GINA
Hi folks, I thought I would tell you the next bit as Sharon is too upset at the moment.
I dressed quickly and went looking for Sharon.
I've known these two people for years. They have always been a happy and devoted couple, or so it seemed. Sharon is lovely warm and bubbly, Peter is the strong quiet type who doesn't say a lot, but sees and hears everything. They have always been lovely to me and meeting them and playing in the hotel where I work was a wonderful experience. Silly as it sounds though, I felt so strongly toward Peter that night that I genuinely fell in love with him.
Now though I needed to be there for my friend Sharon. I felt bad about taking her husband, but it was clear that their marriage really was truly over.
I knocked on Sharon's door, but got no reply. I knew she was in there and I was really worried about what she might do.
I tried the handle and found it opened. I pushed the door open slowly and stepped inside softly closing the door behind me. "Sharon," I called softly. I saw her shoulders heave up and down and realised she was quietly sobbing.
She was sat on the edge of the bed with her back toward me. I climbed on the bed behind her and put my arms around her. She didn't resist, just let out a tortured howl that chilled me to my bones. I pulled her in tight and held her stroking her hair and making soothing noises.
I heard her voice low and child-like. "Gina, why does he hate me? I know I treated him badly, but why doesn't he just divorce me, why is he making me suffer like this. I love him so much and I screwed up, but he won't even talk to me."
I couldn't believe she still didn't understand. So I turned her and holding her chin up looked into her eyes.
"Sharon, I can't believe you don't understand what is wrong. Let me try to explain."
I sat next to her and turned toward her and began very quietly to explain to her what she had done and why it had hurt Peter do badly.
"Many years ago Peter cheated on you. You were devastated, but you and he never got to the bottom of the reason why just as you haven't sat down and explained why you have done what you have in the last week.
Back then you cut Peter out of your life, you never told him why, you just left him in a place where he saw his wife angry toward him and didn't know why. you never told him how you felt."
"I couldn't, I didn't know how," Sharon whispered. "I struggled with sex anyway after being abused when I was young, I can't understand loving intimacy, it scares me it reminds me of those days in my bedroom when my abuser...." Sharon's voice trailed off and she started to cry again.
I held her again and stroked her hair and rocked her gently until she calmed down. "Sharon tell me and maybe I can tell Peter, you both need to talk and understand, but I see you can't get to that place alone."
Sharon continued, "I love sex, I come alive when I have sex, but it has to be kinky, loveless, even a bit violent, just so long as no-one wants to love me, I can't stand that it's like being pitied.
I sat and said nothing, just listened.
"When we started experimenting and opening up our marriage it was great. No emotion, no love, it was cold, brutal sex and it was amazing. I became hooked on the adrenalin. I have had quick meaningless sex with allsorts of people. I've even used sex workers anything just so long as I don't have to feel.
The trip to Prague was exciting and I knew I could get away with it. I didn't expect to be betrayed and I never thought my boss would call me. Do you know that is the first time he has called in ten years! What are the odds.
Saturday night was a spur of the moment thing. I was horny, they were there, and I just went for it. No strings, no love, I knew they were using me, I should have been humiliated, but I felt alive, liberated. Do you understand Gina" she said gripping my arms and digging her nails in, "I need someone to understand, before I go mad."
I pulled her to me and held her as she sobbed again. We pulled apart and through tears she put her hand to my face. "You do understand don't you?"
I nodded and she smiled. Then she kissed me on the mouth. I was shocked and momentarily caught off guard. She held her lips on mine and tried to push her tongue into my mouth.
I pulled back and held her at arms length. "No Sharon, no, not now. I am with Peter and we will only play together. I will not betray or hurt him as I love him too, but unlike you I will not hurt him."
She looked like I had slapped her and stared at me open mouthed.
"Sharon listen to me. You asked why he hated you. First he doesn't hate you. Hate is an emotion toward a person and at the moment he feels nothing for you. you have killed his feelings for you, it is as though you never met. If you want him to care again you have to start from the beginning and now I am here the game is changed he will not let you back into his emotional life.
Peter knows what he did all those years ago was totally wrong, but you have to see, you gave him nothing back then, you might have well been his housekeeper, you were not his wife and another woman offered him that love you withheld. He could have left, but he didn't want to leave his kids, not you, his kids, so he stayed. You didn't divorce him, not because you loved him, but because you lived very well off him, you used his guilt to make yourself comfortable.
Now look what you just did. I one week, you had a ghost business trip, where you went to a place that you kept secret from Peter, with a man he hates. You had sex with that man and a woman but also another stranger and that is those he knows about from the pictures the man he hates sent him."
Sharon winced with shame.
"Then you got back on Friday, on Saturday you had sex all night with twelve guys who were younger than your kids! You have caught a disease and you ask why he is so angry? You are not a stupid woman, surely you can see why?"
Sharon looked at me as if I had just told her the secret of eternal life. It was as if a light had gone on in her head. She jumped up and started pacing up and down. "Gina what can I do? I have been so stupid, what I did was so dangerous. Am I out of control, am I a nymphomaniac?"
"I don't know Sharon, but you need to sit down with Peter and you both need to talk. The most you can save is this house and your way of life. You can never get Peter back, but you don't have to be enemies."
I had to go to work the next day, so told Sharon to wait until tomorrow and talk to him when I wasn't there. I trusted Peter and knew he wouldn't do anything with Sharon, sexually anyway.
I walked out and went to see Peter.
"Ok?" he asked.
"Yes, but you to need to talk. I have to go to work tomorrow, will you take me please and pick me up later?"
"Yes of course, but maybe you need to get a job around here."
"I am going to look. I will take holidays for the rest of the week and go looking. Anyway I have told Sharon to talk to you whilst I am not here. Don't worry she won't try anything."
"She better hadn't, I am not going there ."
Peter got dressed and we spent the next two hours moving his things into the big bedroom and Sharon's things into his. I brought my things in from the car and made my space in their home. I wondered what the next few days would bring, not just a little worried. |
