FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Taking things to heart.
Taking things to heart.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Have you ever taken a comment/message on fab regarding your appearance to heart?
l know some folk say they'd never let that happen but we all have touchy areas like stretch marks and lesser endowed guys, etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No, they're not saying anything that hasn't already crossed my own mind so it slides off my back. "
Same with me but that's because it's usually mid argument and i'm expecting it. |
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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago
bristol |
"Have you ever taken a comment/message on fab regarding your appearance to heart?
l know some folk say they'd never let that happen but we all have touchy areas like stretch marks and lesser endowed guys, etc. "
I know i am nothing special looks wise...
I have scars on my body from ops and life, my biggest scar runs from under my chin to just below my nose. I am very aware of it and how it looks, IRL i get a lot of funny looks so i try to hide it in my photos.
unfortunately there are those who will make comments about your flaws, personally the first step is to accept who you are.... your the proud owner of one of the greatest things ever devised by nature, the human body... So your not to everyones tastes but there are those who will like your body how it is, there are those who will love your body.
Dont take negative comments to heart OP the world is to full of negativity and no one needs it in their life
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im more aware of my imperfections than anyone so someone brining them up really doesnt phase me. "
Are you aware of your positive qualities? lf being aware of negative qualities negates them from hurting you then surely positive complements wouldn't make you feel nice?
Compliments do make people feel nice if they are sincere ones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also i think people who feel the need to make negative remarks about people have a really ugly personality so wouldnt want to surround myself with the likes pf them anyway. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
On fab? No. I have spent the majority of my adult life being a fat girl so I've had more than enough nasty real life comments to contend with to be bothered by ones on the internet where they can only see parts of me. |
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Nope, only been abused on here once and that was because I refused to meet someone and his reply was a tirade of abuse about my size and disability. My reply was that I divorced a man who behaved like that and I was obviously right in my decision not to meet him. Reported his message and he was removed from Fab lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"On fab? No. I have spent the majority of my adult life being a fat girl so I've had more than enough nasty real life comments to contend with to be bothered by ones on the internet where they can only see parts of me."
I'd say the only thing that bothered me was when l got a message from a bigger guy of a couple saying my back looked deformed. Maybe because it was so random that it bothered me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I get an insult as a direct result of rejection, then no. However, if someone was to just randomly send me an insult, I'd take it to heart... it'd be hard not to. Anything to do with my weight can generally make me feel shitty! |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
When I first joined years ago, I received a few horrendous abusive messages that did cut me to the quick as they were from men I had never spoke to before in my life so were totally out of the blue.
Nowadays I don't give a shit, as this is the internet and I'm now used to the trolls, so they no longer bother me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I get an insult as a direct result of rejection, then no. However, if someone was to just randomly send me an insult, I'd take it to heart... it'd be hard not to. Anything to do with my weight can generally make me feel shitty!"
Pretty much sums up my thoughts.
You do look quite slimmer now.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I get an insult as a direct result of rejection, then no. However, if someone was to just randomly send me an insult, I'd take it to heart... it'd be hard not to. Anything to do with my weight can generally make me feel shitty!
Pretty much sums up my thoughts.
You do look quite slimmer now. "
Yeah, I've lost some timber!  |
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On here, no.
I've been called an ugly cunt by someone who has never seen my face or spoken to me.
If that was in person it would have knocked me but from someone behind a screen....no.
In the real world, I've been called all sorts. Sometimes it hurts but I find peoples actions and the things they do not do or say cut me more.
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I never take any negative comments aimed at me online by stranger's to heart..
There is something about the anonymity about being online that empowers some people to act in a way they wouldn't normally do in day to day life..
I guess it affects all of us in a way, how we post pictures here we wouldn't do so on other social media.. So bringing out the exhibitionist in us..
But it brings out a bad side in some where they feel it's Ok to be rude and abusive and to directly insult others for no real reason or without provocation...
Just ignore those individuals and as cutting as the remarks may be, they are meaningless.. Don't retaliate,Just hit the block button, life is too short to worry about small minded people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im more aware of my imperfections than anyone so someone brining them up really doesnt phase me.
