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Those of us who are childless?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any.
I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear you feel pressured in this way. My son and daughter in law dont want kids. Their business as far as I am concerned. Why should everyone be made to conform just to keep other people happy?
You should not need to justify your life choices.
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OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why.
If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly".
If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids!
I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids. 
Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations.
Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying.
Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place.
I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on.
Grr  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why.
If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly".
If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids!
I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids.
Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations.
Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying.
Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place.
I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on.
Grr "
OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just calmly explain it by saying imagine how much you love and want your own children.
I equally dislike and don't want children to that same extent.....they soon get the message.
I couldn't think of any reason why I'd want children......
Nope, no, never, nada....not interested at all. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
i dislike the assumption that because i have a large family that i want to talk about them all the time and that my life revolves around after school activities and thier social wellbeing..
my point is, i get told im mad for having had four..that they couldnt cope, am i catholic, blah blah..
you get the questions and the looks and the presumption whether you have some or you dont..comparison is human nature.
be happy if you can and know they are just believing they know best and smile at people and say nothing, dont defend, dont justify, just smile and be non committal...xxx
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I find it incredibly rude and insensitive when people make judgements about being childless. At one point it used to upset me and I found it very hurtful but over the years I've grown a very thick skin. I have however become rather blasé in the knowledge that my response of "after 8 miscarriages we gave up trying" does tend to make people uncomfortable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can totally understand those who don't want children as I didn't want any, was never maternal in any way, shape or form .. never played with dolls as a kid ( more of a tree climbing tomboy), even discussed with ex and he felt the same as we thought having children would get in the way of our lifestyle ...
then one day it just hit me that actually I did want at least 1 child but I was 38 and obviously the clock was ticking ... to cut a long story short I now have my 1, and wouldn't be without him but I'm still not maternal lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'' not very maternal at all really, and I have two cherubs of my own. Don't get me wrong I love them to bits, but I keep a wide berth from other people's, if I can.
Nobody ever tells you how hard having children can be. It can be emotionally and physically draining, and very very expensive. It also makes a big impact on your relationship. But everybody glosses over that.
I had my children later in life and I had loads of "you'll be next" when pregnancies were announced. And you just feel like
My best advice is live your life to the full, have fun and then if you want kids have them, if you don't then don't sweat it, just do you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love being a dad, that's me, some people enjoy cheap Holliday's, tidy homes, and taking a dump all by themselves 
I get questioned about being a single father, the assumption is generally that my ex must be some kind of monster, being as I have custody.
Truth is I was the best option to have custody, simply because I'm the better parent, but some people think that a mother must be useless, for the dad to be the better parent, its never because a man can be just as good a parent as a woman, its just sexism |
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"i dislike the assumption that because i have a large family that i want to talk about them all the time and that my life revolves around after school activities and thier social wellbeing..
my point is, i get told im mad for having had four..that they couldnt cope, am i catholic, blah blah..
you get the questions and the looks and the presumption whether you have some or you dont..comparison is human nature.
be happy if you can and know they are just believing they know best and smile at people and say nothing, dont defend, dont justify, just smile and be non committal...xxx
"
I heard of someone with a lot of kids used to say innocently "Yes I keep getting pregnant and don't know how to stop it. What do you think is causing it?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just calmly explain it by saying imagine how much you love and want your own children.
I equally dislike and don't want children to that same extent.....they soon get the message.
I couldn't think of any reason why I'd want children......
Nope, no, never, nada....not interested at all. "
I simply dislike children. There, I've said it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Exactly that, and to be honest I find I end up in a situation where they feel uncomfortable with my answer and everyone feels awkward... bit like the question I get about vegetarianism, but best not to go off topic lol |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"i dislike the assumption that because i have a large family that i want to talk about them all the time and that my life revolves around after school activities and thier social wellbeing..
my point is, i get told im mad for having had four..that they couldnt cope, am i catholic, blah blah..
you get the questions and the looks and the presumption whether you have some or you dont..comparison is human nature.
be happy if you can and know they are just believing they know best and smile at people and say nothing, dont defend, dont justify, just smile and be non committal...xxx
I heard of someone with a lot of kids used to say innocently "Yes I keep getting pregnant and don't know how to stop it. What do you think is causing it?""
wasnt me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like everything in life it's about personal choice.
Too many people try and push their ideas onto others as if their ideas and morals are the only ones that count.
I have a child and I love spending time with him but I wouldn't look at someone any differently if they don't wish to have kids.
Life's too short be worrying about how someone else chooses to spend their lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any.
I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. "
We're very happily childless. If anyone ever asks, I point out that I recently bought some washing powder that very clearly says "keep away from children". So I do. |
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"I think terminology says a lot here ... adding the suffix -less to something implies lacking ... but try it with free instead ... maybe it would sound like a more positive state to be in?"
