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By *e Devil OP Man
over a year ago
Blantyre |
I have chatted with tvs and cross dressers in clubs before but when i leave the conversation and talk to maybe my other half i would say , he said this or he said that then think , can i say that ? . If i knew their female name i may use that but would find it a bit strange. Does anyone else think that way. I will get the PC brigade no doubt slaughter me but the post is about learning , not slagging. Had a wee read up on the subject and using the TV term is not so correct terminology any longer yet it is used all the time for club nights and discriptions on Fab.  |
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I wouldn't class it as offensive, it's just a nature and education thing.
Most TVs/TGs would prefer to be called She, her, their name or some other feminine term, but I know many people that still say He or him, even some other TVs.
I know you can't always get their name, but asking would be the best situation.
Being a bit ranty, how do you expect to get the right term, when folks can't agree to be called certain things, I mean for a while TG or Transgender was the PC term, but even that is considered semi-offensive now because it encompasses all the "classifications" and some don't want to be affiliated with others.
I often refer to myself as a trannie, however that is considered very offensive, but I don't mind it. There terms and classifications change so often it does me.
Mandy |
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By *e Devil OP Man
over a year ago
Blantyre |
"I wouldn't class it as offensive, it's just a nature and education thing.
Most TVs/TGs would prefer to be called She, her, their name or some other feminine term, but I know many people that still say He or him, even some other TVs.
I know you can't always get their name, but asking would be the best situation.
Being a bit ranty, how do you expect to get the right term, when folks can't agree to be called certain things, I mean for a while TG or Transgender was the PC term, but even that is considered semi-offensive now because it encompasses all the "classifications" and some don't want to be affiliated with others.
I often refer to myself as a trannie, however that is considered very offensive, but I don't mind it. There terms and classifications change so often it does me.
Mandy"
Cheers for that , you could say this is the first expert opinion.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't class it as offensive, it's just a nature and education thing."
I agree totally. Having been to restaurant and shops. You will get the sir, miss, madam.
Is it right. No. As said previously, a feminine terminology would be more acceptable, but having hundreds of years of his/ hers and no other inbetween it will take a long time, education and generations to make gender and addressing someone's gender, less of an issue.
You only have to think back to when it was illegal to be gay in the 1950's and before (a guesstimate to historians)..
Look how far the community has come in 70years.
Public figures like Eddie hazard
and Paul o'Grady, the two Ronnies and alike. Even films like tootsie and kinky boots, publicly break down barriers in transvestite and drag queens helped in their own little ways..
Come 20-30-40years from now society may have progressed enough to accept all.
Of course, the Vulcans may have landed and our whole world will need to accept that everything will be different (yes a blatant star trek reference to equality amongst all beings....)
Mistress Amelia |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
This is a difficult one for me to get my head round sometimes.
But I try and take my lead from the person myself and use whatever they feel comfortable with.
Personally, using their name is the easy way out lol  |
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"Cheers for that , you could say this is the first expert opinion. "
Woah, wait a minute! I never claimed to be an expert!
I think you'll find similar answers on here from most.
Jo sums it up in a shorter comment.
Mandy |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
"Cheers for that , you could say this is the first expert opinion.
Woah, wait a minute! I never claimed to be an expert!
I think you'll find similar answers on here from most.
Jo sums it up in a shorter comment.
Mandy"
Too late Mandy. You’ve been branded an expert  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have chatted with tvs and cross dressers in clubs before but when i leave the conversation and talk to maybe my other half i would say , he said this or he said that then think , can i say that ? . If i knew their female name i may use that but would find it a bit strange. Does anyone else think that way. I will get the PC brigade no doubt slaughter me but the post is about learning , not slagging. Had a wee read up on the subject and using the TV term is not so correct terminology any longer yet it is used all the time for club nights and discriptions on Fab. "
I made that mistake in CJs one night, using He instead of She.. She...wasn’t happy at all. Tried to make conversation about general stuff and everything was pretty much shut down at every turn as it wasn’t relating to the character/ person they were at that point. Found it a bit tiresome verging in rude to be honest. |
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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago
village life, closest main town inverness |
"I have chatted with tvs and cross dressers in clubs before but when i leave the conversation and talk to maybe my other half i would say , he said this or he said that then think , can i say that ? . If i knew their female name i may use that but would find it a bit strange. Does anyone else think that way. I will get the PC brigade no doubt slaughter me but the post is about learning , not slagging. Had a wee read up on the subject and using the TV term is not so correct terminology any longer yet it is used all the time for club nights and discriptions on Fab. "
.
No you shouldn't get grief for asking as it's a good question
Have to confess to getting a bit lost with all the categories and sub categories there are now lol.
Rightly or wrongly we would use she/her in conversation if we didn't catch her name  |
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The simplest solution is just ask what pronoun someone prefers. It's that easy. Takes two seconds and then you know where you stand. Beggars belief that some folk would still have a problem showing just that much basic respect. That's not about forcing anyone, that's about actually being respectful to others. Even strangers can manage that. Great question though, wish more people thought to ask. |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
"The simplest solution is just ask what pronoun someone prefers. It's that easy. Takes two seconds and then you know where you stand. Beggars belief that some folk would still have a problem showing just that much basic respect. That's not about forcing anyone, that's about actually being respectful to others. Even strangers can manage that. Great question though, wish more people thought to ask."
