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Dad jokes

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By *lasgow guy xxx OP Man 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

That was recently voted as the best dad joke

What’s your best, or worse, dad joke

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By *agatoXXXMan 4 weeks ago

Carol Vorderman's underwear drawer.

My dad was a joke.

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By *cottish TemptationCouple 4 weeks ago

Shhhhh

You have 3 riffles in one hand and 6 duck decoys in the other.

What do you have?

Big hands.

How do you make an egg roll? Push it

I’m sorry haha

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By *uctifanoWoman 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

I’ve been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants… it’s called fee fi phobia

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By *utherglen funMan 4 weeks ago

Rutherglen

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

They are all dead

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By *hippy57Man 4 weeks ago

Chelmsford

Why do women have legs?

You seen the mess a snail makes

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By *ussymufferMan 4 weeks ago

Lanarkshire

If you get a email

Saying knock knock

Don't open it

It's a jahovah witness working form home

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By *rdadjokesMan 4 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Thought I was getting tagged in a post here haha

I just broke up with my girlfriend who was a professional tennis player …….. love meant nothing to her.

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By *lasgow guy xxx OP Man 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Euan

Euan who?

It’s just me

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By *corpioboyMan 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

Did you hear about the cartoonist found dead at his home?

Details are sketchy.

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By *ookie69Man 4 weeks ago

Whistle Dixie

Don’t marry a tall woman

They lie long in bed

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By *idas ManMan 4 weeks ago

Dunfermline

Did you hear about the non-binary prospector?

There’s gold in them/their hills !

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By *rdadjokesMan 4 weeks ago

Edinburgh

I’ve got a date next week with someone who identifies as a wheelie bin I can’t mind if it’s the Tuesday or Thursday I’m taking her out

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By *uctifanoWoman 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

My boss said he didn’t see me in work today. I said that’s because I’m identifying as invisible, I’m Transparent and my pronouns are “who” and “where”

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By *ookie69Man 4 weeks ago

Whistle Dixie

I took a lovely lass out for dinner last week.

The waitress who was absolutely gorgeous asked me what I wanted

I said “How’s about a quickie darlin”she went off in a rage and told her Boss.

The lass I was with said “ffs Rookie,it’s spelt quiche “.

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By *exicolaMan 4 weeks ago

West Lothian

I've an urge to quit my current job and take up a role cleaning mirrors.

It's something I can really see myself doing.

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By *cta Non VerbaMan 4 weeks ago

Moray

My car failed it's emissions test today.

Fuming

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By *ola2020Woman 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

I was chopping herbs the other day and got some in my eye. The doctor said I might be Parsley sighted lol x

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By *assy LassieWoman 4 weeks ago

Lanarkshire

"I was chopping herbs the other day and got some in my eye. The doctor said I might be Parsley sighted lol x"

I love your jokes

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By *ola2020Woman 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

Hehe thank you x

Here's another: What do you call it when Batman skips church...? Christian Bale lol x

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By *i N SteCouple 4 weeks ago

only works in Scotland..

is that a cake or a meringue?

naw yer right its a cake

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By *aldGingerMan 4 weeks ago

Glasgow

Guy staggers out of pub in Glasgow and sees another guy under the hood of a car trying to fix it.

“Whits up wi yer motor?”

“Piston broke”

“Aye me anaw pal”

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By *ennyjMan 4 weeks ago

falkirk

Phoned the chinese takeaway last night ,girl answered phone said hello I am soo king , I said its OK I'll call back when your finished ??...... I'll get ma coat

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By *hydad4321Man 4 weeks ago

carluke

What did Kermit say when he got to the top of the hill

Muppet

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By *anderingfiferMan 4 weeks ago

Kirkcaldy

What's the difference between a chickpea and a red kidney bean?

I've never had a red kidney bean on my face...

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By *allerthanaverage79Man 3 weeks ago

Ayrshire

Why isn't Michael Jackson allowed near primary schools? Because he's dead!

Why did the boy fall of the swing? Because he had no arms!

What's the pink panthers fav insect? Dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants!!!

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