I think you have a point but I think child free still implies that it's a big deal and there has to be a term for it. Just "no, I don't have kids, are you quite mad?  "
We don't call people "hamster free" just because they've chosen to live without a hamster.
Or "purple wall free" because they chose magnolia? It sounds ridiculous when you apply it to everything else. |
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There are certain very personal and to my mind extremely rude questions that some people feel its ok to ask. One of them is about children and another is relationship status. I have no idea why people who are otherwise quite tactful and wouldn't dream of asking how much you earn or how many times a week you have sex think it's ok to pose these questions.
Mind you some people feel they're entitled to comment on how many children you have. There were four of us and I recall one man repeatedly referring to us as "a tribe". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had it for years, when are you having kids / why haven't you had any. When we had our son it was then when are you having anymore?
I ended up saying "thanks for asking but I cant have any more children" I found that was rather effective. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
I've never been a kid person & went through the 'So when are you two starting a family?" With my first two marriages, different reasons, first one I deemed my job too dangerous, second she was not stable enough,
H & I would have had ours earlier but it turned out there were issues that required two ops & even then it took four years of trying & a few heartbreaks before number one popped out, then another four for number two. While all this was going on people not close enough to be told would still kick out "So when are you two....." 
Something we now never ask of anyone as you never know the reason & how much it hurts..
And I'm still not a kiddy person, why I bought a BFOD, so that I can disapeer on ocassion.
Didn't stop me becoming a house husband when the youngest was a year old though..
S |
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I'm 32 very soon, most of my friends are married with kids. I actually had a big row with a group of my friends a couple of years ago as they had a pop at me about my lifestyle choices. Simple fact is I wouldn't want any of their men or any of their kids, an I told them so!
If the right person comes along, it's not too late biologically etc, I may consider reproduction. But for now there's not a bat in hells chance! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my daughter says she doesnt want kids - she may change her mind but people should butt out - for one asking may cause upset if theyre trying and cant conceive for some reason - |
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None of my brothers or sisters had any kids and i know quite a few people who never had any, so to me i find it a bit strange that people want them at all especialy more than one. I can see why people may want them but there are more good reasons not to have any than there are good reasons to have them. I have got a son i have been asked before now why i didnt have more than one only there are hundreds of reasons why i didnt want any more, so would just say i didnt want anymore, you dont have to reply to someone when they ask a personal question or you could just ask them a question instead, like why did you want to have children or why havnt you got a dog or cat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think I want any now that I'm older. When I was young I was all plans but never happened. People who constantly ask me have I found a man yet. And do I want kids. Well it all gets a bit boring after the 20th time they ask. Give it a rest! There's more to life than marriage and kids tbh. I quite like having my freedom at the moment  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex before last wanted me to get her pregnant,I'm glad now that I never as she turned out to even crazier than me! N not in a fun way either!
My last ex was a really nice lass though n we would've had a kid together,but I fucked that up!
I do think about being a dad sometimes n family n close friends have said I'd be a good dad as I'm so chilled.
If it happens it happens but it would have to be with the right lass,even if we turned out not to be 'together forever' as the one of the last things I'd want my kid growing up around would be their mum n dad at war/hating each other!
It's not something I'd consider lightly!
A lot of pets you need a license for but any idiot can bring a kid into the world,the Jeremy Vile show is proof enough!
I can't really see it happening tbh,n I'm fine with that.You never know what's around the corner though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why.
If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly".
If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids!
I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids.
Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations.
Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying.
Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place.
I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on.
Grr "
is it a superpower if THAT MANY people can do it?
I always when folk refer to their kids as little 'miracles' too, thinking 'errrrr...nah, millions and millions of people have already done it..many did it in caves or in the woods before you had a go'
sorry..I sound like a kid hater..I'm not. I get on with them, I have nephews and nieces I dote on but I've never really thought of myself as dad so always sidestepped having them. |
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"As a childless couple we rarely get asked this, but most of our friends are childless as well.
The only people who pry are other swingers "
Dont let it bother you, some im quite sure are quite envious of you not having any. |
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I used to get people asking me why i didnt have kids when i was younger.people seemed to think it was compulsory to have kids if you were female.
I've known since i was young i never wanted children and hated it when people said "you'll change your mind etc".No i wont thanks and never have.
Miss. |
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"I think terminology says a lot here ... adding the suffix -less to something implies lacking ... but try it with free instead ... maybe it would sound like a more positive state to be in?
I think you have a point but I think child free still implies that it's a big deal and there has to be a term for it. Just "no, I don't have kids, are you quite mad? "
We don't call people "hamster free" just because they've chosen to live without a hamster.