Are you aware of your positive qualities? lf being aware of negative qualities negates them from hurting you then surely positive complements wouldn't make you feel nice?
Compliments do make people feel nice if they are sincere ones. "
Compliments are only worth something if they are from people who actually know me..
not people on here who are basically trying to get a shag ... |
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"Im more aware of my imperfections than anyone so someone brining them up really doesnt phase me.
Are you aware of your positive qualities? lf being aware of negative qualities negates them from hurting you then surely positive complements wouldn't make you feel nice?
Compliments do make people feel nice if they are sincere ones.
Compliments are only worth something if they are from people who actually know me..
not people on here who are basically trying to get a shag ..."
I struggle to accept compliments.
When my kids tell me I look beautiful I love that.
And there is one other person who makes me  when I get a compliment |
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"If I get an insult as a direct result of rejection, then no. However, if someone was to just randomly send me an insult, I'd take it to heart... it'd be hard not to. Anything to do with my weight can generally make me feel shitty!"
In seven years not once have I received a nasty message, let alone one about my weight and I'm very fat!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im more aware of my imperfections than anyone so someone brining them up really doesnt phase me.
Are you aware of your positive qualities? lf being aware of negative qualities negates them from hurting you then surely positive complements wouldn't make you feel nice?
Compliments do make people feel nice if they are sincere ones.
Compliments are only worth something if they are from people who actually know me..
not people on here who are basically trying to get a shag ..."
Does the ellipsis signify ''tongue-in-cheek''?
Many people would love a sincere, well crafted compliment from a stranger. l've given compliments without trying to fuck them. In fact, most are the same.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had an insulting message based on one of my photos. It upset me that someone could be that spiteful to someone they have never interacted with, rather than what they said, as they didn't say anything different to what i already know.
They were having a shitty day and so decided to try and make someone else feel shitty. Simple as that. That makes them a cunt.
But to be honest, as a 6ft 2 woman i've had unwanted comments (negative and positive) directed at me since School, i'm used to it.
Some people are just thoughtless and tactless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I get an insult as a direct result of rejection, then no. However, if someone was to just randomly send me an insult, I'd take it to heart... it'd be hard not to. Anything to do with my weight can generally make me feel shitty!
In seven years not once have I received a nasty message, let alone one about my weight and I'm very fat!
"
I'm actually quite lucky in that I don't receive abusive messages, I know that if I did, and it was about my weight, then I'd take it to heart a little. An hour later, I'd be fine though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like being offened sometimes...gets my heart pumping.
Most of my life i never even thought of how i looked ..well a couple of years ago i was getting a big belly and didnt want it thats the only reason i got into keeping fit...fs i wouldnt even brush my hair so all this looks carry on is new to me...kinda weird and hurts yeah.
Alot of people on this site are literally obsessed with looks and attracticeness mostly woman id say to...think lots of them all this looks crap has been thier whole lifes payback time type of thing going on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sly comments when we're out and about together make me giggle, I always call out the person saying it. The embarrassment is very quickly registered on their faces. Makes my day a whole lot better after that. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"Im more aware of my imperfections than anyone so someone brining them up really doesnt phase me.
Are you aware of your positive qualities? lf being aware of negative qualities negates them from hurting you then surely positive complements wouldn't make you feel nice?
Compliments do make people feel nice if they are sincere ones.
Compliments are only worth something if they are from people who actually know me..
not people on here who are basically trying to get a shag ..."
I'm interested in whether you send guys compliments in messages now? And if you do and got back "Your only saying that cos you want my cock" how would you react or feel?
;-)
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been very lucky and not had any abusiive messages. I suppose it's clear from my profile pic I'm a big girl and most people who contact us like that.
I think if I did get some especially about my weight it would hurt. I've had it all my adult life so would have thought I'd developed a thicker skin by now.
But some people are just nasty minded. X |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
I've received a few abusive messages that refer to my weight and skin colour. I'd be lying if I said not one has upset me but now I give far less of a care about how a randomer views me. |
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"I've received a few abusive messages that refer to my weight and skin colour. I'd be lying if I said not one has upset me but now I give far less of a care about how a randomer views me."
