with couples & singles, I am swinging by my definition of the word swinging.

If I have sex with a women or man who is married,I am having sex. They are having sex and cheating

And I've never seen anyone suggest otherwise.

Nor have I "

Or me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's cheating when your other half don't know."

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

Am I completely missing the point here?!? In my opinion, if you are attached/married and you are 'swinging', sleeping with other people and you're participating fully in the swinging lifestyle without your partners knowledge or consent...then yes, I do believe you are cheating! Not if it's just the social aspect that you do it for but if you're participating in sexual activities with people other than your partner, then you're cheating...you're living a secret life and engaging in sexual activity...I'm not wanting to stir shit up but I'm genuinely curious as to why people wouldn't see that situation as cheating?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Am I completely missing the point here?!? In my opinion, if you are attached/married and you are 'swinging', sleeping with other people and you're participating fully in the swinging lifestyle without your partners knowledge or consent...then yes, I do believe you are cheating! Not if it's just the social aspect that you do it for but if you're participating in sexual activities with people other than your partner, then you're cheating...you're living a secret life and engaging in sexual activity...I'm not wanting to stir shit up but I'm genuinely curious as to why people wouldn't see that situation as cheating?"

i wonder as well tbh

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater? "

I see where you're coming from, and I agree far too much judgement goes on about people with partners, when they do not know the intricacies of the individuals circumstance.

I find it slightly harder to make the jump to not telling friends and family about your sex life is lying though. However lets take that as fact, hypothetically. The moral distinction which you are questioning boils down to the impact your actions have on others. Who's getting hurt by swingers 'lying' to friends and family about what they do? A cheater though, I don't know if you've ever had it done to you..? It's devastating.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"If I have group sex with couples & singles, I am swinging by my definition of the word swinging.

If I have sex with a women or man who is married,I am having sex. They are having sex and cheating"

If in the group situation, a person was participating and they were married and playing without their partners knowledge.... I am swinging, they are cheating by participating in swinging activities

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cheating isnt swinging when your partner doesn't know..its called being a liar and dishonest to the person you confess to love the most

But so

Lying to all who know you outside of swinging is totally acceptable?

I don't get how lying to just one more person makes them untouchable

I really don't get it

"
Sharing verbally your sex life or not to family ect is one thing, but having secrets in a swinging partnership is cheating, anything behind a partners back in swinging is cheating..i for one would be gone..would rather mastubate in a libray

Her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

Well the situation you describe is cheating. I don't see any confusion there?

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater?

I see where you're coming from, and I agree far too much judgement goes on about people with partners, when they do not know the intricacies of the individuals circumstance.

Yes just once

My second husband came home one day when I was 38, saying not only did he have a girlfriend but she was pregnant and he wasn't abandoning her

So I had 3 kids and a mortgage to pay

So actually I do know it's painful sure

But I knew he'd been seeing her for over a year and turned a blind eye just to maintain my suburban life and shelter my children from any anguish

What you don't know about or accept as the norm, can't hurt you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater?

I see where you're coming from, and I agree far too much judgement goes on about people with partners, when they do not know the intricacies of the individuals circumstance.

Yes just once

My second husband came home one day when I was 38, saying not only did he have a girlfriend but she was pregnant and he wasn't abandoning her

So I had 3 kids and a mortgage to pay

So actually I do know it's painful sure

But I knew he'd been seeing her for over a year and turned a blind eye just to maintain my suburban life and shelter my children from any anguish

What you don't know about or accept as the norm, can't hurt you

And as you advocate..you would be willing to put someone through the same as you have been..without a second thought...oh your right about what you dont know about..but cheats and liars always and i mean always in the end get found out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think there is any confusion. Perhaps they're hoping for a thread where they can participate in a bit of married bashing if someone cheating pops up calling themself a swinger. Except they won't, because they all know they aren't swinging.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater?

I see where you're coming from, and I agree far too much judgement goes on about people with partners, when they do not know the intricacies of the individuals circumstance.

Yes just once

My second husband came home one day when I was 38, saying not only did he have a girlfriend but she was pregnant and he wasn't abandoning her

So I had 3 kids and a mortgage to pay

So actually I do know it's painful sure

But I knew he'd been seeing her for over a year and turned a blind eye just to maintain my suburban life and shelter my children from any anguish

What you don't know about or accept as the norm, can't hurt you

Not true

I've been fucking one married man for 12 years of his 14 years married life after she arrived home with the baby and never ever ever left The spare room again to share his bed

She has no clue that he only has sex with me

Why would she care anyway?

