FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > (Done to death) confidence
(Done to death) confidence
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much  |
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By *Man1263Man
over a year ago
Stockport |
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
Not just a female thing by the way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
Be kind to yourself, do not push yourself and take it one thing at a time, lots of social meets, coffee dates, lots of chat, take your time don't be pushed into situations.
Use the forums to chat and build yourself slowly
Just be you lovely, I am sure you will be fine xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
Be kind to yourself, do not push yourself and take it one thing at a time, lots of social meets, coffee dates, lots of chat, take your time don't be pushed into situations.
Use the forums to chat and build yourself slowly
Just be you lovely, I am sure you will be fine xx"
Thank you.  |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
You are unique, wonderful and worthwhile. There are plenty of lovely people on here and out there (gestures to the real world) who will help lift you up - use your instinct and have faith. One step at a time. Love yourself.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Maybe choose a different type of guy to usual? You do have a talent for picking the master manipulators...  "
I know right? I hope the right one appears soon... I need some 'company'  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
Sorry. I can’t.
Broken heart here too. Hugs. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You are unique, wonderful and worthwhile. There are plenty of lovely people on here and out there (gestures to the real world) who will help lift you up - use your instinct and have faith. One step at a time. Love yourself. "
They are very kind words thank you faith is what I am currently lacking. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maybe choose a different type of guy to usual? You do have a talent for picking the master manipulators...
I know right? I hope the right one appears soon... I need some 'company' "
I’m not enough for you anymore then? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
Sorry. I can’t.
Broken heart here too. Hugs. Xxx"
hugs back at you. Hope you heal soon x |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"You are unique, wonderful and worthwhile. There are plenty of lovely people on here and out there (gestures to the real world) who will help lift you up - use your instinct and have faith. One step at a time. Love yourself.
They are very kind words thank you faith is what I am currently lacking. X"
Then lean into the faith your friends have for you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Call monkeys advice line....
Okey doke 
Monkey line ... welcome to the cushion fort ... tell me your problems and I'll throw poop at your persecutors "
Well monkey...men are bad! Haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
I really feel you on this.
I’ve had some awful men in my life.
It’s made me very defensive and cynical. But then only manipulative people can get past my defences and the “nice” ones get no where. It’s a cycle.
I’m trying hard to open to a different sort of person, and allow myself to believe people can be good.
Sounds cheesy
If you find the answer, let me know. Hugs xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To the day i get nervous... but nerves might mean you care
Confidence is not something that gets fixed overnight. Take your time, don't be afraid to say no and see how they react to setting boundaries. Enjoy moments but ask questions to which answers matter. And lastly give yourself a chance.. others care enough to pursue you and dont give up easily . That's a compliment in itself. Now you 'just' need to start believing you are worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
I think at some point, we’ve all fallen for the bullshit, the liars, the manipulators....
It doesn’t make you weak.
It doesn’t make you stupid.
It makes you human.
It means you tried.
It means you opened your heart and your life.
It means you’re brave.
It means you’re awesome.
It means you need time to heal. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You are unique, wonderful and worthwhile. There are plenty of lovely people on here and out there (gestures to the real world) who will help lift you up - use your instinct and have faith. One step at a time. Love yourself.
They are very kind words thank you faith is what I am currently lacking. X
Then lean into the faith your friends have for you. "
I imagine you have wise words for every scenario. And you are very right and exactly what I am going to try to do. X |
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"Call monkeys advice line....
Okey doke
Monkey line ... welcome to the cushion fort ... tell me your problems and I'll throw poop at your persecutors
Well monkey...men are bad! Haha "
Monkey isn't sure he has enough poop for all men
And not all men are ... ahem |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
I think at some point, we’ve all fallen for the bullshit, the liars, the manipulators....
It doesn’t make you weak.
It doesn’t make you stupid.
It makes you human.
It means you tried.
It means you opened your heart and your life.
It means you’re brave.
It means you’re awesome.
