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By *asha86 OP Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
How is it im fine with having an mmf threesome and doing the act yet the third wheel guy messaging and talking to the wife regularly bothers me?
We also have a group chat and she shows and tells me everything but still niggles at me?
Anyone else had the same or am i just the only weirdo  |
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I think it would bother me too .
If you meet as a couple I feel that all communications should be addressed to the couple and that there is no need for private conversations between the single person and one of the spouses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Doesn't bother me at all. My wife has private chats with single guys. Doesn't worry me at all, don't worry about it have a chill and build some trust.
Mr"
This! Same here, I trust my wife, she can talk to who she wants too, no harm - Griz |
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By *MNJCouple
over a year ago
Nuneaton |
"How is it im fine with having an mmf threesome and doing the act yet the third wheel guy messaging and talking to the wife regularly bothers me?
We also have a group chat and she shows and tells me everything but still niggles at me?
Anyone else had the same or am i just the only weirdo "
You're not a weirdo I wouldn't say, another guy joining you is still an experience between the 3 of you even if you don't play with him and to go outside of that is pushing his luck a bit I'd say, we've never done mmf but have had couples or part of a couple contact one of us outside of Fab or a group chat and it just seems weird if not something you're into. |
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Yes you should have trust in her but the third party's don't always stick to the rules and can become envious.
I always find it strange when single guy profiles say they are looking for regular fun with couples.
Isn't this just asking for trouble when there is so many others willing to meet!!! |
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Your not a weirdo. And just because some people say they are 100% cool every time that's cool for them but not everyone is. A lot of people get that niggle (to different degrees). I know I have, I know Mrs Misfit has. Sometimes it's just different with a different personality in the mix. Sometimes it's not the norm but comes out of the blue in a certain scenario (even when you've been at it for years). Sometimes the other person/s that oversteps the marks. Sometimes it may be you or your partner who gets carried away (maybe not in their opinion but maybe in yours). We are human, individuals and we sometimes see things differenty or recognise in the others something they haven't. And it's its not the same everytime or with everyone. It's being human and because you feel a twang of it doesn't make you a shit swinger or not suited to this game.
It's hard as a couple. The main thing is communication with each other and negotiation. Which sounds like you do. Its mainly about understanding each other and working out what works and what doesn't. So maybe your problem could be eased but re-looking at your boundaries and/or just how you want to play things. Maybe you may decide that too much chat in-between play is more damaging than fun right now. And of course these boundaries can change with time, experience and depending on the extra personalities involved.
Then there's what you can do for yourself. How you can rationalise things better. It sounds like you have absolutely nothing to worry about in all reality. Sounds like you know that but that doesn't stop that feeling that way. I'm a massive over thinker. So when I get a twang of this feeling creeping in I take a step back for a a condor moment and reflect. Then I sweep the feeling aside with logic, experience and knowing our relationship inside out. It is very important for me to get a grip not only for my sake but because I want her to totally enjoy herself too and be free.
With time, communication and experience it should get easier and thus enhance your enjoyment of the lifestyle. I say should because I am not you and maybe it won't. But I suspect it will.
At the end of the day this is all about your shared enjoyment. If its not working for either one or both of you, you need to talk and find another way.
I think it's brave of you to talk openly on here about it. I think it's something very common that people keep to themselves. Sounds like you have a very positive open approach that IMO bodes well for your future (on and off here). Hope you find it easier in time or just simply a different way of doing things that still fulfills you both. |
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By *MNJCouple
over a year ago
Nuneaton |
Worth adding also not being happy about it and not trusting your partner are not the same thing, if mrs playing alone isn't what you guys want it's fair enough to want to keep it all in a group chat. |
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By *asha86 OP Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
"Your not a weirdo. And just because some people say they are 100% cool every time that's cool for them but not everyone is. A lot of people get that niggle (to different degrees). I know I have, I know Mrs Misfit has. Sometimes it's just different with a different personality in the mix. Sometimes it's not the norm but comes out of the blue in a certain scenario (even when you've been at it for years). Sometimes the other person/s that oversteps the marks. Sometimes it may be you or your partner who gets carried away (maybe not in their opinion but maybe in yours). We are human, individuals and we sometimes see things differenty or recognise in the others something they haven't. And it's its not the same everytime or with everyone. It's being human and because you feel a twang of it doesn't make you a shit swinger or not suited to this game.