She doesn't love him because if she did she would abide by her marriage contract

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In relation to my earlier post, I take it that those who took offence at it are anti-swinging... seeing as it was only talking about those people who are anti-swinging... who are all singles only looking to meet singles. If you are a single only looking to meet singles but are not anti-swinging this clearly doesn't apply to you. I was not equating being single and only seeking singles with being anti-swinging. I was commenting that within the singles only community there is an anti-swinging contingent who have reactionary _iews on sex and monogamy. If that sounds like you then feel free to be offended... if it doesn't...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater?

I see where you're coming from, and I agree far too much judgement goes on about people with partners, when they do not know the intricacies of the individuals circumstance.

Yes just once

My second husband came home one day when I was 38, saying not only did he have a girlfriend but she was pregnant and he wasn't abandoning her

So I had 3 kids and a mortgage to pay

So actually I do know it's painful sure

But I knew he'd been seeing her for over a year and turned a blind eye just to maintain my suburban life and shelter my children from any anguish

What you don't know about or accept as the norm, can't hurt you

Not true

I've been fucking one married man for 12 years of his 14 years married life after she arrived home with the baby and never ever ever left The spare room again to share his bed

She has no clue that he only has sex with me

Why would she care anyway?

She doesn't love him because if she did she would abide by her marriage contract

Thats what hes told you...Hmmm right..why would anyone on this gods earth stick with someone for 14 years knowing that there not loved...i dunno..perhaps im wrong..but hes still cheating on her whether she knows or not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Q: re OP

A: absolutely not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In relation to my earlier post, I take it that those who took offence at it are anti-swinging... seeing as it was only talking about those people who are anti-swinging... who are all singles only looking to meet singles. If you are a single only looking to meet singles but are not anti-swinging this clearly doesn't apply to you. I was not equating being single and only seeking singles with being anti-swinging. I was commenting that within the singles only community there is an anti-swinging contingent who have reactionary _iews on sex and monogamy. If that sounds like you then feel free to be offended... if it doesn't...

Saying your _iew doesn't sound as progressive as you think it is doesn't mean I'm offended. I'm not offended, I'm not a swinger, I'm a cheater. But the way you presented it sounded very anti-single swinger to me (again, not offended, I'm not one). Implying that admin opening the site up to singles seeking singles was a mistake sounds fairly anti-single.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie

Especially when they ask you what you did over the weekend

Which lie is greater?

I see where you're coming from, and I agree far too much judgement goes on about people with partners, when they do not know the intricacies of the individuals circumstance.

Yes just once

My second husband came home one day when I was 38, saying not only did he have a girlfriend but she was pregnant and he wasn't abandoning her

So I had 3 kids and a mortgage to pay

So actually I do know it's painful sure

But I knew he'd been seeing her for over a year and turned a blind eye just to maintain my suburban life and shelter my children from any anguish

What you don't know about or accept as the norm, can't hurt you

Not true

I've been fucking one married man for 12 years of his 14 years married life after she arrived home with the baby and never ever ever left The spare room again to share his bed

She has no clue that he only has sex with me

Why would she care anyway?

She doesn't love him because if she did she would abide by her marriage contract

I've known him from before he married her plus plenty of people in his social circle and even colleagues

Plus he's doing right by the child

He intends to leave once the child reaches 18

Anyway this isn't about him

He's a decent honourable family man who refuses to abandon his child

And his wife IS A FRIGID bitch

Everyone who knows her agrees

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cheating is when you do something with an attractive other which you know your partner wouldn't like you doing and you hide it from them. This might be as innocent as having regular coffees or it might be sex. If this hiding is absent. If instead you are sharing everything with your partner and making sure they approve, without coercion, and they appear to like it too... it can't possibly be cheating. It may not be monogamy... but it's not cheating. It's just a different relationship setup. That's the way I see it

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

Yes just once

My second husband came home one day when I was 38, saying not only did he have a girlfriend but she was pregnant and he wasn't abandoning her

So I had 3 kids and a mortgage to pay

So actually I do know it's painful sure

But I knew he'd been seeing her for over a year and turned a blind eye just to maintain my suburban life and shelter my children from any anguish

What you don't know about or accept as the norm, can't hurt you

I understand your point, swingers are used to being judged by others in the real world all the time. Yet some are very quick to judge those who are cheating.

