FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you successfully and with positivity ‘see’ yourself?
Do you successfully and with positivity ‘see’ yourself?
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I’m a smug and extremely proud bitch when it comes to my health and appearance, with nothing more than a strict but easy and permanent dietary lifestyle change, I’ve turned my life around.
I’m healthier now I’m my almost 60’s than I was in my twenties and thirties. My body works brilliantly, my mind is clear and I live a life I choose.
I now wear size 12 clothes (and loving it and the way I look, even all the baggy and saggy stuff) but try as I might, the vision of the size 24 me still niggles away at the most inopportune moments.
Have you changed the vision of yourself successfully, either mentally, emotionally or physically?
Does the old you turn up? Is that a negative or positive for you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The old me turns up more as a warning. I wasnt happy then. Dont bring that misery back.
A friend of mine saw a 2 year old pic of me online and chose to send me the screenshot. A ghost from the past but with a positive message. Look how far you have come. So that is there too.. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
To some extent yes. At times I still see the old size 28 me - I was discussing it with a friend this weekend and showing photos and it's difficult to not see that when I look in the mirror. Now I'm still fat (size 18/20) but it's a work in progress. Comments can sometimes make me feel like I'm still morbidly obese and that does knock me but then I try and remember how much I've achieved.
Mentally - I had a really difficult patch a few years ago with the death of a close friend and an abusive partner. Now I feel so much stronger and confident in who I am. If only that would translate to how I feel about myself physically all the time. 
Well done OP on what you've achieved, it's bloody brilliant and you look fantastic for it. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I’ve undergone a number of beneficial personal transformations during my life and have a positive self image mostly. There are times when I look less favourably at those things I haven’t been able to change but that lack of self acceptance is radically less now than in the past. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I've had quite a few thoughts about this recently, sometimes I look at my pictures and it doesn't feel real as the unfit, fat and miserable me is still there, lurking.
It's quite a difficult thing to let go of how you viewed yourself and the negative narrative that accompanied that. It's almost like imposter syndrome in your own body, if that makes sense!
Just as you, I'm fitter, healthier and happier in myself now, than I ever have been. That's down to simple lifestyle changes. In some ways though, it almost seems too easy. I think that our perception can take a while to catch up with reality at times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mentally I am loving me right now, prepared to do whatever I have to, to accomplish my goals, in both work and home lives.
Physically, I'm struggling right now!! Was running every other day for a year in 2017 before injury, then sporadically in 2018 and now unable due to new injuries! Have whacked the weight on and, although not fat per se, not at my best!! Hopefully though I can sort that when my MRI results come back!
So kinda 50/50 right now.......okay, 65 mentally fine against 35 physically |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that's normal. I lost five stone a few years ago and I still felt like the fat me even with all that weight gone. I'd try on clothes and the voice in my head would just pick away at me. I've now gained back four stone after having my little one last year, but I look back at photos now and think what was I thinking?! I looked bloody fantastic. I always feel like for so many of us, it's always too late before we appreciate just how well we've done and how far we have come.
I do plan on losing this extra weight as I'm so unhappy but I really hope I appreciate myself more as the lbs drop. I think I'm starting to realise as I get older that the numbers on the scale don't define me and I need to be kinder to myself, but it's hard work when you view yourself in such a strong negative way.
You look fantastic in your photos OP and you've done an amazing job becoming a healthier version of you! I hope that voice stops niggling at you because it doesn't belong there 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I'm the opposite, I know I looked better in the past than I do now, but at the time I felt so awful in myself that I didn't appreciate it. I've gained weight and got wrinkles, but just decided not to waste any more of my life hating everything and just embrace it all. I'm still not majorly confident but I'm good at faking it til I make it, and I don't hide behind baggy clothes and keeping my head down as much any more. |
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No. I’m constantly in pain and it’s getting worse.
I try and sustain a positive body image but it’s hard to maintain now as the pain is making me tired.
I need to make a shit or bust decision over an operation that could make it worse or better.
I suppose I could always try yoga.
Would love to hear about your diet Op as mine is terrible and is surely linked to how I feel.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m a smug and extremely proud bitch when it comes to my health and appearance, with nothing more than a strict but easy and permanent dietary lifestyle change, I’ve turned my life around.
I’m healthier now I’m my almost 60’s than I was in my twenties and thirties. My body works brilliantly, my mind is clear and I live a life I choose.
I now wear size 12 clothes (and loving it and the way I look, even all the baggy and saggy stuff) but try as I might, the vision of the size 24 me still niggles away at the most inopportune moments.
Have you changed the vision of yourself successfully, either mentally, emotionally or physically?