It means you need time to heal. "
It means it's time to put yourself first..x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To the day i get nervous... but nerves might mean you care
Confidence is not something that gets fixed overnight. Take your time, don't be afraid to say no and see how they react to setting boundaries. Enjoy moments but ask questions to which answers matter. And lastly give yourself a chance.. others care enough to pursue you and dont give up easily . That's a compliment in itself. Now you 'just' need to start believing you are worth it. "
You also, I think, like the OP, are awesome.
Big up the girls tonight x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Sorry. I can’t.
Broken heart here too. Hugs. Xxx"
Sweetheart sending you lots of
I too am in the process of trying to get over something/someone. I was shocked at how he made me feel and now frustrated with myself
Again just be kind,to yourself and acknowledge those feelings
I still have lots of things to say to him but now is not the time xx
Take care lovely, one day one step xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
I really feel you on this.
I’ve had some awful men in my life.
It’s made me very defensive and cynical. But then only manipulative people can get past my defences and the “nice” ones get no where. It’s a cycle.
I’m trying hard to open to a different sort of person, and allow myself to believe people can be good.
Sounds cheesy
If you find the answer, let me know. Hugs xx"
You have said exactly what I was trying to. Just when I think I've found someone who gets me it all falls apart
We will do it together! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
Trust your gut/instincts and not the fanny flutters.
I've recently took a leap and messaged three people, but I'm not sure it's worked, they seem disinterested and I feel I'm one of many in their inbox. Maybe I'm reading between the lines as I tend to do. Tread with caution.
Hope you have success. xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"To the day i get nervous... but nerves might mean you care
Confidence is not something that gets fixed overnight. Take your time, don't be afraid to say no and see how they react to setting boundaries. Enjoy moments but ask questions to which answers matter. And lastly give yourself a chance.. others care enough to pursue you and dont give up easily . That's a compliment in itself. Now you 'just' need to start believing you are worth it. "
Thank you. I'm trying to work through the nerves and starting to think fab just isnt for me but you never know who is out there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
I think at some point, we’ve all fallen for the bullshit, the liars, the manipulators....
It doesn’t make you weak.
It doesn’t make you stupid.
It makes you human.
It means you tried.
It means you opened your heart and your life.
It means you’re brave.
It means you’re awesome.
It means you need time to heal.
It means it's time to put yourself first..x"
Thank you! And yeah it is! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
I think at some point, we’ve all fallen for the bullshit, the liars, the manipulators....
It doesn’t make you weak.
It doesn’t make you stupid.
It makes you human.
It means you tried.
It means you opened your heart and your life.
It means you’re brave.
It means you’re awesome.
It means you need time to heal. "
I think this is relevant to virtually all of us. Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"To the day i get nervous... but nerves might mean you care
Confidence is not something that gets fixed overnight. Take your time, don't be afraid to say no and see how they react to setting boundaries. Enjoy moments but ask questions to which answers matter. And lastly give yourself a chance.. others care enough to pursue you and dont give up easily . That's a compliment in itself. Now you 'just' need to start believing you are worth it.
You also, I think, like the OP, are awesome.
Big up the girls tonight x"
Yeah!!! Big up the girls
You are awesome too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To the day i get nervous... but nerves might mean you care
Confidence is not something that gets fixed overnight. Take your time, don't be afraid to say no and see how they react to setting boundaries. Enjoy moments but ask questions to which answers matter. And lastly give yourself a chance.. others care enough to pursue you and dont give up easily . That's a compliment in itself. Now you 'just' need to start believing you are worth it.
You also, I think, like the OP, are awesome.
Big up the girls tonight x
Yeah!!! Big up the girls
You are awesome too x"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Stop looking for that thing your heart desires. It makes you force it with the wrong people. Go with the flow and enjoy every encounter at face value. They don't always have to be potential soul mates. Let things develop at their own pace. Find the confidence within to just enjoy the moments life throws at you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Sorry. I can’t.