There is only one situation where cheating is justified in my book, and that is when one partner, a long time after the relationship has started, suddenly refuses to fulfil the others sexual needs, and there are other factors keeping the couple together.

On the whole cheating is inexcusable and one of the worst things you can do to someone. Swinging as part of a loving couple, whilst not for me. There is nothing inherently immoral about it.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

Yes just once

My second husband came home one day when I was 38, saying not only did he have a girlfriend but she was pregnant and he wasn't abandoning her

So I had 3 kids and a mortgage to pay

So actually I do know it's painful sure

But I knew he'd been seeing her for over a year and turned a blind eye just to maintain my suburban life and shelter my children from any anguish

What you don't know about or accept as the norm, can't hurt you

I understand your point, swingers are used to being judged by others in the real world all the time. Yet some are very quick to judge those who are cheating.

On the whole cheating is inexcusable and one of the worst things you can do to someone. Swinging as part of a loving couple, whilst not for me. There is nothing inherently immoral about it. "

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

I do remember the good old days when a bi guy was the swinging world's anti christ

Now the cheaters

Oh how we used to laugh about it back then

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

I'm not offended either, just pointing out that your _iew is as bigoted as the _iew you chastise..

You could call me anti-swinging, i'd never do it. I'm open minded though, and if you enjoy doing it i'm very happy for you..

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Personally I understood what you meant, and we too were quite surprised to see some of the _iews you talked about aired regularly.

However, I wouldn't have worded it like you did, since, having thought on it, I feel that our surprise is more a manifestestion of our naïvety, rather than any error on the part of any individual 'singles'. We are, afterall, a wide and varied bunch, and I think the site benefits from that.

I thought the term 'swinging' was used in preference to 'swapping' nowadays specifically to encompass all this variety.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Saying your _iew doesn't sound as progressive as you think it is doesn't mean I'm offended. I'm not offended, I'm not a swinger, I'm a cheater. But the way you presented it sounded very anti-single swinger to me (again, not offended, I'm not one). Implying that admin opening the site up to singles seeking singles was a mistake sounds fairly anti-single. "

Sorry but there is no such a thing as a single swinger... and therein lies the root of the problem with fabswingers. Is it a swinging site or an NSA sex site for singles? It turns out that its both... but that comes with its problems and the anti-swinging "swingers are the same as cheaters" brigade is part of that. Personally, I think that admin should kick off any members who confess to cheating and clean up the site. I know that's not gonna go down well lol

But as things stand the site facilitates hurting people and ruining their relationships... and I don't believe it should. It certainly leaves itself open to litigation for being a facilitating party. After all, how many cheaters on here would've been successful without its help?

In the end it makes for a messy but amusing mix... and I guess I like it that way. But it does fill the field with landmines for those of us who are just looking for some safe sexual exploration.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Op. I've seen your name pop up on most threads related to this topic if not all. It is very clear you are anti cheating. That is absolutely fine. What I find annoying is the way you question everybody who might mention that they are doing so. I've said this many times already. And I'm not the only one. There are many reasons why people do it. They are personal reasons. It is my belief they should keep those reasons off the forum. If they are talking to potential meets then yes they should be honest. And it's perfectly reasonable for said meet to enquire why. It's then up to the person how much they tell if anything. Subsequently up to the potential meet to decide to pursue or not. This is exactly the same way it goes for any potential issue that crops up. There's an argument to say that it should be on the profile and a few people do that. The other thing to remember is that people who do stay with their partners and cheat will know the risks and devastation that will be caused should they be found out. I know some won't care. I would hope that most will have weighed up the consequences against their individual situations and do what they feel is right. The other thing that really bothers me is people saying that they should leave their partner. No one has the right to say that to anyone. It will be the right thing to do for some and not the right thing for others. Once again it comes down to individual circumstances. Once again I ask you to let others be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You could call me anti-swinging, i'd never do it. I'm open minded though, and if you enjoy doing it i'm very happy for you.. "

Obviously the leading question here is... why would you never swing? If you can answer that without sounding anti-swinging then I'll concede the point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

However, you don't know as a couple if she or him is meeting behind your back tho, its easy to delete msgs, just saying

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Who is the guy that says 'giddigy'?

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"However, you don't know as a couple if she or him is meeting behind your back tho, its easy to delete msgs, just saying

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the end it makes for a messy but amusing mix... and I guess I like it that way. But it does fill the field with landmines for those of us who are just looking for some safe sexual exploration."

