FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Sexless marriage pt. 2
Sexless marriage pt. 2
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Seems the discussion was still going strong when the thread closed so here's a part 2. 
I shall post the original OP below. But I just want to highlight my original point- it wouldn't be a sexless marriage as such. Both people would be getting sex, just not with each other. Perhaps they are compatible in every way apart from sexually.
Could that work? We know it does in some cases. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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From the first thread-
If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.
-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?
-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From the first thread-
If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.
-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?
-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?"
i knew you would start this again hehe hey isn't that type of relationship a marriage of convenience rather than a marriage in the true sense ,sorry as a nice guy who doesn't like rules and breaks them because we are not meant as humans to be governed by rules but at the same time agrees that rules give us structure ,I find that having sex outside of marriage and I'm not religious either is contrary to the marriage contract the promises that you made to eachother not so if not married of course but still a little odd even to do it to a partner that you I assume love because at some point one or the other of you will meet someone else you would prefer to be with  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From the first thread-
If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.
-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?
-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?i knew you would start this again hehe hey isn't that type of relationship a marriage of convenience rather than a marriage in the true sense ,sorry as a nice guy who doesn't like rules and breaks them because we are not meant as humans to be governed by rules but at the same time agrees that rules give us structure ,I find that having sex outside of marriage and I'm not religious either is contrary to the marriage contract the promises that you made to eachother not so if not married of course but still a little odd even to do it to a partner that you I assume love because at some point one or the other of you will meet someone else you would prefer to be with "
Serious question, then - do you think the couples who meet on here are breaking the marriage contract?
I'm really just curious. Because as I see it, a contract contains the terms that both parties agree to. So if both parties agree to sex outside of marriage, how is that breaking the terms of the contract to have that sex?
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From the first thread-
If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.
-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?
-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?i knew you would start this again hehe hey isn't that type of relationship a marriage of convenience rather than a marriage in the true sense ,sorry as a nice guy who doesn't like rules and breaks them because we are not meant as humans to be governed by rules but at the same time agrees that rules give us structure ,I find that having sex outside of marriage and I'm not religious either is contrary to the marriage contract the promises that you made to eachother not so if not married of course but still a little odd even to do it to a partner that you I assume love because at some point one or the other of you will meet someone else you would prefer to be with
Serious question, then - do you think the couples who meet on here are breaking the marriage contract?
I'm really just curious. Because as I see it, a contract contains the terms that both parties agree to. So if both parties agree to sex outside of marriage, how is that breaking the terms of the contract to have that sex?
-Courtney"
marriage is about more than sex its about trying to create a moral environment for your family to be nurtured in ,I am not moral but as a parent and a man who was when married happily married and faithful within that marriage I believe that the reason we created a couple and then a married couple was to create that environment ,sex is sex and fab is not a moral place doesn't mean their aren't nice people within it ,it's just my opinion that playing around sexually with other partners wether you agree to it or not will ultimately ruin that partnership a small minority may survive it but look at the divorce rate and the amount of single parent families that exist its not a good sign for the future ,I'm on the side of having as much sex as you can just saying don't think ultimately it's a good thing for your marriage or marriage like partnership  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From the first thread-
If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.
-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?
-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?i knew you would start this again hehe hey isn't that type of relationship a marriage of convenience rather than a marriage in the true sense ,sorry as a nice guy who doesn't like rules and breaks them because we are not meant as humans to be governed by rules but at the same time agrees that rules give us structure ,I find that having sex outside of marriage and I'm not religious either is contrary to the marriage contract the promises that you made to eachother not so if not married of course but still a little odd even to do it to a partner that you I assume love because at some point one or the other of you will meet someone else you would prefer to be with
Serious question, then - do you think the couples who meet on here are breaking the marriage contract?
I'm really just curious. Because as I see it, a contract contains the terms that both parties agree to. So if both parties agree to sex outside of marriage, how is that breaking the terms of the contract to have that sex?
-Courtneymarriage is about more than sex its about trying to create a moral environment for your family to be nurtured in ,I am not moral but as a parent and a man who was when married happily married and faithful within that marriage I believe that the reason we created a couple and then a married couple was to create that environment ,sex is sex and fab is not a moral place doesn't mean their aren't nice people within it ,it's just my opinion that playing around sexually with other partners wether you agree to it or not will ultimately ruin that partnership a small minority may survive it but look at the divorce rate and the amount of single parent families that exist its not a good sign for the future ,I'm on the side of having as much sex as you can just saying don't think ultimately it's a good thing for your marriage or marriage like partnership "
I disagree. But I understand your point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries."
hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it |
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it "
Swingers is a new name for it really its a widely used term as swinging is what you want it to be...many different types ....I don't think it's as black and white as just being "swingers" . |
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"From the first thread-
If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.
