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Confidence knocked
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us  It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? |
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Clubs can be hard if it's not a social event.
Regulars know each other and it's like any pub nightclub, people tend to stay their in groups.
Social events are a little different as the organisers try to mingle people and help to introduce newbies.
The way I look at it. You make your own entertainment at clubs! Have fun together explore dungeons, play rooms, swings whatever. Have fun in a voyeur room. If people see you, watch you, they will want to meet you chat with you.
Be confident, be sassy and have fun. If something ones from it, even better.  |
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Been to a few clubs and had the exact thing happen to us, as said some can be quite cliquey and it’s always awkward approaching a large group of people.
Last time we were lucky and had found a few couples in a forum topic to chat to online first then met them at the club |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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We did explore and have lots of fun together in a few rooms as well as in an open room right next to a couple who we had been chatting to but they never said a thing.
"Clubs can be hard if it's not a social event.
Regulars know each other and it's like any pub nightclub, people tend to stay their in groups.
Social events are a little different as the organisers try to mingle people and help to introduce newbies.
The way I look at it. You make your own entertainment at clubs! Have fun together explore dungeons, play rooms, swings whatever. Have fun in a voyeur room. If people see you, watch you, they will want to meet you chat with you.
Be confident, be sassy and have fun. If something ones from it, even better. "
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A lot of the club nights people usually arrange pre drinks before hand and that can really help to break the ice before hand. We have only attended a few times and we usually attend the pre drinks before hand and it really does calm the nerves before hand and gets you speaking to people. That would be my advice  |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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I've found that people get to know others at the clubs they frequent and sit together, often ending up in large groups in specific areas. This is what gives the cliquey vibe even when that's not necessarily the case.
Best thing to do as a couple is approach people, initiate conversations or just walk around, make eye contact, and be generally approachable. Worst thing is sitting in a corner by yourselves. Your post indicates you did the right things so just try again as some days/nights can be like that. |
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Not to blow smoke up your arse but you're absolutely stunning and that can actually, weirdly, put people off.
I for one would be intimidated by your good looks.
Keep trying to make conversations though and you'll definitely find a very lucky couple to play with 
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
We know how you feel, we were chatting to a couple on fab and when we met them the female turned her nose up at my partner as if she was better than her, you should give the clubs another chance though |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
We would of chatted but didn't turn up until half 12, we are also a bit shy at introducing ourselves (depending on how much drink has been consumed).
What I can say though don't let it knock your confidence nor don't let it stop you from trying again as it wouldn't of been anything to do with either of you. |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
You have a very particular dynamic that might not really suit club situations its pretty clear you really just want a bi single f which are more scarce than unicorns and suggesting another couple play separate using the word "allowed" is an instant put off for most tbf |
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I always try my best when I seen new people at a club and go and have a chat even if I’m not what there looking for no harm talking and introducing to others we all have life stories and experiences to share.
I always put up a meet me that I’m going and anybody’s always welcome to chat or say hi even before we go, been there myself with nerves or struggle to break ice it can make you feel a bit blah but it’s worth to keep at it as I’ve made great friends along the way and there’s always a lid for every pot.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
You have a very particular dynamic that might not really suit club situations its pretty clear you really just want a bi single f which are more scarce than unicorns and suggesting another couple play separate using the word "allowed" is an instant put off for most tbf "
Noted  |
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Don't let that one time put you off. We've been going to Cjs for 7 years. For the first few years we went most weekends and we can say each weekend is different, different people, and, a different vibe. Some weekends we went we never spoke to anyone and other weekends we did. After you've been a few times other regulars will become familiar with you, that usually breaks the ice. |
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Cjs was actually full on quite new couples on Saturday so most people may have been in the position. Cjs is great we have been many time but it is good to go to any club if you know someone else you have been chatting to it going as it makes it a little easier  |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
Don't think too much on it, we get that way too sometimes. We've never found two nights at any club the same. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"Don't let that one time put you off. We've been going to Cjs for 7 years. For the first few years we went most weekends and we can say each weekend is different, different people, and, a different vibe. Some weekends we went we never spoke to anyone and other weekends we did. After you've been a few times other regulars will become familiar with you, that usually breaks the ice. "
Thanks guys |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
Don't think too much on it, we get that way too sometimes. We've never found two nights at any club the same. X"
Thank you, Yeh we were just a bit confused as Mrs was looking amazing and we put a lot of effort in for the night. |
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Not been to cjs for a few years, but we do enjoy AD, so
E nights are fabtastic, other nights have been very quiet and a little more awkward, as others have said no 2 nights are the same, we enjoy the event nights at AD as there is always a great atmosphere, don’t give up on Ono one visit |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
Get used to it that is how every man on here feels haha |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
Get used to it that is how every man on here feels haha "
Not all men! |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
Get used to it that is how every man on here feels haha "
Haven’t been to any clubs but I definitely would be going to have fun, if people don’t talk just annoy them into talking to you. |
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By *opeyXWoman 15 weeks ago
Dun Dee |
Only been to AD once but people were pretty friendly, including staff, have been to socials were I've meant to try chat to people but sometimes finding people at busy places is tricky and the night always seems to go too quickly. I wouldn't let it put you off. |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
Get used to it that is how every man on here feels haha "
I don't feel that way and defiantly could never dent my confidence 
I'm very happy on here, in clubs, house parties, big socials etc.. and anywhere I go I get good laughs and good company.