It's hard as a couple. The main thing is communication with each other and negotiation. Which sounds like you do. Its mainly about understanding each other and working out what works and what doesn't. So maybe your problem could be eased but re-looking at your boundaries and/or just how you want to play things. Maybe you may decide that too much chat in-between play is more damaging than fun right now. And of course these boundaries can change with time, experience and depending on the extra personalities involved.
Then there's what you can do for yourself. How you can rationalise things better. It sounds like you have absolutely nothing to worry about in all reality. Sounds like you know that but that doesn't stop that feeling that way. I'm a massive over thinker. So when I get a twang of this feeling creeping in I take a step back for a a condor moment and reflect. Then I sweep the feeling aside with logic, experience and knowing our relationship inside out. It is very important for me to get a grip not only for my sake but because I want her to totally enjoy herself too and be free.
With time, communication and experience it should get easier and thus enhance your enjoyment of the lifestyle. I say should because I am not you and maybe it won't. But I suspect it will.
At the end of the day this is all about your shared enjoyment. If its not working for either one or both of you, you need to talk and find another way.
I think it's brave of you to talk openly on here about it. I think it's something very common that people keep to themselves. Sounds like you have a very positive open approach that IMO bodes well for your future (on and off here). Hope you find it easier in time or just simply a different way of doing things that still fulfills you both. "
This nailed it fo me tbf thankyou for everyones input  x |
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By *asha86 OP Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
"It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds like you want to do this together. It's understandable that something that excludes you bothers you. We would be the same. "
This also thankyou guys x |
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"How is it im fine with having an mmf threesome and doing the act yet the third wheel guy messaging and talking to the wife regularly bothers me?
We also have a group chat and she shows and tells me everything but still niggles at me?
Anyone else had the same or am i just the only weirdo "
He's blessed to be invited into your relationship. Finding a regular you trust with your wife / partner takes a bit of time. It's not weird to feel emotions around that at all. It could be something you're comfortable with in time but for now seems like they just need to be reminded that you are part of the whole adventure and that means part of all the horny text before and after. Good luck with it. |
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It doesn’t sound weird to me at all! We have group chats set up, and if ladies privately messaged Mr instead of putting it on the chat for us all to see, then I’d go ballistic haha! To me it’s a respect thing, and something we make clear from the start! Miss pc |
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Well each to their own but we find it strange with private messaging and hence stick to fab or group chat. We have some right strange folks who start as couple to couple then start approaching Mrs separately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds like you want to do this together. It's understandable that something that excludes you bothers you. We would be the same. "
I completely agree with this, I'd be the same if I felt a little excluded, we're in this together, I've no interest in doing it separately.
Mrs |
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"It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds like you want to do this together. It's understandable that something that excludes you bothers you. We would be the same.
I completely agree with this, I'd be the same if I felt a little excluded, we're in this together, I've no interest in doing it separately.
Mrs"
I agree also that conversation should not be going on without you. However OP I would be a bit pissed off to be known as the “ 3rd Wheel Guy” !  To me that comes across as a bit disrespectful as if he is just being used as a plaything |
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It’s not always about trust.
You can trust her all you like but if it’s something your not into then that’s fine too.
I always said I’d club and play as a couple, but I’d not do the whole fab/ kik thing because to me, that’s completely different!
Just be honest and tell her your not comfortable with it xx |
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Not a weirdo at all.
Personally, I'm happy to meet couples, single guys and girls but I'm very happily married and don't want any form of relationship, just sex.