Does the old you turn up? Is that a negative or positive for you?
"
Your pictures back up what you say, you look in great shape  I'm 51 today and everyone thinks I look 10 years younger, but act 20 years younger, and I am more than happy with my fitness and body. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me...I'm alive..seriously mentally touch and go but now ecstatic with life with my cuddle monkey. .I now walk proudly in the light not hide in the shadows.
My cuddle monkey says she s happier, healthier, having come close to breakdown and heavier having dropped to 6 stone...and all down to divorce and finding right man  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
Southern Wales |
From Comprehensive School through till 2012 I was the stereotypical yo yo dieter. I’d tried lots of diets and after a visit to a GP, he basically told me that not everyone is meant to be slim. It felt hopeless. In 2001 after splitting with my first love I lost 7 stone in weight and was a size 18 because I just stopped looking after myself and lived on bran flakes. The only difference it made to me was making clothes shopping easier.
The weight crept back on after a year and a half, once I started eating normal meals again.
Then in 2012 my step-dad died suddenly from complications caused by heart disease and diabetes. And just like that, I’d had enough of struggling to lose weight. The realisation of the misery I was causing myself to try and conform to society’s idea of what I should look like just vanished. I accepted my size. The fact I could drop dead tomorrow anyway, whether fat or thin, was like a wake up slap.
I eat relatively healthy meals, walk the dog and have two very active boys to run after. I just don’t exercise enough and my portion sizes are probably too large.
However, having accepted I will probably never look like Eva Mendes has been quite freeing. I now live my life paying attention to the bigger picture rather than stressing over food, weight, clothes size. Being made to feel apologetic for my size. Gone.
It’s been liberating.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mentally I am loving me right now, prepared to do whatever I have to, to accomplish my goals, in both work and home lives.
Physically, I'm struggling right now!! Was running every other day for a year in 2017 before injury, then sporadically in 2018 and now unable due to new injuries! Have whacked the weight on and, although not fat per se, not at my best!! Hopefully though I can sort that when my MRI results come back!
So kinda 50/50 right now.......okay, 65 mentally fine against 35 physically"
Good luck from a fellow runner with shoulder injury |
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It's great to embrace, love yourself and acknowledge the journeys we've been on and I've certainly had mine.
The old me rears her head sometimes. She's like the devil on my shoulder.
I can't say I'm a fan of the aging process and in many ways I've been lucky...but still.
I love the post, it's made me a little reflective and reminded me I should feel good about myself and give myself a break, stop being critical of me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I’ve never seen myself in a positive light. From when I was a child to now I’ve always struggled with my weight, there are times I wish I could turn back the clock to the time I thought I was fat as a teenager and I’d be happy being a size 16. I’ve tried to do something about it and have lost a lot of weight and gone down 5 dress sizes was 6 but I’ve gained a bit. But that has left me with a saggy stomach that makes me more conscious.
A previous abusive relationship hasn’t helped as hearing the put downs every day and constant being compared to slim and pretty women had me in a bad place, some days it’s hard not to hear those criticisms again. I’m trying hard to be positive but know I’m the one person that controls it x |
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You look great 
It's so nice to see someone not afraid to say they're proud of their looks and health. Non patronising high five from me.
I haven't changed my vision of myself whether it's the correct vision or what other people see is a different matter but it's very positive.
I was brought up short recently by my blood sugar levels but a couple of tweaks to my diet and hopefully that's set it right. |
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Wowser! What an amazing and thought provoking discussion, I didn’t imagine that you would all have such stories to tell and I’ve attempted to answer some of the questions but I’ll end up detailing my own thread.
Thanks for the compliments, the PM’s and the sharing of ‘you’, I hope it carries on.
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
I've just about completed my journey of recovery from the split with my ex.
Mentally it's taken 10 years to set myself emotionally free.
Physically within the last 3. Like yourself I'm fitter than I've ever been whilst continuing to push myself.
It's a great feeling
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"I've just about completed my journey of recovery from the split with my ex.
Mentally it's taken 10 years to set myself emotionally free.
Physically within the last 3. Like yourself I'm fitter than I've ever been whilst continuing to push myself.
It's a great feeling
"
It does feel good to get there. I'm glad you are now x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Hmmm I've changed a lot since the skinny arrogant late teenage me - some for better, some for worse, but they have all been a part of lifes experiences.
Physically I went from bean pole to "overweight didn't give a damn about how I looked me" until a revelation just after I hit 50 and an XL shirt no longer fit and I refused to go to an XXL - lost three and a half stone in a year and started caring about how I looked (which all coincided with my Fab journey starting) - I've put a chunk of that weight back on and have recently joined a gym for the first time in my life to address it, and get myself fitter too.