0 fucks given? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"I've received a few abusive messages that refer to my weight and skin colour. I'd be lying if I said not one has upset me but now I give far less of a care about how a randomer views me.
0 fucks given? "
Oh you! Yep. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you ever taken a comment/message on fab regarding your appearance to heart?
l know some folk say they'd never let that happen but we all have touchy areas like stretch marks and lesser endowed guys, etc. "
No.
I tend to disbelieve the compliments as well. |
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By *andVBCouple
over a year ago
Wrexham |
We've been fairly lucky in that neither of us have received anything negative.
I imagine the autopsy-like scar that runs down the centre of my torso may receive comment in a club setting but perhaps not. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
I've been called fat by a few, usually as a result of rejection but one chap did message me out of the blue saying "you are obviously a fat cow" before I had any pics on which was a bit odd 
As others have said I also take the compliments on here with a pinch of salt! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had about 2 months out of my whole life of being concious of how i looked and the feeling of being unatrractive and all that and i couldnt hack it.
Some people have had this stuff going on their whole life i do not envy them whatsoever.
Id be in the nut house if i had to put up with that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've received them usually from couples when I've not gone along with what they are saying and that normally follows by abuse and BLOCKED before I can even respond.
I've also never sent a single, solitary abusive message to anyone on fab, even when I've been rejected or sense that I've been rejected.
I also won't give out compliments unless I really genuinely mean it.
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"Im more aware of my imperfections than anyone so someone brining them up really doesnt phase me.
Are you aware of your positive qualities? lf being aware of negative qualities negates them from hurting you then surely positive complements wouldn't make you feel nice?
Compliments do make people feel nice if they are sincere ones.
Compliments are only worth something if they are from people who actually know me..
not people on here who are basically trying to get a shag ...
I struggle to accept compliments.
When my kids tell me I look beautiful I love that.
And there is one other person who makes me when I get a compliment "
I love compliments from my kids too 
And from my friends as I know that they are genuine, as it's more likely to be "what the fuck have you done to your hair" or a similar dig, because that's the way we are.
I've had nasty comments outside fab, I'm quite sensitive, so it has hurt, but I try and think that for someone to be like that it says more about them than me
I've encountered no negativity here yet. I'm not a slim girl, so as much as a social is for me to check attraction and chemistry, it's me giving them the opportunity to see what they're getting (photos are not tinkered with, just a flattering angle! And I do have a full length (clothed!) Pic in my friends pics) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let's face it the majority of nasty comments a person may receive are born on here from rejection. Yes some do kick slightly but also reiterates why you chose not to meet in the first place.
Last night I was called a fat slag and up my own hoop, because I asked had said man read my profile
Its a simple and respectful thing to do, if he had he might have read hes not what im looking for.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I nevet take anything to heart coming from total strangers who don't know me...
It's just words on a page "
I said those very words on a thread last year & boy did it kick off. Perhaps I didn't get my POV across very well, ended up being blocked by a few women! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I nevet take anything to heart coming from total strangers who don't know me...
It's just words on a page
I said those very words on a thread last year & boy did it kick off. Perhaps I didn't get my POV across very well, ended up being blocked by a few women!"
It's because some people absolutely fucking live on here, so you can't say that, ain't ya heard.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nah it tells you more about the other person than it does about yourself.
I know my flaws and I know my worth so feedback becomes interesting when someone knows me well enough to help me learn about a blind spot |
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"I nevet take anything to heart coming from total strangers who don't know me...
It's just words on a page
I said those very words on a thread last year & boy did it kick off. Perhaps I didn't get my POV across very well, ended up being blocked by a few women!"
Yep I've said the same and it went down like a lead balloon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've not had anything as such here. But I've taken on a knock when I was using a dating site a number of years ago. It led me to a 'what's the point?" moment.