Would hate for a guy to think it was anything else.
I've had a few guys mail me asking if I would like to meet up without telling Paul.
It's a swift fuck off from me and wouldn't play with them again.
We do point this out at all initial meets so it's not as if they have not been told.
But, as in everything, you do what you feel best. Please do say it's a concern of yours.
Have fun. X |
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Not weird! Totally get what you are saying. My partner and I have ALL conversations together and altho I ( mrs ) do meet alone we hate being approached as if its just the female. We all know that straight guys just want to meet the female but we are a couple and our enjoyment is me pleasing my hubby by having fun with other men but him still being involved with all convos. At the end of the day guys need to remember they are our extra fun and we are inviting them into our sexual relationship, we have had a few guys at the beginning of swinging get a bit to obsessed with me and want me to meet all the time like I have a relationship with them and that is not what it is about for us. |
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By *asha86 OP Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
"It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds like you want to do this together. It's understandable that something that excludes you bothers you. We would be the same.
I completely agree with this, I'd be the same if I felt a little excluded, we're in this together, I've no interest in doing it separately.
Mrs
I agree also that conversation should not be going on without you. However OP I would be a bit pissed off to be known as the “ 3rd Wheel Guy” ! To me that comes across as a bit disrespectful as if he is just being used as a plaything "
Perhaps my wording wasnt correct as i would not call someone a third wheel per say but when inviting someone into our space they are respectful of us both and we would like to think they play by our rules |
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Can we ask why either of you have been part of a chat away from the group chat? Especially of it bothers you.
Everyone is different of course but for us, neither of us would dream of chatting alone with someone we are meeting. It's not about trust, it's about this being something we do together and if one of us isn't involved it loses all appeal for the other.
We have had instances where guys have tried to break away from a group chat and message Gabriella privately and it just results in an instant block. |
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By *asha86 OP Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
"Can we ask why either of you have been part of a chat away from the group chat? Especially of it bothers you.
Everyone is different of course but for us, neither of us would dream of chatting alone with someone we are meeting. It's not about trust, it's about this being something we do together and if one of us isn't involved it loses all appeal for the other.
We have had instances where guys have tried to break away from a group chat and message Gabriella privately and it just results in an instant block."
So originally me and him have a chat outside of the group to sort suprize meets from time to time for the wife which is what she wanted. The guy messaged outside of group on a couple of occasions to the wife and the wife did reply back and it did go back to the group chat again and she did show/tell me what was said out of the group. I just cant put my finger on why im fine with the act of being sexual with someone but talking to someone regularly niggles at me.
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Your feelings are very valid and very important, tell them its not making you happy.
It only works when everyone is singing from the same songbook, and not weird of you at all to be worried about it. |
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Not a weirdo. I’d be happy for my wife to fuck someone else, alone or in an mmf with me. I would hate for her to build a relationship that I felt would threaten ours, sexual or otherwise. Contradiction for sure but it’s how I think I’d feel. I’d rather be cool about it all but hey Ho |
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By *orneytwoCouple
over a year ago
Not far from lichfield |
We have meet couples in the past that told us storys of having a single man round for fun. Then him coming back in the daytime when male was at work a few time and knocking on the door looking for fun. Also sitting outside in is car. We never meet people at home and always meet together it's much safer that way. |
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By *ihmMan
over a year ago
West Wales |
"It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds like you want to do this together. It's understandable that something that excludes you bothers you. We would be the same.
I completely agree with this, I'd be the same if I felt a little excluded, we're in this together, I've no interest in doing it separately.
Mrs
I agree also that conversation should not be going on without you. However OP I would be a bit pissed off to be known as the “ 3rd Wheel Guy” ! To me that comes across as a bit disrespectful as if he is just being used as a plaything "
Respect is indeed a two way street.
Have you gone through the ground rules with the other gentleman? As well as your other half? If not, then maybe he isn't the one at fault.