Ok, I know it’s simple, but a lot of people would feel awkward or feel that maybe it was showing ignorance if they asked  |
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"The simplest solution is just ask what pronoun someone prefers. It's that easy. Takes two seconds and then you know where you stand. Beggars belief that some folk would still have a problem showing just that much basic respect. That's not about forcing anyone, that's about actually being respectful to others. Even strangers can manage that. Great question though, wish more people thought to ask.
Ok, I know it’s simple, but a lot of people would feel awkward or feel that maybe it was showing ignorance if they asked "
I'm an LGBT Officer for a large organisation. That has regularly meant speaking at conferences, talking at universities and advising employers on getting it right. It is a minefield but the simplest solution is just asking a respectful question. People manage to talk to other people every day so it's not a huge ask. Whether TV, CD or TS or anywhere in between, you are just speaking to another person. |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
"The simplest solution is just ask what pronoun someone prefers. It's that easy. Takes two seconds and then you know where you stand. Beggars belief that some folk would still have a problem showing just that much basic respect. That's not about forcing anyone, that's about actually being respectful to others. Even strangers can manage that. Great question though, wish more people thought to ask.
Ok, I know it’s simple, but a lot of people would feel awkward or feel that maybe it was showing ignorance if they asked
I'm an LGBT Officer for a large organisation. That has regularly meant speaking at conferences, talking at universities and advising employers on getting it right. It is a minefield but the simplest solution is just asking a respectful question. People manage to talk to other people every day so it's not a huge ask. Whether TV, CD or TS or anywhere in between, you are just speaking to another person. "
I know. In general I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem. However, others have said they have in the past.
This is why I posted in the club thread that it shouldn’t matter what anyone is - we are all human. We should all get along and talk  |
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"The simplest solution is just ask what pronoun someone prefers. It's that easy. Takes two seconds and then you know where you stand. Beggars belief that some folk would still have a problem showing just that much basic respect. That's not about forcing anyone, that's about actually being respectful to others. Even strangers can manage that. Great question though, wish more people thought to ask.
Ok, I know it’s simple, but a lot of people would feel awkward or feel that maybe it was showing ignorance if they asked
I'm an LGBT Officer for a large organisation. That has regularly meant speaking at conferences, talking at universities and advising employers on getting it right. It is a minefield but the simplest solution is just asking a respectful question. People manage to talk to other people every day so it's not a huge ask. Whether TV, CD or TS or anywhere in between, you are just speaking to another person.
I know. In general I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem. However, others have said they have in the past.
This is why I posted in the club thread that it shouldn’t matter what anyone is - we are all human. We should all get along and talk "
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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago
kilmarnockish |
I’ve been called lots of names over the years. It’s nice to be referred correctly when socialising. But making a joke about the incorrect use for being called a bloke in 6” stilettos, skirt and make up, is better than giving out abuse.
Insecure guys do it the most, so do the managers in Tesco.... ( this makes me chuckle tbh, ‘awrightmate ‘ , the rest are scared of me...)
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"I have chatted with tvs and cross dressers in clubs before but when i leave the conversation and talk to maybe my other half i would say , he said this or he said that then think , can i say that ? . If i knew their female name i may use that but would find it a bit strange. Does anyone else think that way. I will get the PC brigade no doubt slaughter me but the post is about learning , not slagging. Had a wee read up on the subject and using the TV term is not so correct terminology any longer yet it is used all the time for club nights and discriptions on Fab.
I made that mistake in CJs one night, using He instead of She.. She...wasn’t happy at all. Tried to make conversation about general stuff and everything was pretty much shut down at every turn as it wasn’t relating to the character/ person they were at that point. Found it a bit tiresome verging in rude to be honest. "
And did you apologise or keep doing it after it was clear she was offended?
If so then the perceived rudeness is easily explained. |
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I really dont see the problem with using a preffered pronoun, whether you agree with it or not, and if its that difficult to do, use their name instead.
If it happens to Me, i politely point out my preffered pronouns or my name, if someone cant accept that then its conversation over. Im not forcing anyone to do anything, dont like it go speak to someone else.. Its no skin off my nose.
But continuing to do it after being asked not to means we're going to fall out  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I really dont see the problem with using a preffered pronoun, whether you agree with it or not, and if its that difficult to do, use their name instead.
If it happens to Me, i politely point out my preffered pronouns or my name, if someone cant accept that then its conversation over. Im not forcing anyone to do anything, dont like it go speak to someone else.. Its no skin off my nose.
But continuing to do it after being asked not to means we're going to fall out "
Some people use pronouns as a button to push, not just through ignorance or nerves.
Personally, I respect the persons self-view. |
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Thing is if you are chatting to them why not simply ask their name. Say hi my name is X what's yours. Refer to them as what answer they give. Personally I'd say Annabelle but someone else might say Dave. It's really a non subject and treat them as a person same as you would anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm about a subtle as a brick and even if I know someone's name, I will also ask what pronoun they like to be known as.
I don't do this to be offensive or rude, but I like to make sure I'm not going to put my foot in it.
There was a girl I worked with, knew her as a she, her name etc and then they decided they wanted to be non-binary. It took me ages to get used to it. The name change was easy, but the pronoun tripped me up for ages. I did tell them that if I got it wrong, referring to them as she/her, then not to be offended. They weren't, and now I do it without even thinking about it.
I think we live in such a diverse society now, that it's inevitable that we'll get things wrong sometimes. You just apologise, learn from it and move on x |
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