FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Should you let a prospective meet know you have a degree of Aspergers?
Should you let a prospective meet know you have a degree of Aspergers?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's always been a dilemma as I don't want to meet someone under false pretences. But what's people's thoughts on this subject, or is it nobody's business? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s not really anyone’s business if it doesn’t majorly affect you, are you able to read social cues properly and pick up on body language etc
I suppose it’s more prevalent if you’re looking for a regular partner so they understand if you have ocd traits or particular behaviours that can seem strange to folk, not sure how well you show your emotions or feelings as well, what can seem as stand offish behaviour can just be a trait, I’ve never been diagnosed but when I look at my son I now see a lot of traits in myself, I’m very abrupt at times, everything can be very black and white with me, I’m overly honest and share perhaps too much information, I struggle to lie or not say what’s in my head but tbh I have never had any issues in meeting new people or making friends 
The major positive is without even saying anything I think most people know instantly if I’m attracted to them or not lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's always been a dilemma as I don't want to meet someone under false pretences. But what's people's thoughts on this subject, or is it nobody's business? "
Aspergers is a spectrum and many of us are somewhere on that spectrum. I don't think you should have to explain yourself. If someone chats to you and you meet socially and they still want to meet then they still want to meet you for who you are and a label means fuck all.
I'm dyslexic, I don't get the tone of some of the messages I get and similarly the tone of my worded messages may be misconstrued. If someone takes the hump it doesn't bother me, I can't be arsed and don't feel I have to justify myself to anyone on here! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there's a concern that people hear the word Asperger's or autism then think to the people they know who are autistic and assume you will be the same.
Which is nonsense. That's like saying every blue eyed person is the same!
No two neurotypical people are the same so no two autistic people are either.
The important thing is how you feel in yourself, about the people you meet and the situations you find yourself going into . Completely consenting to everything is important too and being able to understand your own feelings.
You may wish to tell someone for example if you feel some things you might find hard. However that's something we should all be honest about.
And apologies but I'm about to get on my soap box..
I hate these mild autism descriptions as well. Mild isn't always how the individuals experience it!
Our society still has much to really understand and instead of making the world a bit more"Autism friendly" we expect others to just adapt.
It's your choice what you disclose and you should never feel under any pressure to tell anyone anything.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I am not great in busy places and when there is too much chat around me.
Thanks for your replies. I have a few other traits but I personally feel it is something I would prefer to chat to someone about face to face |
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"I am not great in busy places and when there is too much chat around me.
Thanks for your replies. I have a few other traits but I personally feel it is something I would prefer to chat to someone about face to face"
I’m hopeful you’ll find the right balance of what to tell and when just blurting out everything on the first social might put someone off . Choose your meeting place carefully Wetherspoons and the like don’t have loud music but can be busy at times especially the weekend . If your interested in going further after the social then it’s your decision what to say and when . Good luck in your quest .  |
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"I am not great in busy places and when there is too much chat around me.
Thanks for your replies. I have a few other traits but I personally feel it is something I would prefer to chat to someone about face to face"
Make sure you pick somewhere quiet for a social then and explain any concerns you have or any possible problems then if that makes things easier for you.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you aren't prepared to be upfront about it before getting as far as meeting, there's the risk of the other person feeling duped somehow.
We've all seen the fallout of this kind of situation |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am not great in busy places and when there is too much chat around me.
Thanks for your replies. I have a few other traits but I personally feel it is something I would prefer to chat to someone about face to face
I’m hopeful you’ll find the right balance of what to tell and when just blurting out everything on the first social might put someone off . Choose your meeting place carefully Wetherspoons and the like don’t have loud music but can be busy at times especially the weekend . If your interested in going further after the social then it’s your decision what to say and when . Good luck in your quest . "
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey.
I have Autism Spectrum Disorder. Or in old money Aspergers. It has its benefits and disadvantages. If you would like to chat more feel free to message me.
I think the world is becoming a little more understanding and tolerant of differences in people. I would not let it define you or have it at the front of your ‘to talk about list’. If you form a positive relationship on here, it will come up as something to talk about I’m sure...
Best of luck. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t see why you should need to disclose such personal information to anyone? You can always just say that you’re shy/anxious, Which surely is rather normal in the swinging scene... at first?
I’d personally not bother mentioning it. I don’t think it would do you many favours, nor make things any easier if they were to know or not. If you’re not officially diagnosed, nor have it interfere too drastically in your everyday life, I doubt anyone would even notice tbh.
Just breathe and fab on lad!  |
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By *olly90Woman
over a year ago
Arbroath |
"It’s not really anyone’s business if it doesn’t majorly affect you, are you able to read social cues properly and pick up on body language etc
I suppose it’s more prevalent if you’re looking for a regular partner so they understand if you have ocd traits or particular behaviours that can seem strange to folk, not sure how well you show your emotions or feelings as well, what can seem as stand offish behaviour can just be a trait, I’ve never been diagnosed but when I look at my son I now see a lot of traits in myself, I’m very abrupt at times, everything can be very black and white with me, I’m overly honest and share perhaps too much information, I struggle to lie or not say what’s in my head but tbh I have never had any issues in meeting new people or making friends
The major positive is without even saying anything I think most people know instantly if I’m attracted to them or not lol "
This ?????? couldn't put it better myself. I look at my daughter and see so much of myself at that age and so much makes sense. I think if u feel comfortable with the person first then tell x |
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