Now if it occurs, I check my box of fucks, and realise it's been empty for quite some time |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I haven't encountered any negativity on here so far and I hope it continues that way. If someone directed a personal insult at me then yes, I probably would take it to heart. Possibly because I'm a sensitive soul generally and I don't feel it's necessary to make things personal. I've managed to this point in my life rising above that sort of thing and I intend to stay that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Although it's very rare that anyone insults me, either about the way I look or what I do; my husband was the biggest offender with regards to my weight. When it does happen it makes me laugh; I think I'm pretty much immune to it. I've never been one for compliments to swell my head either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I know and love myself and most of my imperfections and those I can't live with I deal with BUT.......
It has sometimes crossed my mind on what makes some people on here mindless cunts. "
I can't help but feel pity for people who insult and strop on here. |
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"Although it's very rare that anyone insults me, either about the way I look or what I do; my husband was the biggest offender with regards to my weight. When it does happen it makes me laugh; I think I'm pretty much immune to it. I've never been one for compliments to swell my head either. "
I've always been nice to your slippers ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although it's very rare that anyone insults me, either about the way I look or what I do; my husband was the biggest offender with regards to my weight. When it does happen it makes me laugh; I think I'm pretty much immune to it. I've never been one for compliments to swell my head either.
I've always been nice to your slippers !"
You covet them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I know and love myself and most of my imperfections and those I can't live with I deal with BUT.......
It has sometimes crossed my mind on what makes some people on here mindless cunts.
I can't help but feel pity for people who insult and strop on here. "
Fuck me....if I took things to heart I'd be fooked |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I did have a jealous bloke criticise the veris I sent to those who I'd met but as it was pretty much unintelligible it bothered me not."
The one who insulted me was on steroids and he still looked worse. Much bigger though. l think that's why he was mean. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had imperfections and I worked so hard to rid myself of them and I realised I only found new ones.
Now I am just happy being fat and having a few other things.
On fab, I have only ever got negative comments after rejection so I can't say I let it get to me.
In reality, I have had it my whole life. It use to get to me and bring me down but nowadays I just think whatever. I firmly believe anyone that highlights your imperfections is trying to hide their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good lord no. I don't listen to all the negative things from strangers same as I take no notice of shallow compliments. I don't understand the people who make such comments any more than I understand those that take them to heart. |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Have you ever taken a comment/message on fab regarding your appearance to heart?
l know some folk say they'd never let that happen but we all have touchy areas like stretch marks and lesser endowed guys, etc. "
Yes I have body confidence issues anyway.
A stick thin woman called me fat when I was on camera, not that you could see my body just my face.
It really got to me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had imperfections and I worked so hard to rid myself of them and I realised I only found new ones.
Now I am just happy being fat and having a few other things.
On fab, I have only ever got negative comments after rejection so I can't say I let it get to me.
In reality, I have had it my whole life. It use to get to me and bring me down but nowadays I just think whatever. I firmly believe anyone that highlights your imperfections is trying to hide their own. "
This |
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By *aaLaaWoman
over a year ago
Pontesbury |
I've hardly had a negative message on here, a couple of guys who have said I'm too big, but always so carefully couched that they're actually the sweetest rejections I think I ever get  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've hardly had a negative message on here, a couple of guys who have said I'm too big, but always so carefully couched that they're actually the sweetest rejections I think I ever get "
Men don't do any rejections apparently. You're lying! lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you ever taken a comment/message on fab regarding your appearance to heart?
l know some folk say they'd never let that happen but we all have touchy areas like stretch marks and lesser endowed guys, etc.
Yes I have body confidence issues anyway.
A stick thin woman called me fat when I was on camera, not that you could see my body just my face.
It really got to me.
"
She was probably just jealous. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I might have done when I joined fab two years ago, but obviously nothing affected me so much that I can remember it now. Rudeness says more about than the person talking rather than the listener.
Likewise I dismiss shallow compliments on here too. I'd rather someone talk to me for a while on here and be able to give me a genuine compliment on more than just my appearance. |
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By *VBethTV/TS
over a year ago
Warminster |
Given how I like to dress, I'd be complete mess if I gave a damn what people thought.
