FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Shit happens
Shit happens
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
"
Sniff it. If it is yours, clean it up.
If it is hers, get her to clean it up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
Sniff it. If it is yours, clean it up.
If it is hers, get her to clean it up."
send a sample off for DNA testing, can tell you sex and if its human or not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So there was only you and her there, it wasn't your shit, so guess what, it was hers not rocket science.
You had a great time, she shit herself end of ."
Lmfaooooo This forum is to funny |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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of course it could be too much lube and she is really really really embarrassed about it.
Ask her for a second meet and if she declines or blocks you then she knows and is upset about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"
Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"
white wine vinegar |
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"Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
"
  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?
Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?"
She might have worms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?
Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?
She might have worms"
funny i thought that too, lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"
I can't wait to read the veri's from this meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously
Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!"
Well as the saying goes "shit happens".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously
Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!
Well..."
You didn't? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously
Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!
Well...
You didn't? "
Because I regularly suggest that people lick shit stains up? What kind of a sick bitch do you think I am?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously
Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!
Well...
You didn't?
Because I regularly suggest that people lick shit stains up? What kind of a sick bitch do you think I am? "
damn i was sooooo hoping, sigh.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face.
There is something wrong with your puppy's diet. "
The vet said it's normal and he should grow out of it. He eats everything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously
Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!
Well...
You didn't?
Because I regularly suggest that people lick shit stains up? What kind of a sick bitch do you think I am? "
Errrr one who suggests licking shit stains up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face.
There is something wrong with your puppy's diet.
The vet said it's normal and he should grow out of it. He eats everything."
He's eating a coat-hanger at the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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tried to PM you, but can't.. your puppy MAY grow out of it, but it may also become a habit. If it becomes a habit, it is very hard to stop, it's not needed for digestion, usually it's caused by feeding a diet that is not suited to the dog, and something is lacking. By changing to a better food or going to a BARF diet this should stop. Vets know very little on diet, and tend to ignore things that they can't treat. By eating poop, this could make your pup ill, as he could be eating worm eggs, unless you know who's poop he's eating.... apologies for going off topic.
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"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?
Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?"
Perhaps they look like noodles but are actually tape worm? |
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Are you looking for a sympathy shag, after extolling the incredible sex you can be involved in as well as the carpet pile dilemma?
Shit happens. Get an industrial cleaner in if it's too much to handle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"
Try using CIF mousse. Even if it doesn't work you'll think it's a lemon meringue  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the original Little Red Riding Hood book the wolf asks riding hood to come to bed and shit in it.
Maybe the op has been caught up in some sort of fairytale. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I pooped on a guys head once completely by accident as we was licking my pussy
PM her to say she dropped (£100, gold ring, earing, something nice) and can you send it to her
Then send her the poop |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I pooped on a guys head once completely by accident as we was licking my pussy
PM her to say she dropped (£100, gold ring, earing, something nice) and can you send it to her
Then send her the poop "
Blimey, was it a regular or one night stand ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I pooped on a guys head once completely by accident as we was licking my pussy
PM her to say she dropped (£100, gold ring, earing, something nice) and can you send it to her
Then send her the poop
Blimey, was it a regular or one night stand ? "
Was at OP4F I've not been back since |
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"Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
"
Oh my giddy aunt!!! |
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"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?
I can't wait to read the veri's from this meet. "
Yeah...
"This guy fucked the shit out of me!"  |
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"Hey peeps
I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling
close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.
Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?
Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?
Perhaps they look like noodles but are actually tape worm? "
If it looks like noodles it's more likely to be round worm.
Note to self, don't shag burgundy haired shitters with worms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
"
a Stanley knife? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hey peeps
Thanks for your help with the whole delicate situation, I got a message about 30 minutes from the lass who is still denying any knowledge of logging on my carpet. After trying a combination of cleaning mouses, 1001 spray and chipping away at the hardened Winnits with a flat screwdriver the smell has all but disappeared however there is still a slight discolouration patch on the carpet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
Thanks for your help with the whole delicate situation, I got a message about 30 minutes from the lass who is still denying any knowledge of logging on my carpet. After trying a combination of cleaning mouses, 1001 spray and chipping away at the hardened Winnits with a flat screwdriver the smell has all but disappeared however there is still a slight discolouration patch on the carpet."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Who among us hath not sharted?
