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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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An exploration post, no judgemental responses required (I can dream  ) Seriously though, yet not, if you see what I mean. There’s many questions regarding sexuality. Each one opens a potential can of worms. That is not the purpose of this post. Whilst I cannot stop the “judgers” judging or the liars lying I can give a voice to varying opinions. Is it possible we can all walk a mile in each other’s shoes? Not asking anyone to compromise, merely to discuss sexuality of all kinds.
I’ll lead by example, fab has allowed me to explore my sexuality positively but swinging isn’t socially acceptable.
Discuss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I did my degree I discussed identity a lot. Identity is something assigned to you by others, and sexuality is one of the labels applied to you. Is it possible to live independently of the labels assigned to you? Probably not, because we are driven to adopt the labels of our in-groups, in order to feel included and accepted.
Sadly we do not choose our identity, although we can choose how we identify, and this means that many of us will be seen by society as behaving in an unacceptable way. Even here, where minds are a little more open, we see divides between those who think the behaviours of others are right and wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I did my degree I discussed identity a lot. Identity is something assigned to you by others, and sexuality is one of the labels applied to you. Is it possible to live independently of the labels assigned to you? Probably not, because we are driven to adopt the labels of our in-groups, in order to feel included and accepted.
Sadly we do not choose our identity, although we can choose how we identify, and this means that many of us will be seen by society as behaving in an unacceptable way. Even here, where minds are a little more open, we see divides between those who think the behaviours of others are right and wrong."
A thoughtful and insightful comment, thank you. I agree that we see the same divides here (where minds should be more open?) one meets exactly the same conflicts. However, if I can ask, has fab allowed you to explore more or less??? No worries if you’d rather not comment  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A thoughtful and insightful comment, thank you. I agree that we see the same divides here (where minds should be more open?) one meets exactly the same conflicts. However, if I can ask, has fab allowed you to explore more or less??? No worries if you’d rather not comment "
I was exploring long before Fab, but a friend introduced me and its been insightful - I am Dom and thought that was the way I would always be, but some lovely people have allowed me to have a rest from that. It has been refreshing to surrender 'responsibility' for a change.
I was attracted here by being able to talk to people in similar situations, but sadly the theories of social constructionism apply here as much as anywhere and it takes a very special kind of person to get my attention now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A thoughtful and insightful comment, thank you. I agree that we see the same divides here (where minds should be more open?) one meets exactly the same conflicts. However, if I can ask, has fab allowed you to explore more or less??? No worries if you’d rather not comment
I was exploring long before Fab, but a friend introduced me and its been insightful - I am Dom and thought that was the way I would always be, but some lovely people have allowed me to have a rest from that. It has been refreshing to surrender 'responsibility' for a change.
I was attracted here by being able to talk to people in similar situations, but sadly the theories of social constructionism apply here as much as anywhere and it takes a very special kind of person to get my attention now. "
I can only agree with that but add that it’s expanded my views, sexuality and experience in many positive ways. However, in balance it’s also shown me that caution is prime, that’s a recent thing though. Perhaps media awareness orientated. It’s made me seek special more too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can only agree with that but add that it’s expanded my views, sexuality and experience in many positive ways. However, in balance it’s also shown me that caution is prime, that’s a recent thing though. Perhaps media awareness orientated. It’s made me seek special more too "
Did you initially find yourself greedy to pursue an increasingly diverse or extreme range of kinks? I often wonder if people are driven to expand experience in the context of what they see presented here. In essence, another form of pornography, which has defined the pursuit of kinks for a century.
Is thoroughly recommend the works of Meg-John Barker to anyone interested in the non-mainstream aspects of sexuality, gender and - dare I say it - love. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can only agree with that but add that it’s expanded my views, sexuality and experience in many positive ways. However, in balance it’s also shown me that caution is prime, that’s a recent thing though. Perhaps media awareness orientated. It’s made me seek special more too
Did you initially find yourself greedy to pursue an increasingly diverse or extreme range of kinks? I often wonder if people are driven to expand experience in the context of what they see presented here. In essence, another form of pornography, which has defined the pursuit of kinks for a century.
