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Guys that can’t get it up

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By *aradiselost747 OP   Couple  over a year ago

dundonald

Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

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By *harAndBryCouple  over a year ago

nr Stamford

I often struggle to get it up. It's a mental thing as I'm fine on my own, and much better with just me and Char. But add someone else to the mix and there's every chance I'll be just mouth and hands for the duration.

It's NEVER the other person though, so don't beat yourself up over it

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By *eavenscentitCouple  over a year ago

barnstaple

I've been surprised by how much pressure men put on themselves to perform

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By *uxinteriorMan  over a year ago

south west , continental

I believe its called performance anxiety. In a lot of swinging scenarios males often suffer this. It's a state of mind, you can feel horny and excited beyond imagination and then it fails to rise to the occasion! It's embarrassing and worrying for all concerned and has nothing to do with erectile disfunction.

It also has nothing to do with you OP, it happens, we are not machines, and we all have to cope with natural oddities.

I'm sure all men like to consider themselves some sort of sex god, but I think we all need to take a reality check at times.

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By *ebjonnsonMan  over a year ago

Maldon

Big match nerves.

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By *ugRollersCouple  over a year ago

Newcastle

I used to feel this way if I couldn’t make the guy cum.... I’d think it was because they didn’t find me attractive enough ... but then they’d either say they find it hard to start with without throwing me into the mix or because they find it harder with condoms. I’ve learnt to get over this now as everyone is different and I shouldn’t feel disheartened as you can tell they are enjoying it whether they cum or not. Def don’t think it’s because the guy doesn’t fancy you because it’ll not be that. My hubby struggles sometimes ... his dick has a mind of its own.. even when we are on our own... especially after he’s had a drink ... as long as people don’t make a song and dance about it as the guy feels embarrassed to begin with ...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's not you OP. It's nerves and performance anxiety as others have said. It's happened to hubby and guys I've hooked up with. Men don't have an on switch and the pressure to perform does affect quite a lot of guys. Tiredness, hydration, hormones, adrenaline, alcohol, etc. can all be factors too.

It's not like porn when you drop your knickers and he just slams it straight in already hard. I have had meets like that, but more often its takes a bit of time, conversation, kissing and cuddling to get comfortable.

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I too at times have had performance anxiety and it can strike at any time. The mind is a powerful thing and in my experience its never ever the ladies fault that's for sure. Other definate factors are smoking, drinking and fatigue. However!! there is always a little blue insurance policy for those who suffer with performance anxiety x

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By *ambsguy7811Man  over a year ago

Cannock


"It's not you OP. It's nerves and performance anxiety as others have said. It's happened to hubby and guys I've hooked up with. Men don't have an on switch and the pressure to perform does affect quite a lot of guys. Tiredness, hydration, hormones, adrenaline, alcohol, etc. can all be factors too.

It's not like porn when you drop your knickers and he just slams it straight in already hard. I have had meets like that, but more often its takes a bit of time, conversation, kissing and cuddling to get comfortable.

Xx"

Summed up perfectly. I have found that a good nights rest and plenty of water helps loads. Most guys I know have suffered from this at some point in their lives. It’s definitely not you OP.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple  over a year ago

Coventry

Guys often get seen a very simple base creatures when it comes to sex. But really a guys biggest sex organ is also his brain. A lot of guys need to be totally in the moment and care free to preform. So in a unfamiliar situations, mixed with a need to perform can cause anxiety or mental distraction. A lot of this can either be reduced or made worse by the couple in question and how they go about things. Its really important to create the right atmosphere were the guy can feel at ease, totally welcome and everything flows totally naturally. Also not every guy responds well to being treated like a living sex toy (even if in his own mind that sounds cool). So if this keeps happening it may be just worth asking if theirs anything you can do to create a more comfortable, relaxed and natural enviroment for the guy? And of course some guys are just more carefree, comfortable and confident than others. So always worth checking reviews, word of mouth and looking for a guy who has a good track record when it comes to MFM.

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By *spotpleasurerMan  over a year ago

Norwich

It has nothing to do with you, it's mainly nerves and anxiety. It's hard for males to get meets here, and now that it's actually happening they want to impress you. It can become a chain reaction, the more they obsess, the more it causes the very thing they are dreading.

It's much less likely with someone who's experienced and had meets before. For first timers, taking an ED drug like sildenafil or tadalafil can help. Another good idea is to take it slowly. Start with non-sexual play and a massage and see if that gets them back in the mood.