Broken heart here too. Hugs. Xxx
Sweetheart sending you lots of
I too am in the process of trying to get over something/someone. I was shocked at how he made me feel and now frustrated with myself
Again just be kind,to yourself and acknowledge those feelings
I still have lots of things to say to him but now is not the time xx
Take care lovely, one day one step xx"
Thank you. I hope you heal soon too. I know that feeling well... I'm tired of being too much or just not enough but being made to feel like its my fault all the time. Tired of being hurt
Sending love |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Caring isn’t a weakness don’t feel crappy for others awful behaviour. That’s no reflection on you. Listen to your gut, listen to your friends, and rem_mber not everyone’s a knobhead! X "
Haha thank you no they arent...just the ones I attract |
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"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
I think at some point, we’ve all fallen for the bullshit, the liars, the manipulators....
It doesn’t make you weak.
It doesn’t make you stupid.
It makes you human.
It means you tried.
It means you opened your heart and your life.
It means you’re brave.
It means you’re awesome.
It means you need time to heal. "
This is lovely |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Stop looking for that thing your heart desires. It makes you force it with the wrong people. Go with the flow and enjoy every encounter at face value. They don't always have to be potential soul mates. Let things develop at their own pace. Find the confidence within to just enjoy the moments life throws at you. "
This is exactly what I'm trying to achieve.. I try to have the go with the flow attitude but then fail. But you have hit it spot on! |
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"Caring isn’t a weakness don’t feel crappy for others awful behaviour. That’s no reflection on you. Listen to your gut, listen to your friends, and rem_mber not everyone’s a knobhead! X
Haha thank you no they arent...just the ones I attract "
I can empathise on that one... you’ll find a gooden don’t be too hard on yourself x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
Trust your gut/instincts and not the fanny flutters.
I've recently took a leap and messaged three people, but I'm not sure it's worked, they seem disinterested and I feel I'm one of many in their inbox. Maybe I'm reading between the lines as I tend to do. Tread with caution.
Hope you have success. xx"
My fanny flutters are what lead to trouble
I hope you get the responses you want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Sorry. I can’t.
Broken heart here too. Hugs. Xxx
Sweetheart sending you lots of
I too am in the process of trying to get over something/someone. I was shocked at how he made me feel and now frustrated with myself
Again just be kind,to yourself and acknowledge those feelings
I still have lots of things to say to him but now is not the time xx
Take care lovely, one day one step xx
Thank you. I hope you heal soon too. I know that feeling well... I'm tired of being too much or just not enough but being made to feel like its my fault all the time. Tired of being hurt
Sending love"
Yep, feeling like I am not enough sounds familier.
Like I say be kind to yourself. Inbox open if you feel the need xx
Honestly, you can and will get through this. And you will be like a phoenix rising xx
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Call monkeys advice line....
Okey doke
Monkey line ... welcome to the cushion fort ... tell me your problems and I'll throw poop at your persecutors
Well monkey...men are bad! Haha
Monkey isn't sure he has enough poop for all men
And not all men are ... ahem"
Stop slinging crap about and give me a hug haha |
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seriously? Don't take any shit. Don't think you can mend a guy. Don't accept bad behaviour or forgive it early in a relationship. Don't ignore small warning signs. Don't overlook a lie because it was just once. Don't let a guy tell you it was your fault he behaved a certain way.
Value yourself.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To the day i get nervous... but nerves might mean you care
Confidence is not something that gets fixed overnight. Take your time, don't be afraid to say no and see how they react to setting boundaries. Enjoy moments but ask questions to which answers matter. And lastly give yourself a chance.. others care enough to pursue you and dont give up easily . That's a compliment in itself. Now you 'just' need to start believing you are worth it.
You also, I think, like the OP, are awesome.
Big up the girls tonight x"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Sorry. I can’t.
Broken heart here too. Hugs. Xxx
Sweetheart sending you lots of
I too am in the process of trying to get over something/someone. I was shocked at how he made me feel and now frustrated with myself
Again just be kind,to yourself and acknowledge those feelings
I still have lots of things to say to him but now is not the time xx
Take care lovely, one day one step xx
Thank you. I hope you heal soon too. I know that feeling well... I'm tired of being too much or just not enough but being made to feel like its my fault all the time. Tired of being hurt
Sending love
Yep, feeling like I am not enough sounds familier.