I don't like clubs, having been to CJ's and it wasn't enjoyable in certain aspects but the people were sociable, great company, good crack and chat |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
Their loss |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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I can only imagine that people didn’t say hello or anything as they were nervous as heck! First two times I eve went to CJs I didn’t get to anyone…
Don’t let it knock your confidence! From I can see, you have a HOT HOT HOT profile!
I’d love to say Hello and get the drinks in |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"Clubs aren't working for everyone. We know that they are usually not for us. Gave it a go few times with rather mixed results. Do what works for you. "
Yeah we will try again and see what cums of it |
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"Clubs aren't working for everyone. We know that they are usually not for us. Gave it a go few times with rather mixed results. Do what works for you.
Yeah we will try again and see what cums of it "
I always recommend to newer couples to go on a themed event night like the summer ball, Halloween etc. Tend to find it's less of the regulars who are often there more to socialise with friends than strangers(which is totally OK).
People are generally so polite and respectful, especially towards couples who maybe seem new and hiding in a corner lol so there's a 100% chance people wanted to talk but were also too shy, intimidated or felt they wpukd be intruding/pressuring you. As you go more you'll get more of a feel for sensing when someone is interested. If you're giving off shy and timid (I don't mean that in a critical way) vibes people will give you space and leave you be so as not to make you feel pressured. My ex cried the first time we went as we basically hid in a dark corner all night looking like deer in the headlights! She felt unwanted and ugly then we logged into fab and lots of people had messaged saying they didn't want to intrude when they saw us but were super keen to (we have distinct tattoos so easily recognized from the profile pics).
You'll no doubt go next time armed with all this info and project a much different vibe seeming more comfortable and have a totally different experience. So if you like someone next time just go up and compliment them and you'll see how open and engaging people are. The couples and single ladies night seems to be ideal for you so maybe wait til the next one or arrange in advance to meet folk here? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"Clubs aren't working for everyone. We know that they are usually not for us. Gave it a go few times with rather mixed results. Do what works for you.
Yeah we will try again and see what cums of it
I always recommend to newer couples to go on a themed event night like the summer ball, Halloween etc. Tend to find it's less of the regulars who are often there more to socialise with friends than strangers(which is totally OK).
People are generally so polite and respectful, especially towards couples who maybe seem new and hiding in a corner lol so there's a 100% chance people wanted to talk but were also too shy, intimidated or felt they wpukd be intruding/pressuring you. As you go more you'll get more of a feel for sensing when someone is interested. If you're giving off shy and timid (I don't mean that in a critical way) vibes people will give you space and leave you be so as not to make you feel pressured. My ex cried the first time we went as we basically hid in a dark corner all night looking like deer in the headlights! She felt unwanted and ugly then we logged into fab and lots of people had messaged saying they didn't want to intrude when they saw us but were super keen to (we have distinct tattoos so easily recognized from the profile pics).
You'll no doubt go next time armed with all this info and project a much different vibe seeming more comfortable and have a totally different experience. So if you like someone next time just go up and compliment them and you'll see how open and engaging people are. The couples and single ladies night seems to be ideal for you so maybe wait til the next one or arrange in advance to meet folk here? "
Thank you, yes you pretty much summed up our situation and hopefully we can be more forthcoming next time we go |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
We have not been to a club yet.
However that's very sad that you felt that way.
Surely if people see a couple possibly new,shy, nervous.
It would be nice to just go over and chat, introduce to others and just a bit of moral support.