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS  over a year ago

doncaster

I've been on here for 10yrs and met many men , none of them has ever had a problem getting hard ons , it seems there are guys who have stage fright ??

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By *edVelveteenCouple  over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands

We had that problem when we first started. Red is very Alpha Male, so I just put it down to that.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple  over a year ago

Coventry


"I've been on here for 10yrs and met many men , none of them has ever had a problem getting hard ons , it seems there are guys who have stage fright ?? "

I suspect many guys aren't really that into sharing with an established MF couple. I would reckon given the choice of having sex with lady in a MF couple on her own or with her and her partner 9 out of 10 would choose to have the female alone. I also suspect when many imagine it they just imagine what they will do with the woman and what she'll look like/do, with very little though of the interaction with her partner. I think for many the only reason they seek MFM is due to a lack of supply one on one with females not because they find it a turn on. This can become problematic in reality because the idea of MFM may not actually be arousing to him, just a means to and end for him to get laid with a woman. Trouble is for a man if he's not aroused by the situation, it shows.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I'll be honest it's happened to me.. and trust me it's not the lady or couple it's purely nerves and worry.

I've never had a complaint about the meet and I've always fully pleased all parties and surprise surprise next meet I had no problem

Its just nerves

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By *unguy_4_uMan  over a year ago

Kettering

OP looking at your pics you really have nothing to worry about!! Phoarr

When meeting a couple there is an added pressure to perform (that most men put on themselves), you know what you are there for and this coupled with nerves, anxiety if its a new meet all contribute to the possible lack of an erection.

It happened to me once I was absolutely mortified and embarrassed, the couple were great and really supportive. I was so embarrassed that I never met them again just in case which was a shame as they were a great sexy couple.

had multiple new meets since and never a problem... so maybe outside stresses and strains also contributed

x

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By *elightful 2Couple  over a year ago

No longer in the UK.

I have never had a problem when it's just the two of us but i have struggled with a third party involved and it had absolutely nothing to do with them.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple  over a year ago

Darlington

[Removed by poster at 04/08/20 16:51:42]

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple  over a year ago

Darlington

Yes. Its nerves.

I have no problem performing with my wife or any of our lady freinds who we know from multiple meets.

However I do sometimes have issues (especially now I'm older) when it's a first play date. I just sometimes get into my own head and over think things which causes problems.

These days I pop a little blue pill on first dates "just incase" so I dont let anyone down but once I feel relaxed and comfortable with someone, it's a non issue.

So no, it's most certainly not you.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Had instances in clubs where I (Mr) have been trying to make sure Mrs is not being harassed now and still trying to concentrate on the job in hand - in the early days we were not so vocal with undesirables, often just tried to move away, now they get told once nicely and the after that to clearly fuck off.

Having to keep eyes on a swivel has at times led to some stuttering on performance.

Saying that though men do (more so on this life) put so much pressure on having to be a stud. I imagine for single men it's even worse.

So far it's never caused a problem. Now I just take a deep breath block out the twats around us and focus, performance no longer stuttering.

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By *eresa_cdslutTV/TS  over a year ago

Bodmin

Before all you guys rush out to Boots for over the counter Viagra, it will not help you with anxiety issues you just need experience and get used to meetings where you are a second or third fiddle! All too often at clubs or organised gang bangs there are soft dicks because of shyness or anxiety. Xxx

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By *oldfischMan  over a year ago

HARROW

It’s all about how relaxed the guy is; introduce any stress or anxiety in a situation and the brain is programmed to divert blood flow to more important muscles in the body ready for different kinds of action.

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By *m3232Man  over a year ago

maidenhead

Never had a problem but do go in to it with the correct mental approach.

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By *harAndBryCouple  over a year ago

nr Stamford


"IHowever!! there is always a little blue insurance policy for those who suffer with performance anxiety x"

Unfortunately a genetic heart condition means those little blue fellas are out of bounds for me

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple  over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

Had this happen a couple of times ,one guy just stood like a dummy watched us ,hubby tried even told him to go down on me thinking it would help he licked me a couple of times then got up ,id had enough by then ,(i think we had been patient )it was in a room with a single bed he never mentioned this ,that was when we should have left.....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I'm the same with nerves till I taste a girl then I just want endless playing till I explode and you are lovely you wouldn't be the reason for a male getting hard xx

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

The pressure isn’t just to perform.. there’s also an element of so many guys get so few meets that when they do they want it to be mind blowing and do everything.. then it all becomes overwhelming and just too much to process so things don’t happen...

