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Crap joke thread
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate!
That's one of the first jokes I can remember being told/telling.....I still think it's funny n still tell it to anyone unlucky enough to be in my company after I've had a few voddys.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My favourite one is one I have to credit to Toshy... I actually snorted with laughter down the phone when he told me it.
There's this baby balloon and his mummy balloon and his daddy balloon. The little balloon always gets scared of the dark so he always creeps into his parents' bed. Now, this annoys his dad, so as he puts his son to bed one night, he makes him promise that he'll stay in his own bed. But he gets scared during the night and he creeps back into bed with his parents. He struggles to fit, so he has to let some air out of his dad... still not enough room. Then he let's some air out of his mum... still not enough room. Eventually he has to let some air out of himself until he's comfortable, and falls asleep.
His dad's understandably angry the next morning, and he says to his son... not only have you let me and your mum down, but you've let yourself down too! |
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I asked the doctor if he could give be anything for the wind
He gave me a kite.
I went to the sports centre to ask if I could enrol in advanced gymnastics classes. They asked if I was flexible .
I said
" I can't do thursdays"
Tommy Cooper at the recycling centre:
" glass, bottle, bottle , glass"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said "Can u describe the symptoms?"
I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair""
I don't know why but this one had me in stitches!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My favourite one is one I have to credit to Toshy... I actually snorted with laughter down the phone when he told me it.
There's this baby balloon and his mummy balloon and his daddy balloon. The little balloon always gets scared of the dark so he always creeps into his parents' bed. Now, this annoys his dad, so as he puts his son to bed one night, he makes him promise that he'll stay in his own bed. But he gets scared during the night and he creeps back into bed with his parents. He struggles to fit, so he has to let some air out of his dad... still not enough room. Then he let's some air out of his mum... still not enough room. Eventually he has to let some air out of himself until he's comfortable, and falls asleep.
His dad's understandably angry the next morning, and he says to his son... not only have you let me and your mum down, but you've let yourself down too!"
thats funny  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was woken one morning with a tap on the door when I opened it there was a snail there I was so annoyed I threw it across the road .. One month later there was a knock at the door I opened it there was the snail it said what did you do that for lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A piece of string went to the bar and ordered a pint.
"Are you a piece of string?" The barman asked.
No "I'm afraid not" was his reply (a fraid knot) boom boom! |
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By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
A mate of mine has got a ticket for Wales v England in France next month. The problem is, when he applied for the ticket he wasn't aware of the date and unfortunately it falls on his bloody wedding day, so he wants to know if anyone is interested in getting married? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Young Jimmy had to go to the optician's to have his eyes tested. During the test the optician asked jimmy to put his right hand over his right eye. This caused a certain amount of confusion in the young boy. "Well Ok," said the optician. "Put your left hand over your right eye." It didn't help. Jimmy was getting more flustered by the minute. "Put any hand over any eye," said the optician in exasperation. With this Jimmy became so totally confused that he froze in the chair.
An idea struck the optician and he went into the back room and cut a hole in an empty cornflakes packet roughly where he thought young Jimmy's eye ought to be. Back in his surgery he slipped the packet over the boy's head. Jimmy began to sob uncontrollably. "What's the matter? the optician asked. Jimmy replied through the sobs: "I wanted a gold rimmed pair like my brother got!"
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