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well i thought it was funny

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By *r and mrs sanddancer OP   Couple  over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in. When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window! .

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."!

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have ! sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"NO KIDDING. Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?

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By *andKCouple  over a year ago

Norfolk

very good

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple  over a year ago

Lisburn

class .. love it

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By *ushroom7Man  over a year ago

Bradford

The opening line made me think of another golf joke. In brief :

Harry was playing golf with his wife and sliced his tee shot at the 14th.

He finds his ball has landed inside a greenkeepers shed. On closer inspection he decides he can make a full swing, and if his wife holds the door fully open, he could pitch the ball out and maybe make the green.

So he takes his stance, full swing and whack. The ball hits the door frame, ricochets onto his wife, whacking her on her head and killing her.

Couple weeks after the funeral, he's back playing wih his buddy Tom. At the 14th he slices his tee shot again and somewhat unbelievably finds his ball in the same shed.

Tom helpfully suggests that if he held the door wide open, Harry could maybe chip the ball out and possibly make the green.

"No f*cking way" shouted Harry, "last time i tried that i took 7."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Ha! Yep, tells a story gives a snappy ending..i like those ones..don't have any mind u, so don't ask!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

reminded me of a golf joke too.

man rubs a lamp & out pops a genie,

genie grants him 3 wishes with a warning that whatever he wishes for, his wife will get 3 times his wish.

guy thinks about it & agrees,

first wish says the genie, man says i want 20 million pounds, genie says but your wife gets 3 times that so she will have 60 million, guy says thats fine as we share everything. so the wish is granted.

second wish says the genie. i'd like to be the greatest golfer in the world says the man. genie tells him as his wife gets three times what he does, he will only, at best, be the third greatest golfer, man says he can live with that, so the wish is granted.

third wish says the genie.

man says, i would like a mild heart attack

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in. When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window! .

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."!

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have ! sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"NO KIDDING. Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?

"

lol

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By *thwalescplCouple  over a year ago

brecon

Another golfing joke.

A guy and his regular golf partner arrive for their usual weekly game.

On the ninth tee, which is near the road, just as the first guy is about to tee off they see a funeral cortege passing, and our guy, stops, lays his club down, takes off his hat and bows his head, only taking up his club once the funeral party are out of sight.

"Well, that was very respectful of you", says the second guy.

"Yes, it was the least I could do" says the first guy, "After all, she was a good wife to me for all these years"!

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By *r and mrs sanddancer OP   Couple  over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY


"Another golfing joke.

A guy and his regular golf partner arrive for their usual weekly game.

On the ninth tee, which is near the road, just as the first guy is about to tee off they see a funeral cortege passing, and our guy, stops, lays his club down, takes off his hat and bows his head, only taking up his club once the funeral party are out of sight.

"Well, that was very respectful of you", says the second guy.

"Yes, it was the least I could do" says the first guy, "After all, she was a good wife to me for all these years"! "

lol

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By *odareyouMan  over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Woman walks into the professionals golf shop, " I've just been hit by a golf ball..!!" " oh dear .." says the Professional " where abouts.?"

",between holes 1 and 2 ..!" Replies the woman..

" well madam.",replies the professional "I'd suggest you narrow your stance a little.",...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Dont get it

Whats the problem in believing in genies? xx

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By *rs and mr sanddancerCouple  over a year ago

Boldon


"Dont get it

Whats the problem in believing in genies? xx "

It's ok Soapy, u can rub my lamp anytime

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By *r and mrs sanddancer OP   Couple  over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

just because you can fit in a bottle

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