Like I say be kind to yourself. Inbox open if you feel the need xx
Honestly, you can and will get through this. And you will be like a phoenix rising xx
"
Thanks again and I will PM xx
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"seriously? Don't take any shit. Don't think you can mend a guy. Don't accept bad behaviour or forgive it early in a relationship. Don't ignore small warning signs. Don't overlook a lie because it was just once. Don't let a guy tell you it was your fault he behaved a certain way.
Value yourself.
"
I concur with all of this frankly bloody excellent advice !!!
|
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"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
As a post on here said, it's not just the ladies that have this problem, you are not alone!
I think you either have to be patient and play the long game...those that are genuine will usually take the time to get to know you and be patient too. Or you can be really direct and ask straight forward to the point questions and make judgment on vagueness or not od their answers!
I guess what i'm trying to say is, take control yourself...and question everything either in the mind or in response! |
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By *hom01Man
over a year ago
Rugby |
Since I left a long term relationship & met different & lovely women ( more on dating sites than here ) I had very little idea on how controlling & manipulative men can be - Unforgivable behaviour - You'll meet someone genuine I'm sure & don't settle for second best ... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"seriously? Don't take any shit. Don't think you can mend a guy. Don't accept bad behaviour or forgive it early in a relationship. Don't ignore small warning signs. Don't overlook a lie because it was just once. Don't let a guy tell you it was your fault he behaved a certain way.
Value yourself.
"
Can I just take you everywhere with me so you can remind me of this thank you! X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
As a post on here said, it's not just the ladies that have this problem, you are not alone!
I think you either have to be patient and play the long game...those that are genuine will usually take the time to get to know you and be patient too. Or you can be really direct and ask straight forward to the point questions and make judgment on vagueness or not od their answers!
I guess what i'm trying to say is, take control yourself...and question everything either in the mind or in response!"
Thank you Lucifer. I know it can work for both sexes I just only normally have problems with the ones that own a penis. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Since I left a long term relationship & met different & lovely women ( more on dating sites than here ) I had very little idea on how controlling & manipulative men can be - Unforgivable behaviour - You'll meet someone genuine I'm sure & don't settle for second best ..."
Thank you and I hope you do too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
I can relate to this. The one thing that stuck out for me is to trust my gut instinct. There are many times I haven't and then gone on to feel stupid because I ignored it. I really need to trust my gut instinct but manipulators can have an affect on that!
Currently in a scenario where my gut instinct is telling me to walk away and I haven't done.
Confidence comes with time and nice people. It's taken me a while to get where I am now. Not to long ago I felt completely worthless, unattractive etc and it's taken a lot to get some confidence.
You have to look after yourself, do what makes you happy. |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
Check out the F school.
It's a beautiful community of women supporting women. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ahem, may I take the stand?
Tough shizzle, I'm going to anyway.
I won't pretend it's gonna be easy, coz it won't be.
You know you're worth more than that bullshit right? You must do or you'd still be putting yo with it.
That's the first step right there, recognising you have worth.
Huzzah for you, and huzzah for all of us that took that wet fish slap to the face and listened to it. Oh, and if you don't REALLLLLLY believe it.... I have a wet fish ready to slap you with. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN BULLSHIT.
You're confidence will take some time to repair, that's the power of the mind.
You see, out brains learn stuff and the wall building is there to protect you, as it has learnt that without the walls = pain and yukky stuff. It's a pain in the arse but it's doing what it's been built to do.
It will quite possibly take a conscious effort to lower them. Do it when you're ready. Don't try to force it.
Now, rem_mber.... those that are good people will be ok with this. They'll maybe not totally get it if they've not been through it themselves but they'll understand you've been through shiz that's left scars.
If anything, they'll realise how brave you are.
So yourself a huge service, and love you first before you even consider loving another. Why? Because you're worth it.
Loving yourself doesn't mean looking in the mirror and believing you're an all encompassing goddess. It means caring about yourself and doing for you. Treating yourself the way you would your best friend. That my darling is loving yourself.
