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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Carlos thinks this is disgusting and is probably the most unattractive thing the female of the species can do.
Mrs fandangos has terrible wind and has been invited to sleep in the barn with the rest of the animals more than once.
If females feel the need to fart then they should excuse themselves, go outside, fart and re-enter the house only once the smell has faded to an acceptable level.
Carlos likes his ladies to be ladies.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Other than always referring to yourself as a separate person, do u have other hobbies such as not farting around females?"
Carlos farts whenever Carlos feels the need, Carlos feels farting is a manly undertaking. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Other than always referring to yourself as a separate person, do u have other hobbies such as not farting around females?"
As Carlos ages he must give up his more demanding hobbies and find more gentle body friendly activities before eventually going out to stud. When that happens Carlos will let the ladies know.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mine come in handy at the end of the night when you're wanting the pub emptied. "
Carlos could believe you would be left on your own at the end of the night. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?."
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.  |
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things. "
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart."
Carlos is sure your fanny is lovely and if you play your cards right he may come and inspect it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart.
Carlos is sure your fanny is lovely and if you play your cards right he may come and inspect it. "
Do you charge for this service Carlos? And do we get some kind of TripAdvisor rating we can display on our profile? |
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart.
Carlos is sure your fanny is lovely and if you play your cards right he may come and inspect it. "
You will find me in the barn  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart.
Carlos is sure your fanny is lovely and if you play your cards right he may come and inspect it.
Do you charge for this service Carlos? And do we get some kind of TripAdvisor rating we can display on our profile?"
Carlos understands yours has already been written off.
Carlos is happy to inspect fannies for free, no fanny too small, no fanny too big, no fanny discrimination here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart.
Carlos is sure your fanny is lovely and if you play your cards right he may come and inspect it.
You will find me in the barn "
Carlos feels if it's good enough for the baby Jesus it's good enough for bluebell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart.
Carlos is sure your fanny is lovely and if you play your cards right he may come and inspect it.
Do you charge for this service Carlos? And do we get some kind of TripAdvisor rating we can display on our profile?
Carlos understands yours has already been written off.
Carlos is happy to inspect fannies for free, no fanny too small, no fanny too big, no fanny discrimination here. "
She is looking worse for wear to be fair....
Resigned to taking pics of her lying on my back now. When standing, she looks like a Sharpei with a brush stuck in it's gub. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about fanny farts Carlos?.
Carlos understands fanny farts occur more frequently with the larger fannies. If a fanny fart does occur Carlos is usually distracted with other things.
I don't have a large fanny but find it is the large cocks that mainly cause the fanny to fart.
Carlos is sure your fanny is lovely and if you play your cards right he may come and inspect it.
Do you charge for this service Carlos? And do we get some kind of TripAdvisor rating we can display on our profile?
Carlos understands yours has already been written off.
Carlos is happy to inspect fannies for free, no fanny too small, no fanny too big, no fanny discrimination here.
She is looking worse for wear to be fair....
Resigned to taking pics of her lying on my back now. When standing, she looks like a Sharpei with a brush stuck in it's gub."
Carlos thanks you for your candid description of your fanny and suggests we rate yours virtually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once had a girl let out a fart as she came. I had been down licking her really slowly for a good while so she came quite hard.
I felt the warm gusto on my face when the toot came out and I swear to god I don’t think il ever rinse the smell out of my nostrils. Bouffin |
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"I once had a girl let out a fart as she came. I had been down licking her really slowly for a good while so she came quite hard.
I felt the warm gusto on my face when the toot came out and I swear to god I don’t think il ever rinse the smell out of my nostrils. Bouffin"
Hahaha buckelt lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the ladies are more than welcome to fart around me
Carlos can send you Mrs fandangos free farts in a jar if you want? "
Yes please, the prices on the internet have sky rocketed |
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Farting is a normal, healthy, bodily function. I love to hear and smell a woman fart, particularly if it starts happening in a way which indicates that she needs to go on the toilet and something meatier is making a bid for freedom. |
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During the late 1980's I was in a LTR (for 4 years) with a girl who was not only a vegetarian but also (perhaps unsurprisingly) an inveterate farter. Stir into this amiable and spicy recipe that she had a real South of England accent and would fire out a salvo of air biscuits almost at will... but always came back with a smiling casual rejoinder like the following... she had hundreds and this was years before Viz...
"I feel a song coming on."
"What did you say Sweep? Sooty wont like that."
"The president's plane has just landed."
"That'll be the Howitzers then."
"We're moving into Injury Time now."
"How much did you say?"
"More tea Vicar?"
"I'll name that tune in one.."
"Starter for ten."
"I'll have an 'E' please Bob."
"Fetch a cloth Mr Humphreys."
Made me smile thinking about her and her farty ways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"During the late 1980's I was in a LTR (for 4 years) with a girl who was not only a vegetarian but also (perhaps unsurprisingly) an inveterate farter. Stir into this amiable and spicy recipe that she had a real South of England accent and would fire out a salvo of air biscuits almost at will... but always came back with a smiling casual rejoinder like the following... she had hundreds and this was years before Viz...
"I feel a song coming on."
"What did you say Sweep? Sooty wont like that."
"The president's plane has just landed."
"That'll be the Howitzers then."
"We're moving into Injury Time now."
"How much did you say?"
"More tea Vicar?"
"I'll name that tune in one.."
"Starter for ten."
"I'll have an 'E' please Bob."
"Fetch a cloth Mr Humphreys."
Made me smile thinking about her and her farty ways."
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I fired out a robust reveille yesterday as I left school. The corridor was silent and empty of course. I thought of that farty lass from long ago and remembered another of her funny post-fart quips.
"Watch... you might slip on that." |
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I dropped a clanger in ALDI's fruit and veg aisle in Carluke this morning. Thankfully there was nobody else around. I thought again of that farty ex of mine. I recalled another of her post-fart quips. You have to imagine it with a posh Home Counties accent.
"Houston... we have a problem."
Then more came flooding back, thick and fast on the drive home.
"We have powerful friends, you'll regret this."
"Let that be a lesson to you."
"... and welcome to the The Clothes Show."
"I’ll have what she’s having.”
"To love and to cherish, til death us do part."
"It's time to buzz the tower."
"Gussett test."
Weren't the late 80's and early 90's great? Best of times. I wonder where Miss Farty is now? I did a search about a decade ago and found she was in a BIG job in the City, she's probably had to stop the post-fart quips.
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the barn
Btw, he's not complaining, keep them coming ladies. 