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Finding it hard to cum
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi All
Wondering if anyone else has a similar sort of issue (don't want to say problem cause that sounds a bit full on!).
I've been on a few meets now since my time on the site and have found it easy to get hard but difficult to actually "show my appreciation" and cum at the end. The people I've met have been fantastic and I've found them extremely attractive so its not down to me not being turned on.
I've thought that maybe I'm too turned on? I've held back from shooting to make the experience last longer and think I can sometimes lose some sensitivity due to numbness. Or maybe its down to nerves, turning up at a strangers (or a couple i've only met a few times) is a bit nerve racking?
Everyone's been great about it and its not been a problem but would be interested if anyone has experienced something similar and what they've done to correct it etc.
Look forward to hearing any suggestions.
Thanks
Ianard |
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the main thing to do is try not to focus on it too much, if all you are thinking of is cumming at the end as you put it, then you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure, as long as you all enjoyed the meet then all is well with the world, you are not alone, hugz n stuff, Ruby, xxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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or think of the naughiest stuff you can think of to help you get there, and just try to go as hard and fast as you can to get there, sometimes if thats what you normally need to do to cum then maybe its just a confidence thing with getting to know these people, im sure the more people you meet the less things like this will bother you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a couple of parties usually are good to help you get to used to things more, maybe the first might be a bit daunting but after one or two you probs find some new confidence in yourself too if you manage to have some good fun there, people will be less bothered about you cumming also compared to one on one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi All
Wondering if anyone else has a similar sort of issue (don't want to say problem cause that sounds a bit full on!).
I've been on a few meets now since my time on the site and have found it easy to get hard but difficult to actually "show my appreciation" and cum at the end. The people I've met have been fantastic and I've found them extremely attractive so its not down to me not being turned on.
I've thought that maybe I'm too turned on? I've held back from shooting to make the experience last longer and think I can sometimes lose some sensitivity due to numbness. Or maybe its down to nerves, turning up at a strangers (or a couple i've only met a few times) is a bit nerve racking?
Everyone's been great about it and its not been a problem but would be interested if anyone has experienced something similar and what they've done to correct it etc.
Look forward to hearing any suggestions.
Thanks
Ianard"
Interesting this, and I suspect there's lots of different reasons for it. However, an orgasm although physical is also psycholgical as well. So you need to be turned on etc, but often the brain gets in the way by worrying about whether the other person is enjoying themselves, or whether you're "performing" etc. This distraction takes away from the pure sensory pleasure and can make you feel "numb" and lead to a barrier to cumming. Being told to relax won't help, but, I suspect if you stop thinking about how the other person is, and just spend those few moments not thinking, or just focus on the sensation, you might find it goes (or indeed cums) 
J |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi All
Wondering if anyone else has a similar sort of issue (don't want to say problem cause that sounds a bit full on!).
I've been on a few meets now since my time on the site and have found it easy to get hard but difficult to actually "show my appreciation" and cum at the end. The people I've met have been fantastic and I've found them extremely attractive so its not down to me not being turned on.
I've thought that maybe I'm too turned on? I've held back from shooting to make the experience last longer and think I can sometimes lose some sensitivity due to numbness. Or maybe its down to nerves, turning up at a strangers (or a couple i've only met a few times) is a bit nerve racking?
Everyone's been great about it and its not been a problem but would be interested if anyone has experienced something similar and what they've done to correct it etc.
Look forward to hearing any suggestions.
Thanks
Ianard
Interesting this, and I suspect there's lots of different reasons for it. However, an orgasm although physical is also psycholgical as well. So you need to be turned on etc, but often the brain gets in the way by worrying about whether the other person is enjoying themselves, or whether you're "performing" etc. This distraction takes away from the pure sensory pleasure and can make you feel "numb" and lead to a barrier to cumming. Being told to relax won't help, but, I suspect if you stop thinking about how the other person is, and just spend those few moments not thinking, or just focus on the sensation, you might find it goes (or indeed cums)
J"
For some its a medicinal side-effect too.
The bits are very good at getting you to the bottom of the bump that is the barrier to orgasm, but the mind gets you over it and hurtling down the other side alright. Anything that gets in the way of that will hold you off. So if you're trying to do too much, nervous or concentrating too hard it'll just slip out of your grasp.