Is thoroughly recommend the works of Meg-John Barker to anyone interested in the non-mainstream aspects of sexuality, gender and - dare I say it - love. "
The diversity of my exploration was defined by those I met. That great human quality, curiosity? It killed the cat they say, yet satisfaction also (reputably) brought it back. I shall look up meg-John barker and you can dare to say love, sometimes it’s a factor, but then one has to define love too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An exploration post, no judgemental responses required (I can dream ) Seriously though, yet not, if you see what I mean. There’s many questions regarding sexuality. Each one opens a potential can of worms. That is not the purpose of this post. Whilst I cannot stop the “judgers” judging or the liars lying I can give a voice to varying opinions. Is it possible we can all walk a mile in each other’s shoes? Not asking anyone to compromise, merely to discuss sexuality of all kinds.
I’ll lead by example, fab has allowed me to explore my sexuality positively but swinging isn’t socially acceptable.
Discuss "
says a person with a hidden profile
pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"An exploration post, no judgemental responses required (I can dream ) Seriously though, yet not, if you see what I mean. There’s many questions regarding sexuality. Each one opens a potential can of worms. That is not the purpose of this post. Whilst I cannot stop the “judgers” judging or the liars lying I can give a voice to varying opinions. Is it possible we can all walk a mile in each other’s shoes? Not asking anyone to compromise, merely to discuss sexuality of all kinds.
I’ll lead by example, fab has allowed me to explore my sexuality positively but swinging isn’t socially acceptable.
Discuss
says a person with a hidden profile
pmsl"
A delightfully selective response, one you had no need to make though you are of course entitled to. Thank you. However in regard to my profile being hidden??? No need to respond but I will, it merely cuts down on unwanted mail. To equally critique yours ( oh you know you wanted a response ) your verifications are hidden, your whole profile could be fancified, hiding a profile is in no way an indication of intention (good or bad), however my dear fellow fabber, I’m glad you are “pmsl”ing, if I made you smile I’m a happy chick |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can only agree with that but add that it’s expanded my views, sexuality and experience in many positive ways. However, in balance it’s also shown me that caution is prime, that’s a recent thing though. Perhaps media awareness orientated. It’s made me seek special more too
Did you initially find yourself greedy to pursue an increasingly diverse or extreme range of kinks? I often wonder if people are driven to expand experience in the context of what they see presented here. In essence, another form of pornography, which has defined the pursuit of kinks for a century.
Is thoroughly recommend the works of Meg-John Barker to anyone interested in the non-mainstream aspects of sexuality, gender and - dare I say it - love.
The diversity of my exploration was defined by those I met. That great human quality, curiosity? It killed the cat they say, yet satisfaction also (reputably) brought it back. I shall look up meg-John barker and you can dare to say love, sometimes it’s a factor, but then one has to define love too "
After a quick perusal, I can only presume (very positively) that an open mind on all aspects of not only sexuality but relationships are explored by MJB. Ideally that is what fab is for and I’m glad to say I’ve found it so. What I think it should facilitate, is safe mutual sexual exploration of things you would like to try and also, perhaps, by way of exploration, things you did not  . There’s the whole learning about others views on all aspects of sexuality too |
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"When I did my degree I discussed identity a lot. Identity is something assigned to you by others, and sexuality is one of the labels applied to you. Is it possible to live independently of the labels assigned to you? Probably not, because we are driven to adopt the labels of our in-groups, in order to feel included and accepted.
Sadly we do not choose our identity, although we can choose how we identify, and this means that many of us will be seen by society as behaving in an unacceptable way. Even here, where minds are a little more open, we see divides between those who think the behaviours of others are right and wrong."
its fine to see/identify yourself as you please until the point it impacts others.
I find it very ignorant folk that try to force their beliefs onto folk who dont agree with their beliefs.
I believe a better way would be to remove the stigmas associated with as you want to put it labels (I dont really agree that's what alot are some are legitimate means of identification but are vilified by ignorance) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its fine to see/identify yourself as you please until the point it impacts others."
I'm curious to understand what you mean when you say this. How someone identifies is of no harm to anyone else, assuming all other social safeguards are in place to protect against criminality. Having said that, sexuality is inextricably muddled up with morality and criminality (consider the types of sexual acts and relationships that were, and still are, illegal around the world). Until recent history, some of our kinks as we describe them would have had us branded as deviants, mentally unfit, and incarcerated. |
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"its fine to see/identify yourself as you please until the point it impacts others.