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

In the end it makes for a messy but amusing mix... and I guess I like it that way. But it does fill the field with landmines for those of us who are just looking for some safe sexual exploration."

Now that you have explained your sentiment slightly more, i can agree with you. There should be a couples only area of the site, sort of like a members area.

Not sure about your litigation comment though

It's not illegal to cheat.. and a third party most certainly cannot be sued lol.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Sorry but there is no such a thing as a single swinger.. "

Try:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging_(sexual_practice)

Perhaps a definition might help here.

Swinging does include singles....

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

"Who is the guy that says 'giddigy'?

iiiiits quagmire!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the end it makes for a messy but amusing mix... and I guess I like it that way. But it does fill the field with landmines for those of us who are just looking for some safe sexual exploration."

Litigation for being a facilitating party? No. No court in this country would even consider that as a valid argument. How many cheaters would have been successful without this site? Probably most of them if you consider the statistics for infidelity in this country versus the number of site members.

I have never ever seen anyone who is cheating try to suggest it's the same as swinging. The only anti-swinging attitudes I've seen have tended to be from very young men who are actually single and are frustrated (I realise I'm generalising) and older singles who are between relationships.

No one is blocking your good clean fun, and all "cleaning up the site" by removing anyone who admitted to being in a relationship would do is to force it underground and get rid of the ones like me who are open about our status specifically so that anyone who doesn't want to meet a cheater doesn't waste their time. I think there would be far fewer "land mines" if people were encouraged to say what they are.

I actually don't see the great problem with various groups of people using the site in different ways. The instashag crowd don't spoil the site for me, and neither do the couples only crew, the "real swingers" brigade, the club-only posse or the cheating toerags collective.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Op. I've seen your name pop up on most threads related to this topic if not all. It is very clear you are anti cheating. That is absolutely fine. What I find annoying is the way you question everybody who might mention that they are doing so. I've said this many times already. And I'm not the only one. There are many reasons why people do it."

Just to clarify. I think its fine if someone advertises the fact that they are a cheater, as some on this thread are doing. This gives others the vital info they need either to steer clear or try a dabble. It's when its hidden that the problems arise. Perhaps a solution would be for the site to have an "I'm a cheater" symbol which you put on your profile. Then anyone who admits to cheating gets it put on for them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do remember the good old days when a bi guy was the swinging world's anti christ

Now the cheaters

Oh how we used to laugh about it back then"

I'm sure it'll all come full circle and I'll be an angel again at some point

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

"You could call me anti-swinging, i'd never do it. I'm open minded though, and if you enjoy doing it i'm very happy for you..

Obviously the leading question here is... why would you never swing? If you can answer that without sounding anti-swinging then I'll concede the point

Challenge accepted. In all the relationships i have ever been in, i have never had any desire to sleep with anyone but my partner. I am also probably too insecure to enjoy the thought of my partner with another. That do?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Perhaps you should reconsider your "clean up the site" terminology then, as people are some kind of dirt to be removed from your shoe. That's really going to encourage them to be open about their status.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"I do remember the good old days when a bi guy was the swinging world's anti christ

Now the cheaters

Oh how we used to laugh about it back then

I'm sure it'll all come full circle and I'll be an angel again at some point

I am all prepared with my very best lines when It does,

It was fun playing with minds of 10000% straighter than a Roman road , no woofers here brigade

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the end it makes for a messy but amusing mix... and I guess I like it that way. But it does fill the field with landmines for those of us who are just looking for some safe sexual exploration."

The site is called fabswingers yes but it incorporates singles as well who we can all agree are not swingers in the true sense. Just like every other swinging website. It doesn't ban known cheaters. Just like every other swinging website. All of these websites have made it easier for cheats to meet others. All of these websites have made it easier for couples to meet other couples. Swinging clubs have done this. Vanilla clubs have done this. Pubs have done this.