The poor lass was obviously caught short and decided to lay the cable on the bedroom floor, and why not? What's a turd between friends? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Les Dawson song to a medieval tune
"There's something nasty in the castle yard,
We know what it is and who did it,
But for God's sake,
tell us where it is." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One mate... Told me a story the once, had me fookin howling for ages at work. Cut the story short, he took a woman out, had a curry, both went for a drink and got smashed... He took her back to his place, he was grafting on her (snoop doggy doggystyle), what he thought was a fart turned out to be quite worse. Yes, shat himself on his bed, he told me he carried on and turned a blind eye to it cause he was so fucked. Woman smelt what he had dealt... He said she screamed and ran out of his house, clothes in hand
Ill always remember that story. Was even more funny cause he didn't care one bit about what happened. Didn't seem to be embarrassed or ashamed of himself, he wasn't phased at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To the lady that he had that night
I don't mean to sound all snobby
Most people leave nice veris
You seem to have left a jobby
You could have said that the sex was shite
The descriptions could have been ample
Was it really apposite
To leave him with a sample
If you meet this man again
I'm begging you to please
Bring along some floor shampoo
And a boxful of fabreze  |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"To the lady that he had that night
I don't mean to sound all snobby
Most people leave nice veris
You seem to have left a jobby
You could have said that the sex was shite
The descriptions could have been ample
Was it really apposite
To leave him with a sample
If you meet this man again
I'm begging you to please
Bring along some floor shampoo
And a boxful of fabreze "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To the lady that he had that night
I don't mean to sound all snobby
Most people leave nice veris
You seem to have left a jobby
You could have said that the sex was shite
The descriptions could have been ample
Was it really apposite
To leave him with a sample
If you meet this man again
I'm begging you to please
Bring along some floor shampoo
And a boxful of fabreze "
Loolool |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So there was only you and her there, it wasn't your shit, so guess what, it was hers not rocket science.
You had a great time, she shit herself end of ."
My thoughts EXACTLY!! God almighty |
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This made me laugh so much!
To the person who's pup eats his own poo, definitely change his diet. My Rottie did this and started again recently. He's 3 and a half now so shouldn't be doing it. Changed his dry food to one with no dairy, wheat, soya in it and all is well. Actually better than before. Just thought I'd mention it. Apologies to the OP. |
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"Hey peeps
Thanks for your help with the whole delicate situation, I got a message about 30 minutes from the lass who is still denying any knowledge of logging on my carpet. After trying a combination of cleaning mouses, 1001 spray and chipping away at the hardened Winnits with a flat screwdriver the smell has all but disappeared however there is still a slight discolouration patch on the carpet."
You need Barry Scott to come round, Cillit bang and the dirt is gone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
Thanks for your help with the whole delicate situation, I got a message about 30 minutes from the lass who is still denying any knowledge of logging on my carpet. After trying a combination of cleaning mouses, 1001 spray and chipping away at the hardened Winnits with a flat screwdriver the smell has all but disappeared however there is still a slight discolouration patch on the carpet.
You need Barry Scott to come round, Cillit bang and the dirt is gone. "
In this case, you need CLIT BANG... |
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"Hey peeps
Thanks for your help with the whole delicate situation, I got a message about 30 minutes from the lass who is still denying any knowledge of logging on my carpet. After trying a combination of cleaning mouses, 1001 spray and chipping away at the hardened Winnits with a flat screwdriver the smell has all but disappeared however there is still a slight discolouration patch on the carpet.
You need Barry Scott to come round, Cillit bang and the dirt is gone.
In this case, you need CLIT BANG... "
You mean SHIT BANG...
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hi peeps
Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain. |
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"Hi peeps
Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain."
Have you ever watched Dexter, where he plastic sheets the entire room?
Ok he is a serial killer but it should help with your situation.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
"
I'm so sorry, but this made me giggle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi peeps
Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain."
put down newspaper |
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"Hi peeps
Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain."
Butt plug her and don't allow her to remove it until she's back home
Anyone would think she's been told don't shit on your own doorstep when some else's will do nicely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey peeps
I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.
However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.
Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.
"
Did you find the culprit? ask your partner of the night in question? really really sorry (ok, I'm not really) but I love toilet humour, and that gave me a real giggle hahahahahah |
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» Add a new message to this topic
. I would mention it myself and the stain is probably there for good but can be minimised with a good carpet shampoo and a scrubbing brush.