Mentally and emotionally it's been a rollercoaster - I'm not the positive, mildly confident, yet insecure guy I once was but I'm not totally the opposite of that either - I know the "real" me isn't far off and he comes to the surface on occasion and I like it when he does.
Overall I know I'm a decent bloke, who is considerate, respectful and has decent values - yes there are things I look back at with shame and disgust at myself but there are also things I look back at with pride and a knowledge I can hold my head high about. I mostly like myself, and while I know there are things that could be better, I also know that things could be a lot worse too.
I'm happy with the current me, and the former me's are what created it - just as they will help create the future one too. |
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I lost 12 and half stone and made myself ill. Ive regained 6 and am really happy in myself. When i was complaining to my son about gaining weight he said to me. "Your my mum your perfect i dont care if your fat or thin" so i dont care about anything else |
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I was incredibly physically fit when I was younger. I was a competitive dancer and attended dance school three evenings a week, did after school dance club twice a week and my school allowed us to use the dance studios in our lunch breaks. As a result I was a size 6-8 despite eating a considerable amount. I gained a fair bit of weight when I stopped when I went to university, particularly in my final year when I was doing 12 hour days in workshops and not eating proper meals as a result.
I've lost a lot of the weight I put on but I'm still a 12-14. I'm mostly happier being curvier but I seem to flit between "my curves are fabulous" and "I'm gross and hideous". I think it's the battle between actually enjoying being a curvier girl and what society tells you is attractive. I'm mostly trying to concentrate on being healthier these days. Mostly that's eating more fruit and veg and less carbs and lifting weights in the gym. I certainly feel better and being stronger has improved some issues for me like back pain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From Comprehensive School through till 2012 I was the stereotypical yo yo dieter. I’d tried lots of diets and after a visit to a GP, he basically told me that not everyone is meant to be slim. It felt hopeless. In 2001 after splitting with my first love I lost 7 stone in weight and was a size 18 because I just stopped looking after myself and lived on bran flakes. The only difference it made to me was making clothes shopping easier.
The weight crept back on after a year and a half, once I started eating normal meals again.
Then in 2012 my step-dad died suddenly from complications caused by heart disease and diabetes. And just like that, I’d had enough of struggling to lose weight. The realisation of the misery I was causing myself to try and conform to society’s idea of what I should look like just vanished. I accepted my size. The fact I could drop dead tomorrow anyway, whether fat or thin, was like a wake up slap.
I eat relatively healthy meals, walk the dog and have two very active boys to run after. I just don’t exercise enough and my portion sizes are probably too large.
However, having accepted I will probably never look like Eva Mendes has been quite freeing. I now live my life paying attention to the bigger picture rather than stressing over food, weight, clothes size. Being made to feel apologetic for my size. Gone.
It’s been liberating.
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think I'm the opposite, I know I looked better in the past than I do now, but at the time I felt so awful in myself that I didn't appreciate it. I've gained weight and got wrinkles, but just decided not to waste any more of my life hating everything and just embrace it all. I'm still not majorly confident but I'm good at faking it til I make it, and I don't hide behind baggy clothes and keeping my head down as much any more."
you look amazing by the way  |
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Thanks for sharing Topsy. You and so many people here have such great character.
I think so many people have a story to tell that never gets heard.
And they should be. The story when told can be a confratulatory nudge to self and an inspiration to others.
My biggest lows. They say things come in threes...
One. The loss of my daughter. Seperating from someone I truly thought was "the one". Losing a job that genuinly made me leap out of bed each day.
I drank way too much. I abused dru8s. I pushed away my friends and everyone who cared for me.
Except one person, who's friendship and love I tested to the limits, but never gave up on me. Her tears and faith bought me back to sanity. To this day I thank her for saving my life.
Two; a soulless, loveless, mentally abusive marriage that pretty much destroyed my self confidence. Both my parents failing health and need for specialist care. A job that was piling stress after stress on me.
I broke. 6 months off work with stress and depression, 3 months of weekly counselling, 3 months of daily care from my local CRIS team and countless anti depressants. I've no idea how many times I seriously considered and planned suicide. I've no idea to this day why I didn't do it.
I'm in a better place now but still struggle constantly with self confidence and my sense of self worth.
Some things I'm able to hide behind a mask.
Some things I just can't get past....
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"Thanks for sharing Topsy. You and so many people here have such great character.
I think so many people have a story to tell that never gets heard.
And they should be. The story when told can be a confratulatory nudge to self and an inspiration to others.