P |
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"seriously? Don't take any shit. Don't think you can mend a guy. Don't accept bad behaviour or forgive it early in a relationship. Don't ignore small warning signs. Don't overlook a lie because it was just once. Don't let a guy tell you it was your fault he behaved a certain way.
Value yourself.
Can I just take you everywhere with me so you can remind me of this thank you! X"
You'd get really fed up with me after about half an hour but imagine me saying it in your ear  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"seriously? Don't take any shit. Don't think you can mend a guy. Don't accept bad behaviour or forgive it early in a relationship. Don't ignore small warning signs. Don't overlook a lie because it was just once. Don't let a guy tell you it was your fault he behaved a certain way.
Value yourself.
"
Fuck a duck, so much this!!
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ahem, may I take the stand?
Tough shizzle, I'm going to anyway.
I won't pretend it's gonna be easy, coz it won't be.
You know you're worth more than that bullshit right? You must do or you'd still be putting yo with it.
That's the first step right there, recognising you have worth.
Huzzah for you, and huzzah for all of us that took that wet fish slap to the face and listened to it. Oh, and if you don't REALLLLLLY believe it.... I have a wet fish ready to slap you with. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN BULLSHIT.
You're confidence will take some time to repair, that's the power of the mind.
You see, out brains learn stuff and the wall building is there to protect you, as it has learnt that without the walls = pain and yukky stuff. It's a pain in the arse but it's doing what it's been built to do.
It will quite possibly take a conscious effort to lower them. Do it when you're ready. Don't try to force it.
Now, rem_mber.... those that are good people will be ok with this. They'll maybe not totally get it if they've not been through it themselves but they'll understand you've been through shiz that's left scars.
If anything, they'll realise how brave you are.
So yourself a huge service, and love you first before you even consider loving another. Why? Because you're worth it.
Loving yourself doesn't mean looking in the mirror and believing you're an all encompassing goddess. It means caring about yourself and doing for you. Treating yourself the way you would your best friend. That my darling is loving yourself.
P"
Awesome
Just awesome
|
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"Ahem, may I take the stand?
Tough shizzle, I'm going to anyway.
I won't pretend it's gonna be easy, coz it won't be.
You know you're worth more than that bullshit right? You must do or you'd still be putting yo with it.
That's the first step right there, recognising you have worth.
Huzzah for you, and huzzah for all of us that took that wet fish slap to the face and listened to it. Oh, and if you don't REALLLLLLY believe it.... I have a wet fish ready to slap you with. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN BULLSHIT.
You're confidence will take some time to repair, that's the power of the mind.
You see, out brains learn stuff and the wall building is there to protect you, as it has learnt that without the walls = pain and yukky stuff. It's a pain in the arse but it's doing what it's been built to do.
It will quite possibly take a conscious effort to lower them. Do it when you're ready. Don't try to force it.
Now, rem_mber.... those that are good people will be ok with this. They'll maybe not totally get it if they've not been through it themselves but they'll understand you've been through shiz that's left scars.
If anything, they'll realise how brave you are.
So yourself a huge service, and love you first before you even consider loving another. Why? Because you're worth it.
Loving yourself doesn't mean looking in the mirror and believing you're an all encompassing goddess. It means caring about yourself and doing for you. Treating yourself the way you would your best friend. That my darling is loving yourself.
P"
Lyrical perfection as usual |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
I can relate to this. The one thing that stuck out for me is to trust my gut instinct. There are many times I haven't and then gone on to feel stupid because I ignored it. I really need to trust my gut instinct but manipulators can have an affect on that!
Currently in a scenario where my gut instinct is telling me to walk away and I haven't done.
Confidence comes with time and nice people. It's taken me a while to get where I am now. Not to long ago I felt completely worthless, unattractive etc and it's taken a lot to get some confidence.
You have to look after yourself, do what makes you happy. "
Thank you. I'm so beaten down over it currently gut instinct is just to say no to everything and not leave the house but luckily I have couple of friends who help make the right decisions until I can again.
Sorry you felt worthless but glad you are on the up. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ahem, may I take the stand?
Tough shizzle, I'm going to anyway.
I won't pretend it's gonna be easy, coz it won't be.
