I’m looking for some outside perspective on a situation that’s been weighing on me.
My wife and I have a shared profile on fab swingers . One of her firm boundaries has always been that she wouldn’t meet anyone she knows personally, or anyone connected to me. I agreed with and respected that.
I have a coworker/friend who I’ve talked to about the app many times, and he’s on it as well. At some point, I told him our username and coached him on what to say because I knew it would appeal to my wife. I did not tell her that this person was someone I knew or worked with.
They ended up meeting and fucking. Everything was consensual between them, but the part I’m struggling with is that she didn’t have all the information — specifically, that he was someone from my real life and that I had a hand in shaping the interaction.
Now I’m torn. Part of me thinks telling her could cause a lot of hurt and embarrassment. Another part of me feels like keeping quiet means continuing a deception and taking away her agency after the fact.
So my question is:
Should I tell my wife the truth about who he is and my role in it, or is it better to leave it alone since the encounter already happened?
I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions, especially from people who’ve navigated trust and boundaries in non-monogamous relationships. |
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I have to say, when on a site like this with your partner trust is the most important thing in all this. You dont have that then the long term issues will arise.
As a couple we've learnt boundaries together.
Also you have a single account, does she know that?
Whilst its all fun and games, your partner is your priority and not someone you mess with.
Just an open honest answer and going by experience too |
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