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My son need help
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By *eiran_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Warrington |
My son just been taking away from me and I'm in bits and I have no idea what do is there anyone on here atall who works in that area please pop up I know this isn't a site for this but honestly.dont know where else look |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We need more info mate?
My ex wife poisoned my 11yr old son against me. I can give inspiration on this matter but social services is a different ball game. Tell us what your comfortable with... |
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If he's in school, you could potentially discuss this with their staff, who will also know of support contacts.
I'd generally encourage you to take the heat out of things between you, by picking a time when you won't have others around and there'll be no distractions - as well as not in the heat of the moment, when he's just done something, when emotions run high, potentially on each side. Let him know that you love him and want the best for him and then open up dialogue between you about what's happening. Let him know that you're going to make enough time for him each week, so that he can share things from his perspective.
If he refuses to discuss things, persist with giving him a couple of hours or more each week, just for this purpose of allowing him the opportunity to become more open. Continue to let him know that he can speak with you at any time, it's not just reserved for your dedicated time to share your issues between yourselves. If he's then got a problem, or feels the need to get something off his chest at any other point, he'll know that you're there for him. Share your appreciation and love for him at any moment that you can too.
Pursue shared activities together as well - interests you both like or could explore and enjoy - find out if he's got some ideas.
In the meantime, consider if there's any of your behaviour that could invite him to have easier access to things that he might steal and consider how you could safeguard things, so opportunities are reduced. He's potentially getting attention from doing something bad and that may be part of his motivation. It may also be that he's under other pressures. Discuss what his financial budget could be too. Depending on what's driving his behaviour, what he's taking etc, then you could potentially get other outside agencies involved, such as social services but his school (I assume he's of that age) may be a great avenue to explore. You can explain that you want to ensure his education is maintained at the highest level as well as that they're not having problems that you could support them with.
Wishing you the best!! |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"My son just been taking away from me and I'm in bits and I have no idea what do is there anyone on here atall who works in that area please pop up I know this isn't a site for this but honestly.dont know where else look"
We need a bit more to go on here OP. A child won't be taken away for no good reason, contrary to what many groups claim.
Why have they taken him away and for what reason?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Son 'taken away'....on a swingers website,makes sense "
He's clearly seaking advice from wherever he possibly can. If you don't have any relevant input apart from a useless comment it's probably best that you just scroll on by.
Its a horrible thing to have happen regardless of what has happened to cause this |
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"Son 'taken away'....on a swingers website,makes sense
Judgement much...
I know lots of swingers who are loving and devoted parents.
Perhaps you should rethink your statement. "
Was just going to say similar
We are all still people at the end of the day many with kids and problems
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Gosh.
Yes. I have different priorities. But somewhere on that list is also self care. Cant be a strong pillar of your family if you neglect your needs. You think becoming a parent makes you asexual for 18 years?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?"
He’s looking for support and who cares where people turn to so long as they reach out when lost. Be supportive or roll your eyes in confusion quietly. Many of us value this site for support and social connections and friendship as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?"
He has, he has come on here asking about HIS SON and NOT for a quick local hook up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hope you can take a deep breath and explain a bit more, and then I am sure many of us can offer a hug, an ear or maybe some helpful advice. Sending our best. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?"
If they've no one else to turn to. Perhaps not. This is a safe place for many, plus this is one place where no one should be judged, such a shame there's always one dodgy wing cnut in the box.
Step back in your box, your unkindness isn't welcome. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?"
Wiser people than you would realise that there might be people who can help on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?
Wiser people than you would realise that there might be people who can help on here."
Always believe what you read on the internet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?"
A few weeks ago my son was almost dead in ICU for the second time in a month. I hope your not insinuating that because I started a thread asking advice about the situation that I'm irresponsible...?  |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Son 'taken away'....on a swingers website,makes sense
I hope you don't mean that swingers shouldn't have their children live with them ?"
I think it was more why would anyone come for advice like this on a swinging site rather than swingers shouldn't have kids |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi OP. As others have said we need more information to be able to advise you. My line of work my help me sign post you in the right direction.
Without further information the only thing I can say is, stay calm and don't act on inpluse or emotion. |
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By *eiran_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Warrington |
Sorry my gf took my son and wont bring him back even though theres nothing against me or anything I do everything for my son and think it wrong why the woman gets keep hold of the kid when the man done nothing wrong I live with my ex well did shes a weirdo we not together havent been in two years but acts like we are now she took.my son and wont let me see him she even wrong the police on me for what me wanting see my son when her rang her her prock.dad answered saying I'm coming no where near my son but wtf I've never harmed my son never would if anyone off u ever saw me in person or saw my facebook you see how much I adore him I've never been away from him in 5yrs now.im sat in a empty house feeling empty and I'm scared shes going try take full custody of my son who I do everything for but in my eyes shes not fit enough to look after me son |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry my gf took my son and wont bring him back even though theres nothing against me or anything I do everything for my son and think it wrong why the woman gets keep hold of the kid when the man done nothing wrong I live with my ex well did shes a weirdo we not together havent been in two years but acts like we are now she took.my son and wont let me see him she even wrong the police on me for what me wanting see my son when her rang her her prock.dad answered saying I'm coming no where near my son but wtf I've never harmed my son never would if anyone off u ever saw me in person or saw my facebook you see how much I adore him I've never been away from him in 5yrs now.im sat in a empty house feeling empty and I'm scared shes going try take full custody of my son who I do everything for but in my eyes shes not fit enough to look after me son"
OK deep breath!