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By *nvictusMan over a year ago

Beeston

As long as it's informed consent and all parties know what I going on then no, it's not cheating.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I do remember the good old days when a bi guy was the swinging world's anti christ

Now the cheaters

Oh how we used to laugh about it back then

I'm sure it'll all come full circle and I'll be

an angel again at some point

I am all prepared with my very best

lines when It does,

It was fun playing with minds of

10000% straighter than a Roman road

, no woofers here brigade"

There are anti lots of subjects on fab. Except there hasn't been an anti-tank gun thread which is a bit concerning.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do remember the good old days when a bi guy was the swinging world's anti christ

Now the cheaters

Oh how we used to laugh about it back then

I'm sure it'll all come full circle and I'll be an angel again at some point

I am all prepared with my very best lines when It does,

It was fun playing with minds of 10000% straighter than a Roman road , no woofers here brigade"

God I'd never wind anyone up like that because I find it amusing, that's so terrible....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do remember the good old days when a bi guy was the swinging world's anti christ

Now the cheaters

Oh how we used to laugh about it back then

I'm sure it'll all come full circle and I'll be

an angel again at some point

I am all prepared with my very best

lines when It does,

It was fun playing with minds of

10000% straighter than a Roman road

, no woofers here brigade

There are anti lots of subjects on fab. Except there hasn't been an anti-tank gun thread which is a bit concerning. "

Don't get me started on those tank guns. Coming over 'ere, spoiling our healthy sexual exploration.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As long as it's informed consent and all parties know what I going on then no, it's not cheating. "

Always have consent so no not cheating with couples or singles. Usually fems in A's case

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Now that you have explained your sentiment slightly more, i can agree with you. There should be a couples only area of the site, sort of like a members area."

Crikey

No don't get me wrong I'm as up for an FFM as the next man lol

Singles who want to mix things up with couples totally belong here. And, in reply to the guy who dropped the wiki link, I'd add that this whole threesome, foursome, moresome thing is the essence of what is meant by swinging these days.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You could call me anti-swinging, i'd never do it. I'm open minded though, and if you enjoy doing it i'm very happy for you..

Obviously the leading question here is... why would you never swing? If you can answer that without sounding anti-swinging then I'll concede the point

Good start.

Now for the other side of the equation. What if your partner said they wanted you both to swing?

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

Good start.

Now for the other side of the equation. What if your partner said they wanted you both to swing?"

Then my response would be: 'I'm not comfortable with that, if it's something that is important to you, then maybe we should part ways.' How's that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Perhaps you should reconsider your "clean up the site" terminology then"

fair enough

"as people are some kind of dirt to be removed from your shoe."

hmm

That's a bit unfair. Some people simply don't mix well here. It's like putting a sex party together and inviting your Gran. Your Gran may be a wonderful person... but does she really belong? I think you're imagining me as some high and mighty holier than thou type. I'm only making some valid points about the weird mix of people on this site.

In the end you're probably right. Cheaters shouldn't be booted off, but they should be marked clearly. Having been on this site for a while, I can sympathise that there are sometimes perfectly legitimate reasons why people cheat.

As for the whole legal thing... it really depends on the person and their situation. If it's clear that Fab enabled their partner to cheat and tear their family apart then why wouldn't they have a grievance about that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good start.

Now for the other side of the equation. What if your partner said they wanted you both to swing?

Then my response would be: 'I'm not comfortable with that, if it's something that is important to you, then maybe we should part ways.' How's that? "

Getting close

But I just need to confirm something. Lets imagine you've been together for 10 years, married for 5, and your partner just wants to try a soft swap where you both get to watch others have sex whilst they watch you have sex....perhaps with a little bit of touching here and there. Am I right in saying you'd leave your wife rather than try that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Perhaps you should reconsider your "clean up the site" terminology then

fair enough

as people are some kind of dirt to be removed from your shoe.

hmm

We're at different points because of your suggestion that the weird mix/people who don't belong is somehow damaging the site for "real" swingers. I don't think we are at all, I don't see how my presence here impinges on the experience of anyone here who doesn't want to meet me. I'd be happy to be marked clearly with a badge....a gold star, perhaps.

If an aggrieved cheated-on person really sought to blame a website instead of their cheating partner, they deserve everything they get, quite frankly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really"

That doesn't make sense...

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

That doesn't make sense...

It's like multiplying negative numbers....

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

" Perhaps a solution would be for the site to have an "I'm a cheater" symbol which you put on your profile. Then anyone who admits to cheating gets it put on for them."

Or maybe tar and feather them?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really"

Can you cheat consensually?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

" Perhaps a solution would be for the site to have an "I'm a cheater" symbol which you put on your profile. Then anyone who admits to cheating gets it put on for them.