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By *andystick72Man  over a year ago

kinky Street

Never experienced it

Maybe as I'm a sex addict

Hope this never happens to me

So what happens then

Do you leave or stay

And try again

Got to be embarasing tho

Can only imagine guys

I feel for you

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"IHowever!! there is always a little blue insurance policy for those who suffer with performance anxiety x

Unfortunately a genetic heart condition means those little blue fellas are out of bounds for me "

You may want to try... Horny goat , Spanish fly , and go to any Jamiacan restaurant for Irish moss....

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By *abasaurus RexMan  over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Probably just overwhelmed.

A lot of people (myself included) find it uncomfortable with people I don’t feel like I know fairly well. I like to take it slow, build it up. One off meets and chat over the internet can make that hard as the idea is appealing, but the reality is discomfort, feeling awkward etc.

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By *rPerfectGentMan  over a year ago

Shardlow

As a healthcare professional I have come accross this problem many times. It is more common than most people think and can affect most men at some point or other. Relaxing and reducing anxiety (without alcohol) can help. Often things are fine until the point where a condom is required and then those little latex things can have a devastating effect on sensation, and hey presto... Instant deflation! If it happens, just accept it, stick to some sexy oral and handplay, and hopefully next time things will be more relaxed and perkier!

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By *reenleavesCouple  over a year ago

North Wales

I (Rob) get this a lot in clubs. It's nothing to do with you, it's purely mental on the guys part.

Men are very aware that they're disposable on here so the pressure to be porn star perfect is pretty high.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It has nothing to do with you, it's mainly nerves and anxiety. It's hard for males to get meets here, and now that it's actually happening they want to impress you. It can become a chain reaction, the more they obsess, the more it causes the very thing they are dreading.

It's much less likely with someone who's experienced and had meets before. For first timers, taking an ED drug like sildenafil or tadalafil can help. Another good idea is to take it slowly. Start with non-sexual play and a massage and see if that gets them back in the mood. "

Thanks - Great advice- Lovely to hear it straight from the Horses ?? Mouth - We are human beings- Not machines - Connection & No Pressure with Fun is so sexy x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

Yep. It's not you, it's them. They're usually up the next time if given the chance.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

Totally their nerves, you see it in clubs and meets all the time x

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By *rHotNottsMan  over a year ago

Dubai / Nottingham

This is one of the reasons we do separate rooms , so many guys can’t get hard with wifey looking over her shoulder. In rare cases it’s chemistry, as a guy when you have a lot of sex, you really need chemistry to perform well, no amount of blue pills will help that !!

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS  over a year ago

doncaster

I've found Viagra cocks are difficult to get cumming , I've never taken them so do they delay ur orgasm guys ?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Having looked at your pics, I highly doubt it's you

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

This happened to me when with my wife on a couple's meet a few years back, I literally had the hottest, kinkiest woman you could imagine bent over in front of me waiting for me to enter her... and I could not get fully hard

Frustrated I then lost it all together. Later I felt I had to apologise to her, but it was all me and in my head. The minute the evening was over I was back in familiar territory I was fine.

Bloody annoying, and one of the reasons I prefer being in chastity now!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've found Viagra cocks are difficult to get cumming , I've never taken them so do they delay ur orgasm guys ? "

They can do. Used it a couple of times but I have found that rather than delaying sensation I have the feeling of erection security so I can take steps to control myself more without fear of failure.

Also recovery time considerably less, like seconds rather than minutes.

With Viagra - as stated above - it won't work any better if you have a real ED problem outside of a but of nervousness.

We have used it when at a party or just together for the fun of it (and it is fun) but for the first few times take an Ibuprofen with it as the headache can be nasty.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"This is one of the reasons we do separate rooms , so many guys can’t get hard with wifey looking over her shoulder. In rare cases it’s chemistry, as a guy when you have a lot of sex, you really need chemistry to perform well, no amount of blue pills will help that !!"

I find it more difficult if Mrs isn't there. The look of lust she gives me when she's watching me with another woman is one of the horniest things I have ever experienced.

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By *itty9899Man  over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

It's definitely NOT you, and I have only struggled to cum not get hard mostly due to being tired.

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By *rossMan  over a year ago

Everywhere

Wow you look amazing, 100% isn’t you!!

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By *uilder506Man  over a year ago

bognor

I had same problem couple times.

Spend more time at the start with a drink, conversation or a game .

