For us swinging is about what you both want not one of you putting up with a given situation so the other can have fun.
To be honest either of us would be very upset if one of us chose not to play with a couple and the other then got the hump about it.
Or of course if its your thing then there's always the option of playing seperate. We would imagine the success rate is a little different when a guy is on his own though...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One thing I was told by a guy who had been swinging for twenty or so years. If you are both in this together as a couple. 'Never take one for the team' It is about both your pleasure and attraction to the opposite couple. Xx  |
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"One thing I was told by a guy who had been swinging for twenty or so years. If you are both in this together as a couple. 'Never take one for the team' It is about both your pleasure and attraction to the opposite couple. Xx "
This is spot on, and I was about to post the same phrase about 'taking one for the team'. It might feel like you're doing a nice thing for your partner at the time, but it can build up into a resentment later on. Far better to both be honest and open and communicate fully.
If one partner doesn't fancy another prospective playmate, the other one should really support that choice, not try to wheedle them into it so they can get their end away - there will always be someone else to meet  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One thing I was told by a guy who had been swinging for twenty or so years. If you are both in this together as a couple. 'Never take one for the team' It is about both your pleasure and attraction to the opposite couple. Xx
This is spot on, and I was about to post the same phrase about 'taking one for the team'. It might feel like you're doing a nice thing for your partner at the time, but it can build up into a resentment later on. Far better to both be honest and open and communicate fully.
If one partner doesn't fancy another prospective playmate, the other one should really support that choice, not try to wheedle them into it so they can get their end away - there will always be someone else to meet "
+1  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"even if it upset ur guy?.."
seriously? My partner would be massively upset if he felt I was going through with anything just to please him...if you're playing as a couple everything has to be 100% from both of us no matter what anyone else wanted-that's an indication of our absolute respect for each other...if you're feeling pressurized or unhappy about what you're being asked to do I really think you need to sit down and re-establish your boundaries |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If u were at a club with ur partner and he saw a women with her partner and wanted to play with her but u didnt fancy the guy wud u go along with it to please ur partner or refuse?"
Refuse. And that goes both ways for us. We have always operated a 'veto' when deciding who to play with (or invite to play) - if Perky wants to rip the pants of the guy, but I think his Mrs is a minger (HA!!!!!!) then it's a No for both of us. And it doesn't matter how much I want to get my hands on a particular woman, if Perky doesn't like the look of the guy, it ain't happening. Simple as that.
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By *--Cinders--- OP Couple
over a year ago
a place near Blackpool |
thanks for all ur feedback...i did feel guilty as my partner really wanted the woman and made it clear to the couple that he wanted her but her husband said i had to join in too or it wasnt happening...i really didnt fancy him, and didnt want to play with him just to please my partner but my partner kept going on and on to play, and kept trying to persuade me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all ur feedback...i did feel guilty as my partner really wanted the woman and made it clear to the couple that he wanted her but her husband said i had to join in too or it wasnt happening...i really didnt fancy him, and didnt want to play with him just to please my partner but my partner kept going on and on to play, and kept trying to persuade me..."
I think you need to sit down, chat and lay out some set rules. And stick to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we did talk and thought he wud of gone by what i wanted too but he wanted her and he wanted me to have her partner so everything we had spoke about went out the window.."
Well if that were me, then his arse would well and truly be kicked into touch. Its based on trust and respect at the end of the day. |
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By *essesCouple
over a year ago
nottingham |
"as from last night, he became an ex partner..but wasnt sure if i was being unreasonable or whether i shud of just given in"
Glad to hear that. The only one being unreasonable was him. In my eyes he was selfishly using you to get to others and was not thinking as a partner should! Good luck and I'm sure you will find someone else to go to clubs with, that will think of your needs as well as their own.
Lisa |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have walked away from loads of situations and offers and I am the male half! Just don't like it if I think the female is just going along with things. Yuk. |
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Has happened quite often, we're both happy to go along with a 4some if one of us really wants someone and his/her partner doesn't appeal terribly much. Neither of us would play if we really, really didn't like someone, but that's unusual.