I'm curious to understand what you mean when you say this. How someone identifies is of no harm to anyone else, assuming all other social safeguards are in place to protect against criminality. Having said that, sexuality is inextricably muddled up with morality and criminality (consider the types of sexual acts and relationships that were, and still are, illegal around the world). Until recent history, some of our kinks as we describe them would have had us branded as deviants, mentally unfit, and incarcerated. "
I fondly recall an early lightbulb moment as a child reading TH White The Once and Future King where Merlin instructs a young Arthur on the power of “naming”. Basically knowing the name - or label - of a thing gave you the power to control (magic in this case) that thing. Wasn’t lost on me that this was a social commentary on labelling and categorising for social and political benefits. History is riddled with it but is is the norm and a sad necessity for humans so that they can hold a conversation at best by generalising. Clearly there are horrific examples of when that naming power is abused.
Penny worth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fondly recall an early lightbulb moment as a child reading TH White The Once and Future King where Merlin instructs a young Arthur on the power of “naming”. Basically knowing the name - or label - of a thing gave you the power to control (magic in this case) that thing. Wasn’t lost on me that this was a social commentary on labelling and categorising for social and political benefits. History is riddled with it but is is the norm and a sad necessity for humans so that they can hold a conversation at best by generalising. Clearly there are horrific examples of when that naming power is abused.
Penny worth. "
Yes, good old allegory! Labels are so interesting, in that they are always applied by others. We adopt the labels we want and conform to the archetype to generalise with our peers, otherwise we are seen as misfits or "broken" (more labels, created by the unbroken to safeguard their status as the in-group).
MJB advocates that we all are essentially unbroken, despite what society tells us. They reject the notion of "self help" as it facilitates internal beliefs that we are damaged as individuals, instead suggesting "anti self-help". Societal structures are the constructs that need reworked to create a culture of acceptance, not individual identities. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Labels are useful
However some things have far too many ingredients to be labelled the same as others so then we have parental categories to make things less confusing for everyone
Sadly by giving people particularly younger people too many labels to choose from. Instead of getting easier to find where you fit in it actually becomes harder
Sexuality and sexual preferences as well you're only as open minded as the next person allows you to be these days
Too many people assuming the rights to vilify anyone who says or does the wrong thing nowadays without thinking about how their so called education of the individual can actually cause them hurt and distress
Too many it's all about me me me personalities nowadays |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Too many it's all about me me me personalities nowadays "
I was just messaging about this.. How much of what we see on here inspires others, and perpetuates the expectations of others? How much of what we read on here stems from natural, biological tendencies versus the expectations of pornography and learned behaviour? Would kinks/fets develop naturally in a community raised in isolation? I'm not so sure, although isolated civilisations do develop rituals that are not too dissimilar, only divorced from sexuality.
Thank you to everyone engaging off-forum about this, it's refreshing to enjoy spirited discussion. |
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"its fine to see/identify yourself as you please until the point it impacts others.
I'm curious to understand what you mean when you say this. How someone identifies is of no harm to anyone else, assuming all other social safeguards are in place to protect against criminality. Having said that, sexuality is inextricably muddled up with morality and criminality (consider the types of sexual acts and relationships that were, and still are, illegal around the world). Until recent history, some of our kinks as we describe them would have had us branded as deviants, mentally unfit, and incarcerated. "
the harm us in the attempt to make others conform to their view |
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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago
kilmarnockish |
I hope I get the question right.
I am lucky in one respect, I am able to choose how the outside world sees me in every respect. My sexuality is on show everywhere I go. I’m a TV, I’m proud of who I am, I do not hide it,it will take a near miracle or lots of surgery to alter this.
I have also chosen my identity, my name , very little of the genetic male is left, to the point that I hide my original name on my bank card.
Even I admit I’m mixed up, both physically, mentally and question my sexually all the time. And that’s before I take the hormones... |
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
Labels are all very well for some but depending upon the environment, they get wet and soak off. In other environments, some get frustrated and start to pick away at their label.
To extend the analogy: I’m like the homemade jar of jam with a handwritten label; I might look similar to the one next to me, but I’m just a bit different and unique. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hope I get the question right.
I am lucky in one respect, I am able to choose how the outside world sees me in every respect. My sexuality is on show everywhere I go. I’m a TV, I’m proud of who I am, I do not hide it,it will take a near miracle or lots of surgery to alter this.
I have also chosen my identity, my name , very little of the genetic male is left, to the point that I hide my original name on my bank card.
Even I admit I’m mixed up, both physically, mentally and question my sexually all the time. And that’s before I take the hormones..."
There is no right or wrong answer, only what you feel is applicable to you. The rest is mere opinion. Thank you for your comment it was very honest |
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