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How can I be happy again
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Been through this myself, sucker punch after sucker punch!
Life does settle down eventually and you can get back to an even-keel of things.
Make sure you keep any routines you have, don't let whatever happened ruin normal things in your life.
If you find you are fine with that, but have some gaps in your life to fill, find new things to do.
Mine seems to be playing real-life Tetris 
Mandy |
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"I’m trying to find happiness again it’s 17 months ago after a massive trauma, is it possible are will the pain always stay."
Ill start by saying that this is not the samaritains so you might not get the shoulder to cry on that you want, The pain is always there it just gets numb over time, most folk grow a set of balls and get on with life if you let one thing get you down then the next will be worst. get a hobby buy a dog watch goldfish anything to get your mind in a different place as jumping of a tall building is only fun till you hit the ground
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There's no definitive answer to this. Generally things get easier with time, but there is no timeframe with this and individuals react very differently to similar events.
There's also unhelpful models such as the 7 grief stages, which more or less imply you go through steps on a linear basis and then you are healed. Whilst the themes are broadly recognisable, every person's journey is different and may involve circling back and revisiting things you thought you may have left behind
Best approach is to do what feels right for you, when you feel it's right, and whatever that might be. Talk to friends, professionals etc, indulge in things that make you feel better and most importantly look after yourself and go on your own journey at your own pace
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"There's no definitive answer to this. Generally things get easier with time, but there is no timeframe with this and individuals react very differently to similar events.
There's also unhelpful models such as the 7 grief stages, which more or less imply you go through steps on a linear basis and then you are healed. Whilst the themes are broadly recognisable, every person's journey is different and may involve circling back and revisiting things you thought you may have left behind
Best approach is to do what feels right for you, when you feel it's right, and whatever that might be. Talk to friends, professionals etc, indulge in things that make you feel better and most importantly look after yourself and go on your own journey at your own pace
"
I wasn't aware of the 7 Stages version.
When I was grieving, I read the 5 Stages list each day, so I knew what I was thinking/feeling, until I got to the stage that I wasn't feeling any of them each day.
The one I did learn about within the last year, are the Secondary and Tertiary stages of grief. As a lot of these things overlap, I wouldn't be surprised if some of the 7 Stages things appear in the Secondary one. |
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"I’m trying to find happiness again it’s 17 months ago after a massive trauma, is it possible are will the pain always stay.
Ill start by saying that this is not the samaritains so you might not get the shoulder to cry on that you want, The pain is always there it just gets numb over time, most folk grow a set of balls and get on with life if you let one thing get you down then the next will be worst. get a hobby buy a dog watch goldfish anything to get your mind in a different place as jumping of a tall building is only fun till you hit the ground
"
Pretty uncompassionate response
No such thing as *growing a pair of balls*
This is exactly the attitude and stigma that explains why males are 3 times more likely to die by suicide than women.
May I make a suggestion that if you have nothing useful to say - you say nothing at all |
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"I’m trying to find happiness again it’s 17 months ago after a massive trauma, is it possible are will the pain always stay.
Ill start by saying that this is not the samaritains so you might not get the shoulder to cry on that you want, The pain is always there it just gets numb over time, most folk grow a set of balls and get on with life if you let one thing get you down then the next will be worst. get a hobby buy a dog watch goldfish anything to get your mind in a different place as jumping of a tall building is only fun till you hit the ground
"
Wow. Just wow.
Never read anything like that in my life. Have a word with yourself mate. |
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Wow I missed "that" response earlier in the thread
What a massive c***
To OP you were brave in showing your vulnerability, so well done for that. Fortunately there are more people and individuals who will be willing to support and help in whenever way you need. Just ignore the occasional twats.
Hope you find the help and support you need and your journey. Most of all, remember that no matter how you might feel, you're never alone and there's kind people out there (and even in Fabs) who will lend an ear |
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It might never leave you, but you've taken the first step by reaching out, even here, as there are a diverse range of people who've been through lifetimes of events.
Seek all the help you need, in books and from professionals, find the people who add to you, and you to them, avoid the toxic and learn what works for you in terms of self care.
There isn't a guide, or any certainty, which is why asking for help, that first step, is such a leap.
Sorry to go on, but this is a hard time of year for many people, so take care, stay warm and stay in touch with people. |
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"Pretty uncompassionate response
No such thing as *growing a pair of balls*
This is exactly the attitude and stigma that explains why males are 3 times more likely to die by suicide than women.
May I make a suggestion that if you have nothing useful to say - you say nothing at all "
since you are not a male you would not get that the response was compassionate, if you were to read the full response and not cherry pick words. oh and just for your info the reason more males die from suicide is that they do it better ie blow their brains out or jump of a building or hang themselves where as females will more than not take pills that is less successful very few jump of a roof. |
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"Pretty uncompassionate response
No such thing as *growing a pair of balls*
This is exactly the attitude and stigma that explains why males are 3 times more likely to die by suicide than women.