Someone you don't fancy a lot can still turn out to be a great fuck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"even if it upset ur guy?..
If you are swinging with a guy that would be upset in this situation then I suspect it is all going to end in tears."
And I should probably have read the whole thread before replying!
Good for you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all ur feedback...i did feel guilty as my partner really wanted the woman and made it clear to the couple that he wanted her but her husband said i had to join in too or it wasnt happening...i really didnt fancy him, and didnt want to play with him just to please my partner but my partner kept going on and on to play, and kept trying to persuade me..."
Ah now. . . That's not fair. Why the hell would you do it?
I have said no more times than yes. No taking one for the team here!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"as from last night, he became an ex partner..but wasnt sure if i was being unreasonable or whether i shud of just given in
Glad to hear that. The only one being unreasonable was him. In my eyes he was selfishly using you to get to others and was not thinking as a partner should! Good luck and I'm sure you will find someone else to go to clubs with, that will think of your needs as well as their own.
Lisa"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all ur feedback...i did feel guilty as my partner really wanted the woman and made it clear to the couple that he wanted her but her husband said i had to join in too or it wasnt happening...i really didnt fancy him, and didnt want to play with him just to please my partner but my partner kept going on and on to play, and kept trying to persuade me...
Ah now. . . That's not fair. Why the hell would you do it?
I have said no more times than yes. No taking one for the team here!!"
Sorry you're not buddies anymore but seems the best way. I haven't been in that situation yet. If he wanted me to play with someone that I didn't want to I wouldn't stick with him. Respect means a lot to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are swinging together, how you both feel should come before everything!
If you were ok with the scenario, even if you didn't fancy the guy, then it would have been ok for partner to pursue it.
As you weren't ok with it, he really should not have pursued it - and you were right to stand your ground.
Seeing your partner happy is important, but it should never ever come at the expense of your own happiness.
You did the right thing, no one should ever feel pressured or obliged. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we both play with girls which can sometimes be harder as we both have to fancy the girl and i am really picky , but i won't say i will play with anyone until i am sure i like as i love my girlie fun but i have to fancy them. too be fair we have quite the same taste so not often its a problem xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"even if it upset ur guy?..
seriously? My partner would be massively upset if he felt I was going through with anything just to please him...if you're playing as a couple everything has to be 100% from both of us no matter what anyone else wanted-that's an indication of our absolute respect for each other...if you're feeling pressurized or unhappy about what you're being asked to do I really think you need to sit down and re-establish your boundaries"
Good post!
XXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has happened quite often, we're both happy to go along with a 4some if one of us really wants someone and his/her partner doesn't appeal terribly much. Neither of us would play if we really, really didn't like someone, but that's unusual.
Someone you don't fancy a lot can still turn out to be a great fuck!"
Not for us, thank's. All or nothing |
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It has to be a four-way thing for us, if Jayne "took one for the team" I'd be gutted.
This is something we do as a couple, I could no more let her do that than she could let me.... it isn't just sex for us, we make friends too... friends we both like lol1  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If u were at a club with ur partner and he saw a women with her partner and wanted to play with her but u didnt fancy the guy wud u go along with it to please ur partner or refuse?"
Have kind of done this once, but he wasn't really aware. He liked the female but I wasn't really into the guy...he wasn't repulsive just not for me. I kind of went along with it though for the experience and really didn't enjoy myself..again nothing bad, just didn't rock my world. On the way home we had a bit of a tiff, but he hadn't realised I wasn't keen he thought I was just nervous as, looking back, I wasn't very clear...now we know to communicate better and I need to be clearer in saying no. Doesn't sound like this was the case here from further posts, but I can understand how it can happen or there can be misunderstandings if you don't communicate properly. You did right in standing your ground though as I doubt you would have enjoyed yourself had you gone through with it |
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