-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?
-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?i knew you would start this again hehe hey isn't that type of relationship a marriage of convenience rather than a marriage in the true sense ,sorry as a nice guy who doesn't like rules and breaks them because we are not meant as humans to be governed by rules but at the same time agrees that rules give us structure ,I find that having sex outside of marriage and I'm not religious either is contrary to the marriage contract the promises that you made to eachother not so if not married of course but still a little odd even to do it to a partner that you I assume love because at some point one or the other of you will meet someone else you would prefer to be with
Serious question, then - do you think the couples who meet on here are breaking the marriage contract?
I'm really just curious. Because as I see it, a contract contains the terms that both parties agree to. So if both parties agree to sex outside of marriage, how is that breaking the terms of the contract to have that sex?
-Courtneymarriage is about more than sex its about trying to create a moral environment for your family to be nurtured in ,I am not moral but as a parent and a man who was when married happily married and faithful within that marriage I believe that the reason we created a couple and then a married couple was to create that environment ,sex is sex and fab is not a moral place doesn't mean their aren't nice people within it ,it's just my opinion that playing around sexually with other partners wether you agree to it or not will ultimately ruin that partnership a small minority may survive it but look at the divorce rate and the amount of single parent families that exist its not a good sign for the future ,I'm on the side of having as much sex as you can just saying don't think ultimately it's a good thing for your marriage or marriage like partnership "
For me sex is only immoral if it isn't consensual or legal and sex isn't love either. I personally couldn't agree to a marriage without sex from the start because it's part of intimately knowing a partner but I could and obviously have agreed to a marriage in which we have sex with other people and I don't feel it's immoral.
I'm interested in how far you feel morality extends in sexual behaviour do you feel it immoral to have thoughts and fantasies about people other than a partner or just to act on them? I'm not being aggressive just trying to open out the discussion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
Swingers is a new name for it really its a widely used term as swinging is what you want it to be...many different types ....I don't think it's as black and white as just being "swingers" ."
all you have to do is look at Lord bath lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it "
As I said, I understand your point. But I also don't like the insinuation that because we are swingers our marriage won't work. Our marriage is just as strong now as when we met almost 10 years ago. I think many on here would agree.
As to the OP, I don't think I could have that kind of relationship, as sex is woven into my feelings about marriage. However I do know people who have had that kind of relationship. It was bitter and sad, but they didn't get a divorce, so I guess it depends on how you judge a successful marriage.
-Courtney |
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it "
I think you're seeing all marriages through the eyes of your own. That isn't wrong but not all marriages are the same and not everyone thinks the way you do about marriage, that doesn't make them wrong either. |
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
I think you're seeing all marriages through the eyes of your own. That isn't wrong but not all marriages are the same and not everyone thinks the way you do about marriage, that doesn't make them wrong either."
Well put  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
As I said, I understand your point. But I also don't like the insinuation that because we are swingers our marriage won't work. Our marriage is just as strong now as when we met almost 10 years ago. I think many on here would agree.
As to the OP, I don't think I could have that kind of relationship, as sex is woven into my feelings about marriage. However I do know people who have had that kind of relationship. It was bitter and sad, but they didn't get a divorce, so I guess it depends on how you judge a successful marriage.
-Courtney"
Courtney it's an opinion not an accusation don't take it as literal ,I was married for 21 years may you be married for ever and swinging forever, happily  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
As I said, I understand your point. But I also don't like the insinuation that because we are swingers our marriage won't work. Our marriage is just as strong now as when we met almost 10 years ago. I think many on here would agree.
As to the OP, I don't think I could have that kind of relationship, as sex is woven into my feelings about marriage. However I do know people who have had that kind of relationship. It was bitter and sad, but they didn't get a divorce, so I guess it depends on how you judge a successful marriage.
-CourtneyCourtney it's an opinion not an accusation don't take it as literal ,I was married for 21 years may you be married for ever and swinging forever, happily "
I know. I didn't take it personally  Just wanted to explain my position  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
I think you're seeing all marriages through the eyes of your own. That isn't wrong but not all marriages are the same and not everyone thinks the way you do about marriage, that doesn't make them wrong either."
This is why it made sense to me to post the question here. I know people are mostly saying they wouldn't like a 'marriage' without having sex with their partner. That's cool.
My thought processes are more around swingers understanding that it is possible to have sex outside of the marriage, and that to work well.
There is something that we don't get from our partner that we need/ want to get it elsewhere. I certainly don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean our partner might not like certain sex acts. Our partner is not a person of the other sex (a husband isn't a woman etc). Our partner is not group sex or being watched etc etc.
Hope that makes sense. |
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
I think you're seeing all marriages through the eyes of your own. That isn't wrong but not all marriages are the same and not everyone thinks the way you do about marriage, that doesn't make them wrong either.
