FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is it common to just give up on fab?
Is it common to just give up on fab?
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Been on here years as a singleton. 0 meets. 0 interest. Very few replies...
I'm really not surprised that the main complaint is people just saying 'hey'. Like, after messaging 50, 100 a zillion people a nice intro message and not getting a response or just polite disinterest can you expect more? Frankly it's a bit dehumanizing. I thought this would be fun.
I know it's a 'sellers market', I've read the tips; I just get the feeling you kinda either got it, or you don't. One piece of advice was to be either better looking or more charismatic that average. Are all the women hooking up with the charismatic and better looking guys? Is it just dumb to try and use the site if you're in the 80 percentile.
Anyway my site supporter status runs out today, that's what prompted me to whine.
Guess your responses may be a little biased because, well, you obviously use the site with success.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Women aren't just meeting "good looking" men with six packs or huge cocks... But they are meeting men they are attracted to... They are not the same thing... Until people get that, some will feel crap about themselves when not getting a response... It's not personal |
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Evolutionary principles are always at work amongst us, including in Fab. We can't escape that, it's the nature of the beast.
However, if your goal isn't to be the most dominant and fit, amongst the whole environment, just successfully within your niche, then you can still survive and spread your genes here.
Part of what marks out the fittest will be their abilities to learn and adapt. Those who have learned from their experiences here, including what does and does not work, followed by smart utilisation of those in their revised strategies, are probably more likely to be able to attain some success here.
When people ask themselves the extent to which they have incorporated their depth of wisdom within such things as their profiles and behaviour at clubs, they can fully appreciate whether they have attuned themselves to those contexts, or not, fully optimising their potential.
The more detailed answer is yes and no. |
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Not everyone will have the outcomes that they expected or want OP. It's important that you take care of your wellbeing and use the site, or not at all, depending on what's good and right for you. Comparing ourselves to others is often not a great thing for us to do. You are unique and will appeal to different people than others do. Our strategy is to be able to find those where mutual compatibility exists, as most people just will not be matched with most other people. In any event, nobody can know us better than ourselves and it's important not to let others dictate what you invest your energy into, whether that's them telling you what to do, or you inferring that you're not good enough. |
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Maybe it's something to do with your username. Can kind of picture everyone over 30 (and possibly most under) won't be interested in a daddy.
Quite like the profile though and some good pics as well (not meaning the dick pic, I'm a fan of the headless torsos  ) x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m a man in a frock and I get 100s of messages a day from men. Real women must be even worse. You’re playing a numbers game. It’s sometimes a hard one to win. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We haven’t been on here very long and are going to be taking a break as we are both so body conscious so we will come back once we’ve shifted the weight. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Been on here years as a singleton. 0 meets. 0 interest. Very few replies...
I'm really not surprised that the main complaint is people just saying 'hey'. Like, after messaging 50, 100 a zillion people a nice intro message and not getting a response or just polite disinterest can you expect more? Frankly it's a bit dehumanizing. I thought this would be fun.
I know it's a 'sellers market', I've read the tips; I just get the feeling you kinda either got it, or you don't. One piece of advice was to be either better looking or more charismatic that average. Are all the women hooking up with the charismatic and better looking guys? Is it just dumb to try and use the site if you're in the 80 percentile.
Anyway my site supporter status runs out today, that's what prompted me to whine.
Guess your responses may be a little biased because, well, you obviously use the site with success.
"
Getting meetings has nothing to do with being a site supporter as the benefits are within the site but being verified someone finding another who they are attracted to have a connection and chemistry is something else you've received and met two so must have been doing something right.
Keep your chin up |
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Well your user name may not be helping you out. I looked it, thought daddy, has kids, could be married and playing away - instant no.
The other thing which won't help is that some eager eyed people will look at your pictures, see they are watermarked with someone else's username and assume you are a time waster pic stealer or fake. Again that won't get a lot of response.
Not everyone wants a muscle bound gym bod with a 10" cock. When we started out I was even guilty of assuming S would want that because I don't have it... I have a well established Dad bod with average stuffing in my pants... Which reminds me I must exercise more and stop blaming covid.
Anywyay.. Turns out she's attracted to more of exactly what she has. Albeit with a little less midriff.
There's hope for everyone, just some need a little more time than others especially when you are amongst the majority gender one here. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Zero meets & 2 published
Meet Verifications don't add up OP...  "
Also I wouldn't have a Cock pic as the 1st pic we see in your gallery...that should be further down & maybe change your username...not too many are into the Daddy scenario |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been on here years as a singleton. 0 meets. 0 interest. Very few replies...
