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Anyone 'rapturing' tomorrow?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well, it's finally arrived.
What? What? What? I hear you clamour!
Apocolypse Day.
It's tomorrow apparently.
Evangical Wiseass Harold Camping, 89, has predicted that tomorrow, May 21 2011, will be the start of the apocolypse and that Jesus will return to Earth and take all the Christians to Heaven, or 'raptured' to Heaven. It might take him some time cos there's a lot of them but he hopes to have them all safely ensconsed behind the safety of the Pearly Gates by October 21, at which point all the non-Christians will be dead.
An atheist and entrepreneur from North Hampshire, is enjoying a boost in business for his company Eternal Earth-bound Pets, which he set up to look after the pets of those who believe they will be raptured. He has more than 250 clients who are paying up to $135 (£83) to have their pets picked up and cared for after the rapture. "They will be disappointed twice," he told the Wall Street Journal. "Once because they weren't raptured and again because I don't do refunds."
Mr Camping has been in the Propheci business for sometime, having predicted the Apocolypse for 1994, an event, his followers now believe, was just an intermediary event.
Did I miss something in 1994?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'll keep an eye out for the fellas on horses.... if they are fit I'll be asking them in for mmfmm  "
What happens if one of them gets pissed the night before and can't make it - will the Apocolypse still go ahead or will they have to reschedule?  |
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"I'll keep an eye out for the fellas on horses.... if they are fit I'll be asking them in for mmfmm
What happens if one of them gets pissed the night before and can't make it - will the Apocolypse still go ahead or will they have to reschedule? "
You can't even have a good ol' rapture these days without fecking timewasters  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm gonna start a new insurance business that is just for December 21 2012. Comprehensive cover for wanton destruction by God that covers absolutely everything but it has to be destroyed in a single act.
£50 premium. |
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I have been looking at the profiles to see who I think won’t turn up and my money is on Famine!
I know Death and War have been verified a few times. Pestilence is a barebacker with a dose, so I blocked him. However, judging by the GUM clinic stats, he's still meeting people. But that Famine guy is a right tight sod. I know we shouldn’t name names, but he promised to take me on a dinner date ages ago and I haven’t seen one scrap of food.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's Rapture Day everyone!!
I wonder what time JC will be swinging by. Will he want tea you reckon? What do you give an omnipotent deity for lunch? I don't want to make it too simple or he'll start filling dozens of fookin baskets with it and frankly we just don't have the garden space for multitudes of starving eastern europeans. Siren will probably want to run a hoover over the place, can't have JC thinking we live in slum, even though he was a poor carpenter from a little hut by the sea himself.
Bugger better show up after all the trouble we've gone to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And there was me thinking it was a thread about Falconry or Hawking.
It turns out its only about the end of the world.
I know.... very disappointing "
Isnt Val Connery Sean's uncle...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And there was me thinking it was a thread about Falconry or Hawking.
It turns out its only about the end of the world.
I know.... very disappointing
Isnt Val Connery Sean's uncle...
well well another turnip for the box.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And there was me thinking it was a thread about Falconry or Hawking.
It turns out its only about the end of the world.
I know.... very disappointing
Isnt Val Connery Sean's uncle...
well well another turnip for the box.
"
Nah... Thats shallot....  |
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"And there was me thinking it was a thread about Falconry or Hawking.
It turns out its only about the end of the world.
I know.... very disappointing
Isnt Val Connery Sean's uncle...
well well another turnip for the box.
Nah... Thats shallot.... "
Firstly i thought No, that's shallow.
Then i thought that the bottom of barrels are not that shallow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And there was me thinking it was a thread about Falconry or Hawking.
It turns out its only about the end of the world.
I know.... very disappointing
Isnt Val Connery Sean's uncle...
well well another turnip for the box.
Nah... Thats shallot....
Firstly i thought No, that's shallow.
Then i thought that the bottom of barrels are not that shallow. "
bobbin apples, we are starting to vegetate! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And there was me thinking it was a thread about Falconry or Hawking.
It turns out its only about the end of the world.
I know.... very disappointing
Isnt Val Connery Sean's uncle...
well well another turnip for the box.
Nah... Thats shallot....
Firstly i thought No, that's shallow.
Then i thought that the bottom of barrels are not that shallow. "
Good to see you scraping in with the old gags... |
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Well I am worried about the rapture..I thought they died out millions of years ago, and if Jurassic park is to be believed, they can open doors, and have nasty sharp teeth!
But hey, if the Apocolypse is coming, why shouldnt we all be? Anyone up for a bit of world shattering sex with me tonight?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok its after 6 pm,, is there anyone left out there or have you all been raptured.
.
.
.
. hello.
anyone..
there must be some peeps out there still...  "
BOO!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok its after 6 pm,, is there anyone left out there or have you all been raptured.
.
.
.
. hello.
anyone..
there must be some peeps out there still... "
I guess i wasnt one of the 0.3% chosen either |
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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago
Cyprus |
"Its started, the countrys in a mess and the condems are in power....does this mean I'm in hell "
Nope.....
Cheltenhams being battered by very high winds, Sky's on the blink, Jason's in a foul mood cus he couldn't watch the F1 qualifying, my head hurts and all electrical appliances in this house are doing as they please because of the power surges we keep getting due to the shite weather.
I'm gonna avoid the end of the world by hiding under my duvet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its started, the countrys in a mess and the condems are in power....does this mean I'm in hell "
The Condoms cant be in power...
... They got no Mates... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The silly old sod has now come out and said sorry for getting it wrong but God forgot to tell him that as a merciful God he'll kill us all a bit quicker than originally planned so the date for the actual armageddy thing is now Oct 21st.
Stupid old fart. |
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This has come as a huge embarrassment to me personally.
I had thought I would be dead by now and therefore I may have told my mother in law she was a malevolent old cunt on Saturday. 
That's the last time I plan my life around the rambling thoughts of senile fire and brimstone preacher from the deep south.  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"The silly old sod has now come out and said sorry for getting it wrong but God forgot to tell him that as a merciful God he'll kill us all a bit quicker than originally planned so the date for the actual armageddy thing is now Oct 21st.
Stupid old fart."
thats okay... week after my b'day... i suppose i better go out with a big bang then.... |
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