I'm not sure what happened and why but maybe thinks need calm down a little bit.
It sounds like it's just happened so tentions are running high.
The only thing you can do right now is take a step back and no nothing, don't get friends or family involved or keep trying to contact as that will just fan the flames.
The best thing to do is let things settle over the next day or two and contact her again on Monday in a calm way, then go from there. |
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By *eiran_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Warrington |
Cant calm down when her parents rang the police on me fir what.wanting my son come home I'm a good dad I hes the only person in this world who got me through my darkest points sounds daft but hes 5 and he always know when I'm down and comes home it all happened yest she brought him home today until her parents rang police a 2nd times I literally had 15mins before they turned up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant calm down when her parents rang the police on me fir what.wanting my son come home I'm a good dad I hes the only person in this world who got me through my darkest points sounds daft but hes 5 and he always know when I'm down and comes home it all happened yest she brought him home today until her parents rang police a 2nd times I literally had 15mins before they turned up"
I know it's hard but it sounds like there isn't anything you can do right at this moment. You have to stay as calm as possible or you are going to make this worse.
There isn't much you can do except not get angry and see if things calm down over the weekend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I.cant wait till monday see my son I work all week "
It does not sound like that is going to be possible.
If the police have been involved, you have to go with what they advised you. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Why would the police take your son?
They can't do that unless there's a breach of court order?
Do you have a court order for visitation or custody? If not then get yourself to a solicitor first thing on Monday and get wheels in motion.
DO NOT GO TO GET HIM.
I know it's hard to do but you *have* to be the calm one in this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?"
We'll leave then. If you don't have empathy for your fellow human beings no one wants to know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?
He’s looking for support and who cares where people turn to so long as they reach out when lost. Be supportive or roll your eyes in confusion quietly. Many of us value this site for support and social connections and friendship as well. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would the police take your son?
They can't do that unless there's a breach of court order?
Do you have a court order for visitation or custody? If not then get yourself to a solicitor first thing on Monday and get wheels in motion.
DO NOT GO TO GET HIM.
I know it's hard to do but you *have* to be the calm one in this. "
Not strictly true. If someone has (rightly or wrongly) suggested the child isn't safe then the police will remove that child to a place of safety. It could be the other parent or relative or in the care of social services. There doesn't have to be any evidence of wrong doing in the first instance. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Why would the police take your son?
They can't do that unless there's a breach of court order?
Do you have a court order for visitation or custody? If not then get yourself to a solicitor first thing on Monday and get wheels in motion.
DO NOT GO TO GET HIM.
I know it's hard to do but you *have* to be the calm one in this.
Not strictly true. If someone has (rightly or wrongly) suggested the child isn't safe then the police will remove that child to a place of safety. It could be the other parent or relative or in the care of social services. There doesn't have to be any evidence of wrong doing in the first instance. "
OK, that's why it was phrased as a question.
Either way, the best bet is to formalise the arrangements legally. This will never be an issue again |
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By *eiran_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Warrington |
But I've done nothing wring g he addressed here he lives here he even wated stay and they was like u have to.go with his.num like wtf I done nothing wrong I get called a cheat and she takes my son but if the girl cheats they can still take the son what right does a father even have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But I've done nothing wring g he addressed here he lives here he even wated stay and they was like u have to.go with his.num like wtf I done nothing wrong I get called a cheat and she takes my son but if the girl cheats they can still take the son what right does a father even have"
What did the police advise you to do? |
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"But I've done nothing wring g he addressed here he lives here he even wated stay and they was like u have to.go with his.num like wtf I done nothing wrong I get called a cheat and she takes my son but if the girl cheats they can still take the son what right does a father even have"
There’s not a lot you can do today OP other than remain calm for what the future holds. Panicking will not help the situation. |
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By *hechapMan
over a year ago
Derry |
You will get plenty of advice on here. Its all free and worth as much.
You need proper legal advice but that comes at a very high price.
The unfortunate thing is when these leeches get their money grabbing claws into you its the children who will pay the price.
The social services, childrens courts and lawyers etc dont give 2 dambs about the children and far less about the parents!