You know you're worth more than that bullshit right? You must do or you'd still be putting yo with it.
That's the first step right there, recognising you have worth.
Huzzah for you, and huzzah for all of us that took that wet fish slap to the face and listened to it. Oh, and if you don't REALLLLLLY believe it.... I have a wet fish ready to slap you with. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN BULLSHIT.
You're confidence will take some time to repair, that's the power of the mind.
You see, out brains learn stuff and the wall building is there to protect you, as it has learnt that without the walls = pain and yukky stuff. It's a pain in the arse but it's doing what it's been built to do.
It will quite possibly take a conscious effort to lower them. Do it when you're ready. Don't try to force it.
Now, rem_mber.... those that are good people will be ok with this. They'll maybe not totally get it if they've not been through it themselves but they'll understand you've been through shiz that's left scars.
If anything, they'll realise how brave you are.
So yourself a huge service, and love you first before you even consider loving another. Why? Because you're worth it.
Loving yourself doesn't mean looking in the mirror and believing you're an all encompassing goddess. It means caring about yourself and doing for you. Treating yourself the way you would your best friend. That my darling is loving yourself.
P"
Thank you so much! And you are very right. I would not let my best friend put up with half the shit I have been! Fuck that and fuck them!
This, is why I love fab. When you need it people come forward and really help! |
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"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
Never stop caring, that defines you as the person you are, instead try to learn how not to let the caring hurt you if it goes wrong, our lives are journeys and people come and people go, some stay for a while some stay for longer, enjoy the time you have with that person but never expect him to be there tomorrow just take a day at a time, just rem_mber that you always come first no matter what because you deserve it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
I can relate to this. The one thing that stuck out for me is to trust my gut instinct. There are many times I haven't and then gone on to feel stupid because I ignored it. I really need to trust my gut instinct but manipulators can have an affect on that!
Currently in a scenario where my gut instinct is telling me to walk away and I haven't done.
Confidence comes with time and nice people. It's taken me a while to get where I am now. Not to long ago I felt completely worthless, unattractive etc and it's taken a lot to get some confidence.
You have to look after yourself, do what makes you happy.
Thank you. I'm so beaten down over it currently gut instinct is just to say no to everything and not leave the house but luckily I have couple of friends who help make the right decisions until I can again.
Sorry you felt worthless but glad you are on the up. "
I get like that sometimes. Shut the world out and it can't hurt you. But that gets boring real quick. You defo need to get out and do what makes you happy. It takes away the feeling of just quitting. Which you can't do as they've won otherwise. You have way more power than that. |
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"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
As a post on here said, it's not just the ladies that have this problem, you are not alone!
I think you either have to be patient and play the long game...those that are genuine will usually take the time to get to know you and be patient too. Or you can be really direct and ask straight forward to the point questions and make judgment on vagueness or not od their answers!
I guess what i'm trying to say is, take control yourself...and question everything either in the mind or in response!
Thank you Lucifer. I know it can work for both sexes I just only normally have problems with the ones that own a penis. "
Haha..well I too have more issues with profiles with penises! They just can't seem to read the first line that says not looking for single guys! But yet still have to out the profiles that are guys posing as a couple or even a single female with fake pics...that's where the more direct questioning comes into place and YOU are in control which gives you more confidence!
Don't take any shit of anyone, and most of all you are always far better than you think you are! x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much
Never stop caring, that defines you as the person you are, instead try to learn how not to let the caring hurt you if it goes wrong, our lives are journeys and people come and people go, some stay for a while some stay for longer, enjoy the time you have with that person but never expect him to be there tomorrow just take a day at a time, just rem_mber that you always come first no matter what because you deserve it x"
I'm hoping to be in exactly this place soon, and thank you xx |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
Women can be brilliant when they're lifting each other up like in this thread, some really lovely advice.
Op, you're not less of a strong woman because of your fondness for twunts. Your strength is your ability to care and also realise an area you need to improve on.
I like to think that I'm quite a strong woman but I've fallen for some utter crap and a half in my time on here. And put up with some dire behaviour that if my best friend experienced it, I'd be telling her to say fuck off. When it's yourself though, it's different isn't it?
