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By *umpkin OP Man
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
I`m a bit of a strange one to say the least!
I am an area rep for a vehicle club and I find it little problem in having a little flirt with any ladies that visit the stand I man at various shows in the area! I can also do the same with ladies in my village who I know I will have no chance in "getting off with".
Now stick me in my favourite club and I have extreme difficulty in even speaking to people, let alone striking up a conversation in the first place!!
I suppose when I`m in the rep situation, I`m not having to "prove myself" and any flirting will lead to nothing whilst in the club situation, I have my "problems" that hang me back. Anyone else find this? |
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By *umpkin OP Man
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
"OP, just trying being the rep at the club/parties.
Once you break the ice then you can settle back into being more you and less of the rep.
"
I think when I`m the rep, I "hide" behind the identity? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"OP, just trying being the rep at the club/parties.
Once you break the ice then you can settle back into being more you and less of the rep.
I think when I`m the rep, I "hide" behind the identity?"
Exactly. Do that to help you until you find you are comfortable enough to let it go.
We all do it to different degrees in different situations.
When I get on stage I put on the stage me, when I have to schmooze for work I put on the work schmooze me. It's all me but different facets of me come to the fore to help me through.
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By *opinovMan
over a year ago
Point Nemo, Cumbria |
Hi Bumpkin, long time no see and all that.
I know what you mean, to an extent. In the context of my work and on-line here I can converse fairly normally yet, in most other social situations, I find it very difficult to say anything at all. I think, for me, it probably stems from my autism. I was nonvocal for quite a large part of my childhood and, even now, there are times when I struggle to stop it recurring - especially in the company of women.
It's a right bloody pain in the arse. |
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By *umpkin OP Man
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
"Hi Bumpkin, long time no see and all that.
I know what you mean, to an extent. In the context of my work and on-line here I can converse fairly normally yet, in most other social situations, I find it very difficult to say anything at all. I think, for me, it probably stems from my autism. I was nonvocal for quite a large part of my childhood and, even now, there are times when I struggle to stop it recurring - especially in the company of women.
It's a right bloody pain in the arse."
Hey Kop! Good to see you`re still about on here too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A good tip for everyday life... only set yourself a goal you feel comfortable achieving... then when you get there, take a look around, and see if you want to go further. People think too far ahead. I suspect this is what's going on with you... in your mind you're already stripped down and fucking her before you've even said hello. Go into the party with a single goal... to make friends with people... that's all. If you achieve that you've succeeded as some of them might give you a bell another time to sort something fun out. If you find yourself getting on well with someone and you feel comfortable... revise your plans... maybe decide you'd like to have a little kiss n cuddle with them or something and just go for that... baby steps are much easier than thinking continually about how far you've come and how far you've yet to go 
Oh and count your blessings and enjoy the ride...
Oh and practice makes perfect lol Good luck  |
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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago
Outskirts of Notts |
"A good tip for everyday life... only set yourself a goal you feel comfortable achieving... then when you get there, take a look around, and see if you want to go further. People think too far ahead. I suspect this is what's going on with you... in your mind you're already stripped down and fucking her before you've even said hello. Go into the party with a single goal... to make friends with people... that's all. If you achieve that you've succeeded as some of them might give you a bell another time to sort something fun out. If you find yourself getting on well with someone and you feel comfortable... revise your plans... maybe decide you'd like to have a little kiss n cuddle with them or something and just go for that... baby steps are much easier than thinking continually about how far you've come and how far you've yet to go
Oh and count your blessings and enjoy the ride...
Oh and practice makes perfect lol Good luck "
Brilliantly put and good advice for more than just the OP .
Jo x |
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It's typical human behaviour. We contextualise our repertoire of skills and behaviours, only finding them easily accessible in the associated contexts.
So work context - chatty
Different context - withdrawn.
It's not that your identity is fractionated, just that your repertoire hasn't really been generatively integrated within a wider range of contexts.
It's only an issue if you're either not satisfied with the results you get in either situation or if you're uncomfortable somehow with the dissonance between your variations.
I view it as part of typical human life, usually becoming more self aware and accepting as we mature and possibly a spur to help motivate ourselves, where we want to improve. |
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