I'm really not surprised that the main complaint is people just saying 'hey'. Like, after messaging 50, 100 a zillion people a nice intro message and not getting a response or just polite disinterest can you expect more? Frankly it's a bit dehumanizing. I thought this would be fun.
I know it's a 'sellers market', I've read the tips; I just get the feeling you kinda either got it, or you don't. One piece of advice was to be either better looking or more charismatic that average. Are all the women hooking up with the charismatic and better looking guys? Is it just dumb to try and use the site if you're in the 80 percentile.
Anyway my site supporter status runs out today, that's what prompted me to whine.
Guess your responses may be a little biased because, well, you obviously use the site with success.
"
I was getting quite a few meets in my first year, and I absolutely don't know why. But the past few years have been very dry, I find that the females on here, are and indeed can be, very very choosy, in a way that being online can only allow.
I've always said that actually going out and socializing with real people is the best way ahead, and still believe that to be true now.
On here, they just look at your photo and it's instant dismissal, there's no getting to actually know the person behind the photo. Snap judgments such as that are really what let most of these sites down. And I've not supported the site for well over 2 years now. It's not worth it. |
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It's been a bad time for most.
Cut yourself a bit of slack, renew your membership and get to some clubs or socials, get yourself about.
Best tip for clubs and socials, learn to move on.
We sometimes find couples hard work, although the written word on their profile or forum shows one thing, in the real world it can be something different.
Found most single guys ok, maybe get a bit shy at times.
If this happens, smile, say chat later and move on.
Works for us.
Say hello to as many folks as possible, don't sit at the end of the bar nursing a pint.
Don't give up, go for it. |
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You say you enjoy the social side of swinging.
If that's true then the best way for a single guy to actually meet real swingers is to get out and get your face known and network.
The next Leeds social is in November, I believe. Theres a thread in the forums.
Theres also 2 clubs in Leeds. Quest and Pandora.
If you dont want to take out a membership. You just need to add your name to an event, no membership required, just the entrance fee.
Theres usually threads in the forums for these events.
I've seen loads of single guys network this way, and it's working for them. |
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I meet single men often….
I wouldn’t reply to your profile name. I don’t want a “daddy”.
The first line of your bio is moaning about possibly looking trashy… which I read as “everyone else looks trashy so how do I not”.
Go to clubs and socialise, then in turn you’ll meet more people and others on fab will be interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been on here years as a singleton. 0 meets. 0 interest. Very few replies...
I'm really not surprised that the main complaint is people just saying 'hey'. Like, after messaging 50, 100 a zillion people a nice intro message and not getting a response or just polite disinterest can you expect more? Frankly it's a bit dehumanizing. I thought this would be fun.
I know it's a 'sellers market', I've read the tips; I just get the feeling you kinda either got it, or you don't. One piece of advice was to be either better looking or more charismatic that average. Are all the women hooking up with the charismatic and better looking guys? Is it just dumb to try and use the site if you're in the 80 percentile.
Anyway my site supporter status runs out today, that's what prompted me to whine.
Guess your responses may be a little biased because, well, you obviously use the site with success.
"
Same here....you should of done a countdown x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is absolutely a buyer’s market and the buyers will likely choose steak over burger 9 times out of 10. You just need to be the tastiest burger you can be for when that 10th time comes up. |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Totnes |
"Well your user name may not be helping you out. I looked it, thought daddy, has kids, could be married and playing away - instant no.
The other thing which won't help is that some eager eyed people will look at your pictures, see they are watermarked with someone else's username and assume you are a time waster pic stealer or fake. Again that won't get a lot of response.
Not everyone wants a muscle bound gym bod with a 10" cock. When we started out I was even guilty of assuming S would want that because I don't have it... I have a well established Dad bod with average stuffing in my pants... Which reminds me I must exercise more and stop blaming covid.
Anywyay.. Turns out she's attracted to more of exactly what she has. Albeit with a little less midriff.
There's hope for everyone, just some need a little more time than others especially when you are amongst the majority gender one here. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that."
Lovely post.. above ..
Op can I suggest organised socials , I was struggling till I went to a social ….
Saves a million messages
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From the female side.