Brake the ice more

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You won't find a guy who hasn't experienced this at some point in their life for any number of reasons.

As stated above, absolutely nothing to do with you OP...unless you were holding a knife to their neck, screaming abuse at them at the time

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Quite a few times to be honest. And usually with a couple.

Think of it this way...a long term couple who decide they want to swing,(probably haven't used condoms for a bit) he has to suddenly be able to get a hard on, maintain the hard on, while wearing a condom, with other people in the room.

When this has happened, I have tried other things, take a break, watch the others etc when/if it becomes clear it ain't gonna happen I usually grab my OH and get going with him and let the others sort themselves out, plus side of being a couple

I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

This is what I fear could happen if I met a couple and it can happen meeting single women as well.

It happened to me in one of my first sexual experiences and it realy ate me up.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

It happens. had it happen a few times, annoying, but hey ho.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

It’s nerves - hubby is right - we get it sometimes as well

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By *aradiselost747 OP   Couple  over a year ago

dundonald


"Having looked at your pics, I highly doubt it's you "

Thank you xx

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Quite a few times to be honest. And usually with a couple.

Think of it this way...a long term couple who decide they want to swing,(probably haven't used condoms for a bit) he has to suddenly be able to get a hard on, maintain the hard on, while wearing a condom, with other people in the room.

When this has happened, I have tried other things, take a break, watch the others etc when/if it becomes clear it ain't gonna happen I usually grab my OH and get going with him and let the others sort themselves out, plus side of being a couple

I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue. "

Having read your profile I (Mr) was impressed to see both Full Metal Jacket and Pirates of the Carribbean feature with cameos

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

We’ve had it, it is just nerves

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By *acavityMan  over a year ago

Redditch


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this "

It's not you (mostly).

I remember a meet with a lovely couple, and another male. It wasn't my first meet with a group.

But I missed the motorway exit, and started getting stressed.

By the time we arrived, I couldn't relax and enjoy the evening.

Yes, it's easy to turn men on, but sometimes nerves can block us.

So have a social, relax and don't focus on the cock. The added pressure of trying to get hard rarely helps. Distract the chap by sitting on his face.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Quite a few times to be honest. And usually with a couple.

Think of it this way...a long term couple who decide they want to swing,(probably haven't used condoms for a bit) he has to suddenly be able to get a hard on, maintain the hard on, while wearing a condom, with other people in the room.

When this has happened, I have tried other things, take a break, watch the others etc when/if it becomes clear it ain't gonna happen I usually grab my OH and get going with him and let the others sort themselves out, plus side of being a couple

I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue.

Having read your profile I (Mr) was impressed to see both Full Metal Jacket and Pirates of the Carribbean feature with cameos "

Thanks just had a good ol' perv at your profile

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Quite a few times to be honest. And usually with a couple.

Think of it this way...a long term couple who decide they want to swing,(probably haven't used condoms for a bit) he has to suddenly be able to get a hard on, maintain the hard on, while wearing a condom, with other people in the room.

When this has happened, I have tried other things, take a break, watch the others etc when/if it becomes clear it ain't gonna happen I usually grab my OH and get going with him and let the others sort themselves out, plus side of being a couple

I don't take it personally, I don't judge, I don't scold, it happens but I won't entertain all this sucking and sucking and trying and trying. That's why on my profile AND on our couple profile it says in a full swap situation the male MUST be able to perform with a condom on his hard penis, obviously soft swap it isn't an issue.

Having read your profile I (Mr) was impressed to see both Full Metal Jacket and Pirates of the Carribbean feature with cameos

Thanks just had a good ol' perv at your profile "

More than welcome. We do like a perv

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By *he Happy ManMan  over a year ago

Merseyside


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

It's not you. Some guys like the idea of swinging but when given the chance nerves get the better of them. Some guys find out they cannot get hard in front of other men.

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS  over a year ago

doncaster


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

It's not you. Some guys like the idea of swinging but when given the chance nerves get the better of them. Some guys find out they cannot get hard in front of other men. "

I've been doing private house parties with tgirls and admirers for over 5 yrs , never has any guy struggled to get an erection so I wonder why that is given so many men put it down to nerves about performance or other men present , it's definitely a weird one ha

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By *oroRick1027Man  over a year ago

The Boro

I couldn't get it up the first time I met a couple. Put it down to t fact that there was a guy there watching

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By *herealdeal90Man  over a year ago

Huddersfield

One on one I’m fine. In a swingers club in front of an Audience I struggle to get it up. I know you need to relax and composed. But easier said than done

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Couple of times it's happened to me. One time the woman I was meeting was held up at work, I managed to get through 2 coffees waiting and by the time she arrived I had the shakes, obviously strong coffee. Another time I was just tired, we went to grab some food and then had a great night. Yes it can be nerves, but I find it's best not to make a big deal out of it when it can be something so simple and temporary.