The longer you play though and some thinking about the physical aspects of cumming (or spunky thoughts) might just help you.
There's a couple of physical 'back doors' to the way it works which can help in really difficult cases, and they are to be used once in a while and not permanently otherwise you'll learn to only come that way. Some female play partners will be clued up on what these are.
Anyway, best of luck to you and hope it sorts itself out. Don't get dwelling on it as it'll make the whole lot worse. Keep your chin and your pecker up and you'll be back to normal in no time.
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with Wolf on this.
You might want to consider that lack of sensitivity might be an issue as well, so if you're (to put it bluntly) wanking too much that can desensitise the are.
J |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with Wolf on this.
You might want to consider that lack of sensitivity might be an issue as well, so if you're (to put it bluntly) wanking too much that can desensitise the are.
J"
...thinks - wanking off to too much porn and webcam stuff makes us put the emphasis on visual rather than physical stimulation too. This can be not of the same intensity sometimes (and causes perhaps to subconsciously lose interest) as the stimulation is not self inflicted and not done by self in the usual rhythmic way. A break from any of that and concentrating on different avenues to orgasm should help 
Wolf
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Yeah, like wolf said, it could be medicinal. If you use viagra or similar, that can make it hard to cum. Rach was in an awkward situation with a guy who was using some once. His partner and I had finished what we were doing and were just kind of lounging around on the bed talking about people she knew from a porn magazine we were looking at.
Rach eventually crawled forward to join in and we spent a good hour or so pretty much ignoring the woman's partner who was still just doing his thing in doggy with Rach. Every now and again I think we forgot he was there and then when we were all bored we nearly had to physically drag him off her. To say his partner was getting pissed with him was an understatement.
Did I mention this was our first ever time meeting a couple? Yeah, road bump and a half that one!  |
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I seem to be experiencing a similar thing on a more frequent basis. Sometimes I've been going at it so long, we have both neared the point of exhaustion. Fortunately, she has loads of orgasms. Sometimes, I just have to fake it 
I've no idea why this happens. I don't feel pressure to 'perform' - I'm very relaxed with her (met her several times).
It's like I have to really, really focus on the feeling in my cock head.
The time when the pressure is really on is when she wants me to cum on her tits. Stroking hard and quick for 10 or 15 minutes is, well, tiring.
A few years ago, I was just a 5 minute man. Sometimes, I wish I was like that again.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the advice everyone.
I'm thinking its a number of things, little bit of nerves, was previously in a sexless relationship so got a bit busy with the porn once it had ended and probably putting a bit too much pressure on myself to "perform". Everyone i've met has been great though.
I think a bit longer in the swinging scene, get a more bit comfortable and sure things will be sorted.
You'll then see a post from titled "cumming to soon, any tips!" lol
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"I seem to be experiencing a similar thing on a more frequent basis. Sometimes I've been going at it so long, we have both neared the point of exhaustion. Fortunately, she has loads of orgasms. Sometimes, I just have to fake it
I've no idea why this happens. I don't feel pressure to 'perform' - I'm very relaxed with her (met her several times).
It's like I have to really, really focus on the feeling in my cock head.
The time when the pressure is really on is when she wants me to cum on her tits. Stroking hard and quick for 10 or 15 minutes is, well, tiring.
A few years ago, I was just a 5 minute man. Sometimes, I wish I was like that again.
I struggle to 'cum' from just getting a blowjob on its own. It feels great, but just never good enough to make me cum and eventually it either goes too sensitive or I lose feeling'. I need penetration to climax. Have got used to it, but it is frustrating, nevertheless.
"
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The problem could be the solution er wanking don't do it before a meet and don't be afraid to have a stroke in one  a lot women enjoy a porn style climax but ask where before you shoot...
Having stamina is generally a good thing but like the example above don't get carried away especially in doggy, mix it up with some oral giving works for me...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My first meet was for 8 hours because I just couldn't cum! It ended up becoming awkward for all involved, they were cool about it though.
With that said, after more meets it did become easier so in my case it was nerves.
But after reading about watching too much porn I start to worry for future meets again. |
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