This is why it made sense to me to post the question here. I know people are mostly saying they wouldn't like a 'marriage' without having sex with their partner. That's cool.
My thought processes are more around swingers understanding that it is possible to have sex outside of the marriage, and that to work well.
There is something that we don't get from our partner that we need/ want to get it elsewhere. I certainly don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean our partner might not like certain sex acts. Our partner is not a person of the other sex (a husband isn't a woman etc). Our partner is not group sex or being watched etc etc.
Hope that makes sense. "
Yes it makes sense to me at least.
I really wish we could discuss this back and forth easily.
I have no idea why other couples swing but I know why we do which is enough for me. I liken it to eating out, we choose a restaurant, select from the menu, thoroughly enjoy the food then go home with find memories of a sensory experience shared. Therefore for me eating alone is not an option |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
I think you're seeing all marriages through the eyes of your own. That isn't wrong but not all marriages are the same and not everyone thinks the way you do about marriage, that doesn't make them wrong either.
This is why it made sense to me to post the question here. I know people are mostly saying they wouldn't like a 'marriage' without having sex with their partner. That's cool.
My thought processes are more around swingers understanding that it is possible to have sex outside of the marriage, and that to work well.
There is something that we don't get from our partner that we need/ want to get it elsewhere. I certainly don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean our partner might not like certain sex acts. Our partner is not a person of the other sex (a husband isn't a woman etc). Our partner is not group sex or being watched etc etc.
Hope that makes sense.
Yes it makes sense to me at least.
I really wish we could discuss this back and forth easily.
I have no idea why other couples swing but I know why we do which is enough for me. I liken it to eating out, we choose a restaurant, select from the menu, thoroughly enjoy the food then go home with find memories of a sensory experience shared. Therefore for me eating alone is not an option "
yes but what happens when one of you becomes obese on eating out it becomes less attractive then |
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"Swinging is more in the public eye and commercialised now......partner swapping etc has gone on for centuries .....and millions of marriages have lasted through the centuries.hehe yes but were the marriages that lasted swingers I doubt it
I think you're seeing all marriages through the eyes of your own. That isn't wrong but not all marriages are the same and not everyone thinks the way you do about marriage, that doesn't make them wrong either.
This is why it made sense to me to post the question here. I know people are mostly saying they wouldn't like a 'marriage' without having sex with their partner. That's cool.
My thought processes are more around swingers understanding that it is possible to have sex outside of the marriage, and that to work well.
There is something that we don't get from our partner that we need/ want to get it elsewhere. I certainly don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean our partner might not like certain sex acts. Our partner is not a person of the other sex (a husband isn't a woman etc). Our partner is not group sex or being watched etc etc.
Hope that makes sense.
Yes it makes sense to me at least.
I really wish we could discuss this back and forth easily.
I have no idea why other couples swing but I know why we do which is enough for me. I liken it to eating out, we choose a restaurant, select from the menu, thoroughly enjoy the food then go home with find memories of a sensory experience shared. Therefore for me eating alone is not an option yes but what happens when one of you becomes obese on eating out it becomes less attractive then "
Then like any other problem in a relationship you deal with it with complete honesty. As I said earlier we tend to judge all relationships by our own, I rarely discuss ours in detail here but anyone who interacts with me regularly will have a pretty good idea that it operates on the basis of open communication.
There is always a danger that things will go wrong, swinging won't make a bad relationship better or a good relationship worse only the people within it can do that. |
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By *azorRMan
over a year ago
St. Albans |
I'm unfortunately in this situation (sexless marriage, but not with the green light to play away), and have been for several years, but it's not a situation I would have chosen. Although, for now at least I'm choosing to stay as I'm a dad too.
I guess it boils down to the reason why people get married, and in most cases, it's not to share household chores and bills without any physical intimacy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My honest answer would be no
If they just wasn't into sex for whatever reason that would be fine, if I loved them and was compatible in every other way I could over look not having sex with them, but if they said they didn't want sex with me but wanted to shag other people I don't think I could accept that and be happy I would have to wonder what was so bad with me they cant have sex with me but could with others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I don't think it would.
People may have fantasies about others whilst in a healthy relationship,but I think the desire for your partner early on in a relationship, and the maintenance of it is a contributing factor to all the other affection and friendship aspects.
I'm not saying there would be no examples of it working. But not a good blueprint on the whole? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" The tumble whistles by,as he realises he's travelled into olden times on a thread from yesteryear  "
I hadn't realised I'd deleted my bump post. 
I was wondering if anyone had changed their mind or if anyone new had an opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People do what is right for them at the end of the day .........Some will put family first and sex and stuff last ... Some will feel they are missing out and put there needs first. Its what is right for you. |
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