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By *outhbucksCouple  over a year ago

Great Missenden

It happens to most of us men occasionally and unless we have consumed too much alcohol it is often down to our minds.

The first time it happened to me, I was about 23. I had been contacted by an old school friend who I adored but had never got anywhere close to a date with her. Imagine my surprise when she contacted me out of the blue via Friends Reunited and she came down to see me for a weekend. We wined and dined and back at my place things got going after I offered a foot massage. Suffice to say, whilst I made her feel very good (and I think it might have been the 1st time she had actually had an orgasm!) I was next to useless. It became known as my Mr Floppy moment and I can say it 100% because of the mental pressure of trying to impress this girl I had admired for so long.

One other time it happened was basically at an orgy of 8 couples. You would think no one would struggle in such a setting (and I hadn't before) but I was really struggling to get it up. Some of it was certainly mental overload but I would add that it was physically very hot in the room and that doesn't help either. Your blood pressure drops as your blood vessels dilate and that makes it difficult to get hard.

On a similar track, Mrs S will often struggle to cum in a group situation because of mental overload and over thinking the situation - am I doing what the guy wants me to do, am I being responsive to him etc etc.

As most of us already know, the mind is the biggest erogenous zone in the body.

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By *ecky and justCouple  over a year ago

Godalming

It’s quite normal apparently.

It’s happened to me a couple of times with booze etc. Just once in a swingers club as I usually enjoy being on public display.

On this occasion, there was a particularly (to us) unattractive guy standing by the bed wanking himself furiously while gurning at us..

It was enough to put me off for the night no matter what Becky did...

Taking away the pressure normally sorts things right out.

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By *averockrockMan  over a year ago

swindon

Yep, pressure and perfomance anxiety do that! A man’s erection gets created in a relaxed head with erotic visuals. The older we get the more we need that!

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By *arkus1812Man  over a year ago

Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands


"IHowever!! there is always a little blue insurance policy for those who suffer with performance anxiety x

Unfortunately a genetic heart condition means those little blue fellas are out of bounds for me "

Sadly I am in the same situation, No Viagra or Cialis

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I wouldn’t know couples don’t meet mature guys

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By *ourayloversCouple  over a year ago

chesterfield

I would say it's 100% mental for the guy

Years ago I had my first threesome (FFM) and couldn't stand to attention when the play mate touched me no matter what they tried it wouldn't happen

Even when Lou plays with women it doesn't do much for me watching them but I get turned on seeing Lou get turned on

Ray

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By *ussex VoyeurMan  over a year ago

Hastings


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

Not sure if I should admit this but I occasionally use viagra.

I have not had sex with more than one person at one time but I played with a lady while her husband filmed it and the blue pill helped with the nerves that time.

So I would recommend that to anyone who has struggled at times.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I used to feel this way if I couldn’t make the guy cum.... I’d think it was because they didn’t find me attractive enough ... but then they’d either say they find it hard to start with without throwing me into the mix or because they find it harder with condoms. I’ve learnt to get over this now as everyone is different and I shouldn’t feel disheartened as you can tell they are enjoying it whether they cum or not. Def don’t think it’s because the guy doesn’t fancy you because it’ll not be that. My hubby struggles sometimes ... his dick has a mind of its own.. even when we are on our own... especially after he’s had a drink ... as long as people don’t make a song and dance about it as the guy feels embarrassed to begin with ..."

Well said u look fabulous

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By *ongueFkYouMan  over a year ago

Bradford


"I believe its called performance anxiety. In a lot of swinging scenarios males often suffer this. It's a state of mind, you can feel horny and excited beyond imagination and then it fails to rise to the occasion! It's embarrassing and worrying for all concerned and has nothing to do with erectile disfunction.

It also has nothing to do with you OP, it happens, we are not machines, and we all have to cope with natural oddities.

I'm sure all men like to consider themselves some sort of sex god, but I think we all need to take a reality check at times.

"

after seeing your first couple of pics i nearly cum in my pants lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Never struggle to get it up. I’d be more worried about cumming too early when too excited

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By *oublethefunMan  over a year ago

Midlands, london

It's far more common than you mite think as most of the so called bulls get stage fright in front of another man.