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OP I'm going to PM you with my phone number, if you want we can have a chat. I have family members that work in this area and have had first hand experience. At the very least it's someone to offload on to.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"You will get plenty of advice on here. Its all free and worth as much.
You need proper legal advice but that comes at a very high price.
The unfortunate thing is when these leeches get their money grabbing claws into you its the children who will pay the price.
The social services, childrens courts and lawyers etc dont give 2 dambs about the children and far less about the parents!
"
I'm sorry if that's your experience but the solicitors I worked with were incredibly helpful as were the mediators and judge. |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Contact a dv assist where u can arrange days like alli done ismessege someone and they actively g.like I've hit somone so dads are basically sperm donors cause what rights do.we have"
If you are on the birth certificate the same rights as the mother, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the m replying here, been through this with both my kids, the courts are massivkly skewed in favore of the women, i tried to fight the system, i got nowhere, now i get to see them when the ex lets me, but as they are getting older they are coming looking for me, its fucking hard mate but it does get better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope would think someone would have other priorities than come on here?"
Why? There are many responsible and knowledgeable people here. It's as good a forum for advice on these matters as any.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm.on the birth certificate and all.i done is sleep.somo e esle when we not together and that give me.no.right see my son I feel.like a sperm donor sorry about all the ..... it's this phone "
This is why I said don't act now. Let her and things calm down for a day or two. Emotion is running high, wait a couple of days and contact her again. |
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By *arl 50Man
over a year ago
Colnbrook |
"Son 'taken away'....on a swingers website,makes sense "
As a father myself and was married to a bitch of an ex wife who threatened all sorts even changing my children's last name.
I sympathise with this guy , so give him a break !! |
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"Son 'taken away'....on a swingers website,makes sense
As a father myself and was married to a bitch of an ex wife who threatened all sorts even changing my children's last name.
I sympathise with this guy , so give him a break !! "
Only one negative comment. All us others are right behind OP..... |
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By *eiran_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Warrington |
Thank You to everyone for your posts and private messeges its means alot to me and for thank you to the other people who thought otherwise but it's a free country and i respect your opions and for all the nice ones you all going skint me because I owe you a beer shot wine hopefully not all in one night haha I posted on this site because it's a sites full of different type of people who work all other the places all In different work sectors and most who had similar problems a d i thought it be easier to talk to somone who wont judge me for who i am the main thing is i love my son and do anything be there for him just hard atm as I'm still struggling hours on I've literally done fuck all today and i wish i could thank you all individually but i cant due to everyone dif pvt settings but you always free to pop up your all kind people thank you xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank You to everyone for your posts and private messeges its means alot to me and for thank you to the other people who thought otherwise but it's a free country and i respect your opions and for all the nice ones you all going skint me because I owe you a beer shot wine hopefully not all in one night haha I posted on this site because it's a sites full of different type of people who work all other the places all In different work sectors and most who had similar problems a d i thought it be easier to talk to somone who wont judge me for who i am the main thing is i love my son and do anything be there for him just hard atm as I'm still struggling hours on I've literally done fuck all today and i wish i could thank you all individually but i cant due to everyone dif pvt settings but you always free to pop up your all kind people thank you xxx"
I'm really glad that you seem much calmer.
I really hope this works out well for you. X |
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By *arl 50Man
over a year ago
Colnbrook |
"Thank You to everyone for your posts and private messeges its means alot to me and for thank you to the other people who thought otherwise but it's a free country and i respect your opions and for all the nice ones you all going skint me because I owe you a beer shot wine hopefully not all in one night haha I posted on this site because it's a sites full of different type of people who work all other the places all In different work sectors and most who had similar problems a d i thought it be easier to talk to somone who wont judge me for who i am the main thing is i love my son and do anything be there for him just hard atm as I'm still struggling hours on I've literally done fuck all today and i wish i could thank you all individually but i cant due to everyone dif pvt settings but you always free to pop up your all kind people thank you xxx"
Good Luck Buddy And Fuck Negativity We Maybe Swingers But We Still Have Feelings And Compassion For Others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank You to everyone for your posts and private messeges its means alot to me and for thank you to the other people who thought otherwise but it's a free country and i respect your opions and for all the nice ones you all going skint me because I owe you a beer shot wine hopefully not all in one night haha I posted on this site because it's a sites full of different type of people who work all other the places all In different work sectors and most who had similar problems a d i thought it be easier to talk to somone who wont judge me for who i am the main thing is i love my son and do anything be there for him just hard atm as I'm still struggling hours on I've literally done fuck all today and i wish i could thank you all individually but i cant due to everyone dif pvt settings but you always free to pop up your all kind people thank you xxx"
Swing me a cheeky few beers in the post 
Seriously though this hit very close to home so you drop in my inbox whenever you need! |
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