Or maybe tar and feather them?

no that wears off, what about a tattoo?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really"

How is that simple. By very definition cheating is without consent

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

" Perhaps a solution would be for the site to have an "I'm a cheater" symbol which you put on your profile. Then anyone who admits to cheating gets it put on for them.

Or maybe tar and feather them?

no that wears off, what about a tattoo?"

More likely to be a black eye...

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

That's like trying to sue a website that sells kitchen knives cause someone used it to kill..

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

That doesn't make sense...

It makes perfect sense. I don't quite agree with it but it makes sense.

The guys saying that both equate to having sex with someone other than your partner, and he thinks that is immoral.

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really"

The person being cheatewd on has not consented, so no, it isn't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We're at different points because of your suggestion that the weird mix/people who don't belong is somehow damaging the site for "real" swingers. I don't think we are at all, I don't see how my presence here impinges on the experience of anyone here who doesn't want to meet me."

I've been away from the forums for a while but in my time on them there was quite a lot of posts about meeting people who ended up either being married and hadn't admitted as much or being disappointed because feelings of love were not being returned or vice versa. This is where my opinion that the presence of hidden cheaters and singles looking for love create a disturbance in the equillibrium of what this site's all about comes from. We haven't had any of these problems ourselves.... but it does strike me that they are not a beneficial mix for the majority of fabbers... that is unless they actually are the majority lol

p.s. I think you're taking this too personally. If I recall you are a self described cheater. As long as you're clear with people about that then you aren't part of this problem so I'm not really talking about you. Apologies if my earlier post made it seem as if I was

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

Can you cheat consensually?"

I may be wrong, but he might be saying that any married couple having sex with someone else is technically cheating in the eyes of the church, it is just that the 'cheating' is with the consent of each other.

In effect conflating 'cheating' with 'adultery'.

Maybe

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

That doesn't make sense...

It makes perfect sense. I don't quite agree with it but it makes sense.

The guys saying that both equate to having sex with someone other than your partner, and he thinks that is immoral. "

As my last question to you highlights... swinging doesn't always involve having sex with someone other than your partner... that's only full swing. I'd say the majority of swingers on this site are only soft swing i.e. they enjoy all the pleasures of playing with each other's partners... but don't actually engage in penetrative sex with them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

That doesn't make sense...

It makes perfect sense. I don't quite agree with it but it makes sense.

The guys saying that both equate to having sex with someone other than your partner, and he thinks that is immoral. "

It still doesn't make sense.

Immorality and cheating are two different things...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

That doesn't make sense...

It's like multiplying negative numbers....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not taking it personally, no need to apologise. I agree that it's better to be open about your status so that the other party can make an informed decision.

But I see this in the same vein as people who want bareback, bisexual men who aren't open about their sexuality - it's easier for people to be open about it if they don't feel they're going to be criticised for it at every turn. I feel ignoring them would be more conducive to that than to talk of kicking people off the site.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really

Can you cheat consensually?

In effect conflating 'cheating' with 'adultery'.

Maybe

You could be right.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know it's going off on a tangent but proper swingers, if one of you met someone with your partners consent & the sex was better with them than with your partner, would you tell me that or would you lie about it to keep them happy?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's absolutely the same thing in my opinion, the cheating is just consensual. Simple as that really"

Do you mean in the way that sex outside of marriage is against the marriage vows? And therefore 'cheating'?

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

In the end it makes for a messy but amusing mix... and I guess I like it that way. But it does fill the field with landmines for those of us who are just looking for some safe sexual exploration.

Mobile phones too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know it's going off on a tangent but proper swingers, if one of you met someone with your partners consent & the sex was better with them than with your partner, would you tell me that or would you lie about it to keep them happy?"

I meant tell your partner, not me!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not bothered about people cheating, I'd just rather not meet them. I'm not bothered about people being bisexual I'd rather not meet them. Seems a few on here like ridiculing people's choices. Says more about them though

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

That's a good answer xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I meant tell your partner, not me!!!"

A Freudian slip if ever there was!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But I see this in the same vein as people who want bareback, bisexual men who aren't open about their sexuality - it's easier for people to be open about it if they don't feel they're going to be criticised for it at every turn. I feel ignoring them would be more conducive to that than to talk of kicking people off the site. "

I guess the problem with that stance, which sounds nice and open minded so you're probably right in some way, is that with cheating its difficult to tell when someone's cheating in a good way... and when they're totally wrecking people's lives. As a rule of thumb most people would prefer not to be the cause of other people's suffering... and this is why some people tend to stigmatise cheaters. Don't worry though... some singles stigmatise swingers in exactly the same way, arguing that all swingers are cheats and that they'd rather not get involved in any "drama"... even when its the partner's idea in the first place. So we all get a bit of stigma from various sides

btw pissing myself at the whole tar and feathers black eye thing but didn't want to flood the thread with too many posts lol

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

That's a good answer xx"

Maybe, but I really fancy chocolate now

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

Sorry I missed your last question. I shall endeavour to find it and answer presently.