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By *rHotNottsMan  over a year ago

Dubai / Nottingham


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

It’s not you , it’s quite normal for a guy to struggle in that situation, many guys get the exact same insecurities and fears as women, they just are less likely to articulate it like women.

After a few bad experiences for Mrs, we now mostly do separate room, it fixes it. I don’t have an issue getting hard and happy to perform while others watch , unless I’m very tired or there’s zero chemistry , but still don’t want my wife looking over her shoulder while I’m indulging in a hottie, I want to be able to do and say all kinds of things to enhance play and neither of us really want to see or hear our partner doing that ! It’s bound to have a psychological impact on performance

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

If this happens I tend to leave him alone with my wife for a while if still not happening I usually end up fucking him anyway.

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By *ndrew CareyMan  over a year ago

Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

It's not you. Just performance issues. I've been fortunate to not be in this position and always rise to attention.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Bodies do strange things... Still disappointing when it happens x

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By *ikeC81Man  over a year ago

harrow

Tbh I lost my hardon when a good friend joined in with a play. Even though I had wanted to play with her I just went mr floopy. I suppose it was that I was putting pressure on myself

I have no problem playing in clubs, though I have had the odd few times when floppy came to visit

I now laugh it off

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

Yes, a very common scenario and he’s right,but it’s usual for a lady to think it’s her fault and feel bad over it. It’s happened a few times to us but it’s more common with couples, especially older ones where the guy can’t for medical reasons etc. We once met a gorgeous younger couple in Spain and didn’t expect to play but they were very keen, the poor lad just couldn’t get hard as the scenario was all too much for him.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I think many (if not most) guys have experienced this at some point in their life and it’s often all in their own head.

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By *rcadian110Couple  over a year ago

Barnsley

After bowel cancer and an ex wife who took a razorblade to my penis I sometimes have trouble but I have Cialis on prescription and wear my steel cockrings as a necklace to keep then to hand

But some guys need to know there are other ways to please. They concentrate on the penis and put too much pressure on themselves. If it doesn't pop up take a break, play in other ways , concentrate on your playmate's pleasure and let them cum first (that should be a given) then see what happens. At the end of the day it's about enjoying who your with not always about getting your dick wet

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan  over a year ago

Road to Samarkand


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

Hubby's right - that's why a relaxed 'get to know you' type meet can be so much better....

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS  over a year ago

west here ford shire

Since I had cancer, radiotherapy then a mild stroke it’s a bit of a problem to get a full erection, I was on subscription white triple action pills to help

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS  over a year ago

doncaster


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

Hubby's right - that's why a relaxed 'get to know you' type meet can be so much better...."

have you ever noticed tho that quite a big percentage of social meets verified don't seem to progress to a play meet ?

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By *w214Couple  over a year ago

Merseyside

It's all mental, us men put ourselves under too much pressure but the minute you think about it it's diffto recover. It's important to not put the other person's pleasure on a pedestal. Remember you're there to have fun too.

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By *rambuie100Man  over a year ago

essex/suffolk border


"It's not you OP. It's nerves and performance anxiety as others have said. It's happened to hubby and guys I've hooked up with. Men don't have an on switch and the pressure to perform does affect quite a lot of guys. Tiredness, hydration, hormones, adrenaline, alcohol, etc. can all be factors too.

It's not like porn when you drop your knickers and he just slams it straight in already hard. I have had meets like that, but more often its takes a bit of time, conversation, kissing and cuddling to get comfortable.

Xx"

Totally agree with you. We all want to give a good account of ourselves, and we can feel anxious when meeting for first time. You can fancy the hell out of the lady and sometimes the brains saying yes, but he’s saying what a minute. Being relaxed and at ease in the ladies company is a big factor too.

Cant beat a chat and some great kissing to get the motor running either. . Porn stars still have fluffers to get them going right ?.

So to the OP, its not your fault.. put them at ease first with your feminine charms and sensual nature and reap the rewards. If they with you, they want you.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman  over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

it happened to me twice last year and automatically you think you're the reason so I'm glad to hear it's not

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By *oiluvfunMan  over a year ago

Penrith


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

Hubby's right - that's why a relaxed 'get to know you' type meet can be so much better.... have you ever noticed tho that quite a big percentage of social meets verified don't seem to progress to a play meet ? "

Most of my veris are from the initial social meet, but I don’t see the need for subsequent veris from play dates afterwards. A veri is confirmation that the person is who they purport to be in their profile, and nobody needs to know what happened on a play date.