Nice body, can spell, both are positives. But I wouldn't reply to anyone with daddy in their user name because I, personally, find it a turn off. We get a lot of messages and I'll usually read their profile if it's not just the standard 'hi' and reply if I see something I like. And no, probably not just your body. Matching kinks etc are more important. |
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Depends on how you use fab its not insta shag nor am I saying you think its is OP however if its an additional tool for meeting at clubs its great.
I dont seek fab for 1-1 meets as such, if they are willing to meet first at a club and see how it goes then great I prefer that and try to use fab that way.
Social events and clubs as someone has stated maybe best suited for you. You have a couple of clubs near and go and enjoy or pop along to the local social event. |
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"However, if your goal isn't to be the most dominant and fit, amongst the whole environment, just successfully within your niche, then you can still survive and spread your genes here. "
These are very wise words. I'm not an Adonis. I'm a chubby, balding, middle-aged man. And yet I have a lot of fun. I get out to organised socials. I go to clubs. I get to know people. Some of them are people whose filters are set so I can't message them. Others are people I've messaged and got no reply. And yet, out there, we get on, and sometimes it leads to funtime. I know I'm not going to appeal to everyone. I'm not the most hung, but I've seen blokes with massive cocks get nowt because they don't make the effort to engage. I have a lovely time in my niche. And other people's niches. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"However, if your goal isn't to be the most dominant and fit, amongst the whole environment, just successfully within your niche, then you can still survive and spread your genes here.
These are very wise words. I'm not an Adonis. I'm a chubby, balding, middle-aged man. And yet I have a lot of fun. I get out to organised socials. I go to clubs. I get to know people. Some of them are people whose filters are set so I can't message them. Others are people I've messaged and got no reply. And yet, out there, we get on, and sometimes it leads to funtime. I know I'm not going to appeal to everyone. I'm not the most hung, but I've seen blokes with massive cocks get nowt because they don't make the effort to engage. I have a lovely time in my niche. And other people's niches."
Couldn't agree more.  |
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"I meet single men often….
I wouldn’t reply to your profile name. I don’t want a “daddy”.
The first line of your bio is moaning about possibly looking trashy… which I read as “everyone else looks trashy so how do I not”. "
That's quite a leap...
Thanks for your advice, all. Looks like it's a good mix or similar experiences.
Or the people causing them.
Think I'll disable my account for a while.
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"I meet single men often….
I wouldn’t reply to your profile name. I don’t want a “daddy”.
The first line of your bio is moaning about possibly looking trashy… which I read as “everyone else looks trashy so how do I not”.
That's quite a leap...
Thanks for your advice, all. Looks like it's a good mix or similar experiences.
Or the people causing them.
Think I'll disable my account for a while.
"
It is quite a leap… but if you feel the need to mention trashy on here I’d presume your commenting on your experience and what you’ve seen lol.
There are other sites probably more suited to the “daddy” kind of role of that helps!
Get to a club or social and see if you enjoy that! X |
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I cant comment on your profile OP as you have hidden it.
I would suggest like some of the others, to go to socials and clubs, if you like the social side, I love socialising mainly in clubs for me. You can find lots of friends who become ones with benefits sometimes  |
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"I cant comment on your profile OP as you have hidden it.
I would suggest like some of the others, to go to socials and clubs, if you like the social side, I love socialising mainly in clubs for me. You can find lots of friends who become ones with benefits sometimes "
I agree |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Been on here years as a singleton. 0 meets. 0 interest. Very few replies...
I'm really not surprised that the main complaint is people just saying 'hey'. Like, after messaging 50, 100 a zillion people a nice intro message and not getting a response or just polite disinterest can you expect more? Frankly it's a bit dehumanizing. I thought this would be fun.
I know it's a 'sellers market', I've read the tips; I just get the feeling you kinda either got it, or you don't. One piece of advice was to be either better looking or more charismatic that average. Are all the women hooking up with the charismatic and better looking guys? Is it just dumb to try and use the site if you're in the 80 percentile.
Anyway my site supporter status runs out today, that's what prompted me to whine.
Guess your responses may be a little biased because, well, you obviously use the site with success.
"
It's only common when any sites your life revolves around and takes over your personal life expectancy isn't a guarantee from any site can also be many other factors that a person tries to hard and doing so with those who would not connect with expect nothing and most of all be you... |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
As someone who has a dad bod but goes to clubs I interact with people even if they don’t meet single guys.
a lot about the scene goes on reputation.