In response to this though, cheating doesn't always involve having sex with someone other than your partner either. Like I said I don't think they are the same at all, but the theory definitely makes sense unlike what some here are claiming.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I meant tell your partner, not me!!!

A Freudian slip if ever there was!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

That's a good answer xx

Maybe, but I really fancy chocolate now

Double Decker or Bounty?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry I missed your last question. I shall endeavour to find it and answer presently.

Ok lets make this simple...

1) Your partner asks you not to have any alcohol this evening. You agree, then sneak out the back, up the garden path to the pub and neck a quick couple of pints before coming back and explaining you were just out in the garage fixing the car.

2) Your partner suggests you both go to the pub and have a couple of pints. You get there and your partner offers to buy the drinks. You both enjoy a nice couple of pints together.

Spot the difference?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

btw pissing myself at the whole tar and feathers black eye thing but didn't want to flood the thread with too many posts lol

I don't think anyone needs to encourage anything they disagree with - just that I feel it would be better if they chose to ignore it. No one is going to change their mind about anything they're doing based on what some randoms from the Internet say about it. No one should feel that they're encouraging something or somehow complicit in it if they're not involved in meeting that person. They are not the cause of anyone's suffering just by existing as a profile on the same site as their cheating partner and ignoring them.

(So I shouldn't start campaigning for the cheater sign to be a flashing red A then?

)

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

That's a good answer xx

Maybe, but I really fancy chocolate now

Double Decker or Bounty?"

Just checked, only Mars left

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

Getting close

I wouldn't leave her, but I wouldn't do something that made me uncomfortable. Again my response would be "if you feel playing with and touching others is more important than our relationship, then there's the door." She may choose to leave me then, in which case it was never meant to be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't leave her, but I wouldn't do something that made me uncomfortable. Again my response would be "if you feel playing with and touching others is more important than our relationship, then there's the door." She may choose to leave me then, in which case it was never meant to be. "

Fair enough. And I assume that if all of this happened to a mate of yours and his wife and he decided to give it a go you'd be generally supportive of him. In which case... yes you are not anti-swinging but you would rather not swing yourself based solely on the grounds that it would take you out of your comfort zone and you'd rather end a long term loving relationship than do that. Fair enough, a bit harsh... I wouldn't take that stance myself as I love my wife deeply and I'd always be willing to try something once just to see if it works for us, but fair enough

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

You're the only couple to answer my question

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

You're the only couple to answer my question

Start a new thread. It's an interesting question.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

You're the only couple to answer my question

I was going to answer but the above answer says it all really. One off sex with an acquaintance is unlikely to ever be better than sex with someone you have a lifetime of experience with. We don't meet separately anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

You're the only couple to answer my question

Ditto

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

You're the only couple to answer my question

Start a new thread. It's an interesting question.

Yeah, I'd be a crap swinger because I know I'd always worry that my partner would prefer sex with someone else than me

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

I wouldn't rather end it at all. If my partner was willing to end what was a long term loving relationship due to a desire to have sexual experiences with others, then she would not be someone I would want to be with anyway.

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By *gNeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

You're the only couple to answer my question

Start a new thread. It's an interesting question.

Yeah, I'd be a crap swinger because I know I'd always worry that my partner would prefer sex with someone else than me

Yeah start another thread! Mr ddc's answer was very smart but somewhat evasive. Be interesting to see what others have to say.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not as simple as that, like saying "Are Double Deckers better than Bountys?" I like them both, but neither is better.

Besides, regardless who I have sex with, I would only ever make love to Mrs ddc.

You're the only couple to answer my question

That's probably because what they said was so bang on. I would only add that it's not possible to have better sex with someone other than the one you love. Sure the cock might be bigger or the boobs plumper... but for most of us the measure of great sex is found in its intimacy and nothing is more intimate and great than sex with the one you love. The rest is all fun and games to some extent

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cool ~ will it be the same 'I'm a cheater' symbol that applies to one half of a couples profile when they message me behind their partners back.....?!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You're the only couple to answer my question

Start a new thread. It's an interesting question.