Similar goes for the repeat veris from friends, over and over and over.....what is the point?

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By *JCouple  over a year ago

Teesside


"After bowel cancer and an ex wife who took a razorblade to my penis I sometimes have trouble but I have Cialis on prescription and wear my steel cockrings as a necklace to keep then to hand

But some guys need to know there are other ways to please. They concentrate on the penis and put too much pressure on themselves. If it doesn't pop up take a break, play in other ways , concentrate on your playmate's pleasure and let them cum first (that should be a given) then see what happens. At the end of the day it's about enjoying who your with not always about getting your dick wet "

Your Ex Wife took a razor blade to your cock bloody hell!

What exactly happened buddy?

KJ

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By *inkerbell67Woman  over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

Diabetes find it hard to get a erection and other medications can do that as well ..

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By *ewBurtonMan  over a year ago

Derby

Yes I would say it’s nerves. I used to get nervous when I first joined the site but now I just go with the flow. Age and experience I guess lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Personally never had this issue, its usually getting it back down is the issue ??????

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By *ickdasterdly51Man  over a year ago

Lingfield

I can certainly understand men feeling under pressure. If you've spent days or weeks building up a relationship and finally get to meet then it's understandable that a man would want to perform well and impress. It's certainly not a lack of interest in the woman! As a swinging virgin that's my worst fear which is why I'm keen to be a voyeur to start off with and see where it goes from there. If anyone looking for pornstar action first time out then I'm not the person for you!

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By *OXO2018Couple  over a year ago

Norfolk

we've had this happen loads and I'm starting to genuinely think it's me

Lou

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By *ickdasterdly51Man  over a year ago

Lingfield

[Removed by poster at 29/08/20 18:00:40]

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By *ickdasterdly51Man  over a year ago

Lingfield


"we've had this happen loads and I'm starting to genuinely think it's me

"

It certainly isn't due to you, seriously!

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By *he Happy ManMan  over a year ago

Merseyside


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

I am sure I will get called a white knight but so be it.

Looking at your pictures you have a very sexy body and gorgeous sexy legs. It's not you.

If it was you why would men ask to meet you?

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By *ikeC81Man  over a year ago

harrow


"Diabetes find it hard to get a erection and other medications can do that as well .."

When I was anti depressants I had the same problem

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS  over a year ago

doncaster


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

I am sure I will get called a white knight but so be it.

Looking at your pictures you have a very sexy body and gorgeous sexy legs. It's not you.

If it was you why would men ask to meet you?"

any holes a goal ? I hear this so bloody much it makes my piss boil !

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Have they tried golden root complex, its amazing, I dated a highly sexed demanding divorcee ten years ago who was insatiable for cock, "she did not know I was trans", and I saw her for five months of constant sex, every night five times a night, it was amazing and I had to take the golden roots complex to ensure I could get it up, it never failed I felt like Hugh hefner, she was very demanding, and had dumped many men for impotence, little did she know she was banging a tranny ha ha,, she did joke one night about trying her clothes on??, I just smiled, good times, till after five months I was dumped for being all thrust, thrust, thrust, ha ha, then I met another divorcee who was cock mad, for two years, good times while it lasted ??

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By *heorgasmaddictMan  over a year ago

Liverpool

Yeah I've had a couple of meets where I couldnt get hard. And once that seed of doubt is planted it's difficult to dispell.

One MMF meet was going not-very-well - the hubby asked the clearly exasperated wife what she wanted only for her to blurt out "I JUST WANT A HARD COCK TO FUCK ME".

I had a meet before lockdown and I had to apologise that I could get hard - it was very soft and very small ARG.

The mind does strange things, as does the body, when it's under stress.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Get you cock hard put a towel over it

And focus ur cock to keep it up

Train it

Will strengthen you hard on

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Good old stage fright, this happened to mr on our very first meet. It happens to a lot of guys. Dont worry about and and just move past it.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Serious question. We have had a few single guys now that can’t get it up when they meet us. My hubby says it’s down to nerves on their part as guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to preform, but I am worried it’s me. Anyone else ever experience this

"

This is why I set my age limit to 55 as I found guys older either couldn't get it up, Sustain or repeat. 4hrs to get ready for 2mins didn't seem worth it

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By * Plus ECouple  over a year ago

The South


"Get you cock hard put a towel over it

And focus ur cock to keep it up

Train it

Will strengthen you hard on

"

What Poundland book did you get that advice from?