Personally speaking, I hate group chats. I find it hard enough work to keep up with one other person texting...... Big thumbs.... We much prefer Mrs takes the lead in communicating with prospective male additions to our fun. She enjoys it and gets something from it I wouldn't. For me personally, it's a lot more fun when she shows me the naughty conversation when there is something substantial to read and we can both go over it together, it invariably gets us very turned on. |
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By *omRachCouple
over a year ago
Wirral |
My wife is on the verge of taking a new lover, she is in regular contact with him to plan ahead for the special night (which is tomorrow) but neither of them have left me out and I feel totally part of their plans and am often asked for my opinion (I'll be playing a voyeur/cuckold role).
In situations like this it is vital that all parties feel valued & respected and if one isn't then it can ruin the whole dynamic for all.
It may be time for a chat OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We enjoy the physical side of an mfm and in the hotel room or the social we chat and are of course friendly but the phone we use is a burner and it’s purely for arranging the time / place.
We don’t want to get into our guests lives and we don’t want them in ours thanks.
It’s purely a sexual thing.
You’re not weird don’t let anyone else dictate your boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife and I experienced this and backed out very quickly. The other guy was an old friend and, crucially, married - which should have given us pause from the outset. He very quickly wanted to take what started as a group conversation into a 121 dynamic with my wife, so we dropped the whole idea.
In retrospect it was a huge mistake, and we explored the option due to frustration at multiple let downs by single men (not necessarily representative) here on Fab. A run of bad luck on our part, which resulted in us prioritising familiarity and accessibility over the boundaries necessary to achieve the right dynamic. |
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Then how your working things now is working (well maybe for them, not for you). You need to have a chat and rework a few things with the both of them. Afterall this needs to be something that works for all.
Maybe restrict the chat to purely matters of making practical arrangements and keep the filth in the bedroom when your all together? |
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"Your not a weirdo. And just because some people say they are 100% cool every time that's cool for them but not everyone is. A lot of people get that niggle (to different degrees). I know I have, I know Mrs Misfit has. Sometimes it's just different with a different personality in the mix. Sometimes it's not the norm but comes out of the blue in a certain scenario (even when you've been at it for years). Sometimes the other person/s that oversteps the marks. Sometimes it may be you or your partner who gets carried away (maybe not in their opinion but maybe in yours). We are human, individuals and we sometimes see things differenty or recognise in the others something they haven't. And it's its not the same everytime or with everyone. It's being human and because you feel a twang of it doesn't make you a shit swinger or not suited to this game.
It's hard as a couple. The main thing is communication with each other and negotiation. Which sounds like you do. Its mainly about understanding each other and working out what works and what doesn't. So maybe your problem could be eased but re-looking at your boundaries and/or just how you want to play things. Maybe you may decide that too much chat in-between play is more damaging than fun right now. And of course these boundaries can change with time, experience and depending on the extra personalities involved.
Then there's what you can do for yourself. How you can rationalise things better. It sounds like you have absolutely nothing to worry about in all reality. Sounds like you know that but that doesn't stop that feeling that way. I'm a massive over thinker. So when I get a twang of this feeling creeping in I take a step back for a a condor moment and reflect. Then I sweep the feeling aside with logic, experience and knowing our relationship inside out. It is very important for me to get a grip not only for my sake but because I want her to totally enjoy herself too and be free.
With time, communication and experience it should get easier and thus enhance your enjoyment of the lifestyle. I say should because I am not you and maybe it won't. But I suspect it will.
At the end of the day this is all about your shared enjoyment. If its not working for either one or both of you, you need to talk and find another way.
I think it's brave of you to talk openly on here about it. I think it's something very common that people keep to themselves. Sounds like you have a very positive open approach that IMO bodes well for your future (on and off here). Hope you find it easier in time or just simply a different way of doing things that still fulfills you both. "
Thank you, you've articulated everything that I've been saying and feeling this week! |
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