Yeah, I'd be a crap swinger because I know I'd always worry that my partner would prefer sex with someone else than me

Yeah start another thread! Mr ddc's answer was very smart but somewhat evasive. Be interesting to see what others have to say. "

Evasive how? I'm not being rude to you but you don't seem to me to display a very good understanding of what a very deep and loving relationship can be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cool ~ will it be the same 'I'm a cheater' symbol that applies to one half of a couples profile when they message me behind their partners back.....?!"

The idea is... if you report it to admin and they approve then yes the "I'm a cheater" symbol would then appear on their profile

I'm leaning towards it being surrounded by flames with an image of a skull beneath it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're the only couple to answer my question

Start a new thread. It's an interesting question.

Yeah, I'd be a crap swinger because I know I'd always worry that my partner would prefer sex with someone else than me

Yeah start another thread! Mr ddc's answer was very smart but somewhat evasive. Be interesting to see what others have to say. "

I don't think a thread on "would you be jealous if your partner had good sex with someone else" would elicit much reaction from real swingers to be honest (maybe newbies) as these are feelings they have discussed/worked through/stuck together through/moved on from.

Swinging involves an advanced emotional mindset set that some people just can't grasp regardless of how it's explained to them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're the only couple to answer my question

Start a new thread. It's an interesting question.

Yeah, I'd be a crap swinger because I know I'd always worry that my partner would prefer sex with someone else than me

Yeah start another thread! Mr ddc's answer was very smart but somewhat evasive. Be interesting to see what others have to say.

Evasive how? I'm not being rude to you but you don't seem to me to display a very good understanding of what a very deep and loving relationship can be."

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Yeah start another thread! Mr ddc's answer was very smart but somewhat evasive. Be interesting to see what others have to say. "

I apologise that my answer clearly didn't fit with your preconceived notions about us crazy swingers/cheaters/adulterers. I can only give the opinions I have.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cool ~ will it be the same 'I'm a cheater' symbol that applies to one half of a couples profile when they message me behind their partners back.....?!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yeah start another thread! Mr ddc's answer was very smart but somewhat evasive. Be interesting to see what others have to say.

I apologise that my answer clearly didn't fit with your preconceived notions about us crazy swingers/cheaters/adulterers. I can only give the opinions I have.

Hey Mr ddc, why start a thread today when you can save it up for tomorrow & we can have that déjà vu feeling 3 days in a row.....

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Yeah, I'd be a crap swinger because I know I'd always worry that my partner would prefer sex with someone else than me

I suspect those sort of doubts are quite common initially. That's why good communication and consideration is the most important thing. And this is why swingers statistically have stronger marriages.

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By *epper123Woman over a year ago

London

btw pissing myself at the whole tar and feathers black eye thing but didn't want to flood the thread with too many posts lol

(So I shouldn't start campaigning for the cheater sign to be a flashing red A then?

I think its called The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't rather end it at all. If my partner was willing to end what was a long term loving relationship due to a desire to have sexual experiences with others, then she would not be someone I would want to be with anyway. "

I think the point is mate that she'd probably want to end it because you're being stubborn and controlling and forcing your opinions on her... none of which are particularly attractive. The way you've voiced it, there seems to be no compromise at all. You wouldn't even try going to a swingers club with her and making out whilst you watch others making out. This suggests that you simply have no real feelings for her and are unwilling to meet her half way.

Sorry if it feels like I'm getting at you. I've had similar discussions with other singles on the forum and it often comes down to this inability to grasp the push and pull of what being in a relationship is actually like. There's a lot of compromise involved in building a loving relationship that singles sometimes fail to factor into their vision of future bliss

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Hey Mr ddc, why start a thread today when you can save it up for tomorrow & we can have that déjà vu feeling 3 days in a row..... "

Sod it, I'm off for a Mars bar, what's more I'm not going to tell Mrs ddc...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not taking it personally, no need to apologise. I agree that it's better to be open about your status so that the other party can make an informed decision.

Absolutely correct.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Hey Mr ddc, why start a thread today when you can save it up for tomorrow & we can have that déjà vu feeling 3 days in a row.....

Sod it, I'm off for a Mars bar, what's more I'm not going to tell Mrs ddc...

OMG, she has a secret stash of foam bananas

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