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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who else has been getting the jokes making the rounds on their phones ?
About all the trouble ...
I wanna know who makes them up   "
i get them everytime something happens in the news. check out sikipedia, you'll find them all there, some truly funny jokes but some downright sick and nasty ones too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two Parrots sitting on a Perch,,,,,,, one Parrot say’s to the other,,,, “ Can you smell fish?” |
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Question:
How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?
Answer:
First - Lets pose the following question:
You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.
You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do?
BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:
Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4) Am I dressed provocatively?
5) Could I run away?
6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG!
AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'....
(Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping!)
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Question…… Why do Giraffes have long necks ,,,,,,,
Answer……. Because their head as so far away from their bodies……. Duh…
Question,,,,,,,,, What’s ET short for………
Answer……… Because he’s got little legs !!!! Tuh....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sickipedia is where there all at lol 
some of them are funny - most of them are simple racism !"
Indeed! Just received this from my OH (white) who obviously doesn't know me! 
The police are going to add Persil to the water cannon before using it on the rioters...to stop the coloureds running!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So Londoners are using BlackBerrys to communicate about the meeting places for riots...
If only we had some sort of media outlet who could maybe tap into those phones... |
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With all the news of the riots and all, i was reminded of a quote from a politican at the hustings. Feel free to add your chosen location.
On being heckled by a young man, a youth. the man said "Calm down son."
The youth replied "Cut the crap, you're not my father"
"That is true, i am not your father, but i suspect i'm the nearest you're gonna get to knowing your father" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Got this one earlier and it tickled me.
Canal Street in Manchester is on fire. Police and firemen are at the scene, along with a cowboy, a construction worker and a red indian...
Mia x |
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"Two Parrots sitting on a Perch,,,,,,, one Parrot say’s to the other,,,, “ Can you smell fish?” "
like it lol
or...
2 snowmen standing in a field, one says to the other 'can you smell carrots?' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question…… Why do Giraffes have long necks ,,,,,,,
Answer……. Because their head as so far away from their bodies……. Duh…
Question,,,,,,,,, What’s ET short for………
Answer……… Because he’s got little legs !!!! Tuh....
"
() |
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"Got this one earlier and it tickled me.
Canal Street in Manchester is on fire. Police and firemen are at the scene, along with a cowboy, a construction worker and a red indian...
Mia x"
read that out to sarah as if was reading a news page ... she was shocked for a moment lol |
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By *yson38GWoman
over a year ago
Tyne and Wear |
There's even been a riot in my biscuit tin. When I came down this morning a bandit called rocky who was pretty crackers, has hit a penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon.... kidnapped a cookie and made a breakaway in a taxi, the police said rocky was last seen after eight in Maryland, drinking bourbon and hobnobbing with a Ginger nut. Unfortunately, according to the echo they didn't find a crumb of evidence so the Jammy dodger got away!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bloke riding his moped down the road, with a 50" plasma tv strapped to the front.
Police stop him, copper says "ok son, you know why you've been stopped"
The bloke looks at the copper and says no
the copper replies, "the 50" plasma strapped to the front of the moped"
The guy replies, "it's not a tv, its my sat nav" |
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blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, "Can I buy that TV"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because your a blonde."
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and
said, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Your a blonde."
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says,
"Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"You're a blonde"
"How can you tell I'm a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!"
"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's even been a riot in my biscuit tin. When I came down this morning a bandit called rocky who was pretty crackers, has hit a penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon.... kidnapped a cookie and made a breakaway in a taxi, the police said rocky was last seen after eight in Maryland, drinking bourbon and hobnobbing with a Ginger nut. Unfortunately, according to the echo they didn't find a crumb of evidence so the Jammy dodger got away!!!!"
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After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found
themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women
were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it
became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided
that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice
themselves and let go, to save the others.
Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing
who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes,
could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.
To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She
plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.
After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after
she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!
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