E

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I've never had a problem. We love to play and I play separately with permission too. I'm ready to play upon meeting can stay hard, repeat and have stamina. I never get soft if I have to wear a condom and can stay hard as rock but I can understand some guys being nervous or getting soft if they have to wear a condom.

Everybody is different and nothing to worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/08/20 07:19:23]

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

By M Plus EFind posts by M Plus E Couple

11 minutes ago

The South

"Get you cock hard put a towel over it

And focus ur cock to keep it up

Train it

Will strengthen you hard on

"

What Poundland book did you get that advice from?

E

No book just common scense and imagination

Don’t knock it untill u try it

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By *unnymadridMan  over a year ago

warfield

I think it’s so refreshing that you ladies get we are not machines. Maybe talking like this will take away the stress and everyone can have fun.

I watched a movie yesterday called Savage worth a watch at the start the girl is commenting on her sexual relation with the two guys she’s with she says I orgasm all the time one of th3 guys is ex veteran and he Wargasms as he’s got so much shit going in his head.

Try to be kind if this happens to you.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Lol it's not you

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By *rx1Couple  over a year ago

Torridge Area of Devon

We have had it a few times, just put it down to a time a place thing.

Mind you, the best one yet, was at a club with a single guy, no matter what I tried BJ wise, it wasn’t going to happen.

He apologised, went to the loo, came back and walked straight past us and got on the bed next to ours with another couple and within 5 mins was giving the male half a BJ, it cured his problem.

Now I did think, ok it was me then

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By *ormalguy8Man  over a year ago

oldham


"Guys often get seen a very simple base creatures when it comes to sex. But really a guys biggest sex organ is also his brain. A lot of guys need to be totally in the moment and care free to preform. So in a unfamiliar situations, mixed with a need to perform can cause anxiety or mental distraction. A lot of this can either be reduced or made worse by the couple in question and how they go about things. Its really important to create the right atmosphere were the guy can feel at ease, totally welcome and everything flows totally naturally. Also not every guy responds well to being treated like a living sex toy (even if in his own mind that sounds cool). So if this keeps happening it may be just worth asking if theirs anything you can do to create a more comfortable, relaxed and natural enviroment for the guy? And of course some guys are just more carefree, comfortable and confident than others. So always worth checking reviews, word of mouth and looking for a guy who has a good track record when it comes to MFM."

This a great reply. I think a lot of us, both men and women put pressure on ourselves at times in all aspects of life and in a sex scenario that pressure can be ramped up but the expectation to perform etc. For us single guys as there are lots of us on here it can be easy to fall into feelings of “oh they’ve selected me over all the others they could have chosen so I’d better be a rampant stud” which can lead to issues getting hard.

Yes there are couples who want rampant sex and for you to be able to stay hard all night but there are also lots of couples on here who like the social aspect of a meet and the teasing and flirting which definitely helps.

So OP don’t get down on yourself. As you’ve seen from all the responses, it happens. Keep your pecker up, so to speak.

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By * Plus ECouple  over a year ago

The South


"

By M Plus EFind posts by M Plus E Couple

11 minutes ago

The South

"Get you cock hard put a towel over it

And focus ur cock to keep it up

Train it

Will strengthen you hard on

"

What Poundland book did you get that advice from?

E

No book just common scense and imagination

Don’t knock it untill u try it"

Common sense you say? Non-sense actually.

Imagination? Too much imagination methinks.

Utter rubbish. Sorry to disappoint you.

You can strengthen a muscle, unfortunately a penis isn't a muscle.

It's an empty sack of skin that's only filled and firmed by blood pressure.

No amount of towels and "thinking it hard" will help.

E

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By *dores blackmenWoman  over a year ago

incognito mode ;-)

It can be because another alpha male is present and them showing how confident they are,this effected my ex in an fmfm/fmm situation

When it was an mf or ffm he had no problem at all

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Think all guys will experience it at least once either due to

nerves especially other people in room

too tired/fucked

wanked too much during the day

too much booze / hungover

but generally once up its up lol strong like bull

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By *rKC92Man  over a year ago

St Helens

I've had this before during one on ones, it's mainly getting inside my own head but once I get out of it I'm back in the game, I just use it as an excuse for more foreplay unless it really fucks me over.

I wouldn't judge a guy for it, sometimes nerves are a problem at first, just give them time.

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