FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > MFM with friend
MFM with friend
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi folks - Id like to engage the ‘bigger brain’ of Fab in helping me and my wife with a little moral dilemma.
While I have a fair amount of - albeit dated - experience with MFM play before getting married 16 years ago, my wife has not yet taken the plunge. I was upfront about my experiences very early on in our relationship and, somewhat to my surprise she found my stories a turn on. We have enjoyed playing with the MFM fantasy/role play for many years and back in 2018 we set up a couples profile here. She found that experience hugely exciting, getting lots of attention from men and feeling very empowered as a result.
Unfortunately, the two men she selected as potential playmates turned out to be time wasters. That experience was very unsettling as she had shared face pics and enjoyed getting to know the ‘candidates’ on what felt like an intimate level with a degree of trust.
With the draw of an MFM experience still very powerful for us both, she has put forward the idea of doing this with a family friend. In fact it’s the husband of one of her oldest friends. We both know this is dangerous territory, but she is quite taken with the idea as he’s fancied her rotten for the best part of 25 years and would definitely be keen. Over the past few days they have exchanged some flirty texts and it feels like the stage is set.
So, two questions:
1. Is thus a really bad idea? (I think I might know the answer most will give!)
2. Any advice on bringing her back into the Fab fold and re-building trust in its community?
PS. Please don’t be tempted to pile on re. my profile - she is aware and has full access! |
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Does the oldest friend know her husband is considering this?
We've had many successful threesomes via fab ore covid but theres quite a bit of groundwork to be done. An early social often sorts the dreamers from the realists. I think if your wife genuinely wanted to rejoin fab, she would. As she has access to your profile she can see how the land lies. |
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"Once its out of the box with her friends hubby, you cannot put it back.
But with anonymous and discreet swinging guys, its just your secret!
Have fun, then move on!"
I tend to agree with this. An old friends husband has so much potential for drama and motives beyond just enjoying a slightly unusual sexual situation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No, not at all - in fact we agreed that we shouldn’t do this kind of thing ‘close to home’. Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative. |
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"No, not at all - in fact we agreed that we shouldn’t do this kind of thing ‘close to home’. Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative."
You can use reply quote under the post you're replying to. We'll know who you're answering then  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I fully concur, I’d rather not invite the complication. He and my wife go back a lot further than me - we get on well but are not close enough friends that I’d have trouble seeing him as a ‘bull’. In fact I think he’d enjoy the role and we’d have fun with it. Ultimately though, it does feel a tad too risky. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No, not at all - in fact we agreed that we shouldn’t do this kind of thing ‘close to home’. Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative.
You can use reply quote under the post you're replying to. We'll know who you're answering then "
Ah, many thanks! Testing... |
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"No, not at all - in fact we agreed that we shouldn’t do this kind of thing ‘close to home’. Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative.
You can use reply quote under the post you're replying to. We'll know who you're answering then
Ah, many thanks! Testing..."
You're welcome |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Once its out of the box with her friends hubby, you cannot put it back.
But with anonymous and discreet swinging guys, its just your secret!
Have fun, then move on!"
Hi Hack - yes, absolutely my favoured option. Unfortunately ‘swinging guys’ have not done themselves any favours in her eyes! |
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" Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative."
I think she should give Fab another chance.It seems much better than the husband option which could destroy a marriage and ruin a 25 year friendship. |
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So what's the dilemma with the oldest friend's husband? It seems you aren't keen, I guess the guys wife isn't aware that one of her oldest friends is messaging her husband like this. I think its a no go and really should be nipped in the bud. I might be wildly off the mark of course.
As to your good lady becoming involved with fab again, I think a good chat with her about how you'd both like things to proceed followed by a couple's profile and interaction with a few well verified men with a view to a social meet when regs allow is the way forward. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative.
I think she should give Fab another chance.It seems much better than the husband option which could destroy a marriage and ruin a 25 year friendship. "
Yes I agree. It’s curious actually - she knows the risk but the attraction of the MFM experience is strong enough for her to potentially want to take that chance. She doesn’t even fancy him that much - finds him attractive, sure, but not in an overwhelming sense - it’s more about the fact that she knows he desires her so much and will go out of his way to please. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So what's the dilemma with the oldest friend's husband? It seems you aren't keen, I guess the guys wife isn't aware that one of her oldest friends is messaging her husband like this. I think its a no go and really should be nipped in the bud. I might be wildly off the mark of course.