So I am known to spend time in Cupid’s dungeon, and if I am being Dom to play safe within people’s boundaries. These people probably wouldn’t speak to me on fabs on the basis that I might not be a couple but as I am a genuine single guy who can laugh at himself, is slightly kinky and polite, I get on ok.
For me I have noticed though if I am in sub mode I get a lot less interaction. So if I have my collar on and look sub-by then I get minimal chats.
For me, I go to clubs ane meet people. Can probably count on two hands the amount of people I have met outside of a club and probably one hand _ased on just forum and not in a club.
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By *ubyRonCouple
over a year ago
Lancashire |
As a couple we struggle meeting other couples. Seems to be initial attraction and then we get a bit further down the line and it's usually the male attracted to Ruby and not shown his partner myself or they're both more interested in getting in Ruby's straight pants.
Very close to jacking it in too. |
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"As a couple we struggle meeting other couples. Seems to be initial attraction and then we get a bit further down the line and it's usually the male attracted to Ruby and not shown his partner myself or they're both more interested in getting in Ruby's straight pants.
Very close to jacking it in too. "
It's been similar for us so far. We've chatted to couples and it's going well just to then get asked if only their Male half can meet us. Though we have chatted to plenty of genuine couples, problem is they are often to far away. |
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I've not given up since I started on here as a single male. Had a couple of years as a single male as a start. Had some great meets, enjoyed the company of some great women and made some freinds. Then Jack Pot, met Mrs Misfit on here. Don't think we'll be stopping anytime soon either. It is difficult on here finding what you want, not just for single guys but couples too. My main advice is maintain a positive attitude and have genuine love and respect for your fellow humans out on here. Negative attitudes tend to be both defeating and a turn off.
(Mr) |
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"You kidding
Plenty women love the Daddy role play "
Your right. We all have our kinks. It's not everyones cup of tea but I think we should be respectful on here of others kinks (people who live in glass houses and all). Op needs to be himself and free to express himself if he wants to find the right people. And if that aspect is off putting to others then it's only off putting to people who aren't compatible in the first place. |
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Also remember the vast majority of folks on here will never meet.
So in some ways not getting replies stops you becoming a little excited if someone does respond.
The chances of jumping from a message to a meet are very low.
Lots of other ways to meet swingers as a single guy.
For us, we like to touch _ase with them initially at a social or club. Met quite a few this past month on holiday but again loads of timewasters.
Some of the guys don't do themselves too many favours when posting in the forums, like the Virus forum, can come across as, well, a bit strange.
With restrictions lifting there soon will be no excuse to not having a couple of verifications and a nice letter from your mum won't cut it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Chin up mate, I've sent as many msgs as yourself or more!! There are some ignorant people on here and a lot if timewasters. The couples are more complicated than I expected but if you aren't in the clique then sod em. Good luck. |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Totnes |
"Also remember the vast majority of folks on here will never meet.
So in some ways not getting replies stops you becoming a little excited if someone does respond.
The chances of jumping from a message to a meet are very low.
Lots of other ways to meet swingers as a single guy.
For us, we like to touch _ase with them initially at a social or club. Met quite a few this past month on holiday but again loads of timewasters.
Some of the guys don't do themselves too many favours when posting in the forums, like the Virus forum, can come across as, well, a bit strange.
With restrictions lifting there soon will be no excuse to not having a couple of verifications and a nice letter from your mum won't cut it. "
I think I recognise that kiosk in your pics , sadly it's been replaced by a not so good modern one |
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"Also remember the vast majority of folks on here will never meet.
So in some ways not getting replies stops you becoming a little excited if someone does respond.
The chances of jumping from a message to a meet are very low.
Lots of other ways to meet swingers as a single guy.
For us, we like to touch _ase with them initially at a social or club. Met quite a few this past month on holiday but again loads of timewasters.
Some of the guys don't do themselves too many favours when posting in the forums, like the Virus forum, can come across as, well, a bit strange.
With restrictions lifting there soon will be no excuse to not having a couple of verifications and a nice letter from your mum won't cut it.
I think I recognise that kiosk in your pics , sadly it's been replaced by a not so good modern one "
That's true. To be fair it wasn't open a few weeks ago when there so will give it a chance next time. |
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"Chin up mate, I've sent as many msgs as yourself or more!! There are some ignorant people on here and a lot if timewasters. The couples are more complicated than I expected but if you aren't in the clique then sod em. Good luck. "
Love it.
You're only been on 5 weeks and 5 weeks during the Plague.
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