My biggest lows. They say things come in threes...
One. The loss of my daughter. Seperating from someone I truly thought was "the one". Losing a job that genuinly made me leap out of bed each day.
I drank way too much. I abused dru8s. I pushed away my friends and everyone who cared for me.
Except one person, who's friendship and love I tested to the limits, but never gave up on me. Her tears and faith bought me back to sanity. To this day I thank her for saving my life.
Two; a soulless, loveless, mentally abusive marriage that pretty much destroyed my self confidence. Both my parents failing health and need for specialist care. A job that was piling stress after stress on me.
I broke. 6 months off work with stress and depression, 3 months of weekly counselling, 3 months of daily care from my local CRIS team and countless anti depressants. I've no idea how many times I seriously considered and planned suicide. I've no idea to this day why I didn't do it.
I'm in a better place now but still struggle constantly with self confidence and my sense of self worth.
Some things I'm able to hide behind a mask.
Some things I just can't get past....
"
Lots and lots of love to you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for sharing Topsy. You and so many people here have such great character.
I think so many people have a story to tell that never gets heard.
And they should be. The story when told can be a confratulatory nudge to self and an inspiration to others.
My biggest lows. They say things come in threes...
One. The loss of my daughter. Seperating from someone I truly thought was "the one". Losing a job that genuinly made me leap out of bed each day.
I drank way too much. I abused dru8s. I pushed away my friends and everyone who cared for me.
Except one person, who's friendship and love I tested to the limits, but never gave up on me. Her tears and faith bought me back to sanity. To this day I thank her for saving my life.
Two; a soulless, loveless, mentally abusive marriage that pretty much destroyed my self confidence. Both my parents failing health and need for specialist care. A job that was piling stress after stress on me.
I broke. 6 months off work with stress and depression, 3 months of weekly counselling, 3 months of daily care from my local CRIS team and countless anti depressants. I've no idea how many times I seriously considered and planned suicide. I've no idea to this day why I didn't do it.
I'm in a better place now but still struggle constantly with self confidence and my sense of self worth.
Some things I'm able to hide behind a mask.
Some things I just can't get past....
"
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"Thanks for sharing Topsy. You and so many people here have such great character.
I think so many people have a story to tell that never gets heard.
And they should be. The story when told can be a confratulatory nudge to self and an inspiration to others.
My biggest lows. They say things come in threes...
One. The loss of my daughter. Seperating from someone I truly thought was "the one". Losing a job that genuinly made me leap out of bed each day.
I drank way too much. I abused dru8s. I pushed away my friends and everyone who cared for me.
Except one person, who's friendship and love I tested to the limits, but never gave up on me. Her tears and faith bought me back to sanity. To this day I thank her for saving my life.
Two; a soulless, loveless, mentally abusive marriage that pretty much destroyed my self confidence. Both my parents failing health and need for specialist care. A job that was piling stress after stress on me.
I broke. 6 months off work with stress and depression, 3 months of weekly counselling, 3 months of daily care from my local CRIS team and countless anti depressants. I've no idea how many times I seriously considered and planned suicide. I've no idea to this day why I didn't do it.
I'm in a better place now but still struggle constantly with self confidence and my sense of self worth.
Some things I'm able to hide behind a mask.
Some things I just can't get past....
Lots and lots of love to you "
Thank you. That was quite cathartic..... |
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"Thanks for sharing Topsy. You and so many people here have such great character.
I think so many people have a story to tell that never gets heard.
And they should be. The story when told can be a confratulatory nudge to self and an inspiration to others.
My biggest lows. They say things come in threes...
One. The loss of my daughter. Seperating from someone I truly thought was "the one". Losing a job that genuinly made me leap out of bed each day.
I drank way too much. I abused dru8s. I pushed away my friends and everyone who cared for me.
Except one person, who's friendship and love I tested to the limits, but never gave up on me. Her tears and faith bought me back to sanity. To this day I thank her for saving my life.
Two; a soulless, loveless, mentally abusive marriage that pretty much destroyed my self confidence. Both my parents failing health and need for specialist care. A job that was piling stress after stress on me.
I broke. 6 months off work with stress and depression, 3 months of weekly counselling, 3 months of daily care from my local CRIS team and countless anti depressants. I've no idea how many times I seriously considered and planned suicide. I've no idea to this day why I didn't do it.
I'm in a better place now but still struggle constantly with self confidence and my sense of self worth.
Some things I'm able to hide behind a mask.
Some things I just can't get past....
"
As long as people are looking outside (hence the shirts) they're not looking inside.
They open the conversation, something I struggle to do.
They're a crutch and a mask...
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