As to your good lady becoming involved with fab again, I think a good chat with her about how you'd both like things to proceed followed by a couple's profile and interaction with a few well verified men with a view to a social meet when regs allow is the way forward. "
Hmm yes - ‘well verified men’. We got ghosted by one of those! Maybe we just need to build some resilience in that sense... |
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"So what's the dilemma with the oldest friend's husband? It seems you aren't keen, I guess the guys wife isn't aware that one of her oldest friends is messaging her husband like this. I think its a no go and really should be nipped in the bud. I might be wildly off the mark of course.
As to your good lady becoming involved with fab again, I think a good chat with her about how you'd both like things to proceed followed by a couple's profile and interaction with a few well verified men with a view to a social meet when regs allow is the way forward.
Hmm yes - ‘well verified men’. We got ghosted by one of those! Maybe we just need to build some resilience in that sense..."
Possibly and also the guy she's talking to may well drop out when he discovers that all is not quite as it seems. |
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"She doesn't even know if he is up for MFM.
Not at this point, no. Knowing him as I do I think he would totally be up for it, but I may be wrong!"
The more I read of this the more I think you both ought to step away from it.
I think what your wife is doing is wrong |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She doesn't even know if he is up for MFM.
Not at this point, no. Knowing him as I do I think he would totally be up for it, but I may be wrong!
The more I read of this the more I think you both ought to step away from it.
I think what your wife is doing is wrong"
Yes - I think I agree. It’s been an interesting idea and conversation so far, but we probably do need to pull back. We are agreed that full transparency is essential after all. Thanks for sharing your perspective x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Full transparency with the wife too ?"
Obviously not - hence the dilemma, but I think it’s pretty clear that we won’t proceed further down that path. We checked in on progress last night and I’m pretty clear that this isn’t the way forward, but thought it might be an interesting discussion in here. Thanks for your perspective x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you all for your responses - it’s much appreciated, and I think we’re clear on the dangers here which probably far outweigh the short-term rewards.
FYI the reason my profile exists is that we are gently exploring the notion of ‘ethical non-monogamy’. We are both curious to see how my connections and conversations go as we re-frame our perspective on each other as sexual people in addition to life partners. We are at a point where we are sufficiently secure to do that, and it feels great. The Covid-related restrictions - and people’s associated choices - also allow us to sort out those with whom we might be a good match down the line. |
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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago
always in the kitchen at parties |
Op, we’re looking at doing the hotwife thing. This influences the way we engage with single guys.
I (The Boy) basically do all the fabmin. I can normally tell within around 10 or so messages whether they’re suitable.
Yes it’s annoying but you’ve got to sift through a lot of twats to get to the good guys! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Op, we’re looking at doing the hotwife thing. This influences the way we engage with single guys.
I (The Boy) basically do all the fabmin. I can normally tell within around 10 or so messages whether they’re suitable.
Yes it’s annoying but you’ve got to sift through a lot of twats to get to the good guys! "
Yes, agreed, patience is definitely a virtue on here. Good luck with your search! |
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She, as everybody does, has to find her own way to make things work for her.
Engagement with close friends who are not openly swinging, is dangerous territory.
You must ascertain the value of your relationship, in order to decide whether or not to risk permanent damage to or loss of those relationships.
OP is likely to be subject to being so motivated to get her to swing that he will blind himself to the reality of what they are doing.
Infinitely better to create a much lower risk of such damage by imposing much better filtering and selection of potential partners than for him or the 2 no shows. Experience shows that you can find high quality partners with reliability and minus the risks of damage to existing relationships. Most people value friendships so highly that they will absolutely not risk jeopardising them in the slightest ever.
Think with your head. Take control of yourself and what you are doing. Your relationship with your wife is the most important and that is also going to be affected by your choices, as well as her/your relationships with this couple too.
If in doubt, don't. You have much more choice, including not looking at this as a binary choice of him/swinging or not. I'd prefer not to swing, if those were my choices that I'd limited myself to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She, as everybody does, has to find her own way to make things work for her.
Engagement with close friends who are not openly swinging, is dangerous territory.
You must ascertain the value of your relationship, in order to decide whether or not to risk permanent damage to or loss of those relationships.
OP is likely to be subject to being so motivated to get her to swing that he will blind himself to the reality of what they are doing.
Infinitely better to create a much lower risk of such damage by imposing much better filtering and selection of potential partners than for him or the 2 no shows. Experience shows that you can find high quality partners with reliability and minus the risks of damage to existing relationships. Most people value friendships so highly that they will absolutely not risk jeopardising them in the slightest ever.