Or "purple wall free" because they chose magnolia? It sounds ridiculous when you apply it to everything else."
Hamsterless then?
Purplewallfree? |
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I ask my GP every year to be sterilised. Every year he tells me to wait until I've been married for a few years then go back and discuss it.
I'm early 40, I truly don't want children, am not going to change my mind considering I've been asking for sterilisation for the last 20 years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to get people asking me why i didnt have kids when i was younger.people seemed to think it was compulsory to have kids if you were female.
I've known since i was young i never wanted children and hated it when people said "you'll change your mind etc".No i wont thanks and never have.
Miss."
+1.
I would hate to be tied down with kids. I'm child free, because I love the freedom of not having kids. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why.
If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly".
If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids!
I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids.
Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations.
Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying.
Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place.
I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on.
Grr
is it a superpower if THAT MANY people can do it?
I always when folk refer to their kids as little 'miracles' too, thinking 'errrrr...nah, millions and millions of people have already done it..many did it in caves or in the woods before you had a go'
sorry..I sound like a kid hater..I'm not. I get on with them, I have nephews and nieces I dote on but I've never really thought of myself as dad so always sidestepped having them."
I think when folk refer to their children as little miracles it's because they have had a problem conceiving, so to them the child IS a little miracle. |
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"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any.
I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. "
It's a perfectly innocent question from a relative who asked without malice.
If it really didn't bother you and you believed in your right to choose you'd answer without your teeth gritted.
Be polite in your response. You lose dignity and credibility otherwise.
Just smile and say 'I've never wanted any.
Don't explain after that. OR gently turn the question round and ask them why they wanted children and have they ever regretted it ?
Don't ask about their sex life as others suggest. They didn't ask about yours. xx |
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My daughter never wanted children..... then at 38 she got pregnant ( to her long time husband ) at 39 she's shattered, miserable , invisible , skint and regretful........ despite loving her son.
Don't ever worry about not having children. |
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"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any.
I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. "
I have three daughters and I'm always asked "didn't you want to try for a boy?"
When I say my son died they soon shut up!
Singles get asked when are they going to settle down, childless get asked when are they going to breed...shrugs...how it is unfortunately.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why.
If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly".
If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids!
I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids.
Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations.
Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying.
Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place.
I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on.
Grr
is it a superpower if THAT MANY people can do it?
I always when folk refer to their kids as little 'miracles' too, thinking 'errrrr...nah, millions and millions of people have already done it..many did it in caves or in the woods before you had a go'
sorry..I sound like a kid hater..I'm not. I get on with them, I have nephews and nieces I dote on but I've never really thought of myself as dad so always sidestepped having them.
I think when folk refer to their children as little miracles it's because they have had a problem conceiving, so to them the child IS a little miracle."
to them probably...but by definition miracles are something that can't be explained by science or nature and even a very diffucult conception/birth normally can be. i wouldn't know for a fact but i'd be willing to bet a quid that even the toughest of conceptions or births are explainable and there are very few that genuinely can't be.
But if it pleases them they can call them pink fluffy space squid if they want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a childless couple we rarely get asked this, but most of our friends are childless as well.
The only people who pry are other swingers
Dont let it bother you, some im quite sure are quite envious of you not having any."
Oh it doesn't really bother us, apart from one time, but that was with a particularly ignorant couple.
We have six nieces and nephews and a 7th on the way, so we're quite happy about that |
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"I just calmly explain it by saying imagine how much you love and want your own children.
I equally dislike and don't want children to that same extent.....they soon get the message.
I couldn't think of any reason why I'd want children......
Nope, no, never, nada....not interested at all.
I simply dislike children. There, I've said it."
My other half moved countries to get away from a girlfriend who kept hinting about having kids. He has never had a desire to have children and I can tell by his mood if he's worked in a house with kids.
He made a wrong turn somewhere with me...A mum and grandma! |
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"I ask my GP every year to be sterilised. Every year he tells me to wait until I've been married for a few years then go back and discuss it.
I'm early 40, I truly don't want children, am not going to change my mind considering I've been asking for sterilisation for the last 20 years."
I was sterilised a week after my 31st birthday. They did ask if I was sure when they wheeled me down. My son had died at eight weeks and the baby I was carrying could have a heart defect but they didn't try to put me off. |
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"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any.
I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed.
It's a perfectly innocent question from a relative who asked without malice.
If it really didn't bother you and you believed in your right to choose you'd answer without your teeth gritted.
Be polite in your response. You lose dignity and credibility otherwise.
Just smile and say 'I've never wanted any.
Don't explain after that. OR gently turn the question round and ask them why they wanted children and have they ever regretted it ?