The way I see it, if someone chooses to insult you based on appearance then it rather shows what a shallow and obnoxious person they are. And if that's the case, their opinion is completely irrelevant to decent human beings.
In the past, I had a partner who was judged ugly by a lot of people. However he had a good heart, a lot of love and made me very happy. Sadly distance and his health and his family and life in general got in the way. My life is immeasurably better for having enjoyed that time. Had I been pathetic enough to call him ugly and walk away, I would have missed out on so much.
So to sum it up. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and some of them stink. Do you really need to worry about what a stinky arsehole thinks?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I might have done when I joined fab two years ago, but obviously nothing affected me so much that I can remember it now. Rudeness says more about than the person talking rather than the listener.
Likewise I dismiss shallow compliments on here too. I'd rather someone talk to me for a while on here and be able to give me a genuine compliment on more than just my appearance."
"Compliments" on here mean nothing to me. I obviously like them after we have spoken a few times then it feels genuine rather than "nice tits" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try and be self effacing and often lay the way for folk to take the piss. But some can cut a little deeper. I swallow it down and don't bite back. Smile or blow a kiss and see them explode as they try and get a reaction.
Still hurts though, no matter how thick skinned I try and appear on the surface. |
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"Think we all have had a few ad and nasty things said about us, it us part and parcel of being on Fab.
Just water of a ducks back now, they are strangers after all, so why care."
Oops spelling was a little off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I'm having a shitty day, then insults will hurt more but if I'm having a good day, then they don't bother me.
Saying that I don't get many insults on here.
On another site I have, and I told them that them actually going out of their way to send an insult to someone they didn't know said more about them than me.
They never replied to that |
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"I try and be self effacing and often lay the way for folk to take the piss. But some can cut a little deeper. I swallow it down and don't bite back. Smile or blow a kiss and see them explode as they try and get a reaction.
Still hurts though, no matter how thick skinned I try and appear on the surface."
I'm an armadillo. Like to pretend things don't get to me until I disect and over think them when I am feeling blue.
That is when I wonder what I can and can believe of people. It's rather shit and self destructive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regarding my appearance? Not a chance I'd take it to heart. I'm comfortable enough in my own skin and self aware enough to know i'm not to every ones taste |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being adding layers of protection to my true feelings since a teenager, still doing so to be honest, so now have an outer layer like an onion. Pathetic I know and it means I come across as caustic and obnoxious but I'm naturally too sensitive to be without those protective layers. |
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I do get called fat/old/ugly quite a lot....
Usually in response to a refusal to meet someone after a three word introductory mail (in your area!/you free now?/are you horny?) complete with over the unflushed toilet bowl/poking out of ratty grey underpants dick pic |
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I have had comments on here from people that are intended to be hurtful but they don't bother me - it's just words on a screen from someone i will never meet.
In real life i have had more than my fair share of insults from complete strangers because i'm fat and it used to really upset me. It's only in the last 2 or 3 years that it has got to the point where i'm happy in my own skin and the opinion of a random stranger means nothing. |
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Sometimes arguing back does not mean something has hurt me, it just means I have the opportunity I would not ordinarily get to enter into a discussion about something and have time on my hands to do so as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it was said on here or in a message, then no it wouldn't bother me at all.
Too easy to block.
If it was after a meet/social it'd affect me a lot more.
Luckiky though all of my meets have been just absolute gentlemen.  |
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I don't know why people feel the need to be rude, abusive or unpleasant about other peoples' appearance on here. We all find different things attractive, and by extension, unattractive. If you don't like, don't look.
Stay classy people! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got accused off being older than my profile says? That pissed me off.
I'm 46 and do people realise how many profiles have an upper age limit of 45? However tempting it is to knock that year off I've never done it |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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not been insulted to my face but doubt i'd take anything to heart anyway.
it's just someones opinion of how i look and i don't expect everyone to find me attractive, plus people change their mind on looks all the time.
find it amusing when guys say they don't like heavily tattooed women yet have tried to get me to meet them. |
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lt's endearing when people can admit vulnerability.
And you are sincerely not fat or ugly.