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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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One day at a golf club, a man and a stranger were put together to play in a tournament. The man was talking about his life, what he did for a living and so on. He then asked the stranger: "what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a trained assassin" The stranger could see the doubt in the man's face, so pulled out a very well-kept rifle, fitted with a scope and a large magazine.
He handed it to the man, and he aimed down the sight, "wow! I can see my house from here! And oh look, there's my wife, and my neighbour.... and they're having sex... How much do you charge?"
"it's £1000 every time I pull the trigger"
"Right ok, I want you to shoot my wife in the face, and my neighbour in the penis".
After 5 minutes of aiming, gun barrel twiching first one way then the other, the man finally complained.
"C'mon, I'm paying you two grand for this!"
"One sec.... Just trying to save you a thousand quid" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The "Unofficial" Rules of BEDROOM GOLF
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have play on or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played on for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged; however, players should be prepared o proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
** Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses. |
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