Don't ask about their sex life as others suggest. They didn't ask about yours. xx "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think terminology says a lot here ... adding the suffix -less to something implies lacking ... but try it with free instead ... maybe it would sound like a more positive state to be in?"
^^^ this |
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I don't have any and it appears to be that people assume it's through choice and then they launch into a load of bollocks about how I wouldn't want them anyway. Or it's not all it's cracked up to be etc.
It kills me that I don't have children and I feel sick when people give me that crap. |
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"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any.
I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed.
I have three daughters and I'm always asked "didn't you want to try for a boy?"
I have the same. But get oh well least you have your boys. Mmm your back step is just making it worst
When I say my son died they soon shut up!
Singles get asked when are they going to settle down, childless get asked when are they going to breed...shrugs...how it is unfortunately.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just didn't get round to having children ....
I'm going to admit that I regret it now as the boat has sailed!
And when people ask me why I'm single without children it's like they've stabbed me with a sharp knife!
Don't get me wrong - Now at 41 I don't really have the patience for screaming toddlers and look at other peoples and thank myself for not having any!
But I know I would love my own child!
It's a given.
To answer the OP - it's just another one of those intrusive questions that I always answer honestly.
I'm not sure I care what other people think!
It's just that it makes me feel sad to be reminded of it x |
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"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any.
I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed.
It's a perfectly innocent question from a relative who asked without malice.
If it really didn't bother you and you believed in your right to choose you'd answer without your teeth gritted.
Be polite in your response. You lose dignity and credibility otherwise.
Just smile and say 'I've never wanted any.
Don't explain after that. OR gently turn the question round and ask them why they wanted children and have they ever regretted it ?
Don't ask about their sex life as others suggest. They didn't ask about yours. xx "
It's not just that people ask - if you say you don't want them, they try and talk you round.
So so many people have problems conceiving and it can be an incredibly intensely emotional experience.
I know if someone asked me during that time I'd just burst into tears. Not particularly dignified. And then I'd struggle to face that person again.
Never mind people who've had kids and they've died?
It IS a personal question to ask. If you want to know and actually care about that person, wait until they bring it up? There's enough to talk about, try discussing something else. If you don't care about the person, why even ask the question?
(And my kids are IVF, and I can safely say I've never once referred to them as miracles. Lots of other inventively descriptive words, depending on what they got up to that day but never miracles! ) |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I ask my GP every year to be sterilised. Every year he tells me to wait until I've been married for a few years then go back and discuss it.
I'm early 40, I truly don't want children, am not going to change my mind considering I've been asking for sterilisation for the last 20 years."
change your gp xx |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I just didn't get round to having children ....
I'm going to admit that I regret it now as the boat has sailed!
And when people ask me why I'm single without children it's like they've stabbed me with a sharp knife!
Don't get me wrong - Now at 41 I don't really have the patience for screaming toddlers and look at other peoples and thank myself for not having any!
But I know I would love my own child!
It's a given.
To answer the OP - it's just another one of those intrusive questions that I always answer honestly.
I'm not sure I care what other people think!
It's just that it makes me feel sad to be reminded of it x"
hugs ..i wish adoption was for you xx |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I had it for years, when are you having kids / why haven't you had any. When we had our son it was then when are you having anymore?
I ended up saying "thanks for asking but I cant have any more children" I found that was rather effective."
After our second & the problems we had H was told in no uncertain terms another full term pregnancy could prove fatal, so two for us & the snip for me a bit later.
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always found it amazing that it's considered OK to ask people about it. The ability / choice to have kids is a very personal one & ive never thought it appropriate to ask in passing conversation. My best friend struggled through 3 lots of unsuccessful IVF over 18 years & decided 2 years ago to give it one last shot. As a result, 2 of 6 embryos made it through to be implanted & one of those embryos is now my beloved 17 month old goddaughter.
When, over the last 15 years people have asked us 'how come you two don't have kids' etc the answers are polar opposites. I'd rather have my right arm chewed off by a bear than have a kid. She'd have gladly gone through that to have one. Either way, it's personal& no ones concern.
So yes, I like to go with throwing a personal question ack to make them realise how inappropriate they're being. Or sometimes tell them a horrible lie, like 'my new bf is on the sex offenders register so he's not allowed to have a kid without advanced permission'
Soon shuts up nosey fuckers at family weddings |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
It depends how and by whom it is asked. I sometimes answer with, None living.
At different times in my life it has been a painful question to receive and answer, at others I have more resilience and perspective. Now that I am old it doesn't get asked, nor does the marriage/partner question. Aging has its benefits.
I have children in my life and I talk about them a lot because they are important to me and, often, the reason I keep living. They are not 'mine' but I am theirs.
Look up AWOC.
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