Think with your head. Take control of yourself and what you are doing. Your relationship with your wife is the most important and that is also going to be affected by your choices, as well as her/your relationships with this couple too.
If in doubt, don't. You have much more choice, including not looking at this as a binary choice of him/swinging or not. I'd prefer not to swing, if those were my choices that I'd limited myself to. "
Sophie, thanks for your thoughtful reply. This thread has only reinforced my thinking that this is not the way forward, as I expected it would. While I am, as you suggest, keen for her to swing (and she has obviously demonstrated a high degree of interest) our relationship and family integrity will always come first x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Update - we’ve had a good discussion and decided that our friend is not the way forward, so thanks for all the advice. The good news is that my wife’s brief flirtation has heightened her desire to fulfil this by other means. May be back in the new year with a couples profile as a result.
Happy Xmas, J |
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Have you had the discussion with the friend though? He's left high and dry so to speak thinking he was on to a winner then ditched. Maybe would've been an idea to air the doubts before your Mrs started teasing him because as far as I'm concerned he may still pursue her and can you be certain she won't secretly succumb especially as she's apparently fancied him for 25 years. No offence but you've went about this totally tit for elbow and can only hope it doesn't still bite you on the arse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you had the discussion with the friend though? He's left high and dry so to speak thinking he was on to a winner then ditched. Maybe would've been an idea to air the doubts before your Mrs started teasing him because as far as I'm concerned he may still pursue her and can you be certain she won't secretly succumb especially as she's apparently fancied him for 25 years. No offence but you've went about this totally tit for elbow and can only hope it doesn't still bite you on the arse."
No offence taken. I am well aware of the risk involved and so is my wife. She feels very bad about her friend after exchanging what were pretty tame messages. They had got to the point of agreeing in principle to meet for a drink. She was flattered with the speed at which he ‘took the bait’ and that got her a little over-excited. In that excitement she lost a sense of the real risk here but we’ve talked it through.
It’s a complex situation and you’re right, there is a risk that he might pursue her, although he appears to have gone very quiet for now. If she were to succumb in the future I am very confident that this would not occur in secret, but hopefully that won’t happen at all and we can use this instance of rekindled excitement and empowerment as a platform for finding a more suitable alternative candidate. Cheers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, I won't add to comments here as you've indicated that you've made a decision with your wife. I just wanted to comment what a breath of fresh air it is to see someone asking for advice and responding critically and thoughtfully to comments. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, I won't add to comments here as you've indicated that you've made a decision with your wife. I just wanted to comment what a breath of fresh air it is to see someone asking for advice and responding critically and thoughtfully to comments. "
Thanks Lily - it’s much appreciated. Always good to hear a friendly voice from Merseyside. I spent 4 wonderful years at uni in Liverpool and never met a Scouser who couldn’t dispense wise, if occasionally blunt, counsel! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"… she has put forward the idea of doing this with a family friend."
Experience tells me you might have lost her already. Husband of one of her oldest friends? Has fancied her for years? Yes, bad idea: try and rebuild your own relationship before it's too late. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"… she has put forward the idea of doing this with a family friend.
Experience tells me you might have lost her already. Husband of one of her oldest friends? Has fancied her for years? Yes, bad idea: try and rebuild your own relationship before it's too late."
I hope this isn't the case |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"Update - we’ve had a good discussion and decided that our friend is not the way forward, so thanks for all the advice. The good news is that my wife’s brief flirtation has heightened her desire to fulfil this by other means. May be back in the new year with a couples profile as a result.
Happy Xmas, J"
. I think once Covid19 is out the way why not set a social on the meets and events page state the age preference , looks , build , colour as these may be important to you and your wife.Look to invite say 6-10 guys and as the evening goes on your wife may get a idea who she would like to meet again.You can then message back the suitable guy and take it from there.Best of luck with everything and a Happy Christmas to you |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
Unless its consensual between all four of you I wouldn't go there.
It has the very real potential to destroy your friendship not just for the four of you but your wider circle of family and friends.
Sorry to be a kill joy. |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"No, not at all - in fact we agreed that we shouldn’t do this kind of thing ‘close to home’. Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative."
There are a lot of very genuine guys on here. You just need to have a little faith. I would be happy to throw my hat in the ring but I doubt I would be what you are looking for.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OK so as a woman this is my view.