You have value and worth OP. Don't wait for others to discover it, find it in yourself first. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Women can be brilliant when they're lifting each other up like in this thread, some really lovely advice.
Op, you're not less of a strong woman because of your fondness for twunts. Your strength is your ability to care and also realise an area you need to improve on.
I like to think that I'm quite a strong woman but I've fallen for some utter crap and a half in my time on here. And put up with some dire behaviour that if my best friend experienced it, I'd be telling her to say fuck off. When it's yourself though, it's different isn't it?
You have value and worth OP. Don't wait for others to discover it, find it in yourself first. x"
Thanks Meli! It's hard to see when it's happening to yourself
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This thread is all the things I love about the fab forums. I hope it helps, OP. X"
I feel so much better talking to the other women, couples and men who have experienced the same. I was beginning to honestly think I was just being naive!
I knew fab would help in some way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Take sex off the table for a while and focus your efforts on men that actually want to spend time with you getting to know you.
Give less of yourself until there's a mutual exchange of information about each other |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There are some really lovely comments on this thread, what an amazing community of women.
I’ve learnt, you can’t control what other people think, say or do, you can only control you reaction to how they behave.
It is ok to feel how you’re feeling in any moment, and accept that whatever you’re feeling is normal and ok.
Be kind to yourself, don’t beat yourself up for things you’ve done/felt/thought whatever. Accept that it’s has happened and move forward.
Massive hugs to all the beautiful women on here who’ve put up with this shit from men , as we all have to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Take sex off the table for a while and focus your efforts on men that actually want to spend time with you getting to know you.
Give less of yourself until there's a mutual exchange of information about each other "
I second this!! |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Take sex off the table for a while and focus your efforts on men that actually want to spend time with you getting to know you.
Give less of yourself until there's a mutual exchange of information about each other
I second this!! "
I think this has to be the only way forward. I've met guys who have a total personality change over night.... |
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By *ady23Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
"I see myself as a quite a strong woman, but fuck me I fall for master manipulators. I didn't realise how much damage previous men (in real life and here) had done to my confidence until it came to meeting a nice guy off here and he literally had to coax me just to meet and say hello (he was lovely).
Believe we are all beautiful and accepted for who we are. Be proud of who u are and how ur. No one knows u be confident in a safe place. Go to a club. See how ur admired. Find the right partner and u will thrive
So now I have to spend time building back up the barriers and the confidence.
There are some amazingly strong willed women on here...please help me with advice on how to just not care so bloody much "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ahem, may I take the stand?
Tough shizzle, I'm going to anyway.
I won't pretend it's gonna be easy, coz it won't be.
You know you're worth more than that bullshit right? You must do or you'd still be putting yo with it.
That's the first step right there, recognising you have worth.
Huzzah for you, and huzzah for all of us that took that wet fish slap to the face and listened to it. Oh, and if you don't REALLLLLLY believe it.... I have a wet fish ready to slap you with. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN BULLSHIT.
You're confidence will take some time to repair, that's the power of the mind.
You see, out brains learn stuff and the wall building is there to protect you, as it has learnt that without the walls = pain and yukky stuff. It's a pain in the arse but it's doing what it's been built to do.
It will quite possibly take a conscious effort to lower them. Do it when you're ready. Don't try to force it.
Now, rem_mber.... those that are good people will be ok with this. They'll maybe not totally get it if they've not been through it themselves but they'll understand you've been through shiz that's left scars.
If anything, they'll realise how brave you are.
So yourself a huge service, and love you first before you even consider loving another. Why? Because you're worth it.
Loving yourself doesn't mean looking in the mirror and believing you're an all encompassing goddess. It means caring about yourself and doing for you. Treating yourself the way you would your best friend. That my darling is loving yourself.
P
Lyrical perfection as usual "
Once a topic comes up that concerns someone at a low ebb wanting advice or being made to realise their true worth I usually think "Right, off you go P, your talents are needed..."
Usually to find she's posted her sage wisdom on it already!
Just one of the reasons I love her 
B x |
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