Perhaps if you meet someone on here and go together |
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Clubs can be really hard and can take awhile to break into. Sometimes myself as a single female it can be intimidating to go and start conversations with people. Not sure what club you tried but I like after dark as it’s all on one level and easy to flow round and often find conversations start more when you bump into people wondering round and watching things rather than approaching people sitting down at a table. Wishing luck on your club journey |
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I find it very difficult to strike up a convo in the pole room at cjs. Everyone's sitting and settled and you almost feel rude walking upto them.
Best place to talk to people is the bar and corridors. It's much easier to say hi on the passing |
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We were at a social in AD a few weeks back. We felt pretty much the same. A lot of people knew each other and were already in groups.
They did split people into teams for a quiz but the demographic was just the wrong one for us on the night plus many were busy talking to friends already.
We know you should try and go speak to people in those groups but it’s difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"Clubs can be really hard and can take awhile to break into. Sometimes myself as a single female it can be intimidating to go and start conversations with people. Not sure what club you tried but I like after dark as it’s all on one level and easy to flow round and often find conversations start more when you bump into people wondering round and watching things rather than approaching people sitting down at a table. Wishing luck on your club journey "
Thanks we are going to try after dark for our next club visit to see how it goes there |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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I'm surprised this feeling wasnt just from the pov of a single guy , I myself had a bad experience on last club visit,my confidence hasn't been the same since.
I know I should try and mingle more but its like I'm back at the school disco totally shitting it lol. |
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"I'm surprised this feeling wasnt just from the pov of a single guy , I myself had a bad experience on last club visit,my confidence hasn't been the same since.
I know I should try and mingle more but its like I'm back at the school disco totally shitting it lol. "
That doesn't sound good buddy hopefully next visit goes good for you. It can be hard mingling sometimes sometimes unfortunately you just get some conversations don't lead anywhere or it feels like pulling teeth trying to get one. |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
Sometimes the club environment can be hard to get used to if your just starting out and shy, or just not sure what to expect from it.
I always recommend if there is a social before clubs night as these are good ways to meet like minded people.
Am not sure what club you went to or what nights ie couples & single ladies or FFA
It can take a while to get used to the nights and please don't let a bad experience put up off.the more you go the more confident you will get.
Had a look at your profile and you come across as confident couple. Hopefully if you give it a chance you will start to like the full experience of the club
If your ever at cjs come chat
Dee x |
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"Clubs can be really hard and can take awhile to break into. Sometimes myself as a single female it can be intimidating to go and start conversations with people. Not sure what club you tried but I like after dark as it’s all on one level and easy to flow round and often find conversations start more when you bump into people wondering round and watching things rather than approaching people sitting down at a table. Wishing luck on your club journey
Thanks we are going to try after dark for our next club visit to see how it goes there "
Hopefully it picks up for you. Took me a good few times of going reg to get up courage to chat to people and they are all really friendly once you get chatting it’s the red neck of approaching people.
Ah lovely maybe see you there then. give me a wee message and I can see if I can pop along to ease you into if you like |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
Sometimes the club environment can be hard to get used to if your just starting out and shy, or just not sure what to expect from it.
I always recommend if there is a social before clubs night as these are good ways to meet like minded people.
Am not sure what club you went to or what nights ie couples & single ladies or FFA
It can take a while to get used to the nights and please don't let a bad experience put up off.the more you go the more confident you will get.
Had a look at your profile and you come across as confident couple. Hopefully if you give it a chance you will start to like the full experience of the club
If your ever at cjs come chat
Dee x"
Thanks we will keep that in mind when we go back to Cj’s |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"We'll be at afterdark on the 16th, we normally sit at the table near the bar in a group talking complete shit haha. Anyway is always welcome to join us, please feel free x"
Thanks |
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
Sometimes the club environment can be hard to get used to if your just starting out and shy, or just not sure what to expect from it.
I always recommend if there is a social before clubs night as these are good ways to meet like minded people.
Am not sure what club you went to or what nights ie couples & single ladies or FFA
It can take a while to get used to the nights and please don't let a bad experience put up off.the more you go the more confident you will get.
Had a look at your profile and you come across as confident couple. Hopefully if you give it a chance you will start to like the full experience of the club
If your ever at cjs come chat
Dee x
Thanks we will keep that in mind when we go back to Cj’s "
It took me a long time to get used to the club scene and am not the most confident of people. The more i went the more I started to enjoy it. Now it's more like going to my local. Love meeting new people chatting and also helping newbies fund their feet. I have met some amazing people over the years.
It honestly won't be you it just takes time especially if you are new to it all.