May I make a suggestion that if you have nothing useful to say - you say nothing at all
since you are not a male you would not get that the response was compassionate, if you were to read the full response and not cherry pick words. oh and just for your info the reason more males die from suicide is that they do it better ie blow their brains out or jump of a building or hang themselves where as females will more than not take pills that is less successful very few jump of a roof."
That is one mitigating factor. The biggest factor is that men don't feel able to speak out - because of responses like yours.
Males are more likely to use fatal means yes - but attempts are still far higher in males.
As for balls...pretty sure I have more of them than you will ever have.
Trot on |
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"Behave the lot of you. Ffs.
A guy reaches out & now look at you all.
Ignore OP. Some people let their own personal opinions override the support they originally meant to give  "
I am behaving. Im calling out shite *advice* and offering alternative supports |
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yeah most guys don't talk about suicide because the person that drives them too it often is a female.
as for alternative support ill call bullshit to that one as i dont think you have any clue what the OP is or has gone through.
as for a set of balls dream on. |
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"yeah most guys don't talk about suicide because the person that drives them too it often is a female.
as for alternative support ill call bullshit to that one as i dont think you have any clue what the OP is or has gone through.
as for a set of balls dream on. "
Keep digging mate.... |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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You’re not alone mate, I’m carrying a hell of a lot of trauma from my own personal experiences over the past number of years. It’s tough going and some days are worse than others. Feel free to DM me if you’re ever having a crap day and struggling. I’m fully aware of the lack of mental health support out there, it’s truly shocking. Eat well, exercise, get out into nature, into the mountains etc and pursue the activities and hobbies you’re passionate about, those things will ground you and will build your resilience and self worth and confidence. Wish you well mate |
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Find a hobby or a challenge that works for you
Be it a new sport or volunteer work, helping others can distract you, without having to worry you’re alone.
Positive thoughts beats dark thoughts everytime.
Find happiness in small goals, a daily good deed can raise a smile
Good luck |
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"I’m trying to find happiness again it’s 17 months ago after a massive trauma, is it possible are will the pain always stay."
I am so sorry to hear that  I've just finished my 2nd lot of trauma informed therapy, it takes time and work but with the right support around you, it will get easier to manage as therapy teaches you skills to help when trauma is bad. Hugs xx |
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"Yes positive thinking "
Does not heal trauma alone sadly...
Trauma is wound to the nervous system and takes a lot more than thinking it away, though i wish it was as easy as that. I am diagnosed complex ptsd and been in and out of therapy for years and am on meds and thats ok. |
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For me to get over not trauma but darker times
Try to think positive,not always easy.
Excersise not necessary Gym it's not for me just outside and fresh air.
Take even the smallest positives as a win.
Most important reduce social media |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"I’m trying to find happiness again it’s 17 months ago after a massive trauma, is it possible are will the pain always stay."
This made me sad, we have all been there and it always feels so endless. Time does pass and wounds heal.
This is a hard time of year when you feel like this, do your best to not be alone and without any weird agenda at all, if you really need to speak to someone on any bad days my box is open. Don’t ever let yourself spiral.
Chin up man, youl find yourself again so much faster than you think  |
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OP
There are ways to help it slip back in your min but they never truly leave.
Find someone who will actively listen and ask questions
If you don’t like that find someone who can just hold you close when you feel down
Cry
Keep your eyes busy
Best of luck |
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Totally, toxic positivity does not help when someone has gone through extreme trauma. Some comment come from a good place but clearly from people who have not experienced trauma. Some things you can never get over and just have to find a way to live with it |
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Everyone experiences life differently, but the key is discovering what truly brings you joy and leaning into it fully. For me, that’s been music - losing myself in songs and the electric energy of live concerts. My trauma isn’t something that ever fully disappears; it lingers, resurfacing in unexpected ways at the strangest moments. The real work lies in learning to carry it lightly, like a weight on your shoulder that you acknowledge but refuse to let pull you under. |
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"I’m trying to find happiness again it’s 17 months ago after a massive trauma, is it possible are will the pain always stay.
Ill start by saying that this is not the samaritains so you might not get the shoulder to cry on that you want, The pain is always there it just gets numb over time, most folk grow a set of balls and get on with life if you let one thing get you down then the next will be worst. get a hobby buy a dog watch goldfish anything to get your mind in a different place as jumping of a tall building is only fun till you hit the ground
"
Totally shocked by this response. Please op do not take this message as the norm.
I cannot believe someone would actually respond like this.
There is help out there. I'm no expert, but what I do know is never keep it inside, talk.
Meanwhile, that other chap is blocked.
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