1. The thought of fucking her oldest friends husband is exciting erotic dangerous it has the ability to explode in both your faces.
Do you really want to jeopardise a friendship? What if her friend found out?
My own view honestly don't do it.
There are risks you take and rusks you don't. There is no reason why fab friends can't become vanilla friends but the reverse doesn't apply.
The fact that she chatted to two says she isn't really that "committed ". Fab is hard work. Of the thousands of profiles here 99.9% are fake. They want face and intimate pictures and then vanish.
I dont do face pictures and im afraid those that message to and fro are rarely going to meet you.
Having said that there are genuine people but you have to put the effort in.
In summary dont do it xx
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OK so as a woman this is my view.
1. The thought of fucking her oldest friends husband is exciting erotic dangerous it has the ability to explode in both your faces.
Do you really want to jeopardise a friendship? What if her friend found out?
My own view honestly don't do it.
There are risks you take and rusks you don't. There is no reason why fab friends can't become vanilla friends but the reverse doesn't apply.
The fact that she chatted to two says she isn't really that "committed ". Fab is hard work. Of the thousands of profiles here 99.9% are fake. They want face and intimate pictures and then vanish.
I dont do face pictures and im afraid those that message to and fro are rarely going to meet you.
Having said that there are genuine people but you have to put the effort in.
In summary dont do it xx
"
Hi Sunflower - your opening statement here is very prescient. The block for us progressing with Fab in the past has been, unfortunately, my wife’s inability to trust a ‘random’ guy. The idea of MFM was always ‘exciting, erotic and dangerous’ for her, so much so that she briefly contemplated our friend just to make it happen.
We agreed very quickly that it was a stupid idea and have completely binned it. The messages sent can and will quite easily be dismissed as flirtation.
The good news is that we now have a couples profile and have had one very encouraging prospect very early on. Lots of dross as well of course, but she’s taken that for what it is.
Thanks again to everyone for the helpful feedback, and a happy new year to you. |
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By *m3232Man
over a year ago
maidenhead |
"No, not at all - in fact we agreed that we shouldn’t do this kind of thing ‘close to home’. Unfortunately her Fab experiences have destroyed any faith in a realistic alternative."
What about a male escort. You know what you are getting there and no fakers. |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"Hi folks - Id like to engage the ‘bigger brain’ of Fab in helping me and my wife with a little moral dilemma.
While I have a fair amount of - albeit dated - experience with MFM play before getting married 16 years ago, my wife has not yet taken the plunge. I was upfront about my experiences very early on in our relationship and, somewhat to my surprise she found my stories a turn on. We have enjoyed playing with the MFM fantasy/role play for many years and back in 2018 we set up a couples profile here. She found that experience hugely exciting, getting lots of attention from men and feeling very empowered as a result.
Unfortunately, the two men she selected as potential playmates turned out to be time wasters. That experience was very unsettling as she had shared face pics and enjoyed getting to know the ‘candidates’ on what felt like an intimate level with a degree of trust.
With the draw of an MFM experience still very powerful for us both, she has put forward the idea of doing this with a family friend. In fact it’s the husband of one of her oldest friends. We both know this is dangerous territory, but she is quite taken with the idea as he’s fancied her rotten for the best part of 25 years and would definitely be keen. Over the past few days they have exchanged some flirty texts and it feels like the stage is set.
So, two questions:
1. Is thus a really bad idea? (I think I might know the answer most will give!)
2. Any advice on bringing her back into the Fab fold and re-building trust in its community?
PS. Please don’t be tempted to pile on re. my profile - she is aware and has full access!"
I know for a fact a long term neighbour and family friend is attracted to me.
I've discussed it with M and we came to the dame conclusion.
No. Too close to home and too much potential for drama down the line somewhere.
Much better to enjoy this type of encounter through Fab or at a club, where everyone understands the lifestyle.
With regards to your partner, talk. Listen. Talk. Listen. Talk. Listen. Decide. Respect the decision.
E
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once its out of the box with her friends hubby, you cannot put it back.
But with anonymous and discreet swinging guys, its just your secret!
Have fun, then move on!"
As said once you pop the cork its hard to put it back in again. People you know and especially a guy who has most probably not just fancied her but i bet wanted to fuck her also is dangerous territory my friend. Id pass in that idea or you could end up fucking up what you have with her. Can you live with someonw that close maybe fucking her better than you for instance? Think hard on it. Dangerous territory buddy. John. |
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