Like someone else posted walk about the areas try chatting can be something as simple as how you like what someone has on their hair make up or even ask what they are drinking they are all ice breakers.
Even if you see a group you can always chat and say hi we are???
Wish you all the best in this journey am sure once you go and the more you do you will wonder why you doubted yourself
Dee x |
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By *eebzMan 14 weeks ago
Falkirk |
I felt like this the first few times I attended a club as I was quite nervous about approaching couples,I kinda feel we get in our own heads about approaching others thinking it won’t be welcomed
I did find myself getting more comfortable the more I went and have had a much easier time mingling and chatting with others,even if still a tad nervous haha
I reckon you should give it another try and not let it put you off,as I’m sure there would be plenty of people who would love to bump into you |
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We tend to go with a view that it’s a night out for us together and we can get dressed up (or down as the case may be ) for it.
And if we get chatting to anyone else or anything more adventurous it’s a bonus.
Your photos look lovely so may be luck of the draw . If there’s an event night they tend to be really good fun from what we’ve experienced.
Hope all good fab things come to you
Dx
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By *AGGACouple 14 weeks ago
Leith |
"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs?
You have a very particular dynamic that might not really suit club situations its pretty clear you really just want a bi single f which are more scarce than unicorns and suggesting another couple play separate using the word "allowed" is an instant put off for most tbf "
And how is it a put off exactly? Is it written on her forehead that this is what she's looking for? Or perhaps people log straight away on fab, to check the profile? Even if someone isn't my cup of tea, there's no harm in being social and friendly. We all have different likes and needs, but it shouldn't be reason to exclude someone. OP is very attractive and that might be the reason. Simply jealousy and insecurity inmo. |
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By *AGGACouple 14 weeks ago
Leith |
That's a shame that we weren't there! If you ever plan to go back, or to check another club, give us a wee message and we can go together. Your profile looks amazing, you are confident about what you want and even if we wouldn't end up playing together, we could still have great time by simply socialising. Either way, good luck and I hope that you both will meet more friendly people next time! |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"We went for our second visit to a club on Saturday thinking this is going to be the night! we actually do something tonight ( we are newbie’s ) we got there early and throughout the whole night not one person spoke to us It has knocked our confidence a bit. We did ask a couple to come chat when they got a chance but they never did.
We had lots of chats on here with people wanting to come have a chat with us at the club but not one did.
Is this normal on here and in clubs? "
Sometimes being too good looking and unequivocally attractive can result in people being a little curt or defensive in their body language.
When Jerry Hall married Rupert Murdoch this was apparently part of how he got her. She said no man had approached her in years and that although she knew she was beautiful, it seemed no one actually wanted her. Rupert Murdoch thought confidently approached her and was very direct and swooning, which is how that particular mismatch happened. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 14 weeks ago
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"That's a shame that we weren't there! If you ever plan to go back, or to check another club, give us a wee message and we can go together. Your profile looks amazing, you are confident about what you want and even if we wouldn't end up playing together, we could still have great time by simply socialising. Either way, good luck and I hope that you both will meet more friendly people next time! "
Thanks  hopefully going to a club again next month |
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We totally get where you are coming from as we were a bit surprised when we first visited a club. Neither of us are that confident so we just sat there chatting to ourselves, which was nice and very much a date night. Our second visit to a club was very similar where we chatted to each other and played with each other. Our next visit we might challenge our selves to speak to someone new! |
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Clubs can and are very cliquey. Go to clubs down south if you can Night and day to the ones up here. Dont put yourself down you look and sound lovely. Just remember the ones that ignored you!get down south... |
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"Clubs can and are very cliquey. Go to clubs down south if you can Night and day to the ones up here. Dont put yourself down you look and sound lovely. Just remember the ones that ignored you!get down south... "
I don't think they are cliquey at all. Not in my experience anyway. I think at times they can be perceived this way because you often get groups of people who all know each other and as a newbie or someone who only goes here and there it can feel difficult to interact as you might want. Often, these groups are regulars who are comfortable there and have got to know each other. The difference to England is that they have many clubs and will get varied folk all the time, whereas here we don't have many clubs and so it's the same folk a lot of the time going and this leads to familiarity. Everyone is new at some point. |
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It's a bit like that when we go, unless there are people we have already spoken to before.
I think i give off a resting bitch face at times, although we are rather approachable and very chatty when people chat
The last few times we haven't played with anyone other than ourselve.
We are coming to the conclusion we prefer private parties and meets x |
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